Me, Sobbing: Please Just Let Me Focus On This Task For Five Minutes

were you more hunter or fisherman, abigail?

can't say that 2023 was my favorite

QUINTUPLE CLIFFHANGERS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

"arg's and analog horror create horrific monstrosities that'll never leave your brain!!!"

the horrific monstrosity that'll never leave your brain:

he never wrote me poems. we would fuck in his car or on his bed where others girls had been or in the shower or while i was crying. we saw each other naked so often i have the image painted on the back of my eyelids. he ripped my underwear off. i was always vulnerable. i woke him up with kisses, he woke me up with hickies. for a long time, i thought they were the same thing.

i asked him once while we both got high why it was that i could write novels about him until the words got tired of being anagrams of his name - but at the same time he would never reciprocate. he blew a smoke ring and broke it with his finger. “dunno,” he said. we would fuck again later.

i found him once sitting on my floor staring at a picture from when i was young. “god,” he said, “i really fucked you up.”

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...and then there's spn

So my wonderful @uncapedcru5ader pointed out something interesting that I had never noticed before while we were watching Good Omens together:

For the entirety of episode 5 and about half of 6, Crowley stops calling Aziraphale "angel" and starts referring to him only by his actual name.

The first time (chronologically) that Crowley calls Aziraphale "angel" (at least as far as we can know) is during the French Revolution.

So since at least 1793, Crowley has always called Aziraphale "angel". (Except for one time, a very serious time, when he calls him to talk about the beginning of the end of the world.)

And then - they have a fight. And he stops.

Episode 4: Saturday Morning Funtime.

"I'm going home, angel. I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving. And when I'm off in the stars, I won't even THINK about you."

That was the last time (for a while) that Crowley called Aziraphale "angel."

In the bookshop fire, he calls him Aziraphale.

When he sees him again after thinking he was gone forever, he calls him Aziraphale.

Every time he refers to him, its not "angel", it's "Aziraphale."

Crowley doesn't call him "angel" again until it's (mostly) over, after Armageddon’t.

This is unusual behavior for someone who has been calling his lover friend the same pet name nickname for over 200 years. So why the change?

It's not that he doesn’t want to call him "angel" in front of other people. He's done that loads of times before, and, frankly, they have more important things to worry about then.

It’s not that he’s too mad at Aziraphale to call him a pet name nickname. As seen above and in 1862, he calls him “angel” even during their fights.

No, Crowley’s worried that they aren’t there anymore. He’s worried that Aziraphale really meant it when he said “it’s over”, that he isn’t his angel anymore and is just Aziraphale now.

I am sure that while Crowley was drowning his sorrows after the fire, the last thing he said to Aziraphale kept playing over and over in his mind. Crowley has a temper. He says things he doesn’t mean when he gets angry. He knows that that was a complete lie.

But Aziraphale doesn’t.

Even after the discorporated Aziraphale shows up, Crowley has got to be thinking: “Damn it, I really screwed it up this time. I’ve hurt my best friend and he’s probably still mad at me. Probably the only reason he’s still associating with me is because he needs my help to save the world.”

If you ask me, Aziraphale showing up was the only reason Crowley left that bar to go save it. If Aziraphale needed his help to save the world, than by god satan, Crowley was going to pull himself together and help him save it, whether Aziraphale was mad at him or not. Because, to him, a world with Aziraphale in it was a world worth fighting to save.

But I digress.

So Crowley pulls himself together. He’s not exactly sure where he stands with Aziraphale, but they work together to try to save the world. And the entire time, Crowley doesn’t call him “angel”, because, as far as he knows, Aziraphale is still mad at him.

And then - they win. They stand against horsemen, their respective bosses, and even Satan himself, and they win. That night, after they’ve saved the world together, Crowley and Aziraphale sit at a bus stop. It’s dark and quiet and it’s just the two of them. And Crowley tests the waters.

He gently, ever so gently tries to nudge Aziraphale and himself back to where they were. He doesn’t growl “We’re on our side”, like at the bandstand, he doesn’t plead with Aziraphale to go off with him. He softly remarks that they have their own side now, and offers to let him stay with him, if Aziraphale wants.

For once in his life, Crowley is moving slowly.

And Aziraphale appreciates it and accepts him.

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