Please, Don't Leave Me

Please, don't leave me

read on ao3

“Draco has been chosen by the dark lord to murder Dumbledore.”

..

Severus arrived home late after a meeting that you hadn't been able to attend. He looked visibly stressed as he paced back and forth in the living room. As you sat in the armchair, he burst into the room, seemingly lost in his thoughts. It took several attempts of calling his name before he finally acknowledged your presence.

"Severus! What's wrong?" He turned towards you, his expression filled with anguish, before enveloping you in a tight embrace. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest against your cheek and the rapid thud of his heart as he held you close. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke, his voice heavy with concern, "Draco has been chosen by the dark lord to murder Dumbledore." As you lifted your head from his chest, you searched his eyes for the myriad of emotions swirling within him, unable to comprehend the turmoil within him.

You embraced him again, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on both of you. "It'll be alright, Severus," you murmured. "We need to focus on helping that poor boy." He pulled back slightly, a skeptical look in his eyes. "You want to help him kill Albus?" he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief. You shook your head and let out a sigh. "No, we have to help him not feel alone in this. He's just a boy and has no way out of this." He nodded in agreement, his expression grave. "I suspect Narcissa will come to us for help within the next few weeks." You nodded, but before you could respond, he spoke again. "Y/N," he said, catching your gaze. "Yes?" you replied, meeting his eyes. "If Narcissa stops by and I'm not here, please don't agree to anything risky. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you."

You gazed at him, puzzled, before inquiring, "Why would I do that?" He closed his eyes and drew you close once more. "I'm not saying you would, but I want to do everything I can to protect you," he murmured. You ran your arms up and down his back, reassuringly. "I'll be safe," you whispered.

…

The sound of a gentle knock echoed through the house, barely audible over the relentless patter of rain outside. With a sinking feeling, you knew who it could be, and of course, Severus was nowhere to be found. Slowly, you made your way to the door, and as you cracked it open, you were met with the familiar face of Narcissa Malfoy. A soft smile graced her lips as she greeted you with a gentle, "hello, Y/N." Returning the greeting with a nod, you invited her in, noticing the rainwater dripping from her coat. As she shed her coat in the entryway, you made your way to the living room and settled on the small loveseat. For a brief moment, silence hung in the air before she inquired, "Is Severus here?" you looked up from your hands, meeting her gaze and shaking your head, "No, he's been gone for a while." With a solemn nod, she acknowledged your response, and the room lapsed into silence once more.

"I'm sorry, Narcissa, but did you need something?" she averted her gaze away from the bookshelf, meeting your eyes. "Yes, actually, but I have to warn you, it is quite a big ask." You nodded slowly, silently wishing Severus was here. The dim light from the flickering candles cast eerie shadows on the walls, adding to the tense atmosphere. "I'm sure Severus has already told you," she asked in a questioning tone. You nodded your head again, feeling a sinking sensation in your stomach. "I'm here to ask you—" Before she could continue, she was cut off by a much louder knock echoing throughout the house, the sound reverberating through the house. Your brows furrowed as you wondered who that could be. But before either of you could stand up to answer the door, none other than Bellatrix Lestrange walked in. Your breath hitched as you watched her walk around the living room, her dark eyes scanning the walls of books, absorbing every detail.

"Your quaint, charming little home suits you both so well," she remarked in her typically icy tone. "Thank you, Bella. May I inquire as to why you're both here?" you asked, feeling uneasy. Bellatrix started giggling and moved to stand behind her sister. "You haven't told her, Cissy?" Narcissa shook her head. "I was just about to before you arrived," she said, then turned to you and exhaled deeply. "Y/N, I was wondering how far you would go to protect my son at Hogwarts." Your eyebrow raised before you responded, "You know I would do anything for him, Cissa."

She smiled at you and took your hands. "Would you carry out his plan if he is not successful?" Your heart sank. You couldn't bring yourself to kill Albus Dumbledore. You gazed into her eyes for a moment, with Bellatrix observing you from behind her. Instead of listening to your instincts, you blurted out, "of course." Her smile widened, relief flooding her eyes. She was about to speak when Bella interjected. "Would you make an unbreakable vow for him?" You felt dizzy. Making an unbreakable vow would leave you with no way out. You recalled what Severus had warned you about.

If Narcissa stops by and I'm not here, please don't agree to anything risky. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you.

But this was Draco, your godson. He has no way either. And you'd rather it be you than him.

So you nodded your head.

…

You were still sitting on the couch after the sisters had left, twirling your hand around in your lap looking at the scar that now sat there. You had massive amounts of regret flooding every corner of your mind. Bile rising up your throat every few seconds.

If you didn't do this, you would die.

You remembered Narcissa’s last words before she left your home,

“Y/N,”

“Yes?”

“...I'd prefer if you didn't tell Severus about this.”

You nodded before she left.

The hours slipped away unnoticed since their departure, and you remained completely still. As dusk approached, the front door creaked open, revealing Severus as he entered the room. Quickly, you concealed your hand in the pocket of your sweatshirt before turning to meet his gaze.

"Are you okay?" he inquired, approaching the couch. You nodded and embraced him, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. However, you wiped them away as he pulled back to look at you. His expression seemed to convey a sense that he saw through your facade, but he chose to say nothing.

You both spent the rest of the night in soft chatter and reading in front of the fire.

…

Severus deeply regretted his decision to agree to the unbreakable vow, but he knew it was the only way to shield you and Draco from being coerced into it. With the new school year approaching, he was resolute in his determination to ensure the safety of both you and both of your godson, no matter the cost.

Despite his best efforts, Severus couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was not right. During the ceremony, as Bellatrix performed the vow, she whispered something under her breath that he struggled to discern.

..

“Will you, Severus Snape, watch over Draco Malfoy, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?”

“I will.”

“And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm”

“I will.”

“And, if Draco should fail, will you or … carry out the deed the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?”

He had furrowed his brows when he didn't catch what she said, but replied,

“I will.”

…

Now he was sitting here in the Great Hall, next to you as Dumbledore spoke. He had tried to hold your hand, but you had shoved it in your long skirts pocket before he could reach it. He looked towards you in confusion but your gaze was somewhere else, focused on the Slytherin table. He shook it off but a feeling of unease came over him as Dumbledore finished speaking.

…

Draco was failing terribly. The necklace hadn't even made it to Dumbledore, and a student got poisoned. You had a strange feeling you would have to be the one to carry out the deed.

What would Severus think of you? He had specifically told you not to do anything dangerous.

You lay awake in bed next to him as these thoughts run wild in your head. But in the end if you had to do it for Draco, at least he would be saved from it.

…

Draco had managed to do the unthinkable. There were Death Eaters infiltrating Hogwarts, and Bellatrix had caught sight of you in the corridors as she made her way up to the astronomy tower. Dragging you along, she led you to the top, where Draco stood with his wand aimed at Dumbledore, who stood perilously close to the edge of the inner circle of the tower. Hidden behind the mass of Death Eaters, you watched as Bellatrix urged Draco to act, but you could see the doubt in his eyes.

Summoning all your courage, you stepped forward, aiming your wand at the headmaster, your hand shaking with fear. Bellatrix's eyes bore into you, waiting to see if you would prove her wrong about your bravery. As another set of footsteps echoed up the stairs, you knew you had to act swiftly. You were on the verge of speaking the two crucial words when Dumbledore's voice pierced through the tension.

“Y/N.”

“Please.”

But as he said the word please, you could see it in his eyes that he knew. He knew all along what the plan was. And he knew that it would be you in the end.

“Avada Kedavra”

A green flash of light burst out of your wand killing him and knocking his lifeless body off of the tower. You stood there in shock, everything sounded underwater. You could feel someone's hands on your shoulders, calling your name. And when they spun you around everything sounded normal again.

It was Severus. He had watched you kill Dumbledore.

His eyes were filled with worry and concern as he gazed at you, about to say something when suddenly Bellatrix cast the dark mark into the sky. In an instant, he grabbed your arm and hurriedly pulled you down the stairs, with Draco leading the way.

When you got down to the bottom, you immediately wrapped Draco in a hug, whispering that it was going to be okay. Severus waited at the bottom of the stairs until all of them were out of the tower, but the whole time his eyes were on you and your godson. He then signaled all of you to follow him, watching as you kept one arm around Draco the whole time until you were outside.

He also wondered how he had not died yet, he had not carried out Dracos deed. You had. So he should be dead. He thought back to the ceremony.

“And, if Draco should fail, will you or Y/N carry out the deed the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?”

He had furrowed his brows when he didn't catch what she said, but replied,

“I will.”

He now had realized Bellatrix had said your name as well as his. He thought about the times when you would hide your right hand from him, and the knots tied themselves.

They had gotten to you before him.

And you hadn't told him.

He snapped out of his daze when Hagrid's hut lit up in flames, also realizing that Potter had been following the group. He looked towards you and Draco and shouted, “Go on!” you nodded at him, and he could see the regret in your eyes. Your facial expression begging for forgiveness. He nodded once at you before you turned around and left through the trees. He had to deal with Harry Potter before he could talk with you.

..

You sat on your bed after apparating Draco back to his home. Making sure Lucius and Narcissa got to him before the Dark Lord did. You sat sobbing with your head in your hands, the reality of the night washing over you. You kept watching the clock, waiting for Severus to get back.

Another hour had gone by and you heard the front door slam open and rushed footsteps searching every room of the house before making their way to your bedroom. You were now lying on your side, mascara lines staining your face, staring blankly at the wall. You heard the bedroom door burst open, and someone standing at the entrance heavily breathing. You turned to the door and saw Severus standing there, before turning back to stare at the wall.

He entered the room without a word and slid into the bed beside you, enfolding you in a warm embrace. You hadn't realized how much you needed his comforting presence until that moment, and you found yourself overcome with tears. He gently rubbed your back and planted soft kisses on the back of your head, offering silent support until your sobs began to fade.

After half an hour, your crying ceased, and you lay there quietly in his arms. Breaking the silence, he spoke softly, "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice carried a hint of hurt. Sniffling, you turned to face him. "I'm sorry, truly. I didn't want you to worry about me all year." He shook his head, "You know I'm always worried about you. You should have told me. I would have been there for you." You nodded, and you both lapsed into a peaceful silence.

“I hope you know I'm not angry with you,” he spoke again.

“I know.”

…

You could feel your heart racing as you stood in the dimly lit boathouse, watching the Dark Lord slowly walk closer to you. Lucius had summoned you urgently, and you couldn't shake off the feeling of dread. Thoughts of Severus's safety weighed heavily on your mind as you waited.

“The wand, does it truly answer to me? You're a clever girl, Y/N. Surely you must know. Where does its true loyalty lie?” His voice echoed in the eerie silence, sending shivers down your spine.

Your hands trembled behind your back as you struggled to maintain composure. You fought back tears as you stammered, “with you, of course, my lord.”

His dismissive shake of the head and muttered words only added to the growing sense of unease. "The Elder Wand cannot serve me properly because I am not its true master. The Elder Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner."

You froze in realization. You were going to die. You could see that stupid snake curling in the corner of your eye. Your life flashed before your eyes in a split second. Your childhood, you meeting Severus. Your wedding.

You were about to respond before he spoke again.

“You killed Dumbledore, Y/N. While you live, the Elder Wand cannot truly be mine. You've been a good and faithful servant alongside your husband, Y/N - but only I can live... forever.”

“My lord,”

And it was then you felt a stinging sensation across your neck. You fell to the floor as blood started to pour out of your neck. The white parts of your dress quickly were drenched with crimson.

“Nagini, kill.”

The snake attacked repeatedly until you fell limp. Voldemort then vanished with the snake, leaving you behind.

You were still breathing after he left, and you just prayed with tears running down your face, that Severus wouldn’t be the one to find you.

..

Meanwhile, Severus was doing all he could to look for you. After Voldemort's pause with the fighting, retreating to the forbidden forest, he searched everywhere to find you. He asked around, no one seemed to know where you were.

He raced outside of the castle and could see the boathouse from where he was standing.

You could have hidden in there.

He made his way down, a sense of dread in his stomach. What if he couldn't find you?

As he arrived at the platform, a sharp intake of breath escaped him. The glass was streaked with red. Could it really be you? He whispered desperately, hoping against hope as he cautiously pushed open the door. The scene before him caused his legs to give way, and he sank to the ground. It was indeed you. You were lying there with blood pooled around you, your eyes shut in a permanent sleep. Tears streamed down his face as he reached you, frantically searching for a pulse that he knew he wouldn't find. His heart sank as the realization hit him - you were gone. He cradled your lifeless body in his arms, his sobs echoing in the empty room. All he could do was apologize over and over, drowning in a sea of remorse. He had failed to protect the love of his life, and now you were lost to him forever.

…

The outpouring of condolences from everyone couldn't fill the void left by your absence. Neither the flowers, nor the cards, nor the sweets could ease the pain. He appeared worn out and he was aware of it. Following your departure, he neglected his own well-being. Your funeral shattered him, leaving him to gaze at photographs of the two of you. The day he lost you, he lost himself entirely. You were his essence. You defined him. Without you, he ceased to exist.

Throughout the rest of his days, he found himself constantly revisiting cherished memories with you. He would spend hours watching old videos captured with a simple muggle camera, flipping through the pages of your wedding photos, and daydreaming about you. As the end of his life drew near, his thoughts were consumed by the anticipation of reuniting with you, his beloved. The prospect of seeing you again filled him with an undeniable sense of excitement as he prepared to bid farewell to this life.