Yay, I'm Sick, I Can't Do Anything, Just Wanna Rest, No Medication Or Food Or Anything.

Oh hi 8'D

I haven't been on lately due to severe depression and life issues.

I am just on now to say that I forgot what my password to Tumblr is and the email I used for here..

I am only logged in on my phone and MUST reset it so I won't be logged in anymore.

If I can't get back on here for whatever reason, you can find me by the name Krystami on facebook or @krystame on twitter. (I have other sites I am on, just not as active.)

I am not planning on leaving and hope I can get back in T.T cause I used all my main names I like on here and would rather not have to start from a bare account again.

truly

Social status: Claptrap~

You know...I'm trying my best to make money, I just don't find weeks working on something (every second compressed would mean days of work, at least 40 hours straight.) Is really worth only getting 20$...heck even 50$ isn't worth it. The only real "worth" is possible "publicity" I have no other way ME myself can make money...and I am almost positive no one would want to pay what I would find fare for my time taken, my skills, etc.

Sorry for all the text filled bad stuff lately, this is just another one of those.

So, I have a huge phobia of being around males in general. (past traumatic events, etc.) My husband has a thing for mocking me continuously in the future with past things I said to him in a serious manner...(like him saying “she was asking for it” when he was trying to do something bad to a friend of mine without either of our permission vocally, and while we were both drunk, no matter how much we’d try to argue his logic, he sticks to what he thinks...this is a different matter so it isn’t important in the context of what I am posting about, but it’s just to give where he was coming at from this.) I tell him that I don’t want people just walking into my private space without MY permission, that he should go out if someone wants him. He tells me I’m being rude and should stop being so...(well I forgot what he actually said but around the same lines of when he calls me mean, evil, etc.) I say “I don’t like being around guys..” husband says “that’s sexist” in a very condescending tone. I vocalize to him SO MUCH that I get a panic attack when there are other guys around, the more...the more panicky, or also depending on the personality could escalate it, sadly this person is a roommate who I though we would be gone from since we are out of a home but nope...but this guy is just like the person who helped put this fear upon me... So I don’t get why he says this when I tell him constantly whenever he would have friends around too that I can’t go in there, I can’t even say “hey i need you for a minute” or anything, that’s how bad it is, but nope....he just tells me to get over it or it’s irrational, etc. it’s worse that this guy talks badly about me (though husband denies it even though I know some of the acronyms the guys used in front of me and heard some of the things passing by his room) he keeps my husband from me, enables his drinking and everything, this guy buys tall cans of beer everyday (like 10 or so of them a day) I preferred our last roomate, he couldn’t pay for a second month but at least I knew the person decently and even if I was still uncomfortable when alone with the guy(like husband at work, so if he had to ask me for something I’d freak out knowing I’d have to communicate by myself) I could still talk and feel okay with their presence. just all this...just is too much.

Tumblr glitched and somehow posted one photoset four times on mobile and kept saying it was having trouble? Weird but I deleted the other ones.

Apologies if this has been asked, but do you sell those statues? The Lapis statue is amazing, and I would be more than willing to pay for a product of your phenomenal work.

I am willing to sell them, I would be glad to also take commissions for custom ones as well, I just need to get around to some things. Thank you so much for the offer and I apologize for such a late reply.

What type of art do people want to see? (I guess from me) (Edit: this was not meant to be a rambling vent post but turned into one.) I just dont know how to get out there on any website. I feel like a ghost who talks to everyone but nobody hears or sees me. I want to just give up, give up on everything not just art anymore. Or maybe I have that backwards, I always wanted to give up on everything but art. I see no point, it is my only skill and positive trait yet it isnt good enough. I am literally a starving artist. I cant get work. I cant do anything. This isnt a tumblr thing, there is obviously something wrong with me if I have been trying for over a decade and still havent gotten anywhere. I swear i spend more time and have more time that 97%of people. But i waste it all on art that gets me nowhere, not financially or socially. And no art doesnt help me for me, not anymore,my goal since a child was to become a paid artist. Imagine a kid who spent their whole life, extracurricular activities, anything possible in anyway their whole life trying to become a doctor, cook, athlete...and just it getting ripped from under them. I fake reality you thought would come true but you dont qualify and instead of being on the team or something you end up being an unpaid volunteer as a waterboy or something like that, or expected to cater for free, for "exposure" it feels like shit and it is. I already given up, im just a zombie with no purpose who just goes off of what feels most natural and intuitive.

This might be random but I think I might just make Teepo from Tales of Xillia with the remainder of my sculpey. (I only have enough for something small with little detail sculpting wise.) I kinda wanna do it to see how much i've improved since my last one. I made him awhile back and his tail broke off, I was originally just going to replace his tail but realized "why not just make a new displayable one?

W.i.p. this is just a quick look to see how it might look when I finish. I need to add some to his face and alter some things in general. I like how this is turning out but…. I have a question, should I make him in this outfit or his other outfit? I don’t mind either way