Wow. The Patience, Kindness And Calm Communication Skills. Outstanding.

this feels like n incomplete acrylic painting-

Sometimes it feels like a little bit of ego mania is inherent to human nature, par for the course- other times it feels like im drowning in the doubt of whether im actually smart or just a narcissist. I always thought it was a problem that everyone had, but then i realized that the struggle to confirm to the self that you are who you say you are - whether you said who you were aloud to others or not - is not actually normal. Imposter syndrome is a finicky bitch that needs to pick a lane, are you sticking around or leaving me the hell alone- chop chop i wanna know. At the same time, i know that for people struggling with imposter syndrome (myself included) it can be really difficult to accept facts about yourself as true or untrue- especially when your an avid consumer of books and movies and shit, because every time you feel the imposter syndrome popping up your like “uhm, why do i sound like a book character- ew no, that is cringe i do not want to fall into tropes”

Okay so- I’ve been entirely unable to get the idea of yandere yor out of my head, from her position (not knowing that loid is a spy who’s very entirely capable of taking care of himself) loid seems like your average man, a kind person, an attentive father and husband, someone who only wants the best for his kid, a good man who’s a doctor and makes good wages, and who’s very pretty. (You can fight me on this, i will die on the hill that Loid Forger is pretty). I can totally imagine a world with a more observant yor noticing that nightfall is in love with loid, and noticing the attempt on her life while she was out at dinner with loid in that one episode with the date, and noticing the amount of times people seem to be trying to kidnap anya (again, just from her perspective) and assuming that people are coming after her family because of her job, and instead of like, stepping down or anything to make herself a less bug target, she works even harder as an assassin to become so terrifyingly well known that no-one would dare to touch her family, and becoming all protective and shit like to the point that she forgets most the tome that loud is capable and strong enough to handle himself and even starts trying to keep him and anya inside more to keep them safe.

I absolutely know this whole thought process is massively cringe, but its stuck in my head now 😭

Fml...

Why do I just want to see Felix from Deathsitter being absolutely railed...? Please send help. Why do I find this character soo weirdly attractive...? *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*

Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.

Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.

I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.

All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!

Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.

Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?

Shen Yuan: what do you mean?

Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?

Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*

Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...

Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?

Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???

Shen Yuan: don't make it weird

Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???

Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating

Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--

Shen Yuan: hey

Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--

Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!

Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--

Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking

Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!

Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--

Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince

Shen Yuan: *mumbling*

Shang Qinghua: what was that?

Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...

Shang Qinghua: oh my god

Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!

Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*

It is what it is but like. Can it be something else

a little comic about happy trans visibility day

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So I've fallen behind on writing Strawberry Felon because my mind keeps starting more AUs, so I've decided to try a poll to see what I should do about that, I guess

All of these are in different states of being written, some just a paragraph some creeping toward 20k words. So please help me decide what to do next!

Also feel free to ask abt any of these ideas in comments reblogs asks wherever :)