(grabbing Your Face) Do You Remember Simon Fairchild's Statement About How He Became An Avatar. How He

(grabbing your face) do you remember simon fairchild's statement about how he became an avatar. how he fell and the sky embraced him. i think about it all the time. how it would feel to be embraced by the vast. the entity that is about how you are insignificant before the endless void, holding you. the fact that being an avatar of the vast means loving a contradiction: you are insignificant and the entity of the vastness of everything else holds you in its embrace and takes away your mortality.

i wonder if when simon told that one guy enjoy sky blue if the reason he laughed while saying it was because he was sharing his own joy. if in his own way he wasn't being generous, sharing the experience that changed him forever. i wonder if as much as he spreads terror, maybe what he really wanted was to share that experience, and that's why he picked someone who loves sky-diving, someone who was also in love with the sky.

i wonder if that guy who was eaten by the sky isn't out there now, saying the sky held him gently in the huge jaws of endless blue, and he cried with joy as he understood. if what for his mother was a horrible experience that killed her son, for him wasn't the liberation from his mortal life and worries before the realization that we are nothing.

i wonder if simon was afraid, too, before he was in love or while he was in love with it, if he can even distinguish his love for the vast from his fear from it or it's just another facet of his adoration, something he can offer to it, if when he said he loved the sky he meant it like that, like we often love a god, with fear as strong as our adoration.