Brucie And His Babies (and Oh No He Forgot He Invited Clark And Diana Oh No-)

the sillies

Tim: Can you imagine the food they eat in jail? Bleh!

Dick: Don't need to imagine, it's disgusting.

Jason: When did you try prison food?!

Dick: When I was 8.

Tim, scoffing: If you commited a crime I'm pretty sure there'd be hundreds of articles about it, I didn't see any when I was researching you.

Dick: Oh! I didn't commit a crime.

Jason: Why the fuck would you be in Juvie if you didn't commit a crime?

Dick: Orphanages were full.

Everyone:

Jason: The hell?

Tim: I'm calling a lawyer, that has to be illegal.

Damian, in the vent: I can't believe this city's incompetence.

Dick: I can. Now get down here.

Damian: Fine.

headcanon that because their real lives are so stressful and serious, the batfam love movies and books that are unrealistic in their hopeful outlook and happy endings

Jason religiously watches Jane Austen, ofc. And writes fanfiction for it (he’s one of the most prevalent and well-loved authors on ao3)

Steph can quote the entire Barbie movie and will to anyone who asks (Cass asks)

Damian’s walls are covered in HTTYD fanart (including redesigns, OCs and art pieces that are honestly larger than his wall itself) (his favorite type of dragon is the Razorwhip for many reasons) (many reasons is that they remind him of his swords)

duke’s favorite movie is the Martian (he’s read the book, watched the movie, found the lack of fandom for it appalling, and now posts about it on tumblr almost daily)

and Bruce will NEVER admit it but the ONLY movies he enjoys are rom coms. Any other movie and he’s falling asleep halfway through (sorry, Duke, the moment he heard the title “the martian” he was wondering how many hours of sleep that would afford him)

My favourite fan theory about anything is "Gandalf fucked a hobbit once", as an explanation as to why he's so invested in them. Like several generations ago, purely by happenstance he just happened to encounter a fearless Took lass who decided to Fuck That Old Man and by the powers of supreme hobbit reproduction skills, the natural happens.

So Gandalf just goes "ah well fuck, gotta fix this", somehow makes sure she's arranged an excellent marriage, and pays her future husband a visit like "just a heads-up you're going to have an early, unexpectedly large and supremely excellent child and you are going to be nothing but loving and proud of your firstborn, or she is going to become a very rich young widow whose husband tragically died of a mysterious case of Killed By A Wizard, ok?"

And after that he's been visiting here and there to discreetly keep track of which ones are his descendants, and then after keeping track of all of them becomes too much work, decides to narrow down to the ones he's deemed to take after him (the ones the other hobbits think are weird, mostly) until deciding that Bilbo was his favourite. Probably has zero wizard blood in him by now and Gandalf doesn't even consider the hobbits he's been keeping tabs on as his offspring in any way anymore, it's basically a hobby to him by now.

So any time other Maiar or other immortal races notice him keeping an eye on the hobbits and ask him what's his deal with the halflings anyway, he just shrugs and goes "idk I just think they're neat."

okay contrary to a previous post i made: what if jason wrote fanfiction but it became a MC Daredevil situation where literally everyone knew his identity but he just waves them off

Jason: *writing A/N* here you go guys, sorry, something came up with my job comments: we all know it was the warehouse penguin blew up. its all over the news jason: *responding* idk what you're even talking about dude, i don't own a tv. how could a flightless avian blow up a warehouse

jason: this chapter's gonna be a little dark cuz that's my mood this week comments: is it because they took you off the earth's greatest threats list? jason: they wh---no of course not

jason: *posts* comments: we missed you red hood! jason: idk who that guy is but he sounds cool

jason: ugh, have you guys seen the new episode? shit's horrible. here's a fix-it. comments: do you . . . perhaps . . . think its horrible because they misused the gun props . . . jason: no i was talking about x character dying but YES OH MY GOD THAT PART HURT ME TO WATCH comments: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

comments: so when r u going to change your ao3 name to redhood? jason: i fucking swear if one more of you moterfuckers insinuates that i am the gotham vigilante known as the red hood i will withhold five of my most recently written chapters from the entire fucking lot of you comments: . . . you'd never jason: fuck

comments: you have an interestinly in-depth and expanisve kowledge of firearms jason: well, we all have hobbies jason: mine was born out of fear of the ao3 author curse. ima fuckin shoot the thing the moment i see it comin comments:

DpxDc #17

What a (death) day.

Jason was going to kill whoever was selling drugs to kids in the alley.

The boy on the ground was shaking, barely breathing, and coughing up blood. The poor guy was coming down from a seizure, almost suffocating on his own spit.

Luckily, Jason saw him on time and was able to help put him in a safe position. He almost had a heart attack seeing a kid having an overdose in a lonely alley.

He rubbed the kid's back, trying to stimulate breathing, begging internally for his heart to keep beating.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

The black-haired teenager kept mumbling between breaths, muscles twitching like a dying bug.

Jason could only try and help as much as he could. He wasn't going to call an ambulance, since unfortunately, there was a high chance that his call was going to be rejected due to the location and nature of the emergency.

Drug overdose was too common; they would tell you to make sure they don't choke and hang up on you.

"I'm sorry..."

"Shh... It's alright, you're going to be okay..."

.

.

.

What a shitty, shitty day.

It hit him like a truck, the pain in his chest.

He was just walking back to his hotel room after visiting Gotham University, when it started.

Danny compleatly fucking forgot about his death day.

He was able to drag himself into an empty alley, trying not to die of embarrassment as he was starting to feel his arm tingle.

This was going to suck.

batman villains are funny bc they all end up in arkham over and over so its just like

killer croc, painting a beautiful and sensitive portrait representing his inner turmoil: i had no idea (insert plant) was an invasive species in gotham

poison ivy, painting a photorealistic fern: they are! they’re so widespread that its almost impossible to contain, and it really hurts my heart

joker trying so fucking hard not to call them homophobic slurs because the therapist told him he’d get extra joker mush if he behaved for once in his fucking life:

coming out of my cage and i been doing just bad. going back in my cage because i like my cage