Birdflash I Did Before Bed

Okay okay, but imagine if Danny just stalks Damian. Like, he has decided that he shall become this child’s unofficial guardian angel. Because Ancients know he needs it. 

So, one time Damian and Jon are out and Jon wants to go to the Arcade but Damian just says something rude and then…

Danny: *whispering in Damian’s ear* You should be nicer to your friend

Damian: Huh?! *looks around, only to find nothing* 

And that’s not all. Over time, Damian starts noticing how this strange presence as he calls it starts acting more and more. Whispering advice or words of encouragement in his ear (or just flat-out scoldings), making items he had misplaced magically appear back on his room the next day, protecting him from any surprise attacks any time he lowers his guard (which happens very rarely). 

Heck, once he even brought him a starving kitten he saw once in an alleyway that he was planning to adopt anyway! 

The Batfamily is aware of it. They refuse to do anything because they are far too amused. If anything, they give Damian a thumbs up and a “good luck" before sending him his way. 

It all ends up becoming too much for Damian to tracks down Constantine and tells him; 

Damian: I am being haunted. This annoying pest won’t leave me alone. Get rid of it, or else! 

Danny: *whispering on his ear again with a Disappointment Mom voice* What did we talk about? 

Damian: *sighs and cringes at the same time, before putting on a smile that looks more like a grimace* Please? 

DPxDC The Guy

AKA "There's a problem, so Jason Todd does the whole 'I know a guy' routine except his guy is Danny Fenton. And Danny literally just stands around and yaps while Jason fixes the problem. The Batfam are like??? Who the hell is this guy??" prompt idea! Lowkey dead on main but can be read as friends! :)

This literally won't leave my brain! I just imagine how hilarious it would be if one of the Batfam had a problem, maybe their bike got messed up while on patrol, and Jason's just like don't worry about it. I know a guy. He calls up some guy named Danny and asks for a favor.

Danny shows up in civvies - just an old NASA hoodie, ripped jeans, and ratty Converse. Dick expects Danny to be a mechanic or something because he's brought a bag of tools, but instead he just deadass starts talking about his day?? And Jason takes the bag, kneels down next to Dick's bike, and works on it while Danny orbits around him yapping nonstop.

Dick's just like?? Why did you even call this guy, he's not even helping???

("Jay, what-," Dick interrupts Danny's rant about his chemistry professor's obsession with Scarecrow, only to be silenced by Jason's murderous glare from beside the motorcycle. Jason nods at Danny to continue and the guy offers a sunny smile before giving a in-depth analysis of why fear toxin is just bad weed. Dick watches from afar as Danny's monologue forces several abrupt, snorting laughs from Jason. It's a sound Dick hasn't heard for years.)

The next time it happens is at the Manor. Jason is helping Alfred cook breakfast in the kitchen; Alfred opens the pantry door and pauses.

"What?" Jason leans around Alfred to peer at the curiously empty glass jar of what was probably flour.

"We seem to have some wayward flour on our hands. How odd, as I restocked it Tuesday." Alfred's tone made it clear he knew exactly who it was (Dick, who's just visited the manor the other day to 'see his siblings', AKA to raid the pantry since he didn't want to go grocery shopping) and there would be consequences.

Jason brushes sugar off his hands and reaches for his phone, almost smiling when he says, "Don't sweat it, Alfie. I know a guy."

Twelve minutes later, Daniel Fenton knocks on the door of Wayne Manor with a bag of flour in hand and coffee from the little cafe near Jason's apartment. Tim and Steph stumble into the kitchen bleary-eyed from late night patrol about two hours later. Only to find Danny sitting at the kitchen island chatting with Alfred and Jason about the English pre-war printing processes. Jason's smile is so wide that his dimples pop against his cheeks. (Tim stares, feeling some sort of... not nostalgia exactly, but something like it. Jason looks younger, grinning wryly at Danny, a streak of flour on his chin. He looks like the old Robin, the one Tim used to take pictures of and quietly idolize. Jason looks... happy.)

It becomes a well-known habit. Sink's broken? Cat stuck in a tree? It gets to a point where the Batfam know that Jason will call Danny for increasingly ridiculous stuff.

Damian: Todd, I require assistance-

Jason: Sure, I know a guy.

Damian: Is it Daniel?

Jason:

Jason: Do you want my help or not, brat?

Except one time it's serious. End-of-the-world, intergalactic crisis, tell-your-kids-you-love-them kind of serious. Jason's hand goes to his phone even as his siblings, his father Batman, and several of the Justice League grimly debate the world's fate. Nightwing notices Jason typing at his phone before the rest do.

"Hood, you can't be serious. You can't involve a civilian in this!"

Jason ignores him and the subsequent outcries of his family, the confusion of Batman and the JL, to press the phone to his ear. This time, however, he doesn't ask for Danny. When the familiar cheeky voice calls out what's cookin', good lookin'? from the phone, Jason's voice is grim when he says, "Phantom, I need a favor."

There's silence. Then, it's almost like an abrupt change in air pressure or the undeniable crush of tectonic plates grinding together. When a green portal pulls apart the fabric of reality, Danny doesn't step out. It's Phantom, High King of Infinite Realms, Space, and Heir to Father Time, clad in regal attire with a crown of white-hot flames nestled into his hair. His steps are sure when he walks past the tense crowd of superheroes.

"You called?" Phantom asks. His unnatural Lazarus-green eyes burn into Jason, but there's a midwestern twang in his voice that's so reminiscent of Danny that Jason can't help a small huffing laugh.

Jason turns back to his family and the JL, gesturing to Danny. His family have already made the connection. Likely because Danny's accent, the subtle similarities between Danny's human appearance and his Realms appearance, and the fact that there's only one person Jason ever calls. Danny turns to the League with a bright smile and introduces himself as, "Danny Phantom, but you can call me Phantom."

(And then they kiss!! Just kidding. But Danny probably saves the world and then they go back to the Manor, much to the confusion of the batfam. The batfam are all like, wtf, Jason?? You didn't tell us the guy you've been hanging out with all the time was the freakin' King of Infinite Realms?? And Jason just shrugs, and is like, well... I guess living with him kinda desensitizes you to all the ghostly shit? That's how the batfam find out Jason and Danny are living together. Are they boyfriends?? Maybe, maybe not. But it seems suspicious that Jason's always calling Danny, seemingly just because he likes being around him, hm? ;))

pirate who's worried mermaids are gonna fuck his girlfriends: me fear fish want me women

Tim: You don't want Dick to die

Tim: And I don't want Dick to die

Tim: So now we gotta make sure Dick doesn't want Dick to die.

Jason: Fantastic plan but have you fucking met Dick

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

Peter always hiding his injuries cause they’re usually from fighting villains, and one day he gets attacked while as Peter Parker and it makes the news but he still goes to an event (cause he’s always either missing them or showing up late cause of his Spidey stuff so he tries to show when he can)

And his friends, who just saw him get injured on tv, are watching him walk around, slightly hunched over, a bit pale and shaky, trying to pretend he’s not injured, and are all realizing with various levels of horror that Peter actually always looks like that, so how often is he showing up to events hella injured??

Tim: So Duke, you officially been at the manor a year, how are you liking it?

Duke: I’m finally settling in. I’m no longer worried Bruce is going to send me away.

Jason: I get that. I thought I was just some charity case. I was terrified that I would mess up and end up back on the streets. I stole a bunch of expensive looking things and kept them in a go bag. I was prepared.

Damien: I too feared being sent away. My grandfather would have been disappointed. I was prepared to fight to the death to prove my place in the family.

Dick: I was sleeping with a knife in my sock in case he sent me back juvie.

Cass: (signing) I feared disappointing him. I felt like I needed to earn my place here.

Steph: He couldn’t get rid of me if he tried. I am like glitter.

Tim: Same. I think he tried to kick me out like 6 times. I just laughed and walked past him.

Duke: Are we just going to ignore Dick’s knife comment?

Not sure if you’re taking requests, but…..Would you consider drawing something with Bruce and Damian being adorable together? 🥹🥹

Please enjoy

Everyone knows Batman using Brucie Wayne’s voice while in the cowl, I give you Brucie Wayne using the Batman voice. 

Brucie Wayne, wearing a half open very elaborate expensive tailored suit suddenly going ‘Step away from the fountain’ in the deepest voice anyone has ever heard in the entire world and his kids immediately drop what they’re doing and jump away so fast it’s almost comical and the girl and guy in Brucie’s lap just look at him in bafflement and the entire Gala falls quiet. Then Brucie goes ‘ohhh emmmmm ggggggg! Why’d everyone stopped tawwlking!!!” And they continue on like nothing happened but it goes down in history.