Molly: *makes Ron Wash 1 More Dish Than Ginny*

yes all my favorite characters are desperate to be loved. no i don’t think that says anything about me

James: You packed condoms?

Sirius: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the earth.

James: And condoms are the way to do that?

Hermione: We have to get to a muggle hospital, and we have to get there fast.

Harry: Then I should drive.

Ron: Why you?

Harry: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.

Hermione: Okay, let's do it.

[cut to]

Everyone in the Car: *screaming*

Reblong to give someone an ice cream sanditch.

Sirius: Oh c’mon, I didn’t drink that much last night!

James: You were flirting with Moony.

Sirius: So what?? He’s my boyfriend.

James: You asked if he was single...

James: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.

DC fanfic recommendations

(feel free to send in/share more to be added!)

read at your own risk! pay attention to tags!

- if the link doesn't go through, it likely means the work is restricted (requires being logged into an account to see)

- if you're the author of any of these and would like your work removed from the list, please let me know <3

Bat Centric:

A Minor Occurrence - TheJBomb [one shot / 3.5k words]

"The Batfam meet the Justice League with less grace than a hippo in roller skates."

Alley Business - thetiniestteapot [series]

Jason interacting with Crime Alley

And Suddenly I See You - AnIrishRose [series]

"A series of one shots exploring how the Batfam would react to Bruce bringing Helena Wayne to their universe."

forward motion 'verse - Shleapord [series]

his name was king - TheRessurectionist [one shot / 2.5k words]

"Everyone knows who the butler is."

Nature and Nurture - lurkinglurkerwholurks [multichap / 109k words]

"In which the writer explores some classic tropes, indulges in some Batfam feels, and explores the effects of nature and nurture on the psyche of one Bruce Thomas Wayne."

one shot, two shots in the night - discowing [multichap / 14.6k words]

"'A Shot in the Dark' remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of brucewayne's tell-all memoir.."

Runaway Robin - DangerBeckett [multichap / 11.5k words]

"..Robin might have found Tim once, but no one ever looks for Tim a second time. Robin can think whatever he wants. They'll never see each other again. (They see each other again)."

the apex predator - poisedwalrus [one shot / 1.8k words]

"Dick shows Damian Mean Girls. It does not go well."

The Wise Men Of Gotham - husborth [one shot / 2.8k words]

"Jason has an argument with Bruce. If it can be called an argument. ... If it can be called Bruce."

welcome to the land of no brain cells - Ms_Trickster [series]

Red Raven - PlotlessWanderer [multichap / 261k+ words]

Tim-centric "Or; A different meeting in a different time and place has enormous consequences)"

5 Times Tim Spends the Night at Wayne Manor + 1 Time He Comes Home - motleyfam [multichap / 48.6k words]

"...'Tim Joins the Family Early' AU, told through a series of sleepovers--most of which are unplanned."

New Wave - yellow_caballero [multichap / 103k words]

"In which Stephanie Brown rocks the radical nineties and becomes the first Robin, ruining Batman's life and giving Tim Drake a hobby."

You know that soil cannot spoil your white hair. - briarsdesires [one shot / 581 words]

"John and Jason talk about magic. It doesn't change anything."

JT's Auto Shop - foxykyuu15 [multichap / 197.8k words]

"(Jason hadn't wanted to get involved with the Bats this time around. He wanted to clean up the Alley, work on cars with Santa, and maybe smoke some weed and drink some beer on the weekends when he wasn't out doing crime-lord shit. Fuck.)"

Jason and the Three Terrors - Cdelphiki [multichap / 201k+ words]

"One moment, Jason was peacefully sleeping, perfectly content with his life with the League of Assassins. Okay, so maybe not content content, but he wasn't unhappy, either. Then Talia woke him up at 2am, threw three children at him, and told him to get them to America and far away from Ra's al Ghul. What the fuck."

Time (to Protect You) - Blueseabird2 [multichap / 89k words]

"Losing Damian not only hurt beyond measure, but also made Dick the last Bat standing. He had nothing keeping him in a broken world so goes back in time with only one ally (Damian begs to differ) and no plan except to protect everyone he can, at any cost."

and in their dreams they dreamed awake - wesslan [multichap / 55k words]

"Tim doesn't sleep much, and as a result he hallucinates sometimes. He keeps hallucinating a pair of green eyes in the dark."

Jason Todd: Regular College Student - AddictedApple [multichap / 51k words]

"(AU where, at the end of his League of Assassins training, Jason decides to go to Metropolis for college instead of going back to Gotham for revenge. Things spiral from there. The title is so sarcastic by the way. There's nothing regular about Jason Todd.)"

The D-Word - AutumnHobbit [one shot / 5.6k words]

"'See, Tim?' Jason called over his shoulder sardonically. "Dad agrees with me." He turned back to his food for a moment before the thought suddenly occurred to him that the Cave had gone near silent."

Overcoming Our Antecedents - Batbirdies [multichap / 31.4k words]

"This is just a temporary problem that needs to be contained until they can change Jason back. This is not a repeat of events already passed. This is not a second chance."

poison oak - lothIoriens [one shot / 11.5k words]

"Or, Dick saves Jason from the vigilante life. In turn, Jason saves him back."

See Life As a Worthy Opponent - TriviasGhost [multichap / 45k+ words]

"Or, Tim wakes up in a Gotham where he never existed."

A Hundred Days to Become a Wayne - maccreadysbaby [series]

"In which the son of a vengeful business man is used as a tool to destroy Bruce Wayne and his family, taking Batman and the rest of the heroes with them. But said business man didn't really count on the kid becoming part of their found family."

That One's Jason, Right? - batsandthebirds [multichap / 11.3k words]

"Or, Dick and Jason get de-aged by some magic, assumptions are made, and those assumptions are very, very wrong."

Would you hold my hand if no one's home? - Solar_level [multichap / 27.6k words]

Harvest - coyote_nebula [multichap / 30k words]

"Bruce knows how Jason died. Bruce knows how Jason returned to Gotham. He knows very little about what happened in-between. When Clark Kent prevails upon him to complete the corn harvest at the Kent farm, Bruce is forced to make peace with his own shortcomings to be the father that Jason needs him to be."

IF EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY (I WILL BEAR THE UNBEARABLE) - orpheusaki [multichap / 8.4k words]

"Or; a ten step guide of things not to do when you're sent to the past, by Bruce Wayne."

Your Name Is Tim - alchemistsarego [multichap / 16.9k words]

"Your name is Tim. You are safe here. If you are scared, that is okay. If you do not remember anything, that is okay too. Call any of these numbers, they will answer and explain everything."

IRIS Log #1548 - deadchannelradio [one shot / 8.5k words]

"(01:25) Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious. (01:25) Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route- (01:25) Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up. (01:25) Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up."

General DC:

in the shadows - Kieron_ODubihir [multichap / 12.2k words]

Living Slow - kathkin [multichap / 50k words]

"In the face of an extraterrestrial threat they don't fully understand, with all their usual hide-outs compromised, the Justice League are forced to go to ground. Fortunately Superman has a remote location where they can regroup. Less fortunately, it comes with some baggage."

Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts - Unpretty [series]

"A DC universe where moms are awesome and raise their kids right."

straight on 'til morning - merils [multichap / 102k words]

"Kon hasn't been a kid in a long time - he's not stuck at sixteen anymore, and he hasn't been for years; he's twenty-three and living his best life. But the past has funny ways of coming back to haunt everyone when they least expect it, and there's no predicting the storm on the horizon for him. It starts simply, as do most things. Jon turns sixteen."

like lifting a veil - merils [one shot / 5.3k words]

"There's only one thing more embarrassing than having a breakdown over something as stupid as a couple of accidentally-dropped eggs on your dead mom's birthday: doing it directly in front of your best friend."

Crossovers:

*HP/DC* Black Magic - DragonflyxParodies [multichap / 44k words]

"Jason Todd is the unlucky recipient of one letter from Gringotts, concerning a will reading. Things spiral."

*Marvel/DC* Leap of Faith (Catch Me, If You Can) - alighterwood and ErinWantsToWrite [multichap / 253k+ words]

"Peter, like any 14 year old superhero, really wants to catch a break. He's just a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, nothing special. Well, only if you don't look at his biology ever since the radioactive spider bite. [...] And the fact that he was randomly kidnapped one morning on his way to school and now he's in an alternate universe with a bunch of different superhero that keep stalking him. He thinks they mean well, but they're really weird. Besides that Red Hood guy. He's pretty cool."

thank you to everyone who sent recs in! list will be updated accordingly if there are more recommendations <3 (would love some more gen DC fics as well as things more focused on the girlies)

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

Sirius: *pulls curtain back while Remus is in the shower*

Sirius: Are we -- stop screaming, it's just me -- are we out of Doritos?

OMG i want to see this happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to write a fic where Lilo goes to college and her roommate is Boo from Monsters Inc. Boo is the first person to think Stitch is adorable and cuddly, and Lilo is the first person not to act like “Mike Wazowski” was a weird name for a goldfish. They get on like a house on fire which is kind of bad for Nani’s blood pressure.

But then one night they wake up in the middle of the night because something is in their closet. And the door starts to creak open so Stitch tackles whoever (whatever) is in there. They fall back into the closet, the door slams shut… and when Lilo runs over and opens it there’s nothing but an empty closet.

Then Boo tells Lilo all about this weird thing that happened to her when she was a kid, and how no one ever believed her but she knows it was real. 

And cue Lilo and Boo busting into the Monster world to rescue Stitch and wreaking mad havoc in the process.