THE X-FILES | 4.05

don’t tell me you’re my heartbreaker

Summary: You weren’t expecting Mat to come back to you.

Pairing: mat barzal x f!reader

Word Count: 10,251

Warnings: post breakup, verbal disagreement, angst, make up sex, angst with a happy ending, second chance romance

A/N: happy freaky friday, i have returned lol. thank you to @m00nlightdelights​ for beta reading this and being my hype person, ily<3

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natasha romanoff (+ smiling at steve in catws) | for @catws-anniversary ♡

Queequeg appreciation post. 

i kinda want to watch the drama just because of the outfits jshsksks the stylist deserves a raise

nat girlie 4ever<3

I love it when the show remembers that Mulder has a psychology degree and is an expert profiler. Like "Oh shit yeah, he can do this and he's good at it, perfect lets put it in one episode and forget it for the next 15"

Natasha: I want to wake up with you everyday for the rest of our lives.

Steve: I wake up at 4 AM.

Natasha: I want to see you at some point everyday for the rest of our lives.

"We're not working out."

Stevenat

Angst

No warning except the angst

They had been dating for a while. In Natasha’s mind, a while meant a few weeks, but for Steve, it meant a few month. It had been two months since their first kiss, and everything seemed to run smoothly. They had decided to take things slow, well, Steve had, so nothing really happened the first month, a few dates here and there, some platonic cuddles on the couch and stolen kisses, warm smiles and longing looks. Around the beginning of the second month, they slept together. The next day, Natasha was avoiding him and, as much as she denied it, Steve knew he was right. They talked it out, and things got better. They got closer, sitting next to each other during Movie Night, sometimes even holding hands, when Nat was in the mood for that. Things were great between them, slowly moving forward, not too fast, not too slow.

However, it was one of Nat’s longest relationship since the one she had with Clinton when she first joined SHIELD, and it scared her. She enjoyed Steve’s company, she really did, and maybe that was the worst thing about it, about their relationship. It was all too great, too unreal, and it felt like a dream she’d wake up from sooner or later, and she didn’t know if she was ready to get her trust, her heart broken again. She didn’t want to have hope in something that would never become reality. Most importantly, she could feel herself slowly falling in love with the soldier, and she couldn’t let it happen, not when she knew how weak it could make her. She couldn’t let herself be weak, not when her heart could be broken any minute of the day, not in her line of work. Alone in her room, she sometimes let her fear control her, and she imagined everything that could happen if she let herself fall for the other man. It made her cry, sometimes imagining a happy life they could have but, more often than not, seeing him die before her eyes, by her fault, her heart broken once again. And as much as she trusted Steve Rogers, she knew that Sharon had an eye on him and was just waiting for them to break up to get in the Captain’s arms. Natasha wasn’t the jealous type, but Steve ? Steve was different.

Steve was madly in love with Natasha. He had been since they met, on the helicarier. The first time he saw her, her beautiful hair flying in the wind and her clothes hugging her body like a goddess, he knew he was good for it. He knew he would fall for the assassin, he just didn’t know when it would happen, but he knew it. Every time he saw her, he felt his heart fill with joy, a soft smile on his lips. When they kissed, when they made love - because that’s what they did -, there was something in him, screaming to get out. A feeling, a rush, a need, something he couldn’t really explain, but he knew she was the only one who could help him cope, with everything.

It was a lovely night, a simple one. They were on the couch in Steve’s part of the compound, his back against the couch as she was sitting sideways, her legs carelessly thrown over his. He was reading some mission report for SHIELD, stroking her leg without really thinking of it, and humming a song he didn’t know the lyrics too. It was a lot like one of their usual nights, when they did nothing ut enjoy the other’s company, but Nat was thinking. Her mind was running, she kept thinking and thinking until, finally, she spoke.

“It’s not working out. We’re not working out.”

Steve looked up from his piece of paper, frowning, looking in the void for a few seconds, like he was processing the information. When she moved her legs and got up, he looked up at her, hurt visible in his eyes.It made her heart ache in an inexplicable way. “Wh-What do you mean ? What are you saying ?”

She sighed, shrugged and turned away, making him frown even more. Why couldn’t she just talk to him, like a grown up ? And why, why so suddenly ? Things were good between them, no real, important fights, no yelling, no cheating. Trust, happiness. That was all there was. She took a deep breath, wrapping her arms around herself.

“I’m gonna end up breaking your little heart in two.”

Steve frowned even more, getting up and throwing the file to the side. He could deal with it later. All he wanted to do at this instant was to make sure everything was okay with Natasha, because it didn’t seem like it. “What are you talking about ? Natasha, what’s wrong ?”

She let out an exasperated huff and rolled her eyes, turning around to face him. She could see the pain in her eyes, even if she did her best to hide it. He knew her too well to know that in this instant, she wasn’t feeling well, and he couldn’t figure out why, an it killed him. She was grabbing her own arms like her life depended on it, like it could protect her from something, from pain. He extended an arm in the hopes to touch her, reassure her, tell her he loved her, but she moved away, and his arm fell back to his side. “Everything’s wrong, Rogers. We just-We can’t work. It doesn’t- We can’t… We can’t force it.”

Steve frowned, more and more confused at every words coming out of her mouth, every words he could hear. “I- What ? Nat, if you’re forcing yourself into this relationship.. You should’ve said it earlier ! But I-I’m not forcing anything. Especially not us.” She sent him a skeptical look and he sighed, looking down. “You make me feel things, Natasha. And i know you don’t want me to say it yet, i know you’re not ready, but i love you. And i don’t want you to leave. I love you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

There was a silence. Steve looked up at her, frownin even more, if it was possible. Her arms had fallen to her sides and she was looking at him now, and he knew that the pain he saw in her eyes wasn’t just a mirage, something he wanted to see. But it didn’t matter, because she turned away, walking up toward the door.

“Don’t call me. Not again. Not ever. This was fun, but.. We can’t make it work. I’m sorry, Steve. I really wish i could feel the same way.”

A few seconds after, she was gone, and the only proof she was even there were the floating perfume and the book she used to read delicately placed on the kitchen table. And the tears in Steve’s eyes.

This is one of my old one shots so I hope y'all like it- please leave a not and maybe a request !!

told me i'm better off, but i'm not.