BREEDR

I wake up, slightly relieved I’m not hungover. Maybe I would have been if James hadn’t ditched me. I look down at my phone and furrow my brows. I have a missed call, a voicemail and an Instagram DM all from James left at 4:09am last night. Damn, that’s pretty late, even for James. I listen to the voicemail, struggling to hear James’ voice over the loud thumping club music in the background.

"AY BRO, ITS JAMIE! YOU GOTTA CHECK OUT THIS PERSONALITY TEST IM SENDING YOU, MAN. ITS FUCKIN CRAZY DUDE.”

James' message catches me completely off guard. Since when the hell did this 5'6 gay twink start using the word 'bro'? I mean, I was just with the boy at Glitter & Groove last night, the city's hottest new gay club. And, as expected, he ditched me by the end of the night to go off with some beefy daddy type. The daddy claimed he was straight, but for James, that's just a challenge. He loves the whole idea of "turning straight men gay." Personally, I've always believed that if a straight guy ends up in bed with James, well, he probably wasn't that straight to begin with. You can’t just change someone’s sexuality, but James always thought different. Damn though, that beefy daddy seems to have left a mark on him, got him to say 'bro' and shit.

“bro thiz is the new personalty test i did its so accrate check out the lynk belw"

Damn, this boy’s got an English degree. I can’t remember the last time I saw him make a spelling mistake. It must have gotten really crazy last night.

Anyway, what’s this he sent me? The personality test… ‘BREEDR’, it says. It’s 10am on a Saturday morning. I don’t got anywhere else to be. So, I click the link and am presented with the flashy homepage.

“IT FEELS SO GOOD TO RELEASE WHO I’VE ALWAYS BEEN ON THE INSIDE”

Discover Your True Self: Take our 10-Minute Test to Unveil Who You Are at Your Deepest, Most Primal State

I click on the test. It’s just the expected usual run-of-the-mill online personality quiz.

You enjoy learning new things

As a recent English graduate, I can't help but chuckle. Well, I'd be a complete fraud if I said I didn't. I click "yes" on that one. After all, I did just spend years immersing myself in literature and analyzing complex texts. Learning is practically in my DNA now.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

You like dogs more than cats

I guess. Though I must say the question seems pointless. How does this affect my personality. Whelp, I don’t know what I expected from a stupid online personality test. Sure, I guess I like dogs more.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

You like hanging out with friends

Are there people who don’t like hanging out with their friends? Okay, faster I get this over with the better. Sure, I’ll answer yes.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

I click quickly through the boring questions until one startled me.

You like big muscles

My eyes widen. Strange question, but I'll roll with it, I guess. I mean, it's not entirely untrue. I've always had a thing for guys with big muscles. There's something about the roundness and masculinity that I've always found appealing. It makes me feel safe and protected, you know? Damn, why am I hard thinking about muscles? I seriously need to get laid. Anyway, I'll just answer honestly. I click "yes" and move on to the next one.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

You frequently attend to the gym

I chuckle to myself as I read the next question. "You regularly visit the gym and actively engage in weightlifting." Well, that's a bit of a stretch. I mean, I have gone to the gym a few times, but I wouldn't say I actively go. I've always been more of a skinny guy, and the idea of lifting heavy weights in front of all those big, musty meatheads is a bit intimidating. Not to mention the stench in the local gym’s locker room always stank, which didn't exactly make me want to go back. I guess I'll have to answer "no" on this one.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

Wait, I pressed “no”. Why did it put in “yes”. I try to click “no” again but it seems as though my answer is locked in. Fuck, that might fuck up my results. Whatever, let’s just get this over with.

You often find yourself flexing and admiring your muscles in front of the mirror

I scratch my head, my bicep rubbing off my cheek. Well, now that I think of it, I guess I do sometimes. I mean, I'm not one of those obnoxious bodybuilders or anything, but if I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I might do a bit of flexing. But come on, doesn't every guy do that? I spend hours in the gym every week; is it really that narcissistic to want to show off my biceps every now and then? I guess I'll reluctantly answer "yes" on this one.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

You engage in manscaping and frequently wash your body

I do shower quite a bit, especially after going to the gym. Can't stand the thought of going about my day feeling all sweaty and grimy. Besides, the locker rooms at the gym can be quite the stinkfest. I've walked in there and almost turned around immediately. It's like a mix of old socks, musk, and sweat lingering in the air. It's not the most pleasant environment to say the least. So yeah, I guess I'm a little more bothered by bad smells than the average guy. So, yeah, I tend to shower a lot. As regarding the manscaping, I’ve never been able to grow much body hair. Can’t even grow a beard. So, manscaping has never really been a problem for me.

Yes [ ] / No [-]

I curse under my breath as I realize my big fingers accidentally clicked "no" on the question about being bothered by bad smells. Great, just my luck. Hopefully, it won't have too much of an impact on the final result. As I take a deep breath, a sudden hot stench fills my nostrils. It's strong, and I can't help but follow it like a sniffer dog, tracing it to its source. I lift up my arm, and there it is— a wild, tangled forest of armpit hair producing that foul odor. I can't help but give it a nice scratch and shrug. Maybe I did answer that previous question correctly after all. My last shower was almost four days ago, and it looks like my armpits are making up for lost time. Who cares, right? I scratch the scruff on my face, accidentally staining it with my musty stench. I smirk, finding the stench kinda amusing. Let’s just carry on with the test.

You feel at one with your bros

I continue to absentmindedly sniff my own stench, looking at the question. Fuck everyone smells so fucking strong, especially the pits. My bros? I don’t know if I’d call anyone my bros, but I guess in this context, someone like James would be my bro? Like my buddy or something. Yeah, I guess I feel at one with my him and he’s my bro. So, yeah. Me and the bros be pretty in sync my dude. Like we part of a dog pack or something.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

You like to think hard

Fuck, these pits bro. They smell so fucking good. Fuck, oh shit, I’m doing the test man. I forgot. Thinking hard? I mean, I can think hard. Like I’m smart and shit, I think. I went to college… or am I in college? I forget. What was I doing? Oh yeah, the test. I can think but I guess I prefer not to?

Yes [ ] / No [-]

You want countless children

Do I want children, bro? Uhhh, I don't think so. I've never really thought that far ahead, bro, huhuhu. I mean, I'm too busy with college right now, you know, having a blast and getting laid with all the boys I could possibly dream of. I don't have time for any of that family stuff, bro. I'm living my best life in the moment, and kids are not in the picture right now, that's for sure. It’s a “no”, bro.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

Fuck! Did I click "yes"? Words are so fucking hard sometimes, bro. All the letters just get all jumbled up in my head. But hey, I know how to read, though! I'm not stupid or nothin'. I'm studying Engli… I mean, I'm studying… I'm studying business. And business is for bros who have brains. And I have a brain, bro! It's just that sometimes my thoughts get a little lost, you know? But I'm smart and I know it. Gotta keep that confidence, bro!

You feel the primal urge to breed and impregnate as many girls as possible

Fuck, just reading that made me so hard bro. Why am I thinking of big bouncing tits. Stop, I’m gay! Get that shit outta ma head bro. Fuck… imagine some bimbo sliding down my 8 inch cock bro… no! Not… straight. Don’t want to… breed… girls and… impregnate them… with my alpha seed. No… fuck i’m gonna bust bro. No! Just… don’t think about… don’t think about BIG BOUNCING BOOBIES.

Yes [-] / No [ ]

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I busted a fat nut all in my boxers, bro. It’s a sticky mess down there. I could clean it up but… fuck it, it’ll be fine.

I look up at the screen and see the words

SUBMITTING RESULTS

RETRIEVING BREEDR PERSONALITY PROFILE

I stare at the loading screen, my mouth agape as drool trickles out and onto my big, bouncy pecs. Just seeing that loading circle spin puts my brain at its maximum capacity, bro. It's like my whole world has become this little circle, and I can't focus on anything else. All I can think about is what my result is gonna be, and I'm so damn excited to find out. It's like waiting for the game-winning touchdown in the last seconds of the Super Bowl, bro. I can feel the anticipation coursing through me, and my heart's pounding like crazy. I can't wait to see what kind of bro I'm gonna be, dude!

YOUR BREEDR PERSONALITY IS…

FRAT

FUN-LOVING

ROWDY

ACTIVE

THOUGHTLESS

Fuck, bro! This personality test is so fuckin' accurate, man! It's like they peeked into my brain and saw every little thing about me. It's crazy, bro! I feel like I'm seeing my own reflection, dude. How the hell do they do that? It's like some sort of magic or something, huhuhu.

I gotta share this with the bros, man. I’ll post the link in the University LGBT club’s groupchat huhuhu. It’ll be funny to see what kinda BREEDR personalities they’ll get.

Anyway, dude, I gotta get ready. Me and the frat bros are hittin' up the Freshman Fair today. Gonna go hang out with Jamie and see how many hot babes we can impregnate, bro. It's gonna be a sick day, man!

FML: Match

He never really stood a chance. The moment he walked into our new apartment together his days were numbered. No guy, and I mean no guy, can resist me for long. How could they, when it just feels so good to be me. He tried though. That first week he was a real prick. He would complain about my stuff everywhere, scoff at my friends, and try to cover up my scent. But 24/7 with me around starts to have an effect. I caught him picking up my stuff and stealing a quick sniff before throwing it in my room. The candles sat abandoned in his room. A pair of my boxers went missing. I finally caught him on week three. He was sitting, zoned out in the living room. It’s always so cute the first time they try to embrace it. Sprawled out on the floor, my boxers loose around his legs, hat backwards on his head. He already had a little beard going.

He didn’t even bother getting up when I came in. He was lost in the scent of me, and his body was trying everything to become what it was not.

“Get up!” His body came to as he snapped to attention. He tried making excuses, his face was a mix of confusion and horror at what he was wearing.

“I am so sorry, I have no idea… what’s happening? What are you doing to me?!?”

“I’m just living it up bro, you’re the one sitting in my underwear. You trying to be all of this?” I flexed my biceps in front of him, watching his body begin to pulsate. “Just flex bro. Let it out, let me out.” His arms curled and posed, copying my form. His forearms exploded with muscle, as he began to shout:

“No, please, let me go.”

“You can leave at any time, you just have to want to.” I struck another pose, popping my pecs and flexing my abs. He moved in unison with me, his stomach sucking in as abs pushed out. Pecs punched out of his chest with force as his torso stretched to copy mine.

“Please… I don’t want this. Why- how are you doing this?”

“It’s easy little bro,” I sat into a deep squat. His eyes rolled back in his head as his lower body erupted. Muscle tore through him, filling out calfs, thighs, and ass all at once. “I’m what every guys wants, what everyone craves to be. My scent, my hormones, my whole aura has been filling you for weeks. I’ve been inside. You’ve just got to let me out. Now,” I stood back up, his body parodying along like a puppet. His body was ready, even when his mind was not, “FLEX.” I hit a double-bicep pose.

“Ah…AuGH-AHHHGAUH!”

I was let loose from inside him.

It was like looking in a mirror. Fuck, I’m a stud. He was spacing out:

“Bro… no, fuck. Why, why do I sound like that?”

“You’re getting the full package little bro. You are going to look, sound, smell, think, and fuck just like me. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

He shuddered in response. Immediately his cock began swelling, snaking down his leg. His mind was saying no but his body was saying yes. By now his balls were pumping him full of my hormones, invading his mind and filling him with my horny thoughts. Hands gripped his cock as he began jerking off in front of me, speeding up his transformation. Drool dripped from his open mouth and rolled down his chest.

“No, please. Why-why does it… feel…so…goooood? Hu-ungh-uhhhHHHh…”

He was riding the waves of pleasure as they engulfed his brain. He never stood a chance against me, but it was still so hot to watch him submit to his fate. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over him, and slowly I watched the lights go out upstairs. He was just like me now. No, better. He was me now. It was time. I walked up and pulled his hands from his cock, and replaced them with mine. I furiously began jacking him off as his brain short circuited and he just writhed in pleasure.

“Ha-hahu-ugh-huhuhuhuuuu-uHH-“

I leaned in, and planted one kiss on his sweaty brow and commanded:

“Now CUM.”

Instantly he let loose, hitting the back wall. It covered my hands, just adding to the lubrication as I finished him off. Rope after rope flew across the room, until he was shooting blanks still thrusting against my hands. He slowly slumped to the floor

“How you feeling bro?” I asked him

“Huuuuuuh…fuck bro I’m spent. You’re a god. How do you manage to get that much out of me every time?”

I chucked a bit. “I know all the right buttons to push bro. I just do what I would do to me.”

“God, I’m not gonna be horny for a week”

“Pfft, knowing you? I give it an hour.”

“God we’re so hot bro…”

The question caught me a bit off guard. Did he… no. There wasn’t any part of him left that would know what just happened to him. I leaned in and gave my new doppelgänger a kiss:

“Yeah we are, bruh.”

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jockbroski34

9 months ago

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jockbroski34

1 year ago

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jockbroski34

1 year ago

Brock Purdy

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jockbroski34

1 year ago

Prick

Ayyye you fuckin’ Posh cunt, why donthcha watch where yer fuckin goin!

Edgar was too busy on his phone to notice the scally lad he just ran into, knocking coffee all over the lad.

“Sorry mate, let me get you new clothes,” Edgar said apologetically

“Crack,” the scally knocked Edgar out cold. Picked his Posh ass up and dragged him back to his council flat. The lad stripped Edgar down, shit him up with some substance mixed with his cum and put some crusty old clothes on Edgar.

Edgar woke up, his whole body on fire, he couldn’t speak, he could barely think but his cock was rock hard.

“Now you stupid cunt, everything I tell you is true and when I am done, you’ll ne my fuckin’ flat mate.”

“First, you are a chav, you din’t finish no kind of school and you love to drink and have sex. You love to keep fit so you can stick that dick in anything with legs. You’re dumb as a rock mate, I’m the closest thing you have to family and you would do anything for me.”

The changes happened rapidly, his lean body bulked ouit, his hair got shorter, cock growing like mad, and his eyes were glazing over with some dumb fuck look. His mind faded away and a new chav persona took over. All he wanted was to get his fucking rocks off and fuck.

Oh, and one more thing, your name…It’s Declan O’Shea, your one stupid horny Irish fucker.

The lad was glad that he got rid of one more Posh fuck, thinkin their better than everybody. Not anymore, stupid fucker gonna watched footie, rugby, drink and fuck