The Gift Of Fear
The Gift of Fear
Not all books can be comforting, not all books are make-believe, not all books are heart-racing suspenseful; Gavin De Becker’s The Gift of Fear is all three. Gavin De Becker, the author, shares with us the stories of his clients who were raped by strangers, celebrities stalked by ‘regular people’, obsessed coworkers and more. He dissects them to show them, and us, where and when we should trust our gut and how it really isn’t our gut, but our logical mind setting off warning flags that society has told us to ignore.
I’m reminded of an SVU episode wherein thinking she’s just being racist, a young white girl allows a big black guy into her apartment to help her unload her groceries—she didn’t need the help, and she wasn’t being racist, there was something about him that she knew was off but told herself she should ignore it and then got raped. There are people who are racist, this book nor I ignore that, but just as women have been taught to smile, we have all been taught to be kind and understanding—even when we shouldn’t be. Sometimes it doesn’t matter much, but sometimes it means the end of our lives. He reminds us, me, of the phrase “look at someone’s actions, not at someone’s words”—he reminds us that people choose to be nice, charming—it doesn’t mean they are. He gives a list and more descriptions about Pre-Incident Indicators: methods used by those trying to get something from you that they are used to people ignoring:
Trying to make you two a team
Making you feel sympathy
Locking you down and trying to force a connection
Making a situation where you feel it’d be rude to not speak to THIS COMPLETE STRANGER
Trying to get you into your debt
Trying to make a deal with you, when really they could just leave
Refusing to hear the word no
People say this book could save your life, no. It reminds you that you already have the power to save and fight for your life, you just have to recondition yourself to listen to yourself and trust what someone is showing you. The aspects of this book being real and harrowing are obvious, the issues of comforting is how it allows us to trust ourselves again. This book isn’t just for young women, mothers, or the elderly. I’ve shared this book with managers, coworkers, friends and more. Share this book, read it’s tales and learn how you can survive. It’s awful, but as we know have work-place shootings as part of our fire safety, and the access the internet provides others with our personal details, this book is only becoming more important
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I haven’t seen this episode yet but oh my, it’s glorious
Alyssa Alhadeff (14)
Scott Beigel (35)
Martin Duque Anguiano (14)
Nicholas Dworet (17)
Aaron Feis (37)
Jaime Guttenberg (14)
Chris Hixon (49)
Luke Hoyer (15)
Cara Loughran (14)
Gina Montalto (14)
Joaquin Oliver (17)
Alaina Petty (14)
Meadow Pollack (18)
Helena Ramsay (17)
Alex Schachter (14)
Carmen Schentrup (16)
Peter Wang (15)
I don’t know these people, and now I never will. But I don’t have to know them, to know that they are pleading, they are crying, they are begging
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
let me be the last one, let my death bring more than just pain. Talk about me, talk about how I died too young for no reason at all, about how I should have been protected
PLEASE, let me be the last one to join this club
** Side note: there have been comments about how survivors have “stepped up”; they have not stepped up. That is to imply this was their battle and their responsibility to handle; what they have done, is risen above. Risen above the adults those whose jobs it is to protect them and ensure their safety but discarded them and their safety, their innocence and their futures. So thank you, not for stepping up, but for rising above the rest of us and demanding more, demanding better for yourselves and others than others have for you xoxo
Remus Lupin
Unlike Hagrid, Lupin, had a very hard time getting over eveything that happened to him, which is part of why I’m always very sad when I think of him. Similar to Harry and Hagrid, Lupin’s life started out with difficulty and made him more of an outcast than either, getting bitten by a werewolf.
Going to Hogwarts, he made good, true friends, but had to keep this secret from them; when he tells them, they accept him but then he deals with the guilt of betraying Albus and allowing his friends to break every benefit and precaution that allowed him to come to Hogwarts, along with the reputation and status of the school if anyone else found out. Then the First Wizarding War came but during that time his friends got married and had a child and the war only ended with the murder of his friends, the orphanage of their son, and the betrayal of another.
The majority of Lupin’s life was between the two Wizarding Wars, when he was all alone. For over 10 years Lupin believed that one of his best friends, had betrayed not only his friends, but for power and out of hate, while he was left all alone. While the truth was similar, considering the bond Sirius and James had, and the possibility that they knew Peter wasn’t always at their level, there was a small reprieve when Lupin learned the truth. But again, the return of his friend lasts only two years before he is murdered and in that time the Second Wizarding War had begun. Again overcome with loss, loneliness and guilt, he holds himself back from love and happiness until he accepts, continues to feel guilt and shame when his child is born and soon after he and his wife are murdered.
There are many things that were so great about Lupin, he was honest, a good man, a good father, great friend and teacher. He was strong, brave, compassionate; he is a man who deserved and should have had it all but whose life was plagued, and spirit his overshadowed by ridiculous judgement and personal grief. Today is Trans Day of Visibility, a day dedicated to celebration of one’s true self and highlighting the cruelty and misguided hated those who are Trans receive. When I speak of Hagrid, I speak of how he was able to overcome his misfortunes, but Lupin was not; this, is not on Lupin. He should have had it all, he deserved to have an amazing life but was never given the opportunity to truly shine or love himself. It was not planned that I’d write about Lupin on Trans Day of Visibility, but the message I would say about both are linked.
Do Good, Be Good. While we can learn so much from Lupin, what the world needs to understand is how much they miss out on by judgement, prejudice, hate and fear. Bullying and discrimination do not bring peace, safety or justice, but they do put people at pause, holding back so much from the world and stealing from us all true love, prosperity and happiness.
Access, Access, Access
Today is the last day of the original “Libby app” free book club reading of “After The Flood” by Kassandra Montag ends. Along with the freedom, increased access, and connection this personal book club brought there are also many advantages provided by libraries who have set up electronic lending of books.
First, the access greatly increases. There is approximately one library for every 173,224 people in Japan, 15,932 people in the UK, 12,011 people in Switzerland, 58,178 people in Canada, 6,875 people in Norway, 2,799 people in the United States, for every approximate 600,000 people in China, 29,500 people in the Netherlands and 15,100 people in Australia. Some of the discrepancies can be understood as some countries have institutions similar but not considered traditional public libraries. For other countries, (UK and Japan) people are close enough to each other where for the most part a smaller number of libraries doesn’t necessarily mean less access as it does for other countries (China, the US). Countries with public libraries that aren’t able to be as spread out may increase the access to residents through downloading and while a good portion of these areas may also have issues with internet access mobile libraries or programs that can take back the books once the due date occurs will give residents opportunities they otherwise didn’t have.
Second, it should not come as a shock to many that have been in school that the books students are required to have for school are massive, cumbersome and have been somewhat linked to posture and other spine difficulties. Electronic books, even strictly for entertainment or so you can take many when going on a trip because traditional books would add too much weight to your luggage allow you more freedom and access by taking away both a physical and space-related con.
Finally, a great instance with electronic books (depending on the library), is that it’s right there! You don’t have to wait to get home, get in the car or the bus, get your card, travel to the library or have to wait a few days to get the book. You can get it right when you’re in the mood to read it (I believe, that is how it should be set up—I go traditional)
Best Advice
1. Season Nine, Episode Thirteen: Junior Salesman (Jim)
“No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I’m gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters, definitely does.
Choose wisely
2. Season Seven, Episode Thirteen: Ultimatum (Pam)
“One of the hardest parts about making resolutions is keeping them—but that’s okay. Because it’s not about being perfect, it’s about trying.”
3. Season Three, Episode Twenty-One: Women’s Appreciation (Phyllis)
“I bet you know, don’t think just answer”
4. Season Three, Episode Fourteen: Ben Franklin (Elizabeth, the stripper)
“Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone”
5. Season Five, Episode Twenty-Two: Dream Team (Pam)
“We need to come up with one realistic thing that we could do today”
6. Season Nine, Episode Twenty-One: Livin’ the Dream (Angela)
“You don’t have to leave because you said you would. Don’t let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It’s not worth it.”
7. Season Six, Episode Ten: Murder (Jim)
“I think today was a good day to have two managers, cause, if you’re a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean--one parent might want to just keep rowing. But, if the other parent wants to play a game, it’s not because they’re crazy, it’s because they’re doing it for the kids. And I get that now.”
8. Season Six, Episode five: Niagara Part 2 (Pam)
“This is supposed to be our wedding day, why did we invite all these people?”
9. Season Seven, Episode Two: Counseling (Pam)
“The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2:00AM. You play the opponent, not the cards”.
10. Season Nine, Episode Twenty-Three: Finale (Pam)
“But, when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairytale romance. But There were a lot of times last year when it did not feel like a fairytale”
Into Thin Air
I’m still in the process of reading this book for the first time, but as I slowly read thru their final days on the Summit, I know this book will be with me forever. Not even knowing the events beforehand Jon Krakauer’s words will break you; you are only able to remove yourself so much as he highlights impending consequences of what were the best-made decisions. Little, inconsequential choices and feelings in crucial moments that were unknown to him at the time turn out to be the worst of his life, you can feel them now—you can feel his sorrow, guilt and pain.
His words are intensified by quotes included by other climbers and authors about climbing, about life and about death. I have added his other works onto my list, as never before have I been able to see a world so clearly, been in the place of someone so closely, feeling their heart within mine. He is an amazing writer, for lack of more deserving words and praise, and I wish peace upon all those in his, and similar stories.
His movement, his story, his heartbreak, everything. This was just so beautifully done and moving. You cannot hate him or this speech
Pete Miller
Pete’s Best Moment: (Season Nine, Episode Eight: The Target)
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s just a mistake, just a mistake. That’s what this tower is all about—mistakes. Okay, if you’re afraid of screwing up, the tower is not for you. Show of hands, who has never had a complaint? That’s right, nobody. See that? Nobody. Let’s get back to work, huh? Come on, you in?”
And then he fist bumps Kevin
Pete’s Worst Moment: Season Nine, Episode Twenty-One: Livin’ The Dream
When Pete doesn’t try in making Jim feel welcome in the annex, especially compared to Clark who he doesn’t like that much.
Pete’s Best Line: Season Nine, Episode Two: Roy’s Wedding
“No, Clark’s not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don’t know them.”
Pete’s Most Memorable Moment: Season Nine, Episode Two: Roy’s Wedding
When he makes sure Erin doesn’t end up going to Clark’s apartment alone, as Clark was trying to hook up with Erin, but ends up being the one to take her out to dinner.
Bill Weasley
I went back and forth with doing a “what I learned from Bill Weasley” because I feel like I barely know Bill.This is especially apparent in comparison with the rest of the Weasleys (sorry Charlie--ha). I know he’s a good son and husband. A werewolf and a hard worker. But not so much of Bill, as Bill.
But, while we don’t learn much about Bill directly, he does remind us of some things quite prominently. From his relationship with Fleur, we are reminded that relationships are deeper than appearances, the importance of being a good person and son with his relationship with his parents (and especially his mother), and from his experiences with Goblins and at Gringotts the importance of deep respect and politeness. Finally, do not be a prat. as he was so excited to join his mother at Hogwarts to wish Harry good luck before the third task of the Triwizard tournament.
So thank you Bill, we might barely know you, but you still have taught us well.
Personal Favorites
As The Office (US) on Netflix in the US returns to the UK and US’s NBC’s Peacock I would like to list my favorite episodes of each season. These are not all the most awkward, funniest, heart warming or memorable or even my favorites, but, for me they are the ones that I always go back to for a cozy, re-watch.
Cheers to a better 2021 and that we all use 2020 as an eye-opening experience for a better tomorrow.
Season One: Hot Girl
Season Two: The Injury
Season Three: A Benihana Christmas
Season Four: Money
Season Five” Lecture Circuit (Parts One and Two)
Season Six: Murder
Season Seven: Dwight K. Shrute (Acting Manager)
Season Eight: The Incentive
Season Nine: A.A.R.M.
