You Know What Would Be Funny?

Prompt 181

“Hey. Hey Tuck. Tucker. Tuck look. Look.” 

Tucker looked over the edge of the screen lazily, the half interested words on his tongue dying as he let out a wheeze of laughter. “Oh my Ancient Sands, dude, how did you manage that?” 

Danny had, for the last near year, been trying to mix shapeshifting, thank you Amorpho, with duplication. Something he’d apparently succeeded in today, if the massive fuck-you hydra standing before him was any indication. The very pleased looking, well did it count as a hydra if it had wings too? 

“You need to show Sam. Oh my Sands we need to show Val too. And Wes. You did it dude!” He floated up to look at Danny, who did a little twirl to show off. He shook his head, flecks of gold and sand falling from his hair as he laughed. 

“Do you think,” Danny lost it in laughter as several other heads echoed his words, from whichever the main him was. “Holy ancients that’s great- do, do you think we can make a dragon club? Hydras are totally dragons right? Do you think we could pull a Tiamat?” 

He landed on a head, taking a selfie to add to the groupchat labeled Preparations. “Dude, we should, but let me send this to the others first… But I am so down.” 

They can, in fact apparently, pull a Tiamat- with a little help from Princess Dora, practice in front of Frostbite in case something goes wrong, and some advice from Pandora on controlling extra limbs. Honestly, who is going to want to mess with Amity when there’s a giant dragon? And hey, maybe they can break the barrier now! 

The heads for those wondering who I was thinking of for each lol And perhaps what they might all get ((1) Kwan, Pressurized Water) ((2) Wes, Sonic Blast) ((3) Sam, Poison Gas) ((4) Star, Plasma) ((5) Danny, Ice Breath) ((6) Paulina, Acid) ((7) Tucker, Electricity) ((8) Valerie, Fire Breath) ((9) Dash, Pressurized Wind)

2/2

Dcxdp trope twist

All of Olympus was in chaos. Apparently, Kronos had somehow sired another child, a son.? No one was able to agree on exactly how to feel about the new godling, but they all agreed they needed to have their chosen champions check things out.

Now, Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman were searching for the new god and Kronos. The only hint the fates had given was that the new godling lived in the United States and would take on Wonder Woman’s great grandfather’s domain.

Meanwhile, Danny is dealing with the training to become the ancient of space and the sky. And why did Clockwork and Pandora keep having whisper arguments?

Danny, a young and burgeoning Ancient of Space, has a hobby. He eats universes.

Which isn't as bad as it sounds!

He finds universes on the verge of destruction, about to be destroyed by faulty timelines or world ending events that managed to effect the entire universe, and devours them.

One quick swallow, and they're a part of his core, separated from the dangers of the destabilizing event, safe and sound and guarded, and able to grow and thrive.

This is why multiversal travel is possible for some DC universes-because they're all in Danny's core.

To save them, he ate them.

Once they are absorbed into his core, his own nature helps shape them as they heal. He has hope, he is protective, and he is separate from the medium in which all universes are held, making his core less rigid to the rules of the Speedforce.

Of course, he also holds some bad apples that snuck their way in, but he can't really do anything about them. That's up to the residents of the universes those bad apples threaten. Danny already did all he could.

At least there's a universe for those heroes to try to save.

And when he sleeps, he gets to explore those universes within himself.

Unfortunately, the Justice League in one of those universes has heard of an ancient being that eats entire universes, and that's the extent of their knowledge about it.

They don't realize they've already been eaten, and that said being is protecting them.

“I can’t believe you’re squatting in an occupied house, Danny. That’s… actually isn’t that also breaking and entering? That’s a crime, isn’t it?”

“One, at least I don’t have to pay rent and/or utilities. Two, Tim let me stay. And three, I’m a vigilante. Breaking and entering is like the basics of being one. Also, they’re paying me now. This is a legit job now!”

Jazz sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Whatever, dumbass. Where is Tim, anyways?”

“He’s in bed.”

“Really?” Jazz raised an eyebrow and rested a hand on her hip. “Then what’s that?”

Danny whirled around, making eye contact with a frozen Tim.

“Ahah-”

Danny groaned, cutting Tim’s awkward laughter and no-doubt bullshit excuse.

“Kid, Tim, we talked about this.”

“It’s for the aesthetics!” Tim protested, the argument well worn, but obligingly stepping away from the window sill.

Danny shot Jazz a disgruntled look when she muttered, “Well, doesn’t that sound familiar.”

“It’s a school night, Tim.” Danny crossed the room, ushering Tim away from the door. The halfa could probably put down professional babysitter on his resume. If he could handle Tim “climb out of windows” Drake and Tim “sleeps in hard to reach places” Drake in the same day, he could handle anything.

Tim puffed up, like a disgruntled kitten. “Robin gets to go out on a school night! And he’s my age! Kinda! And at least I’m not fighting criminals!”

Again, this is an argument they’ve had multiple times.

“Not for a lack of trying,” Danny muttered, rolling his eyes when Jazz snickered. He made the mistake of looking down at Tim’s convincing little sad kitten act and sighed. “Alright, alright. We get two hours of batwatching, then you go to sleep.”

“Deal!” Tim cheered. Jazz grinned, mouthing ‘weak’ at Danny, who promptly made like his high school self and ignored her.

“Go get your jacket. And some thicker socks, you’re gonna freezing out there.”

“Okay!!”

When Tim was out of earshot, excitedly thundering down the lavish hallway, Jazz tilted her head back and laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

“How the tables have tabled, huh, Danny?” Jazz snickered.

“You think you got jokes,” Danny pointed at her with a new mug of coffee. “Laugh it up, but don’t forget that you’re his older sister now too.”

Jazz paled. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, that’s right. Now you gotta deal with two of us!”

“Two of who?” Tim returned, bundled up in a fancy puffy jacket. Jazz cooed at him, kneeling down to zip his jacket up. Danny, echoing her, magically grabbed a scarf and wrapped around Tim.

“Us, her little brothers. Unfortunately, you’re now our little brother and that means Jazz is gonna mother you like you’re a baby duck.”

Danny ducked the half hearted smack Jazz sent his way, grinning at Tim. The kid had a self conscious smile on his face, bashful at the unprecedented (for him) attention and affection. Danny’s smile tightened when Tim looked at Jazz for confirmation (which she gave). If it weren’t for the fact that Tim loved his parents, Danny would have spirited (hah!) the kid away. He’s like a textbook case of neglect. It’s why he keeps trying to sneak out in ways that’ll easily get him caught. He’s trying to test if Danny would get mad and leave-

“Oh my god. I’m turning into you, Jazz.” Danny said, horrified.

“What?” Jazz narrowed her eyes once the statement sunk in. “What’s wrong with being more like me? I can actually process my emotions in a timely manner, thanks.”

Danny, stuck in the horror of understanding someone’s motivations and processing some of his own trauma, shuddered.

Danny picked up Tim and swung him onto his shoulders. “C’mon, Timmy. Let’s get out of here before Jazz gives us germs.”

“Oh, that’s real rich coming from the greasiest vigilante this side of the river.”

“Not true! Green Arrow’s greasier!”

“Eh, he doesn’t count. He’s in Oregon or something, right?”

“Who cares? I wanna see Robin!” Tim wriggled, placing his heavy ass camera on Danny’s head. “He’s a new Robin! The first one moved to Blüdhaven!”

“To be a cop, right?” Danny asked.

“Yeah. It’s… not great. And kinda ironic.”

“ACAB.”

——

Batman snuck closer to the glowing green figure that was glancing around the rooftops. He’s glad he sent Robin home hours ago, because variables in Gotham tended to be dangerous.

He dropped to a crouch behind the figure, who turned around as soon as he did, looking unsurprised. The being had enhanced hearing then, if not enhanced everything else.

“There you are!” The being scowled at him, but Bruce couldn’t detect any actual hostility. Only weariness. “I’ve been looking for you for ages.”

Nevertheless, he hadn’t survived this long by being careless.

“What is your business in Gotham?” He deepened his voice, adding enough gravel to sound mildly threatening.

The being shook their head, white hair unnaturally waving in the air. Like it was under water.

“I live here. I have a bone to pick with you.” Batman loosened his stance, readying to move.

“Can you keep Robin in on school nights?! If you can’t, can’t you make him go home sooner? My kid brother keeps trying to sneak out of the house to imitate Robin and it’s killing me! Do you know how many times I’ve had to stop him from climbing out of the window? We live on the third floor, man!”

A frazzled older brother. Batman-Bruce grimaced. He couldn’t stop Jason anymore than this being could. Also, “You live here?”

The being scowled, looking defensive. “Why, I can’t? Are you being discriminatory? Because I refuse to take shit from a grown man in a bat-sona.”

“…A bat-what?”

The being sighed. “Nevermind. Yes. I live here. My name is Phantom.”

“Don’t cause any trouble.” Batman warned before hesitating. The being was young, that was clear. He kind of reminded Bruce of Dick, and it made Batman’s tone soften. “And I will try. Robin is resolute.”

Phantom dropped his glowing face into his hands, a move Bruce often wanted to mirror.

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

——

Sorry guys I really like tired babysitter brother Danny and unnecessarily jumping out of windows Tim. This is before Tim decided to be a vigilante. This is after Dick moves out.

The entire mansion has been baby proofed.

And it doesn’t matter how many times they’ve tried to take them off, or even ban them, somehow they just keep popping back up to everyone’s annoyance.

Jason blames it on Bruce, saying the old man’s going soft on them and basically babying them. It’s him hinting that he doesn’t think they’re capable enough to not bump into or break everything. He accuses Bruce of not trusting them. Dick doesn’t have an answer, but he’s just amused and doesn’t make a move to take them off, which leads the majority of the batfam to think it’s him.

The culprit? Damian.

Damian has seen his family exhausted from shifts. Not to mention the fact that somehow even though he knows they’re some of the smartest and most capable people on the planet he looks up to, they’re also simultaneously the dumbest people that make him suspect that perhaps they weren’t the same people who he’d seen dodging bullets while walking tightropes flawlessly.

And when you work the same hours they do, have the same risks they do, it’s inevitable for someone to simply collapse, because god forbid any single of them weren’t stubborn enough to realise when life -threatening injuries = bedrest and maybe, just maybe = a fucking break.

He’s watched Bruce stumble, head heavy with all the doses of medicines the man had to take before he tripped on air and fell halfway down the stairs. He’s seen Dick nod off in the living room, only for him to accidentally fall over and hit the sharp edge of the table. Stephanie was trying to take off her costume while running for classes, and so she slammed head first into the glass door.

For gods sake, Damian’s pissed Todd’s one to talk because the man was cooking in the kitchen while talking to Roy on the phone and while getting really into the story, he placed his hand on the still hot stove. And picked up the metal container he’d just heated to the point of boiling with his bare hands. The man didn’t realise it, still babbling on to Roy before he sets it down, glances at his hand and then stops when he sees them turning red. And only then, does he let out a quiet “oh…shit.”

Tim’s no better either, he gripped the wrong edge of a knife that he had just put down a second ago. And he wasn’t even doing anything else. Damian just watched in horror and disgust as Tim had just stared at his fingers holding the blade before going “… this is wrong isn’t it? Ow.”

Alfred had caught Damian lugging the questionably large amount of baby proofing material into the mansion the first time, but walked away before he noticed. And Cass helps re-baby proof everything when the batfam try to take them out because Alfred asks her to, and she loves doing it.

Is this him getting soft? Damian? A trained assassin who was taught emotions only served purpose when they fueled your ambitions?

No.

But he had another ambition for now. And so what if his heart flutters when he sees their house-related injuries drastically decrease? So what if there’s a giddy feeling in his chest that warms him to every corner of his soul when he watches them bump against the covered edges, and send a silent grateful look to the sticker?

He had an ambition. He was using these feelings that he’s never felt before, but make him feel so good to fuel himself. He’s doing what he was trained to do. He wasn’t going to let anything stop him.

Okay, so I don't know about anyone else, but...

City spirits.

We've seen Lady Gotham, but I haven't really seen any other City spirits?

Did I just not find any yet, is it a fandom thing to only have her or...

Anyway! So maybe only she's mentioned because she's THAT powerful or she's the only city spirit in a certain radius, but I've got an idea.

So I'm not really caught up on DC because of personal reasons, but I've seen the whole 'Gotham vs Metropolis' rivalry thing.

So the citizens have a big rivalry going on. No one really can tell you why, they just do. Who's to say it didn't start out as an instinctive 'test the new sibling' thing I assume step-/non step- siblings do.

Yes I'm asking if Ms. Metropolis and Lady Gotham are dating. Just imagine it. The preppy and sunny City Spirit and the dark and gloomy City spirit are having lunch and just:

"Have the kids settled their feud yet? It's been a few decades since this started."

"I don't know about yours, but my Gothamites are still a bit on edge. They have gotten a bit more protective, though. Star's children were very much not prepared for the consequences of verbally poking at your children."

*laughs demurely or something* "Ah, siblings."

Also:

They find Danny and just go

Ours!!

Hanahaki Speedrun:

Danny comes from a world where hanahaki exists and is very common. Then he moved to the DC universe where hanahaki doesn't exist and nobody has heard of it. Danny falls in love with Bart Allen. He would have taken at least a few more weeks to figure that out if the extreme pain didn't give away that there were suddenly blood blossom seeds in his lungs. He isn't going to survive to the end of the day and he only just fell in love that day. Those feelings are new and he hasn't had time to think about/process/understand how he feels about Bart and he's not going to get time to adjust to these new feelings before he dies. Forcing the seeds out of his system will take away his ability to ever feel any kind of love again, and that would be worse than dying all the way. So He tells his team that the blood blossom seeds in his lungs are going to kill him by the end of the day, but forcing them out of his system will have irreversible affects that will doom him to a fate worse than death and change who he is forever. They're trying to process that they're about to lose their friend/teammate who they've gotten pretty close with in the past few months, and Bart tells Danny that he loves him. He apologizes for making this about his own feelings, but he couldn't bare the regret of losing the boy he's in love with having never told him how he feels. Danny coughs up all the seeds and some blood and he's going to survive. Nobody fully understands what just happened, Danny tells the team that he's not dying anymore but is still in pain from the blood blossom seeds and should get away from them quickly and that he needs a few hours to rest and recover from almost dying and to process what just happened. He gives Bart a kiss on the cheek and leaves to go lay down. Bart cleans up the blood and seeds that Danny coughed up and everyone is very confused, worried, sad, happy, lots of emotions and trying to stop crying. Danny explains what hanahaki disease is and how it works. Everyone needs some time to process that. Danny and Bart go to another room to talk about what this means for them. While they just went through a falling in love, almost dying, and confession speedrun, they should probably take at least a little more time in figuring out their relationship now that Danny's not dying 'cause he still needs to let it fully sink in that he's in love.

Refuge

Danny was not retired, technically he came when people needed him, he helped or protected them as the case may be. It just turned out that over the years they stopped needing him.

And that was fine, it meant humanity could take care of itself, it meant they were safe. That was what had to matter, no matter that deep down, the halfa was hurt by the information.

It was harder to accept change when you weren't part of it. Danny was immortal, eternal, and powerful, things that no longer fit the world. Not with all the heroes and wizards running around, not with Amity Park fading away, becoming nothing more than a part of his memories.

He fit in perfectly in the Realms, sure, but he knew that if he stayed there too long he'd stop feeling human, and that was dangerous.

So, no, Danny wasn't retired. But he lived in a simple house in Metropolis, though sometimes he got tired of Superman being able to hear literally everything and moved to his house in Fawcett. He used to switch between the two houses frequently, not that it was difficult since he had figured out how to make portals.

He had a few friends, like the orphan boy who lived at the train station and Conner, a teenager who sometimes just needed a house to stay in when he couldn't stand his father.

Neither Conner nor Billy minded his age, which was comforting, although they both got curious when he visited the other house. Danny didn't know how to explain that Eternity Rock and Superman made him nervous if he stayed too long (he didn't like feeling watched), so he just shrugged and told them he had two houses.

Neither of the kids understood but they accepted it. They both had a habit of calling him "Uncle", Danny thought it was odd, given that his appearance wasn't exactly...adult, but it seemed they were comfortable with that, and he left them alone.

Apparently his house (occupied or not) had become a haven for them. Danny always greeted them with a sandwich, or cookies, even though he felt like a grandmother doing so. He smiled for the first time in years, feeling happy to fit into someone's life.

That's why it was quite disconcerting to find the Justice League outside his door asking him to join them. Danny chuckled internally, because the current heroes actually believed they could force him into something, but he accompanied them anyway.

Superboy and Captain Marvel scowled at the League as soon as they entered the Watchtower, when they were told they were bringing in a "dangerous individual" they didn't expect to see their unofficial uncle.

Spurred on by an existential crisis, Danny decides he doesn't want to turn into a ghost anymore. By doing this, he also stops properly fulfilling his obsession(s). This naturally causes him to start dying.... again. Only this time it's slower, and as time progresses, will also be more painful.

Frostbite is having none of that and is determined to help the boy, but Danny isn't sticking around long enough for that to happen.

Unrelated, but the bats coincidentally see a teen being chased by some sort of yeti looking creature one night.

Danny, new Ancient of Space (but not quite yet) may be in a little bit of trouble. He saved a dimension from collapse and sort of. Just. Shoved it into a broom closet?

So he was out training, like Clockwork told him to do. He was just observing and trying to "understand the fleeting nature of realities", looking over the dimensions scattered in the Space Between Spaces.

When he got a little attached to one.

It was a dimension with heroes and villains, and because one of the heroes that was based on speed kept making changes to the timeline, it was about to shatter. The fragments of it would be tossed to similar Dimensions, and the surrounding closest ones were already reaching out to grab bits and pieces of it. The one Dimension he really, really liked checking in on would be gone.

Danny...kind of just picked it up.

Removed it from the dimensions trying to absorb it, isolated it from the same flow of time and space that connected it to the others.

Snuck it into his lair.

Annnnnd shoved it into a broom closet before the Observants or Clockwork could realize what he did.

He just needs to keep it hidden and then all the people he likes will be fine!

Meanwhile, the Flash Family find themselves unable to use the Speedforce, and no matter how much research they do, they cannot figure out why.