Who Is Your Dad, Now?

I was worried I wouldn’t get a single bingo, then Ravenclaw was like BOOM 100%. @wolfstsrshipper

Domesticated baby. Like a child but I can bake.

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black- Family Dinner Headcannons

Ridiculously fancy for no reason

Leggit they are just impressing themselves

Regulus quietly asking for the bread ten times but no one hears him

Sirius finally hearing him and throwing a roll at his head

Walburga loses her mind

Sirius tripping Bellatrix as she walks in with a plate of food

Sirius always saves a seat for Andromeda. But he needs to be dramatic about it. He folds a piece of parchment and writes reserved for Andromeda Black in his best cursive before placing it on her chair

Narcissa checking her reflection in the spoons and glasses

Sirius nonchalantly moaning while eating: “Ohhh yesss..yes that is sooo good..ohhh”

The infamous Walburga Black SQUINT (thanks @the-theatre-baby)

Reggie smirking to himself and trying not to laugh

Narcissa and Regulus playing footsies under the table

Andromeda and Sirius kicking each other under the table

Andromeda slamming her heel into Sirius’ foot when he’s acting out

Sirius tucking his napkin into his shirt to use it as a bib

Walburga GLARING at him

Sirius smiling and giving her a little wave

“We need napkins. Or towels-” Sirius: They’re all in Bellatrix’s room

Narcissa trying not to fall asleep

Bellatrix being very aggressive while cutting her meat

Alphard drinking a whole bottle of wine

Oh No! tattoos!

Tall, dark, handsome villain: Join me and I promise to love you and rule beside you forever and a glorious day

YA female protagonist: Never! This *points to some Chad* seventeen-year-old boy who lives next door to me is my soulmate

Me:

O my goodness I’m howling this is hilarious!!

Percy Jackson probably has a tiktok account where he posts extremely weird POVs that are about his life and super specific put a finger down tiktoks. The @ is probably like f_theolympians or ariel_is_my_niece. Something weird like that. Everyone thinks he’s just really creative and he tells them that everything actually happens but no one believes him. His responses to comments are also the best

Comment: wasn’t this kid a suspected terrorist that blew up the gateway arch

Percy: i was 12, karen

Comment: i’m convinced percy thinks the greek gods are real

Percy: convinced? bitch i know they exist because they keep ruining my life :)

Comment: if a 14 year old was actually capable of blowing up mt. saint helens, i would die

Percy: the enterance to the underworld is at doa records in california. tell charon i was the cause of your death

Some of his tiktoks include

POV: your ares the god of war after i beat you at a fight when i was 12 years old

POV: your my dad about to smite me because i stood on your throne on olympus

POV: your the fish watching me and my girlfriend kiss underwater

POV: your my emo cousin taking me to bathe in the river styx so i can fight my old camp counselor that is the host of kronos

POV: your my best friend now girlfriend burning my funeral shroud because I was missing for 2 weeks and presumed dead after I crash my own funeral

Put a finger down if you were turned into a hamster when you were 13 and now at 17 you still crave lettuce from the experience

Put a finger down if you were prophesied to die at 16 but no one told you until days before your 16th birthday

Put a finger down if you ever fell into Tartarus with your girlfriend and while you were down there choked the goddess of misery with her own poison and almost died because you killed dozens of arai that inflicted all the curses people wished upon you

Put a finger down if you were ever kidnapped by Hera and put to sleep for a few months and when you woke up you had amnesia and were then trained by the wolf goddess Lupa who sent you off to a camp without telling you the location so you lived on the streets and stole a police cruiser while being chased by 2 gorgons and slid down a hill into oncoming traffic on a serving tray

Put a finger down if your 6th grade Latin teacher and your best friend lied to you for half of the school year trying to convince you that your pre-algebra teacher never existed despite the fact that your Latin teacher gave you a pen that transformed into a sword to kill your pre-algebra teacher after she turned into a Fury hellbent on killing you making you think that you were going insane only to find out that summer that your the son of Poseidon, your Latin teacher is Chiron the centaur, and your best friend is a satyr

This is your daily reminder to not be ashamed of making your life easy for yourself.

Cut your food into small pieces, make the font size 30 on your e book, use straws to drink, get a pen that’s comfortable to hold, take more naps, walk slowly, eat another cookie, buy velcro shoes, re-watch the part you couldn’t understand the first time, write things on your hands so you don’t forget it… whatever you want and/or need

Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be doing things. We don’t need to prove each other anything

let’s settle this shit but do NOT reblog if you’re gonna be modest about it like a little BITCH. anyway privilege check tell me which ones apply to you: hot, funny, can dance, can do math, can spell, can drive, can cook