Apparently 87% Of People Have Broken 2 Or More Bones In Their Life? I’ve Never Broken A Single One.

Zane: (ends up hitting a wall during a fight) “Oof” as they say in America

Jay: (stopping in said fight)

Jay:

Jay: Who’s America???

Obi-Wan: Anakin, can you do me a favor?

Anakin: I would die for you but go on.

Obi-Wan: We have got to talk about you starting your sentences that way.

LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY “DO NOT INDUCE VOMITING”? THEY AREN’T FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONE’S THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. "Buuut i don’t wanna take them to the hospital!!!" WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOU’D RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOU’RE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!

tell me how you feel about me on anon!

🌞 - i really like your blog! 🌙 - you’re really cute!  ✨ - i love seeing you on my dash! ☄️ - we don’t talk, but i wish we did! ❄️ - you’re my best friend! 🌸 - you’re really sweet! 💫 - you’re super talented! ⭐️ - you have a nice aesthetic!  🌹 - i have a crush on you! 💐 - i wish i could take care of you when you’re sad! 💥 - you seem a little bit intimidating! 🔥 - you need to stop being so hard on yourself! 🍂 - i don’t like you very much! 🌈 - i think i really like you… 

Reblog for adorable jailbird Hageman Brothers on your dash.

my piece de resistance

nick: *sprawled out seductively on the couch* take me jay

gatsby: take you where old sport

the person i reblogged this from is a precious cinnamon roll.

Person on the phone: Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?

Me, handing the phone to my cat: It’s for you

Does anyone remember when the posts were like “if you’re in your twenties you shouldn’t be on Tumblr” but now that everyone who was making those posts is in their twenties they’ve changed to “if you’re over 30 you shouldn’t be on tumblr”