Am I Wet? Am I On My Period? Did I Pee My Pants?- Next On Wtf Is Going On Down There.

I love this to much

#chris evans #in where he is actually steve rogers

Moss Graffiti: A How To Guide

Roadhog: *plays opening chords of Adele’s Hello on the keyboard*

Junkrat: *turns to the camera* G'day…

submitted by libellulesandmariposas

Damn this gonna be good

Project Spindle (TEASER)- Established Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

She’s always known about her powers, but the truth of where they come from could shatter everything.

a.n - teaser for a series i'm working on. i wanted to see how the interest was before posting more chapters! i have 3 ready so far :3

spoiler warning for thunderbolts*

The team filed into the common room of the Tower, their exhaustion hanging heavy in the air. Mission gear was dumped by the door without a second thought—boots kicked off, jackets slung over chairs, weapons clinking as they hit the floor.

Bucky was the first to make a beeline for the kitchen, muttering under his breath, “If someone ate my last yogurt, I’m leaving this team.”

Yelena threw herself onto the couch with a groan, her legs dangling over the armrest. “Relax, grump. No one wants your weird protein yogurt.”

“I do,” Ava added, flopping down beside her. “Just not enough to suffer the guilt trip afterward.”

From behind them, Walker rolled his eyes. “You two ever get tired of being annoying?”

Ava didn’t even turn around. “Do you ever get tired of being so sensitive?”

“I’m just saying—”

“Shh,” Yelena cut in, holding up a hand. “The couch doesn’t argue with background noise.”

Walker scoffed and stalked off toward the kitchen, muttering something about how no one respected proper debriefings.

Alexei wandered in next, already sipping from a bottle that definitely wasn’t water. “Ahh! A successful mission. You know, when I was Red Guardian, we used to fight for forty-eight hours straight. No rest, no drones. Just fists. And grit. And vodka.”

“You also say you once took down a unit during a ballet recital,” Y/N said, curled up on the big bean bag in the corner, a steaming mug cradled in her hands.

Alexei lit up. “Yes! With the ballerina who hid knives in her tutu! A real artist. You should’ve seen the blood on the stage. Beautiful!”

Bob let out a sleepy whine and leaned harder into Y/N’s side, practically glued to her. His arms were loosely wrapped around a pillow, but his head rested against her shoulder like a clingy child.

“You smell like wet socks and smoke,” he murmured, barely audible.

“Accurate,” Y/N replied softly, running her fingers through his hair.

Bucky returned with his precious yogurt, eyeing the scene before settling behind Y/N. He lowered himself to the floor, resting his back against the beanbag and placing a steady hand on her leg.

“You okay?” he asked quietly, just for her.

She gave a tired nod. “Yeah. Just drained. I almost threw Walker into traffic today.”

“I would’ve caught him,” Bucky said, deadpan.

“I know,” she smiled. “That’s why I didn’t.”

Yelena sat up slightly, glancing around. “Hands up if you listened to a single word of Walker’s lecture in the Quinjet.”

Not a single hand went up. Bob groaned. Ava fake slept. Even Alexei raised his bottle in protest.

“There was a lecture?” Bucky said flatly.

“I heard that!” Walker yelled from the kitchen.

Yelena leaned back with a grin. “Then maybe there’s hope for your listening skills after all!”

The room burst into light laughter, warm and easy. Mission chaos faded into background noise. This was their peace: bruised knuckles, aching muscles, found family—and a whole lot of sarcasm.

Before the conversation could settle, Bucky’s phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen, then answered the call, but his eyes stayed on Y/N as he listened.

“Yeah,” he said into the phone, voice growing quieter. “She’s here. One sec.”

He held the phone out to her. “It’s Sam. He found something... about Hydra. Related to you.”

She blinked, surprised. “Me?”

“Yeah. He said it’s important.”

Y/N took the phone with a puzzled frown and got up, Bob whining softly at her absence. She padded down the hall and slipped into one of the empty private rooms, closing the door behind her.

“Hey, Sam?”

“Hey,” came his voice. “Didn’t want to text this, but Torres and I found something. Something big.”

“Okay…” she said slowly, sitting on the edge of a desk.

Joaquin’s voice joined the call. “We were going through old Hydra files—stuff that SHIELD never decrypted.”

“And?”

“We found you,” Sam said. “In the records. Before the Maximoffs.”

She went very still. “What?”

“You weren’t just another Hydra experiment,” Sam said. “You were the first step. The origin test for what created Wanda’s powers.”

------

a.n - hih! thanks for reading the teaser :3 let me know if you want more!

REBLOG: go to your blog and click the egg to see what hatches

Tom Holland is too pure. We don’t deserve him at all

Tony: Alright, can we just address the elephant in the room here? I know, this is weird. Mistakes were made…

Steve: By you.

Tony: …And people got hurt…

Steve: By you.

Bridging Boroughs

Pairing: Congressman!Bucky x Bartender!Reader with a past. Platonic!Matt Murdock

Summary: You and Matt come up with a plan to take on Kingpin politically.

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Spoilers for DD:BA episode 8, (but works if you're not watching). Probably misunderstandings of the US political system.

------------

Matt groans as he wakes up. He feels like he got punched in the chest by a truck.

He tries to take in his surroundings - it’s hard over the beeping of the machines, but under the stillness of night he realises someone is sitting beside his hospital bed.

“Heather?” He croaks.

“Nope,” comes the unapologetic answer. He recognises that voice, but hasn’t heard it in a while. Matt frowns - is he wrong?

The pressure of booted feet landing on his bed, one ankle crossing over the other as his guest casually stretches out her legs gives him a better idea who his visitor is. He tries another name.

“You got it," you confirm. Matt can hear the mirthless smile in your voice. “Glad to hear we’re not complete strangers, even if I never would have guessed you’d throw yourself in front of a bullet aimed at the Kingpin.”

“I wasn’t-” Matt’s protestations are cut off by a tightness in his chest and he coughs, wincing at the pain, “I wasn’t trying to protect him.”

Your feet leave the bed as you press a plastic cup of water against the back of his hand. Matt takes it as silently as it's offered, a few sips doing little to soothe the roughness of his throat.

“What are you doing here anyway?” He asks, reluctantly letting you take the glass from him when the wires tangled around him stop him reaching the sidetable himself.

“Well, that’s rude.” Your tone is more amused than offended.

“I mean it. I haven’t seen you since-” his voice dies in his throat.

“Since the funeral.” You finish for him, voice softer, “But I keep up to date. You’re all over the news. Thought it would be polite to visit an old friend in hospital.”

“We’re barely friends,” there’s a bitterness to Matt’s tone, more from regret than animosity. It’s been a long time since you were close, “And I’m pretty sure visiting hours were over a long time ago.”

“I make my own hours, you know that. And I said old friend.” You pause, continuing when his only objection is an irritated sigh. “Plus I saw a mutual acquaintance of ours recently - he was worried about you.”

Matt’s mouth sets in a hard line. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Forgive me if I’m not convinced,” your eyes scan over his damaged body, the tubes and machines keeping him alive, “And honestly, when Frank Castle is concerned about your mental health, something’s gotta be pretty wrong.”

“So you’re still in touch with Frank. And you think I’m the one who’s in trouble.”

“I drop in on him now and then, make sure he’s not dead. I don’t charge in on him like a madman with a deathwish.”

Matt grimaces.

“So come on, Matt. I’ve seen the other news about you too. The other you. What’s going on?”

In the absence of anyone else to talk to who won’t judge him, Matt reluctantly opens up.

Time passes, and as the sun threatens to break over the horizon, you both sink into thoughtful silence.

"Did you ever think that maybe you need to meet Fisk on his level?” You ask.

“I’d never do what he does,” Matt spits emphatically, “That’s the difference between us-”

“That was the difference between you. The difference now is that he’s the one who’s gone ‘legit’. Officially, at least.”

Matt opens his mouth to object, but you talk over him. “You not changing the city as a lawyer is nothing new. I thought you'd resigned yourself to that after - after Foggy. But Fisk isn’t fighting in the dark any more; you’ve lost your advantage.”

“So what, are you saying I should run for Mayor?”

“God, no. But we need to look in that direction. Maybe someone else, someone who’s pro-enhanced p-”

“Wait,” Matt bolts upright, ignoring the pain that slices through him, “There is someone. We could at least ask for help, while I’m stuck here.”

“Oh, so there’s a ‘we’ now?”

Matt grins, “How familiar are you with Brooklyn?”

—

Getting inside the Congressman’s office is easy for you, even in broad daylight. Plenty of people filing in and about, milling around - and you know how to go unnoticed. The bustling space is a much more casual, open place than you'd expected.

Getting access to him directly is more of a challenge.

After holding a store room door open for a smiling volunteer, you duck inside. Spotting a pile of discarded t-shirts from the recent campaign, you grab one and quickly swap it for your own plain top, before adding the casual blazer you'd worn to look appropriately professional on top of it. No need to be too obvious.

You'd spied his private office on your first loop around the floor, and now you make your way indirectly towards it. One well-placed slippery flyer in the path of a rushing intern later, and the woman stationed at the desk outside his door is running to the bathroom to try and soak the hot coffee out of her shirt.

Smiling benignly, you slip unseen into the Congressman’s office. The man you're looking for has his back to the door, standing behind a desk leafing through a file.

You have a moment to admire his broad back, the white shirt straining over strong shoulders, tapering down where it tucks into dark pants over narrow hips.

Forcing your eyes away from where they’ve drifted down, you've barely taken two steps into the room before he speaks.

“Are you one of those people who breaks in to try and sell me extra security?”

You stop abruptly - he hasn’t even turned around.

“No,” you answer casually, continuing to approach, “But maybe I should be, that sounds like a fun job. Do you think it pays well?”

“No idea,” finally Congressman Barnes turns to face you, dropping his papers onto the desk between you.

You let your gaze linger over his torso. He must get those shirts custom made, you think, so they're snug over his flat stomach without bursting the buttons over his chest.

Barnes crosses his arms, and the motion reminds you to look at his face, where he’s quirking an eyebrow at you, unflustered and unamused.

“So what are you doing breaking into my office?”

“Breaking in?” You try to sound offended, “I just wanted to meet the person I’ve been door knocking for-”

“You’re not one of the volunteers,” he interrupts cooly, “And you’re definitely not on the payroll. So now you need to explain why you’re lying as well as breaking in.”

“What, you know every single person who works for you?”

“Yes.”

There’s a beat while you recalculate your approach, then take the last few steps towards him, smiling broadly and holding out your hand, “I just wanted to say hi, have a quick chat.”

Instead of answering or shaking your hand, Barnes narrows his eyes suspiciously at you.

“And there was no breaking anything, so it wasn’t breaking in,” you grumble, lowering your hand.

“I’m still not hearing an explanation.”

“Okay,” you sigh, presumptuously dropping into one of the chairs in front of his desk, “I’ve come to ask what you’re planning to do about Mayor Fisk.”

Bucky’s neutral facade cracks in surprise. “What I'm planning to do about Mayor Fisk?” he repeats.

“His crusade against ‘vigilantes’,” you put air quotes around the loaded term, “His so-called taskforce are breaking every law they come up against to wipe out anyone they decide is suspicious, including everyone with enhanced abilities they can get their hands on. You were elected on a platform of protecting those same people, right? You can’t just do nothing.”

“I ran on more than one issue,” Bucky says, sitting down opposite you, “And Mayor Fisk was also elected by the people - and even if it wasn’t a key part of his campaign, as I understand it his opposition to vigilantes wasn’t exactly a secret.”

“That’s no excuse to just roll over and let him do what he wants!”

Bucky frowns. “No, it’s not,” he muses, “But so far his taskforce have restricted themselves to Manhattan. Unless they cross into Brooklyn, there’s not much I can do about it.”

You're visibly unimpressed at his answer, crossing your arms and glaring at him in place of a response.

After a moment of thought, Bucky’s gaze intensifies, and he leans towards you across the desk, “Do you have a - vested interest - in this?”

Fighting to keep your heart rate steady, you answer him honestly, “I’m here on behalf of a friend. And everyone else who feels hopeless about what the Kingpin is doing to our city. Everyone else who wants to fix it.”

Bucky studies you silently. Your answer was true - and you have no intention of sharing more than you need to about your history, or those nights when it bleeds into your present. Even Fisk never knew about you, and with Karen in California, Matt and Frank are the only people left in the city who have any idea what you've done, and neither of them know you've not given it up as thoroughly as you suggest.

"This friend," Bucky starts, clearly not believing you, "they didn't want to speak to me themselves?"

"They're in hospital." Your answer is more vehement than you intended, and you hope you've not given too much away.

Barnes sits back with a sigh, “Okay. I’ll talk to my team about it. We’ve been considering putting out a statement; a citizen complaint is a good enough reason to push that through. And I’ll look into what else we can do. Encourage an investigation into the taskforce, or some kind of oversight requirements. Legal protections for enhanced people with no record of vigilantism.”

It’s less than you wanted, but more than you'd hoped for from a politician. “Sounds like an okay start,” you allow.

An amused smile flickers across Bucky’s face as he stands up, dismissing you. You mirror him.

“Are you a Brooklyn resident?” He asks.

“Not exactly.”

“That’s a no.”

“Compassion doesn’t stop at the East River,” you retort, and Bucky’s smile widens.

“I agree. And I give you my word that I’ll do everything I can to rein Fisk in and keep innocent people safe, inside my jurisdiction and out.” He holds his hand out to you.

“Good,” you answer begrudgingly, grasping his hand firmly, “I’m holding you to that.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” he squeezes back, “And your friend - if it’s dangerous for them in Manhattan, there’s a safe place for them this side of the river. Always. If Fisk’s taskforce follows - well, there might be more I can do.”

“Good to know. And if you ever want to update me on your progress - save me trekking all the way out here again - I work at a bar in Hell’s Kitchen,” You give him the name as you turn to leave. “If you make good on your promise, I might even buy you a drink.”

Bucky smiles. It’s an appealing offer. “I’ll keep that in mind. Wait,” he nods to your shirt, where Vote Barnes for the 9th District is emblazoned across your chest, “Did you pay for that?”

Rolling your eyes, you slip your jacket from your shoulders, Bucky’s eyes following the smooth motion, “I was going to give it back,” you lie.

“Don’t.” he stops you, a quick twitch at the corner of his lips, “You can keep it. Looks good on you.”

You smile languidly as you pull the jacket back on.

“Thanks, Congressman,” you reach for the door handle, adding over your shoulder, “I’ve been looking for something to wear in bed.”

Once his door has swung shut behind you Bucky lets out a long breath, rubbing his right hand over his face as he sinks into his chair.

He could have handled that more professionally, but something in your fearless attitude and sly smile had intrigued him - and the reason for your questionable visit was smart, principled - and ballsy.

He’ll definitely be stopping by that bar in Hell’s Kitchen.

tony after he gets back to earth and attends peters funeral

tony, stroking the closed casket: this bitch empty

tony:

tony: *wipes a tear* yeet

Thank you @qualidyke