Amen

hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

sorry systems are so funny. *turns you into 7 smaller people to fix your problems * (all 7 people refuse to work on their problems) 

Who wants to see the ladders professor go higher!

absolutely encouraging start to the osha training

[I'm genderless. I'm full of gender. I'm a malewife. I'm a biblically accurate angel. I'm a pop idol. I'm the fourth incarnation of god. I'm a convicted criminal. I can never die.]

before you stab someone: THINK!

how can you make it Tender?

how can you make it Homoerotic?

how can you make it Implicitly intimate?

how can you make it Noticeably a metaphor for sex?

how can you make it Kind of gay?

What tea do you prefer?

Tea? Earl Grey, hot

This is the funniest tweet I’ve ever seen.