Take Away My Feelings

“And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”

— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

It was just a love, a hopeless romantic, who wasn’t meant to be.

You were my last hope

And now there’s no way to cope.

I’m getting too low,

don’t want to take more.

This makes no sense,

As we’re just friends,

I might need new lens

as I don’t see through this mess.

Excited for what?

Disappointment

Or love?

Not if it was real…

More like a thrill.

This is all so fake

Like the thought

Of living in peace

But still

I hope for something

That will never be clear.

Isn’t it obvious?

Aren’t you self-conscious?

Drowning in idealism

But need more realism.

I’m happy now

So happy I could cry

Or laugh

Smiling alone at my room

Seeing everything in pink

You know

With those rose tinted glasses.

I’m delighted

Relieved.

Should stay that way.

But there is something

When I close my eyes

You still haunt me.

I really should not think about it

There is someone special who makes me happy

So what do you want from me?

Why can’t you leave me the way you did in April?

That went totally easily

Not for me

For you especially.

I won’t beg you to go away

But keep in mind

What you left is pain.

When I stargaze you pop up in my mind

Again after every damage

I wish I could erase you

I don’t need you

Neither do you

All in all

Just let me be

Don’t come up in my dreams

Leave my memories clean

Push yourself away.

And finally

Let me live.

Still alive and finally happy.

Well, I just need to accept the fact that everyone’s disappointed in me, my best friend, my parents… And the one person I truly have feelings for doesn’t need me either. I just want to disappear.

Gondolatok

Gondok

Melyeket papírra vetve

Ki nem mondok.

Unatkozok

Írok

De legalább most

Nem sírok.

Talán a kiégés szélén

Vagy csak a kíváncsiság

Révén

Néha kicsit félénk.

Nem tudom

Soha nem is fogom

Csak sodródom

És elfogadom.

you’re so pretty yet so unaware of it