For Some Reason Middle Aged Comic Fans Coming On The Internet To Defend Their Decision As To Why They

it's funny to me that the entry level requirement for being a good captain america is that you have to be in love with Bucky Barnes and that's why john walker was a shit one

Deadpool: Logan, you’re like a fine wine. Logan: …Aged well? Deadpool: No, you make people violent, you smell like regret, and I have to fight the urge to chug you at 3 AM.

Steve was supposed to be Santa for the Stark Industries families Christmas party. He volunteered, does every year, and honestly, it just makes sense for Captain fucking America to be Santa.

This year, however, shit happened and Steve got called off on a mission last minute. Bucky, ever the Saint (in Steve’s and… no one else’s opinion. Maybe one other persons opinion) said he’d fill in. Their measurements are roughly close enough for him to fit the suit.

Tony wasn’t thrilled about the development, but, well, he was in a bind and Bucky was wiling and able and he had it on good authority from Sam that the centennial was, shockingly, really good with kids, actually.

Of corse, because Bucky’s life is a fucking joke, Peter had volunteered to be Steve’s elf like he did the last few years, too. His naturally delightful disposition and lean, short, stature just made it make sense. And Peter was just a sweetheart like that.

Of corse, for Bucky this was an incredibly amusing turn of events.

“Oh my god. You look ridiculous. You’re my elf?”

“I’m Steve’s elf. And you’re one to talk.”

Peter tried not to snicker at Bucky’s appearance.

“What, this isn’t doing it for you?”.

Fake white beard, coke bottle glasses, fat red suit. “I’ve never been more turned on in my life” he deadpanned.

“And here I said we’d never try role play”.

“Bucky!” Peter hissed.

“Okay doll, okay, I’ll be good, I’ll be good.”

“Good. Dont want to get yourself on your own naughty list this close to Christmas, do you?”

“Peter. we are both Jewish.” Bucky chuckled.

“Okay. Let me rephrase. You don’t want to be on my naughty list.”

“Well, that depends on what my punishment will be” Bucky purred.

“Okay you are without question the world’s horniest Santa. Let’s go. We’re gonna be late.”

“You’ve got it doll”.

Later that night, no one is surprised by the photo Clint sends the group chat of one Santa kissing one of his elves with a beer bottle in his hand.

Couldn’t have changed first? How the fuck am I explaining this to my kids?

This is like the fucked up gay version of i saw mommy kissing Santa Claus Sam teased

why were your kids still at the party at 2 am? Came buckys quick response.

Fair enough. Dare I ask why you’re still up at 4 am if you and Peter left at 3?

‘🤐’ was Peter’s answer before taking Bucky’s phone out of hand, and demanding he come back to bed.

i just wish the frightening ghoul would say something. for once. the silence is more disconcerting than anything it might say

"I'm in my late 20s and I'm scared I've already peaked" just don't peak then, idiot. what do you mean like you're going to just stop trying to think harder and build taller and learn more and get luckier and read deeper and dress better and fuck weirder and run faster and draw crazier and smoke danker and dance bigger and steal better and stun everyone with your cunty charm and zeal because, what, you think those are the rules? get real. get up. you have another 50 years and you're not going to use them??? give them to me.

‘aight, mate, we’re done! Looking like a proper little punk now, eh?

A message from Justin, a 62 year old trans man