Hey You All Know About That Fungus That Possesses Ants To Make Them Climb On The Tip Of Grass Blades

In a universe where Damian was raised by Bruce since birth and never was told his siblings were adopted

Damian, age 12 helping unpacking things at Dicks new apartment: whos that?

Dick: Who?

Damian: That guy in the photo with you

Dick:

Dick: you mean- my dad? I never showed my parents to you?

Damian: there is no way thats our dad

Dick: our? Damian you- you know I’m adopted right?

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: we are all adopted, Damian.

Damian:

Damian: Even Cass?

Dick: you were there at her adoption.

Damian: I’m twelve! Probably didn’t payed attention to it.

Dick: you never asked yourself why do we don’t call Bruce ‘dad’?

Damian: I thought it was some petty teenager thing!

Dick: I’M 26!

Damian:

Damian: is Tim adopted?

Dick: yes?

Damian: knew it.

My actual reaction to this post.

I haven't watched the episode, didn't even know there were new episodes releasing these days, then a celebratory clip appears on my feed and this was literally my reaction

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The story of the Australian white ibis is hysterical in many ways.

These birds are native to Australia, yes, but they're not technically native to the cities. Or, well, kinda?

So, Australian ibises typically lived in inland wetland areas. Australia, however, is a dry-ass continent, and the swamps aren't always wet, so whenever there's a dry spell and the swamps dry up and the food dwindles, the ibis colonies will migrate to the coast for food. I suppose when their presence caused enough competition with existing coastal birds they'd fly back inland and hopefully the wetlands would be wet again.

Enter the Europeans - the ibis didn't have much contact with the white man for a hundred years or so, wetlands were too annoying to actively clear, so the white man mostly stayed out and the ibis generally doesn't leave while there's food. Or maybe they did, and the white man towns were too tiny to register for them and they just did their usual thing.

Come the 1970s, severe drought conditions once again led to ibises to flee the wetlands (and the wetlands were probably extra hurt and extra unable to recover due to water diversion for agriculture).

They went for the coasts, and there, due to the absolutely boom in Australian urban sprawl, they found....

Huh. That's new. But was there food?

The answer was yes there was, and not only that, it was almost like the food set out specifically for them!

I am of course talking about bins.

Bins have a couple of nifty features if you're an ibis. One, they contain food scraps, especially protein scraps. Two, the openings tend to be fairly far off the ground, so rats and other flightless creatures can't get to the food (the cockroaches can, which is a plus for the ibis because they eat bugs!)

Two, the bottoms are low, and ibises are wading birds so they have long legs and long beaks. Seagulls, crows and pigeons all have to wait for the bin to be fairly full - ibises can get in there at half full!

And three, natural environment for the ibis is diving into a fetid stagnant swamp with nasty bacteria to eat wriggling things. Their beaks and heads are specially adapted for that - they're bald, and the skin is specially adapted for diving into gross places. Their beaks are sharp and dextrous, so they can open packaging or simply pierce it to get at the tasty, tasty leftover fried chicken or whatever. And if the chicken's already got maggots? Fantastic, they love eating bugs.

So they don't wanna go back. Why the hell would they go back? And with every new drought, even more ibis leave the drying wetlands, find the cities, and decide to stay.

I mean, there's probably a selection effect - the birds that are scared of humans eventually return to their home wetlands, but the ones that aren't decide they're just gonna start nesting in the urban parks. Wetlands are also getting drier and drier (water use issues) so the wetland populations are crashing while the urban populations are exploding.

I think, the bin chicken has to be a symbol of luck. It is so insane to me that the human-designed environment ended up being an ibis paradise, where we've systematically murdered all their enemies and established abundant self-replenishing food sources that they and only them can access.

May you be as lucky as the Australian white ibis. May you leave your normal life for foreign shores and face not the expected adversity, but instead abundance and safety beyond your wildest dreams.

The comment about understanding kings was golden

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Hi I just wanted to say that for Danny in the strike Au in the scene where you say that they find a pile of strikes clothes and Phantom right there, I would say that everyone would think they were dating possibly.

Like clearly the tracker wasn't on for too long like it was accidentally turned on and then immediately turned off again. So when they burst into the scene thinking kidnapping however they find piles of clothes and Phantom right there....

The assumption would form...

And I don't know how Danny in this a you would react, however he is a commit to the bit type of person from what I've come to understand AU so I think he would go with it to be honest.

Just wanted to share my thoughts with you cuz I love your au!

That is a funny dilemma and I fully see the angle you're getting at, esp with the some of the fun ideas I've seen floating around regarding mistaken identity. In another universe were the AU is more light hearted, I can totally see him playing along with the idea of dating himself to get the bats off of his back.

However, I am a mean person and much like any character in canon or au, oc or not, I like them to suffer and not get what they want or need. I do no like romance, even jokingly; that ghost boy will be hurt by someone trying to kill him. He's going to think he deserves it, maybe he does. Also I really need to redraw that piece if I ever have the time. I need to make it worse.

Summary: Dick Grayson becomes once again a traumatized volatile murderous eight year old, and the only thing more surprising is how adept Bruce is at handling him.

Author: froot__loopity

Note from submitter: Insofar as I'm concerned this is canon for me. I love this interpretation of Dick, and how Robin happened. Because in a world with superheroes, and vigilantes, this give a fairly reasonable justification for Robin happening in the first. Obviously, with certain suspension of real world morals and such, but regardless, this is well written and something I use for my own headcanon.

war never changes