Alfred Has A Relative???

I think it's funny if Vlad absolutely refuses to use actual swear words, regardless of the company or situation he's in. So when the day comes, when he introduces Danny as his "piece of shit nephew" to someone at a casual business event, the entire room goes silent in pure fear of what exactly Daniel Fenton has done to deserve that title...

all of tumblr: we fucking hate bots

also tumblr:

war never changes

) <- super parenthesis. reblog to close all parentheticals you opened and forgot to close in your life and return to equilibrium

The last pannel is sending me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

super secret special mission!!

(want a chance to get a comic or illustration by me? I'm doing prizes for a charity raffle for @fandomsforpali, more info here!!)

In a universe where Damian was raised by Bruce since birth and never was told his siblings were adopted

Damian, age 12 helping unpacking things at Dicks new apartment: whos that?

Dick: Who?

Damian: That guy in the photo with you

Dick:

Dick: you mean- my dad? I never showed my parents to you?

Damian: there is no way thats our dad

Dick: our? Damian you- you know I’m adopted right?

Damian:

Dick:

Dick: we are all adopted, Damian.

Damian:

Damian: Even Cass?

Dick: you were there at her adoption.

Damian: I’m twelve! Probably didn’t payed attention to it.

Dick: you never asked yourself why do we don’t call Bruce ‘dad’?

Damian: I thought it was some petty teenager thing!

Dick: I’M 26!

Damian:

Damian: is Tim adopted?

Dick: yes?

Damian: knew it.

thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.

Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:

Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)

weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)

scars

FRESH scars

the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42

Olympic athlete level physiques

rotator cuff injuries across the whole family

scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes

old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)

Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)

every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints

calluses

no really, the weirdest fucking calluses

I asked my alexa to play Hamilton on Spotify... instead of Hamilton it's now playing epic the musical.

The Justice League is facing down a god of Weather they've never heard of, and they need to summon the Ghost King. They expect Constantine to be nervous, or even perhaps a little afraid. They don't expect him to start laughing hysterically and drawing a sigil on the floor with lipstick he had in his pocket.

"Constan...tine?" Flash asks, looking concerned.

Zatanna just sighs and walks away, clearly knowing what's going on and wanting nothing to do with it.

"He can't run away from me now!" Constantine says, aggressively finishing the summoning circle and slamming his hands down to activate it.

"Oi! C'mere, you little shit! There's no getting away this time! Some big ugly bloke who controls weather is causing trouble, and I'd say that's one of the things you can't ignore!"

The summoning sigil glows. It seems...sluggish.

Then is speeds up, and a teenager wearing a NASA hoodie rises out of it, holding a burger in one hand and wearing a tired glare on his face.

"Fine. I'll go get him. Can you stop being weird about this?"

"Weird? Nawr, I'm not weird. But you are gonna need to do a debrief, before you leave. Which means coming up here." The 'where I'll be waiting' is unsaid, but very clear.

The Ghost King looks disgusted before disappearing, presumably to deal with the Weather God.

No one says anything, but everyone stares at Constantine.

"What-?"

"That's his lovers' son, and he's been trying to win him over for months." Zatanna drones, coming back with a sandwich.

"That...I mean. People don't usually call their stepkids 'little shit'." Superman says, looking both uncomfortable and a little nervous.

"Well most people's unofficial stepkids don't deliberately cockblock them by opening a portal to the Infinite Realms beneath their feet, now do they?"

Or; Constantine was sent to investigate Amity Park and apprehend the criminals Jack and Maddie Fenton. He failed steps 1-6 and fucked them instead. Except their son is the Ghost King, and in response to Constantine showing up again and again, he decided to start tossing the Hellblazer into the Infinite Realms every time the man tried to get nasty with the kid's parents. He's also been avoiding Constantine like the plague, deliberately not answering any calls from the man and leaving to a different dimension whenever Constantine tries to talk it out. Now, though. Now John's been given a chance to summon the little shit and try to sit his ass down for a long overdue conversation about boundaries and the fact that he doesn't get to decide who his parents fuck. And yes, the lipstick in his pocket was Maddies.