NO MΛN’S SKY → 3/??

Obsessed with this thing look at how pathetic and resigned to its fate it is. Get sandwiched.

BABYYYYYY JUST UNMUTE GOD

me fending off fruit flies in the kitchen while i’m making a sandwich

voltage is just how badly the electricity wants to be your friend

im reading about cowboy phrases and sayings and like 95% of them are just solid life advice

furry species ranked by how difficult it'd be to take them anywhere

TIL of a colony of ants with no queen, no males and no offspring, comprised entirely of non-reproductive females, that live in a disused nuclear bunker in Poland. The colony is supplemented by ants falling through holes in the ventilation which cannot escape.

via reddit.com

Commercial I would produce as an advertising executive:

We are treated to a succession of interviews with several different billionaires concerning their plans for the future.

"Humanity's destiny is in the stars," says the cool, young social media entrepreneur. "My new company will build a Mars colony in the next twenty years, and from there? The galaxy. The universe!"

"My next project is to render the human body obsolete," says the rideshare app CEO. "The mind-machine interface is no longer science fiction, it's reality. Soon, we will upload our minds to the cloud and live in virtual reality. Or as I call it, paradise!"

"We have forgotten God, and the traditional family values He has set out for us," says the aging, old-money oil man. "But my political contributions and policy think tanks will bring about an end to this age of sin and decadence!"

"Climate change is far from inevitable," says the real-estate mogul. "With my investments in green energy, we are only a technological breakthrough or two away from ending and reversing global climate change. As far as I'm concerned, the world has already been saved!"

Now we get to see how their plans turn out. A space ship drifts through oblivion and inside, all the lights are off. The social media entrepreneur is in his space suit, his lifeless eyes staring out into the void. It turns out his rocket ship was about as reliable as his electric cars.

Then we see the rideshare CEO. Or rather, his virtual avatar. He sits in the lotus position, meditating before a peaceful, pixelated field of grass. His eyes snap open. And then, he shrieks in agony. Back in the real world, his brain is in a jar, crisscrossed with wires and electrodes, suspended in fluid that is beginning to boil. The lab is on fire. Let's hope they fix this little glitch in the next patch.

The old-money oil man is long dead, of course, but his great-great-grandson lives on. We see him in the crumbling ruins of the Vatican, ritualistically sacrificing a lamb on a great pyre before the shit-smeared remains of the Pope's golden throne to the cheers of his tribe. An orgy breaks out to celebrate the occasion and we see the oil billionaire's progeny swallow a mouthful of the moon priestess' urine. "Thank you, daddy," he says, wiping his mouth. Now that's what I call "family values".

Finally, we see a field of shattered solar panels beneath a red sun, like so many broken windows in the sand in every direction as far as the eye can see. This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here. What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us.

Sometimes, things just don't go the way you planned. When that happens, State Farm Insurance has you covered.

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