Lonely Eyes

I screwed up. I cheated on him. I still love him and give to be with him. He helped me so much. But I cant take back what I did. I wish i could but i cant and i cant make it up to him.

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

— Charles Bukowski

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What October Means to Me

October is gray skies and early afternoons. Walls of fog that roll past my window early in the morning. Walking outside in the early evening and looking at the different colors of leaves on the trees, the scattered red and orange leaves that mark driveways and sidewalks. Seeing scarecrows and pumpkins out on porches that grin at me when I pass them by. Driving out to the pumpkin patch for apple cider donuts and a hayride that leads to golden apples that grow on trees and pumpkins looking for a new home. It means coming home after school to a Halloween movie marathon when the house smells like pumpkin bread and cinnamon and all things safe. Lighting an orange candle that smells like apple pie and drinking hot cbocolate as I sit on the couch wearing my favorite sweater. It means that smell in the air that drifts through my open windows that smells crisp and how autumn should smell. Listening to Bon Iver on my record player as the rain falls softly outside and journaling and making collages. Drinking endless cups of tea and watching Hocus Pocus nearly every night. Rereading my favorite books about vampires and werewolves and witches. It means feeling contented and happy and hopeful that my favorite month and my favorite season have officially arrived.

“I’ve done other films with violence in them, but I must say I’ve never done anything where I felt the violence was as justified as it is in this…This is justice.”

- Brandon Lee on The Crow (1994) dir. Alex Proyas

“You deserve more. You deserve to be a priority and not just a convenience. You deserve to be listened to and appreciated. You deserved to be loved by someone who sees your integrity, passion and drive and not just your body. You deserve to be taken on dates and not simply invited over to watch movies because we all know that never ends well. You deserve to be called beautiful or handsome whether you look your best or whether you haven't showered in three days. You deserve someone who will answer the phone when you call at noon during your lunch break and not just someone who will call you in the middle of the night looking for attention. You deserve someone who is accepting of who you are, who doesn't try to change you and who loves you just the way you came.”