Meow Meow Meow

Let's talk about Gaz.

A 1k character study of our favorite sergeant. Based off of this paragraph from this post:

At this handsome sergeant, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, trying to follow in his captain's footsteps, but the steps are so large he scrambles behind, always feeling like he’s never going to catch up.

~~~~

Kyle knew who he wanted to be from an early age. He was smart—always able to see where the chips would fall in any situation. That combined with his looks meant he was able to control most situations with ease. If something was going to go tits up he could either mitigate it before hand or minimize the repercussions afterwards.

So when you met him, he very much seemed to have it all together.

He was all charming smiles and endless competence. At ease in any social setting—even a military award dinner.

You weren't sure how you ended up here—the military being dreadfully low on the list of things you had respect for—but it was an open bar and free dinner so you would try and hold back your complaining and critique.

You'd just settled into your seat when the one next to you was taken, a handsome man introducing himself as Kyle turned to you as soon as he sat down and the rest was history.

It was a matter of days before your first date and weeks before you decided you would be in a relationship, your dragging feet endlessly frustrating to him. He knew what he wanted (you) and he knew when (already) but he was understanding about your reservations.

Military men didn't have a good track record with their partners between abuse, cheating, and not being present. So as much as you wanted to fall headfirst into his everything you took your time.

It made it sweeter when you eventually moved in together.

The first time he broke down you didn't see it happen, only the aftermath. His eyes were red as if he had pressed his palms firmly against the sockets and twisted and his lip was swollen like he had been chewing on it, trying to keep quiet.

He didn't want to share when you asked—pried even but nobody said you were perfect—so you eventually left it alone, doing your best to show support however you could. If his favorite dinner made it's way to the table that night no one commented on it.

The next day was worse though.

Your partner was always level headed, not taking things to heart and keeping an affable disposition even when things got rough. So to have him snap at you, even if he immediately apologized sent up a warning flare in your mind.

It took time but you were able to wear him down and pulled him in for a conversation. Something was clearly going on if the look on his face was any indication.

Shuffling him onto the couch, you crawled over him and laid on top to pin him down, keeping him in place but also providing a comforting pressure for him to relax into. His arms wrapped around you to squeeze you tightly, almost like a life-sized stuffie.

What followed was a confession about an incident during his last op. Choices were made which ended up being the wrong ones and it was because of him.

"Luckily the captain was there, so no one died, but they would've, dove. If they had listened to me they would be dead and it would be all my fault."

Listening to the abbreviated version of the dressing down he received from Price made your own toes curl, secondhand shame flooding your veins. It made so much sense why he had been feeling the way he was.

Kyle looked up to Price more than anyone realized. Yes, he was his captain but he was also a father figure and a friend in several ways. To hear of him being stripped up one side and down the other made your heart hurt for him.

You didn't call attention to the fact that his voice broke or that the top of your head felt suspiciously damp where he had pressed his face to you. You were there to listen and provide any comfort you could.

You knew how he tried. You'd watched him stay up late prepping for missions before. Watched him go over paperwork he probably shouldn't have had deep into the evening hours, reading and memorizing and making plans. He would always follow Price but some day his captain wasn't going to be there anymore and it would all fall on him. He had to be prepared.

So why do I always seem to mess it up?

You didn't have an answer for that. You could try the platitudes—you're only human, everyone makes mistakes, everything turned out okay in the end—but they wouldn't do him much good and you knew that. All you could do was be there for him as he cried into your hair, holding him as tightly as you could while you reassured him everything was going to be okay, that you were there.

That night you made a call to a number that had been in your phone since nearly the beginning. Another number to call if something happened and you weren't able to reach him. It wasn't one you had had to call before.

The next evening you were putting the finishing touches on dinner when there was a knock at the front door.

Captain? You heard him question in surprise but were too far away to hear the response, just a low rumble echoing back. Moving the food to the table you called out that dinner was ready and to come sit down.

You got a heavyhearted smile from John and a questioning frown from Kyle as they both took their seats, digging into the meal with gusto regardless of any underlying emotions. They could be handled later, when there wasn't a hot meal sitting before them. Priorities after all.

The conversations over dinner were light, inconsequential things that didn't have any emotional depth to them. You were all too pleased to excuse yourself to the bedroom once dinner was done, leaving the two men to clean up the kitchen.

You knew from experience that having something to do with your hands when having emotional conversations made things significantly easier so you left them to it.

It was some time later that John came and said goodbye before he headed out, laying a heavy hand on your shoulder in thanks before stepping away. The flat was quiet after he left, as if he had taken a weight with him and now it was time to breathe.

Kyle turned off the lights and shuffled you into bed, curling around you and holding you to his chest. He was quiet for a long time before he finally whispered.

Thank you, love.

Read Simon's drabble here

Enjoy

You Say Goodbye to Soap (18+)

Pairing: Simon Riley/Fem Reader/Johnny MacTavish Content warnings: Verbal child abuse, she/her reader Word Count: 3.5k

Service Dog Johnny Part 19 (full part list here)

Simon doesn’t do crowds. 

Well, he does them, he’s just on pins and needles the whole time. He turns into something granite and hyper-aware, covered as much as he can be with a medical mask and long sleeves, so you try not to force him through it too often. Sometimes though, there’s a good reason for suffering.

“Fuck you,” Johnny mutters, arms crossed while you both watch your boyfriend seamlessly plink through targets, with that mini rifle tucked tight into his shoulder. “Right prick.”

“Eight out of ten is still really good,” you remind him. Johnny only missed the first two targets, and that’s understandable considering the carnival air guns can’t possibly be accurate.

“Used my go to sight the weapon, is what he did. I’m goin’ again.”

You’re not entirely sure that it’s possible to aim a gun just by watching someone else shoot it, but then again, Simon is finishing up the last target right now, dead center.

“C’mere, you.” Your man motions you over with a jerk of his head, handing the pea shooter back to the bored worker. 

Simon watches your face as you hurry over to him, as if your delighted smile is all he wanted in the first place. You quickly scan the prize options as his hand settles against the curve of your lower back. Unicorn… cat… sloth… raccoon… teddy bear. 

You choose the pillow-sized raccoon because it’s fluffy, and it reminds you of Simon before he washes off his eyeblack. 

“Thanks,” you chirp, hugging your prize and stepping out of the way for Johnny’s turn. 

“Someone had to pick up the slack,” Simon mutters, turning his eyes to the determined set of Johnny’s shoulders.

Horrified, you shoot him a look that conveys, ‘You’d better shut the fuck up, or else.’

Plink. Plink. Good start. 

“Better hurry up, Johnny,” Simon drawls. “Too slow, you’re gonna miss it.”

“Simon,” you hiss at him, only to observe a devious light in his eye while he pretends he can’t hear you. 

Plink, plink, plink.

“Two, ten, seven, reload,” Simon barks. “Oh look, Graves is here.”

“I’ll fawkin’ kill ye,” Johnny growls against the stock, nailing the last few targets in rapid succession. 

Your face is burning by the time Johnny sets the gun aside. Of all the days for Simon to antagonize him, why does he have to pick this one? You’re not even sure there will be another chance to see Johnny after today, and instead of minding the delicate balance of things, your boyfriend’s decided to stomp all over it. 

Yet somehow, you seem to be the only one concerned. Johnny merely spares his friend a passing glare before turning back to the prizes, selecting a sparkly unicorn for himself. 

“Do you want me to carry that for you?” you offer with a shocked laugh.

He hugs it against his chest. “Aye, when I’m good and dead. No one’s separating me from my unicorn.”

Right. Okay, then. 

The sun has just gone down, and taken the last of the warmth with it, so you thread your fingers in with Simon’s and look around for things to do before the nighttime crowd fills the park.

“What kind of rides do you like, Johnny?”

He winks at you over the fluffy rainbow mane. “Fast ones.”

“Bloody hell,” your boyfriend sighs. “I’m gonna be stuck holding the toy shop for the pair of you.”

“We can take turns,” you suggest. “Look, this one’s the biggest roller coaster they have. You and Johnny go, before the line gets too long.”

Simon doesn’t disagree, but he starts squinting up at the ride the closer you get to it, as if he’s inspecting the track for defects. You’re just about to reach for the unicorn Johnny’s passing to you, when Simon makes a grunt of disapproval. 

“Fuckin’ back brace on him, I’m not going.”

Sure enough, one of the workers is gingerly crossing the platform to unstrap riders, while encased in a turtle shell of a brace. 

Johnny scoffs. “Didn't break it on the ride, you dobber.”

“Fuck are we supposed to know that?” 

“He’d be dead then, wouldn’t he? Puddle on the pavement.”

“No one is dying on these rides,” you insist, snatching Johnny’s toy. “It’s perfectly safe.” 

Simon smoothly plucks both animals from your grasp. “Seeing as you’re not worried, you and Johnny go.”

Okay, well, now you’re worried. 

You find yourself spectacularly stuck next to Johnny in that stuffy queue leading up to the platform, feeling like a total idiot for getting so easily conned into it. Why couldn’t you have thought of an excuse to avoid this? You only suggested the ride to give the guys a chance to have fun together without stepping on anyone’s toes, and instead you’re left scrambling for small talk. 

It’s not that you don’t want to be alone with Johnny, it’s just that you weren’t expecting it to happen so suddenly. You were perfectly fine with using Simon as a buffer for the night, and never bringing up that whopping pile of confusion until Johnny was at least willing to open up a little. But now he’s alone with you, acting fairly happy and normal, as if he never walked out that door. 

Is that what he wants? Is this going to turn into some horrible game of evasion, where he wanders back into your life and you’re forced to pretend nothing ever happened, and just hope he doesn’t do it again? Can you live like that?

You tried winging it before. You never made him explain himself to you or communicate, and all it did was blow up in your face.  

“So why’d you pick the raccoon?”

You blink yourself out of your thoughts, focusing on his face in the cheery glow of Christmas lights. “Oh, um. They’re cute. And I guess I like wild animals.”

For some reason Johnny laughs at your genuine answer. “Makes sense.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You know what it means.” He rests his elbows back on the steel railing and gives you this irritating smirk, so you roll your eyes in return. Okay, Flirt MacTavish. Nice to see you again, it’s been a while. 

Thankfully the line moves forward right when you need it to, and you sidestep his teasing eyes to poke your head around the beam and scan the waiting area for Simon.

“Oh my god, Johnny,” you whisper. “Look.”

His body presses to your back as he looks over your shoulder, and is greeted by the same sight you are — Simon, with one enormous plushie wedged under each arm, engaged in apparent conversation with some random, gray-haired grandma. You can’t see his mouth moving behind the mask, but he’s inclining his head the same way he does when he’s talking to you. 

“She’s stealin’ your man, hen.”

“Let her. He likes the attention.”

The stuffed animals have absolutely shattered his carefully constructed standoffishness. They’re like a beacon of cuteness, inviting in questions and curious looks, and honestly it serves him right for abandoning you to Johnny like this. You hope he’s suffering, but from the relaxed slouch of his shoulders, you kind of doubt it. 

Finally you get buckled into the ride next to Johnny, and the nerves you have about him give way to your more pressing fear of heights. When was the last time you rode in one of these things? All of a sudden the pattern of loops spreading across the open air in front of you look a lot more serious than they did from the ground. 

“Don’t let Simon see you scared,” Johnny says, nudging your shoe with his. The ride starts forward with a reverberating clunk, clunk.

“I’m not,” you lie. 

“Hold my hand then, or you’re full of shit.”

That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, but you mold your palm around his and squeeze it tight, right before the drop. 

Holy shit.

Johnny wasn’t kidding about liking fast rides. He whoops and laughs through most of it, and you’re not sure if it’s the actual rush that’s getting to him, or your terrified shrieks. The loops hit rapidly one after another, and you just try to hang on as you pass through your threshold of fear and beyond. By the time you finally hit the end of the ride, your heart is slamming in your chest, and Johnny’s hand seems to have permanently fused with yours. 

As the ride cars slowly chug up that loud conveyor belt to the platform, you unlock your spine and glance over at your friend to make sure he’s all in one piece. 

He’s gorgeous. Ruddy-cheeked from the cold, breathlessly grinning at you, as if he’s exactly where he wants to be right now. Beautiful, human, completely impenetrable and emotionally closed-off.

It makes you want to hit him. 

You’d go to town on his stupid chest if you could, punching and slapping those perfect muscles on up and down his shoulder. You want to scream in his ear until he understands how much pain he’s put you through, because maybe then this hold he has on you would finally release. If you burned all your bridges and told him never to come back, maybe you’d stop wanting him quite so fiercely. 

Because even after all of that, you do want him. You want to own him. You want to ruin him. You want him like Veruca Salt stomping her foot and shrieking, ‘Daddy, give him to me!’

You want your heart to connect with his, and that craving is so intense that you’re almost jealous of anyone who’s ever deeply known him. Jealous of Simon, who always seems to understand what Johnny’s thinking before you do. It feels wrong, existing so close to Johnny and not touching, not staring, not knowing. 

Not allowed to know. 

This was all a mistake. A combination of oversights from all three of you, until you’ve reached this point of pain that was so, so preventable.

Johnny leans towards you as you pull your hand away from his. “Hungry?” 

The line for the concession stand is annoyingly long. You’re waiting here by yourself because you really needed some space to clear your head. You mentally repeat your food order to yourself, as if it won’t evaporate out of your brain the second you step up to the window.

Three pretzels, two cheeses, two hot chocolates, and do you have any hot tea? 

You’re being idiotic about Johnny. Look at them over there, holding a conference at the picnic table with two stuffies propped up next to each of them. How could you dare be jealous of the most important friendship Simon’s ever had? You’d have to be some kind of selfish monster to deny either of them that comfort. 

Three pretzels, two cheeses, two hot chocolates, and do you have any tea bags, and packets of sugar?

You just weren’t prepared for how unsatisfying this night would be. You’re giving Johnny space, and Simon’s giving you space, and it all makes you want to cry. 

“I hope you’re fucking happy.”

Your heart begins to race, hearing those words spat with such hate from somewhere behind you. Instinctively you twist your face around in search of the threat, hoping it’s just some old person berating a server who will never have to see them again. But no, it’s much worse.

An older man sits across from a boy who looks to be about nine, his lip curled up in contempt as he stares the kid down.

Looking away, the boy mumbles something you don’t catch, but the man doesn’t even let him finish before sneering, “You’re a pansy, is what you are. ‘Fraid of a little roller coaster. Don’t know why I bother taking you anywhere nice like this, when you’ll just wimp out.” 

Outrage pushes blood to your face, as you glance back over at Simon. He’s too far away to hear what’s going on, still shooting the shit with Johnny. It’s just you and the couple in front of you who seem to notice, the woman giving you an exasperated look, and the man determinedly staring straight ahead. 

You know that tone of voice. That kind of disrespect has is etched into your bones, and you know exactly what it leads to. It’s the voice Simon grew up with, the one he has in his head every day, and has to convince himself to ignore. 

Helplessly you take another step forward in line, watching the boy in your peripheral vision when he at last decides that the tirade is over, and raises his head. The direction of the kid’s sad gaze shouldn’t surprise you, but it does, as he peers over at your two soldiers across the way. 

You look as well, wondering what he sees. Two large men, built strong enough to hurt anyone who talks down to them? Friends who are comfortable with each other, happily performing for no one? Or maybe he’s seeing the innate self confidence they have, to be able to hold their heads high while lugging around stuffed animals in public. It’s almost a display of power, if you look at it through the boy’s eyes. Or at the very least, it’s freedom.

Maybe it’s because you know about Simon’s childhood. Or maybe it’s your own memories growing up that flood you with righteous anger, the firsthand knowledge of how it is to live in fear. How the wrath of your ‘trusted adult’ is absolutely inescapable at that age. You know that weight. You can see it on that boy’s shoulders, suffocating him. 

You know what, you’re going to say something. You’re not going to just turn your head away, like that man in front of you. You’re going to walk right up to that awful dad and chew him out, for your sake and for the sake of every kid who’s ever had to listen to words like that. 

Clutching your purse tighter and squaring your shoulders, you’re just mustering up the anger you need to go through with it, when— 

“Next in line? Next in line?”

“Oh, uh…” you step forward, trying to remember what you came here for. “Do you have… pretzels?”

The worker gives you a deadpan look and gestures over to the very obvious display of soft pretzels under heat lamps. 

“O-okay, yeah, two of those, please. No, wait, three, and cheese.”

“Three pretzels and cheese,” the guy recites, giving you the total. 

You’re obviously not going to cuss anyone out while holding a bushel of pretzels, so once you’ve paid you stuff your wallet back into your purse, and head towards your table to unload. 

“Can’t believe there’s no smoking here,” the horrible man grumbles as you pass by, fishing into his pocket. “Go get your old man a Coke, and don’t be keeping any change.”

The hatred churns in your chest but you keep walking, certain that you’re about to get your revenge. You’re a marginally attractive person, and you’re here with a couple of meatheads who can squish pretty much anyone. There’s no risk involved, you can just unload, and that man… will… take it out on the kid. 

Simon gives you a puzzled expression when your face falls, as soon as you reach them. 

It’s useless. There’s not a single thing you can do for that boy. Any way you tear down his father would only result in him getting the punishment for it. 

You’re just as stuck as ever, helpless and stupid and no one important, same as you were as a child. You might as well still be that little girl, realizing that nothing you could ever do would make the adults in your life see you as human. 

All you are is taller now, with tits.

“What’s wrong?” Simon asks, as you push his pretzel over to him. 

“Um…”

They’re both concerned now. Dammit. 

Your gaze drops to the sparkly unicorn, its horn twinkling in the lights. 

“Johnny?” you prompt, blinking at him while your form your thoughts. 

“Hmm?” 

You rest your hand on the head of his unicorn, tugging at the ear. “Can I have this? For keeps? Will you give it to me?”

He blinks rapidly in surprise, glancing down at his prized plushie. “Yeah, alright. Sure.”

Before you can second guess yourself, you scoop both animals up into your arms and head straight for the boy’s table. 

“Excuse me,” you chirp, giving that disgusting man your most sunshiny smile. “I got these prizes here, and I just can’t take them home. They won’t fit in my car. Would you like to have these?” You turn your eyes on the boy for the last question, hopeful. 

He doesn’t look at your face, just darts his eyes to his dad, and then to the unicorn. 

“Tryin’ to run a hustle?” The man asks suspiciously.

“Nope, they’re free! Just hoping you could help me out.”

The boy glances over at Simon and Johnny, and the man says, “Aww, why not. We’ll take the brown one, don’t need no girl stuff.”

“Oh, come on,” you practically flirt, setting both animals on the bench. “Can’t you take both? I’d really appreciate it.”

Yeah, you’re laying on the charm for the old guy. You’re crooking your shoulder up and smiling a little saucy, and you don’t even feel bad about it. You have tits now. 

“Well, alright,” he allows, seeming pleased to have you begging him. 

“Thank you so much.” You finally bend down a little towards the boy, who hasn’t looked at you at all. His brown eyes lift hesitantly to yours. 

“I’m very happy,” you tell him honestly, “that these guys got to go to someone really special.”

You leave before anyone can change their mind. You just turn right around and prepare to explain why you just Robin Hooded Johnny’s special—

Smack, slosh.

Instead of the clear path back that you thought you had, you run right into someone’s body, and frigid wet instantly coats your thighs.

“I’m so sorry!” the girl gasps, as you both stare down at your legs, completely saturated in some cold, fizzy drink. 

“I— it was my fault,” you stammer, brushing droplets off the bottom of your coat. “I’m sorry.”

You’re so frozen in shock that it’s not until Simon materializes next to you that you even think to move away from the puddle. 

“Come on,” he murmurs, “let’s get you home.”

What? Home? 

A breeze runs through the place then, and you shivery violently at how frigid it feels when your leggings are soaked. You do have to go home. That’s the only option. 

“I’m sorry,” you tell Johnny, when Simon’s hand on your elbow urges you to start walking. “I didn’t mean to… for it to be like this.”

“Ehh, it’s alright.” He offers you one of the pretzels he’s carrying. “There’ll be other times.”

No, there won’t. You had this one opportunity to prove to him that you should be in his life, and instead of doing what you needed to do to secure that, you were awkward and you stole his unicorn and you made everyone leave early. This was a disaster.

Fuck, don’t cry. You cannot cry right now. 

You stop up your tear ducts through sheer stubbornness, numbly traversing the park and passing all the things you never got to do. 

You’re a ruiner, you didn’t even get to talk with Simon tonight, just made him stand around everywhere you went and not have any fun. 

Don’t cry. 

By the time you make it back to your car, the only thing keeping the tears at bay is the surface tension on your eyeballs. You’be got patches of frostbite on the front of each thigh, and even your hair feels a little sticky from stray droplets of soda. It’s the most you can do to just mutter an excuse to Simon, and escape into the back seat of your car to strip off your leggings. 

As soon as you’re alone in that quiet, frozen car, the tears come. Silently they stream down your face, bringing with them the rising tide of your own inadequacy. The guys’ voices are a low hum from somewhere outside while you yank your shoelaces undone and fail to come up with a single glimmer of hope. 

There’s nothing you can do. You did your best, and it wasn’t enough. 

One shoe off, you’re forced to stifle a sob with your hands, as you come to the painful realization that you have to say goodbye to Johnny. Not just tonight, but in your heart. You’ve been clinging to that control, the idea that if you just perform everything perfectly, you can decide the outcome of the relationship. 

But that’s false, you know it now. No amount of flawless behavior will make him love you, if it’s not meant to be. 

The side door opens before you've managed to make progress on the second shoe, the task of removing your leggings now utterly cast to the side with the flood of emotion. 

You already know it’s Johnny, even before he scoots himself into the backseat with you and wraps you up in his warm arms. Somehow you can tell even without looking, but you know it for sure when you bury your wet face into his shoulder and get a lungful of his scent. 

“I missed you,” he says.

Next Part

Dividers by the-aesthetics-shop

Reverse trope prompt: too many beds

tf 141 x reader

SFW - no warnings except for profanity

Full prompt list here by @out-of-jams

Please like, tag, reblog to show the list creator some love if you use the prompts.

Divider by: @saradika-graphics

It felt weird lying in your own bed again.

After spending months holed up in safe houses, huddled together in the field to keep warm or crammed together during transport, you'd become accustomed to having at least one of your team with you while you slept.

You huff, roll over and will yourself to go to sleep. Minutes creep by. Sleep still eludes you.

Maybe it's the quiet that's getting to you, or the absence of their warmth. Or it could be that you miss that sense of security, having a solid, living body lying next to you. Whatever it is, your brain refuses to shut off without it.

You hate to admit it, but you can't get to sleep without the guys.

Crazy as it seems, you miss Gaz burying his cold nose in the nape of your neck, listening to him make those funny little nuck-nuck noises in his sleep.

You miss Ghost's twitching, and how he holds on tight to your hand after he's had one of his nightmares. He won't let go, either, not even after he falls back to sleep.

You miss the way Price sprawls out. At least one of his heavy limbs will end up flung over you at some point, the weight solid and reassuring. You might even miss his snoring, at least until you can't stand it anymore and have to poke him in the ribs to get him to turn over. He always flops back over within minutes and starts snoring again.

Hell, you even miss Soap's sweaty koala bear hugs and sleep talking in Gaelic. The man literally never shuts his bloody gob, not even while sleeping. As annoying as it is, it's also kind of endearing.

Frustrated, you give up and throw back the covers, getting out of your bunk. Wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, you quietly slip out into the hall and head for the rec room. Maybe a warm cuppa of Ghost's earl grey that he keeps stashed in the back of the cupboard will help.

You come up short as soon as you step through the door. Ghost is sitting alone on the sectional sofa, leaned back in the corner watching sports highlights on the telly.

"What're ya doin' up?" he grumbles.

"Can't sleep."

He grunts then motions for you to join him. You slump down next to him and lean into his side, tucking your legs beside you. After a few minutes of soaking in his warmth, you feel your eyes start to droop. It must be having a similar effect on him, because you feel his body go slack, then a minute later, he twitches. You glance up to see that his head's fallen back against the cushions, eyes closed.

You're almost asleep when Gaz wanders into the room. He smirks as he climbs over the back of the couch, wedging himself in behind you. "'M cold," he complains, snuggling in. "Place is like a bloody freezer." He burrows under the blanket with you and buries his cold nose in the back of your hair. "Smell better since ya showered," he teases, making you both snicker.

"Oi," Ghost rumbles out, not bothering to open his eyes. " You two, shuddup."

Gaz breathes out a laugh then goes quiet.

The captain comes ambling into the room on sock feet, wearing a ratty looking robe. He sniffs in amusement at the three of you piled up together. "Well, don't you lot look cozy," he quips, sprawling out in the opposite corner. He throws his legs up beside Gaz. "Make room, Sergeant."

Gaz shuffles around then cuddles back under the blanket. Price crosses his arms over his chest and turns his attention to the telly. His first snore rolls out five minutes later.

"Fuckin' hell," Ghost groans.

Finally, Soap comes shuffling through the door, bleary-eyed, his mohawk sticking out every which way. He jams his fists on his hips, a peevish look on his face. "Ye hens havin' a slumber party an' dinnae invite me?"

Ghost huffs, irritated, and lifts his head to glare at him. The captain snorts, smacks his lips, then picks up snoring where he left off. Gaz pokes his head up to hiss a "Shh!" at Soap.

"Jaysus, sorry. Dinnae mean t'disturb yer beauty sleep, m'laird."

"You're disturbed, ya wanker," Gaz mumbles before nuzzling back into your hair.

"Christ, jus' shuddup an' siddown, Johnny," Ghost growls lowly.

Soap rounds the end of the sectional and plops down next to Ghost, grinning. "Fancy a snuggle, LT?"

"No."

Soap sniffs, pouting until Ghost sighs and jerks his head in a quick nod. "C'mon, then."

Scooting closer, Soap rests his cheek on Ghost's shoulder. "Yer comfy, LT. I could get used t'this."

Ghost rolls his eyes. "Shut yer gob an' go t'sleep, Sergeant."

"Aye, sir," Soap murmurs and settles in.

Price grunts, scratches at his beard, then turns on his side. The snoring stops. Ghost hums and sinks deeper into the cushions. You can hear Gaz now making soft little nuck-nuck sounds behind you. The sound lulls you to sleep.

Some time later, you feel Ghost jerk awake. His hand fumbles under the blanket until he finds yours. You squeeze his fingers, Soap on his other side, murmuring something softly in Gaelic. Ghost eases back into the cushions, his tense body relaxing.

You breathe out a sigh, let your eyes drift shut and immediately fall back to sleep.

—DOUBT [ alhaitham x reader ]

doubt— what a confusing emotion.

alhaitham x f!reader | wc: 1.8k+

warnings: angsty on alhaitham’s end but overall pretty fluffy, idk what part of my brain this came from, part of a series but can be read as a standalone!

Alhaitham very rarely feels unsure of himself.

With everything he does, he calculates it carefully, weighing the pros and cons, contemplating if the risk is worth it, and finding which action is the most appropriate— he’s consistent with the way he acts and is confident with the measures he takes. All he needs is his brain; if he can logically use the process of elimination, he can logically assess the best course of action for any situation.

Except for when it comes to you.

He walks back from his washroom to the main dining area, only to find you chatting up a storm with Kaveh; you had offered to walk him home from work since the two of you had gotten off at the same time, and he excused himself to freshen up— he assumes that Kaveh got home from his workout just in time to find you at the table.

“Haitham,” You beam at him, waving at him to come over, and he can physically feel his heart soften, “You didn’t tell me that Kaveh was your roommate!”

“It’s not really something I like to tell people.” He mutters, and Kaveh shoots him an offended look before turning back to smile at you. From his angle, he looks like a two-faced weasel. Alhaitham sits down at the table, making a point to sit next to you instead of his roomate.

“He acts like I wanted to be seen here either,” Kaveh grumbles without malice, “Should've told me he had someone over!”

“Kaveh was just telling me about his studies around Gurabad’s Ruin,” you grin at the man sitting next to you, “Kshahrewar sounds so different from Haravatat.”

“In a bad way, I assume.”

“You’re just pissed that Haravatat is just as boring as you are,” Kaveh glares at him, and his eyes flit to you, “Y’know, it’s never too late to switch Darshans! You’d fit right in.”

“I think I’d rather die than go back to study at the Academy,” You raise your hands in innocence, a nervous chuckle playing on your face, “I did my due time.”

“You’re always welcome to join me!” Alhaitham clenches his hand, he swears Kaveh side-eyes him with a smirk on his face and he feels something bubble inside his chest, the bastard is doing this on purpose— “There are tons of runes down there, you’d love it!”

“I would love to, but Gurabad’s Ruin is way too far away,” You shudder, your legs ache just thinking about it, “The trek through the sand sounds like a nightmare.”

“It's also dangerous, stop being so irresponsible, Kaveh.” Alhaitham cuts in rather irritably, “Not everyone has a Vision, you have to think about the rest of society too, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your architecture projects.”

He pauses, feeling the unsettling silence befall the table. Your body is turned towards him, your eyes wide in both wonder and concern— Kaveh has the gall to laugh as if Alhaitham just said the funniest thing in the world, “Who pissed in your cereal, Haitham?” He makes sure to enunciate his name, “Didn’t know Gurabad’s Ruin was a sensitive subject, my bad.”

Alhaitham bites the inside of his cheek to not say anything he know he’ll regret with you there, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. “I should go,” he gets up, the chair squeaking as it scrapes against his floor before his eyes flicker to yours, “Have fun, you two.”

He storms out of his house a hurry, feeling a wave of nausea wrack through his body as he slams the door and makes his way down to the pavement that lines the exterior. His heart clenches when he pauses, turning around against his better judgement— Kaveh always complained that his choice in furniture and decor is ugly, was he right? What would you prefer? He takes a few steps back, his eyes wandering the outside of his home (Could it use flowers? The hanging ones or the ones planted in the ground?) before his front door clicks open and you rush out of his house. You squeak when you realize he's right there, slowing your velocity a little too abruptly, tripping over your robes before you steady yourself right in front of him.

“Hey,” you manage a small smile that clashes your worried expression, “What happened in there? Is everything okay?”

Alhaitham's mind hurts, the question that's been burning in his mind searing fire into his skull, he has to take a deep breath to think clearly.

“I asked you before, why do you like me?”

Your smile freezes, you never thought that question would be the one to come up.

“…Because you’re smart?” You mumble unsurely, your hand fidgeting with your robes. Just as he had asked before, you answered, hadn't you?

“So is the rest of Sumeru.”

“…You’re pretty.”

“That doesn’t really say much, does it? What, am I funny to you too? Is it just the “handsome, funny, and smart” qualities that do it for you?”

“Alhaitham.” You warn him sharply, and he flinches despite how much he wants not to.

“…I just need to know,” he closes his eyes to deal with the ache he feels in both his heart and head, “Rationally, what it is that makes you have romantic feelings for me.”

It was a thought that consumed his mind ever since he and you had gotten involved in that matter, and he feels as if it's eating him alive, tearing into his brain matter. It's not like he's wrong (he knows he's not, not when he's spent so many sleepless nights thinking about it), you really could've chosen anyone your heart desired and they'd be bound to fall for you.

You make enough money on your own (not that you'd ever be the type of person to be after his Mora), your status in the Akademiya is high enough that being in a romantic relationship with him wouldn't raise it all that much, it's not like he's an extremely kind person like Tighnari, he's not humorous like Cyno (at least Cyno tries), and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's not as academically gifted as Kaveh. Honestly and rationally, a small part of him thinks you'd be better off with Kaveh, he's far more outgoing than Alhaitham is, his genius is unparalleled, the two of you have been friends since you were students, you—

“Are you jealous?” Your question is blunt, and Alhaitham can't help but admire you more, even in his distressed state.

He likes this about your relationship, you rarely ever hold back what you're thinking even if it might be against your better interest— it helps him, he thinks, it helps him understand how he's feeling, it helps him understand how you're feeling, surfacing those hidden emotions and social cues he can somehow never seem to get.

“Maybe.” He admits, his eyes shifting to the concrete. He's not sure whether it's jealousy or insecurity, most likely a mix of both, but they're rather similar in his mind, meshing together into doubt.

Doubt— what a confusing emotion. It's a small seed before his mind brushes past it, and he can't help but nurture and grow it, just like all of his other thoughts. Ugly and childish emotions aren't above him, and he's only human afterall, he knows he can't be expected to not be above it despite how often he tries, and yet, it's so incredibly disappointing when he lets it slip through.

“I like you because you're Alhaitham,” you reply with the same amount of confidence you've had this entire time, which is very little, “I'm not sure what to say.”

He gets it, he really does. He likes you romantically the same way, but the difference is that you're you, and he's just him.

“...I think the thing that caught my attention was your lack of ambition.” You admit, in hopes that it'll lift his perpetually unsatisfied expression, “I like people with a lack of ambition.”

It's Alhaitham’s turn to be caught off guard now, his mind wandering to all sorts of places with the new piece of information you so kindly fed him. What did you mean by that?

“Hey, don't be so sullen,” you tease him, mimicking the words he told you a few weeks ago, “Shouldn't you just be happy that we're together like this? You don't have to be a researcher all the time, you can be human too.”

“Researchers are human.” He huffs, one hand reaching to brush his hair from his forehead.

“You sure don't act like it.”

The mood finally lightens, and you step forward, wrapping your arms around his torso and squeezing him gently. He’s about as stiff as a board, and you giggle. “Hug me back, Haitham,” you lean your head on his chest, “You'll feel better, trust me.”

He gingerly follows your order, one arm wrapping around your upper back and the other near your shoulder.

"Just so you know," you close your eyes, "I'd never go for someone who insults Haravatat. In his neverending quest to piss you off, he forgot that Haravatat is my Darshan too."

"Calling me boring is fine but calling Haravatat boring isn't?"

"The difference is that you're actually boring."

He sighs while you laugh, burying your nose into his chest. The sun is low in the sky, yet, he doesn't feel cold.

“Why are you attracted to those without ambition?” He can't help but ask, it's odd, especially for someone of your stature, wouldn't you like someone that shares the same passion as you?

“Sumeru is a dangerous place.” Your voice comes out softer, and he takes into account the recent events with the Fatui— “Powerful people with that sense of ambition are what make it all that more terrifying.”

He thinks back to the betrayal that Khajeh and his actions caused to the entire Darshan of Haravatat, the shock it must’ve been to those who were unaware of the corruption of their sages, and by extension, the government that they not not only part of, but were also upholding. A part of him irrationally regrets being in the heat of the action with Azar and the Traveller instead of being with you, but he supposes the way you sink against his body means that he’s made up for it.

Touching you doesn’t send electric sparks up his spine anymore, no, it pulsates heat and warmth through his entire body, and he pulls you closer to him. His head rests on yours and he lets out a huff of contentment, closing his eyes— it feels far more intimate than anything he’s ever done before, but he feels like he’s never been uncomfortable with you— strange and foreign, maybe, but never uncomfortable.

“Kaveh is staring at us through the doorway,” he mutters lowly as a not-so-sneaky Kaveh ducks behind the frame, “Would you like to go back?”

“Kaveh will be fine,” you smile impishly, “Besides, you’re the only one who can hug me like this, wouldn’t you like to show him that? Just to put your mind to ease?”

Alhaitham doesn’t feel that doubt that plagued his mind anymore, and he feels like he’s breathing in fresh air for the first time. A smile makes it's way onto his face as he realizes that he doesn't care what Kaveh thinks anymore, that your relationship is perfectly stable, and that the front of his house is fine the way it is. He doesn’t mind letting you think the seed of doubt is still there, though, not when your body is willing to mold against him so perfectly.

“Yes, yes I would.”

“he’s breathing in fresh air for the first time” and he’s just sniffing y/n’s perfume like a mad lad 😔 reader's line about ambition is based off of heongyeon from mr. queen!

ALSO good news i just got a computer after being without one for months and i’m typing so fast so we’re def hitting that one oneshot a week goal thank god

— just thought about sharing these here because why not? I'm not TikTok famous so maybe it could blow up here right.

— GRADUATION | c.ai // polyspeak.ai

— RIVALRY TO LOVE | c.ai // polyspeak.ai

— EX-FRIEND | c.ai // polyspeak.ai

♯ JASON TODD masterlist !

❛ ♱ ━ personal favorite

❛ ʚɞ ━ fluff

❛ ^ྀི ━ angst

❛ ❆ ━ suggestive

! SERIES

i. white mustang — outlaw!jason todd x fem!reader ( ♱ ʚɞ ^ྀི )

! ONESHOTS

i. heavenly — every moment with your boyfriend felt heavenly — even when he forgot to close the window ( ʚɞ )

ii. you hold me without hurting me — you show jason it’s okay to bleed sometimes ( ʚɞ )

iii. cry baby — your boyfriend’s here, doesn’t matter if you need him during an important task. you need him now so that’s what he does; he shows up ( ♱ ʚɞ )

iv. nothing’s gonna hurt you baby — your roommate is the menacing red hood — who just happens to have a soft spot for you ( ♱ ʚɞ )

! MISC.

attractive things he does . . . without noticing ( ʚɞ ) attractive things you do that drive him crazy ( ʚɞ ❆ ) he’s jealous over your attention ( ʚɞ ྀི ) sugar daddy ! jason ( ʚɞ ) things he does while having a crush ( ʚɞ ) taking your makeup off after a night out ( ʚɞ ♱ ) making out with jason ( ❆ ♱ ) jason’s lovie gets lost easily ( ʚɞ ) a merch collection ( ʚɞ ) part 2 ( ʚɞ ) he accidentally hurts your feelings ( ʚɞ ) he finds a stashed weapon under your pillow ( ʚɞ ) you misunderstand his intentions about you ( ʚɞ ྀི ) you find fanfics written about his alter ego ( ʚɞ )

making gingerbread houses & men with him ( ʚɞ ♱ )

jason as a dad ( ʚɞ )

jason doing the ‘jacked and kind’ tiktok trend with you ( ʚɞ )

society of brilliance ft. veritas ratio

in which you come home and soothe veritas and his insecurities in a shared bath—which consists of you making a society just for the two of you. luckily, it’s more than enough to ease his troubled mind

contains: gender neutral reader ; non sexual nudity ; shared baths ; slight references to veritas character story iii ; reverse comfort ; veritas is not taking his lack of invitation to genius society lightly :( ; i invite you all to join my nous hate club

veritas doesn’t greet you when you come home. you’d be disappointed any other time, but the glow of light under the cracks through the bathroom door tells you precisely why he’s not there to greet you—you can’t help but be endeared.

so you pad into the bathroom, grinning softly as his head lifts from resting against the edge of the bathtub, eyes opening to glance over your figure.

they brighten a bit when they take in the view of you.

“no book?” you raise a brow, mildly shocked.

“is it hard to believe i’d like to relax without reading?” he closes his eyes again, relaxing once more as he listens to you shed your clothing.

“well, i suppose not,” you chuckle, “but you’re a bit…”

“go on,” he presses dryly, “finish your thought.”

“a bit uptight. i don’t know if you can relax without reading something or another.”

it’s cheeky, the way you bite your lip and suppress a grin, watching as he rolls his eyes (but he could never hope to hide the fondness in them, even if he tried). you reach over one the last of your clothes drop to the floor, hand cupping his cheek as he sighs and melts into your palm.

“well, i certainly won’t be relaxing now that your presence is here to disrupt my peace,” he quips, letting a smug grin of his own stretch over his cheeks as you huff.

“long day?” you murmur, tracing your thumb along his skin soothingly as he hums, pressing closer into your touch, “it must be if you couldn’t wait long enough to greet me.”

“my apologies darling,” he says quietly. you frown a little, tracing the darkening circles under his eyes as your thumb travels higher across his face. “i’m afraid my mind was a bit occupied.”

“oh veritas.”

it’s delicate, the way you say his name. fragile, like he’s one moment from sinking into the water from the weight of his mind, unable to resurface for a breath of air. veritas has been different since accepting the invitation from the ipc—a bit more defeated, perhaps. a lot more distracted.

you pull your hand away, much to his displeasure, waving it to gesture him forward in the tub as he looks at you with creases building in his forehead.

“but—”

“don’t argue for once, you difficult man,” you scold, “just do as i say.”

“how commanding,” comes his reply in a half-hearted scoff. he listens nonetheless, inching forward so you can sit yourself behind him, sinking into the warm water as you collect him in your arms and pull him to lean against your chest.

he relaxes instantly. more than he could before your arrival, like the presence of you makes breathing easier, more simple. in and out, inhale and exhale. his chest rises and falls under your hand, slow circles smoothing over the firm muscle as his head falls back against your shoulder.

veritas doesn’t let you hold him often—he prefers the weight of you in his arms, but sometimes it’s nice when you take on his weight, too. when his mind is heavy and loaded with the endless thoughts of his. and you like it too, the feeling of him pressing into you, the feeling of him settled into your hold as you keep him afloat.

you break the silence first, pressing a kiss into his head as you whisper, “care to enlighten me what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“are you sure you can handle it? i have a rather advanced thought process,” he teases.

“i’d say your mind is regressed,” you snort, squeezing the rubber duck floating in the water a small distance away.

you can practically see his pout even if it’s not in your line of sight as he clicks his teeth and says in an offended tone, “being intelligent doesn’t mean i have to deny myself of a few simple joys.”

“aren’t i the only joy you need?” you bat your lashes, kissing the back of his neck as he chuckles.

“i suppose you are sufficient enough, yes.”

“just sufficient?” you gasp, biting his shoulder playfully as he shakes against you with soft laughter. “if you don’t love me, just say that.”

“there you go again,” he hums in amusement, shaking his head as he tilts his head and eyes you with an endeared glint in his eyes, “always so theatric over the most trivial of causes.”

“someone has to keep things interesting. your idea of fun is picking apart a student’s thesis.”

“i enable them to grow,” he corrects, thoroughly unimpressed as he purses his lips and gives you a dry look. “it’s a favor, really.”

“i don’t know what to do with you. too smart for your own good.”

he sighs, slumping against your figure as he quietly mumbles, “perhaps not smart enough.”

you frown, the edges of your mouth curling in an unhappy twist downwards as you process his words. veritas is undoubtedly brilliant—you’d never thought he’d question the fact. of course, he’s tried time and time again to catch the gaze of nous, and of course, you’ve always known there’s a lingering air of self deprecation at his lack of success.

but you never thought him to doubt himself—not of his capabilities, not of his brilliance. his brilliance is the most beautiful thing about him, you think. he’s so quick to understand things—like how to figure you out like it’s easy and simple. how to love you in ways you didn’t even know you want to be loved. how to read you before you understand your own mind.

he’s so bright, so willing to share his light so you can glow too, unwilling to see you as a mere dimness beside him.

you tighten your arms around him, nuzzling your nose into his cheek as you press sweet, feathery kisses to his skin.

“if you consider yourself not smart enough, i fear for what you think of my intelligence.”

“i think you’re brilliant,” he says instantly, “there’s no doubt.”

“then why doubt yourself?”

he’s silent. you know the answer, even if he doesn’t want to say it. because if not smart enough to be acknowledged by the aeon he’s dedicated his aspirations to, the aeon that stands to represent the very purpose of his existence, the aeon that signifies the embodiment of wisdom itself—how can he consider himself enough?

how can you consider him enough? he wants to ask, but the words never form on his tongue, caught in his throat in a lump he can’t even swallow down. it’s stuck, persistently lodged and silencing him as he lays limply in your arms.

“oh, veritas,” you say with so much gentleness, he sighs shakily at the sound of his name from your tongue. so sweet, so pleasant—like it’s dipped his honey from the comb. “you are far too capable for it to be a cause for question.”

“am i?” he chuckles dryly, lips tugging ruefully into a painful smile, “perhaps i’d have reached my goals then, wouldn’t i?”

“perhaps it’s not your intelligence that separates you from the genius society,” you murmur thoughtfully, combing wet fingers through his hair, scratching tenderly at his scalp as he shivers at your touch.

“then, pray tell, what would it be, darling?” he asks, indulging you.

“your compassion, maybe. you’re of the few geniuses that don’t forget what it means to be human. i don’t think a machine declared as the face of intelligence has the capacity to understand that.”

“you shouldn’t speak of the divine like that,” he snorts.

“nobody is as divine as me,” you reply with a giggle, earning a tender squeeze at your thigh as he smiles at you with a roll of his eyes.

“is that so?”

“you don’t agree?”

he turns, kissing the pout off of your lips as he whispers, “oh, i do. i certainly do—you’re of the most divinest of beings in all of the cosmos. a truly magnificent…piece of work.”

“i’ll ignore that last part just for today,” you say pointedly. you peck his lips again, and again, and when he settles deeper into your chest, relaxing against your body, you tighten your hold around him. “but i hereby declare you an honorary member of the society of brilliance—”

he cuts you off with a short. you whine, slapping his arm in protest as he stifles his laughs.

“and just how many members are in this society?”

“currently two,” you glare, “but it’s at risk of becoming one if you mock it any further. it’s a very serious organization.”

“sorry, sorry. it won’t happen again,” he poorly fights back a grin. (and he could never hope to successfully hide a smile around your presence, he’s sure such a feat is impossible. you write joy on his features as easy as pen on paper).

“it better not. this society is far more sophisticated than that child’s play of an organization…society for geniuses, was it?”

“genius society,” he correct, playing along.

“oh yes,” you nod, pretending to snap in recognition, “that’s the one. such an undignified group of individuals. a shame—they had potential. it’s a good thing we’re not like them.”

“a relief indeed,” he smiles.

it’s so raw, so real, so pure, he can’t help but twist in your arms and press his lips to you, hoping to physically share the joy of you evident in the curl of his mouth. the dimple in his cheek. the crinkles of his eyes.

you’ve written yourself into every part of him, so seamlessly intwined with his body and mind, it’s difficult to doubt himself. because to doubt himself is to doubt you, and veritas could never hope to doubt you. not when you’re so divine, so bright and beautiful, so precious.

a wonder to society.

he’s lucky to be acknowledged by such brilliance.

“you’re the most capable man i know,” you whisper against his lips. he hums in satisfaction as you peck them gently before adding, “i have very high standards, you know.”

“i’m relieved i’ve met them. my greatest achievement to date.”

“i’m glad you’re wise enough to realize as such.”

“is my spot in your exclusive society secured then?”

“hmm. i’ll think about it—you’re still on thin ice.”

if nous has 0 haters im dead. anyway. veritas, i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you. did i mention i love you

let my man into genius society!!!! he belongs there more than anyone else!!!!! actually tbh he’s too good for that group of ppl (i say this but ruan mei is my gf sorry queen ur the exception)

Sometimes, Jason Todd gets this haunted look in his eyes. You don't quite know where he goes. Well, you have a vague idea, but you don't know.

You don't know what he's remembering when his hand starts to shake in yours. You don't know what he's feeling when his pulse starts to jump against his skin. You don't know what he's thinking when his breathing starts to shallow.

A part of you is glad not to know. What he has told you horrifies you, haunts your nightmares when his side of the bed has long since gone cold. When he's away from your side, protecting the city from the very monsters that tried to break him.

But a bigger part of you wants to share in his burdens. You want to help him carry the weight of his past, the memories that make his skin go cool and clammy despite his every effort to appear calm and collected.

But how can you protect him from what stalks him in his own mind? How can you soothe the scars that aren't physical, ease the thoughts he can't bear to say out loud?

You don't think you can.

But Jason holds your hand just the slightest bit tighter when you shift your weight, the only sign he gives that he's begging you not to go. His eyes, so desperate and distant, soften and clear just a little when they finally meet yours.

He comes so willingly, when you offer your shoulder for him to tuck his face into, to let him rest his weight againt yours and hide away from the world for just a moment.

And you know that you can't fix everything, nor can you fight all of his demons for him. But you can make it easier for him to find his way home.

You can hold him together, wrap your arms around his shoulders and keep him here, in this moment, with you, until there's not a doubt in his mind that you'll wait for him.

You'll stay, anchoring him to here and now, for as long as it takes for him to steady the racing of his heart in his chest. You'll always stay right where he needs you.

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

Call Of Duty Masterlist

Last Updated: 10/12/2023

Requests: OPEN

Current Works: 29

This is the masterlist for all my Call Of Duty work! Make sure to check back frequently for updates and feel free to send in your requests!

⭐ - Fan Favourite!

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

Jealousy, Jealousy

Anyone But Her ⭐

It Was Never Meant To Hurt

Painless Bruises ⭐

Captured In Tandem , Recovery In Tandem⭐

Forget Me Not

Bone Tired

Night Terrors

A Cracked And Fissured Door ⭐

To Hate A Heart That Beats For You

Where One Goes, The Other Follows

It All Comes Crashing Down ⭐

Solace For The Rough Nights

To Coax The Love From A Ghost

Meant To Be a Ghost, Not a Shadow

Superficial Wounds, Deep Devotion

I Swear I Asked For Two

The Price Of A Secret , 

A Fighting Chance,  Frayed Stitches Don’t Hold (Pt 2)  ⭐

Till Death Do Us Apart

Frightened Of The Fall

Cut From The Same Cloth

John Price

Sacrifices

Johnny ‘Soap’ MacTavish

Taken

Gentle Hands

A Still Beating Heart

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick

Welcome Home, Love