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𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆/𝒓𝒆𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒅/𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒅

“purple hour”

A rant about Eren in the last chapter.

❗️Obviously there’s going to be spoilers.

Since I only have one friend that keeps up with aot manga who didn’t like the ending, I rant here.

Personally I loved the ending.

I think the peaceful nature of it was perfect. The chapter felt like a sigh of relief after a whole series about fighting and stress and worrying for their lives.

People are confused or angry about the fact that Eren turned “weak” and “his character completely changed” during the part he broke down over Mikasa and I just want to express how I viewed it.

First of all Eren’s “tough/cool/badass” version that we see after the time skip isn’t truly Eren. That’s not his personality that we all know. You can even see in the people making “what would the aot cast do if...” jokes on tiktok when they make two Eren’s, S1-3 Eren and S4 Eren. We know exactly what the real Eren is like from right up until season 4. He was impulsive, loud, angry, at times whiny and he never hid any of his emotions. But he was also passionate and we saw how much he cared for his friends and his goals.

Season 4 Eren was a complete personality flip, not because he grew in that direction but because he knew his future and what he had to do to carry out his goal. He had to push everyone away and shut off all of his emotions or else he wouldn’t have been able to do it. Because of this, this version of Eren didn’t even feel human, let alone like the Eren we knew.

Then Eren had to say his goodbyes and explain his plan to all his friends. This is where we start at the beginning of 139. For the first time in ages it feels like Eren is back, and he is heartbroken and exhausted. We even see Armin realising the extreme burden Eren had to carry “all alone.”

Eren is a 19 year old who’s childhood was stolen from him by the cruel world he lived in. He immediately became a soldier and never even got the chance to properly mature in his teenage years because he had so much responsibilities that were so much bigger than him. He had to deal with so much pain anyway even before he unlocked all the memories, and he even says himself that his thoughts became “incoherent.”

He is literally on the verge of a mental breakdown and when Armin brings up Mikasa, the person he loves most in the whole world and possibly would’ve ran away with if she told him she loved him, he finally snaps and shows what he’s really thinking.

Eren doesn’t want to die. Eren doesn’t want Mikasa to move on because all he wants is to live on with her. He hasn’t been able to live any sort of life his own way because he had responsibilities put on him since the day he was born.

Of course he was going to start whining about her. He’s human. Humans have selfish wants and he just wants this one thing he can never get. He sounds immature when he says it because he is immature. That whole part of their conversation honestly brings a smile to my face because of the childish nature of it.

He literally gave up his life and people are complaining because he whined a little bit to his best friend because he couldn’t be with the girl he loved. He is not “weak”, a “simp”, an “incel” or a “pussy” for this. He’s normal.

Eren Jaeger is still the best written character in AOT, and the fact we see his emotions just furthers that point for me.

Ending note: My apologies I’m not good at writing and this was not written to attack people who disliked the ending, everyone is entitled to their opinion. The only thing I will not accept is either side attacking people who don’t have the same opinions as them or attacking Hajime Isayama for how he ended his own story when he knows the characters the best.

adding to my tbr!

Young Adult Contemporary Recommendations

What is it? YA Contemporary novels are what is often described as “Realistic Fiction.” Except for young adults—that is, teens. These feature a world, that for all intents and purposes, is our own and usually takes place in the present, but occasionally jumps back a decade or two (but not much more than that.)

This list is best if you just want those feel good, mindless reads that just leave you feeling good inside. There’s not gonna be any literary masterpieces here but I read purely for enjoyment. I would consider most of these books I liked to read on the toilet, to put it simply, and honestly I’ll probably just have a whole library in the bathroom of my future house. 

**personal favorites

Sarah Dessen Novels** (simple, light, and easy to read coming-of-age love stories / I have a whole separate post dedicated to her)

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before** Trilogy by Jenny Han: Fake dating is one of my all time favorite tropes in fanfiction/dramas and this is the YA book that does it the best because it takes inspiration from KDramas. The movies are good in bringing the story to life, but I really just feel like the books are better. I don’t really care for Jenny Han’s other books that much but TATB is just such a staple in YA contemporary. Also bonus points for Asian representation. (It was actually just supposed to be a duology but she spoiled us with a third book)

My Life Next Door** by Huntley Fitzpatrick: This that slow burn, friends to lovers, fuzzy feelings type of book. It’s got Sarah Dessen vibes and that’s always a plus in my book. I really liked how mature the characters were in this and like not frustrating (rare in teenage stories). It was funny, characters were developed beyond the main love story, and was just totally feel good. It’s YA contemporary at its best. It gets kinda dramatic towards the end similar to how a fluffy KDrama likes to throw in a random plot twist for dramatic tension at the end but that’s okay. I’m down for it.

Little Blue Envelopes Duology** by Maureen Johnson: Okay so you either like both books, like one book way more than the other, or dislike both. For me while I liked both, I enjoyed the second book (The Last Little Blue Envelope) WAY MORE. If you read it, y’all will probably figure out why but these are just fun travel around Europe books. It’s like a big old scavenger hunt across Europe and somehow that just makes it all better. I never reread the first book, but I’ve read the second book multiple times. 

Ruby Oliver Series (4 Books) by E. Lockhart: This is one of those series that gets better as the series goes on, so even if you’re not totally into The Boyfriend List, it’s pretty worth it to keep going if you’re looking for something funny and filled with A LOT of boys. Ruby is flawed, interesting, has anxiety and frequent panic attacks, was abandoned by all her friends and cheated on by her boyfriend and you can’t help but feel bad for her but also cringe internally at all her trials. The therapy sessions are hilarious, the footnotes are great, and overall just a good time. I did read this in high school though so my tastes might have changed but I just remember really liking these enough to buy the whole series (Also all the books are super short and easy to get through)

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart: Opposite of all the feel good, fun books on this list is We Were Liars. The plot twist is A1 and even though I didn’t personally connect with any of the characters, it was fascinating to read. It’s on the more serious side but is so well done and I find myself recommending this book to people when I don’t wanna share with them that I have the literary taste of a high schooler.

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins: I read this in middle school and I think it partly inspired me to take French in high school. It was just such a sweet romance and you can’t really be mad at this book because it’s so wholesome and genuine. It’s just a book that makes you love love and also really makes you wanna go to boarding school in Paris. There’s two companion novels (Lola and the Boy Next Door, Isla and the Happily Ever After) but they don’t really hold a candle to the original. 

Save the Date by Morgan Matson: Okay if you ask me what I specifically remember from this book, I can’t tell you a damn thing. That might be because I read most of it sitting in a Barnes and Noble but I remember having a good time with it. I’m also biased because I love weddings and the chaos of them and this book just captures it. I heard her other book Since You’ve Been Gone is better, but I’ve just never gotten around to it. 

Someone Else’s Life by Katie Dale: I was that kid in school that spent a lot of time in the library scoping the shelves for good YA and I picked this one up at random and it pleasantly surprised me. The plot twist was hella juicy and it was basically a Makjang KDrama (overly dramatic plot points). Like this shit was wild and like I don’t even know if it was actually good or if my high school self just got sucked into the craziness of it all. I’m putting it on the list anyways.

Flat Out Love by Jessica Park: This is another contemporary that has a big plot twist reveal towards the end. It’s one of those books that makes you fall in love with love but it also doesn’t miss out on the angst. It incorporates emails, social media, and texting without being cringe and I just remember it being a good book.

Perfect You and Something Maybe** by Elizabeth Scott: I have no strong reasoning for recommending these books outside of that I really really liked them when I read them back in the day. They were on the short side so I was always rereading them. I think it’s a trend with my contemporary recs in that I randomly found them at the public library and devoured them. I ended up loving them enough to actually buy them. I think what made them stand out was that they were funny and simple and just the right amount of spice to keep you enticed. 

Somewhere Only We Know by Maureen Goo: KPop Star meets a cute tabloid reporter (WHO IS ALSO ASIAN) and sparks fly. Objectively, this should not be good. Subjectively, I greatly enjoyed it. 

Kasie West Books: I don’t really know how she does it but this lady churns out books like a madman. Most of them are not great, and they’re really just a minor step above Wattpad but I figured I’d give her a shoutout just for the sheer number of mindless reads she puts out. If you gotta read her, the books I would suggest are On the Fence, The Distance Between Us, and P.S. I Like You.

To Read List:

Parachutes by Kelly Yang

Eren: FLOCH! REPORT! WHAT'S ON MY TO DO LIST?

Floch: Break Mikasa's heart and break Armin's face, sir.

Eren: Alright, let's go! Let me flex first really quick—

Hello! I’m sending this to various accounts: At ch132, it seems that Hange wasn’t planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that and how do you think Levi would react if Hange actually would’ve gone without saying goodbye? Do you think Hange underestimate their bond or was a way to protect both of them? Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades? If you took the time to answer this question, thank you very much <3

Hello!!

Thanks for the ask! Let's dig into your heartbreaking questions... And sorry not sorry it sort of became a whole meta (why I am like this haha)

1. It seems Hange wasn't planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that?

Goodbyes of beloved ones are always heartbreaking in AOT. But some are just too much of a wreck to face them without feeling like nearly falling apart...

We know Hanji almost always wore their feelings on their sleeves, revealed much through their eye(s). I think Hanji was feeling too much at that moment already, while at the same time having to shut their emotions down so they could keep their resolution to walk to their death unwavering. Thus, having to say farewell forever to Levi - the one who became almost a despite-this-hell-surely-you-will-be-there-tomorrow presence at her side throughout those long 10 years, and that they had risked their life to save as well as to whom she had "secretly" asked to run away with just 03 nights ago - damn... This certainly leaves someone shaking.

However, I don't think Hanji was planning on leaving without saying goodbye to Levi. Like, I surely can't imagine the words and intonation of the "See you" that Hanji used with the kids coming out of their mouth when they were dealing with Levi - that wouldn't work with them both because their relationship was very different! And also, rather than giving any comfort or feeling of proper closure, even the "See you guys later" left the kids at a loss...

More painful than this, though, is that (imo) the group were caught off guard seeing Hanji leaving, but they also saw that Levi was on their path. And then they seem to look even more shocked when Levi lets Hanji go because it's like they all expected that Levi would somehow produce some kind of miracle that would hold Hanji back...

Back to Levihan, tho, while Hanji couldn't bring themself up to say See ya to Levi, just the fact that while they were parting, Hanji asked Armin to take care of Levi shows that he was already in their mind. And, knowing each other for so long, I think Hanji knew there was no escape from facing Levi during her last moments alive...

Then, it's only in the wisp of seconds between the kids and the point where Levi stops and waits for them that Hanji figures what they both need to hear in order for them to keep her determination, and they both be somehow somewhat spared of further pain. (Unfortunately, Yams only drew Hanji's back when they turned around and saw Levi waiting for them. I wanted to see their reaction too...)

It will forever break me that Hanji cuts Levi's unspoken protests so sharp and so ready using "You understand" as their first words to stop him. Whenever I read these words, it's like time stops, and I can't help but remember Hanji's discourse in chapter 84. Mixing them up, it's like Hanji is saying, "You understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. [And now] It's my turn." But as if this wasn't heartbreaking enough already, Yams goes and adds, "I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now. So just let me go."

This just doesn't only disarm all the confrontation and arguments Hanji knows Levi was preparing to put up, but it also makes it clear that this goodbye, this parting, has such a power to hurt Hanji that they had better not even try anything anymore. And.God.This.Hurts.

Yams, why were you like this?!

2. How would Levi react if they hadn't said goodbye?

You see, imo, one of the worst things in life is losing someone without the chance of saying goodbye to them. Death is an occurrence so abrupt already! Can you imagine the immense amount of pain, hurt, and regret of you simply losing the person you've trusted with your own life for 10 years, and who knows you deeper and longer than anyone else and reciprocates the feelings, without you at least saying or expressing anything for this person in their last minutes alive??

There would be such heavy regrets in the survivor's heart...

So it's actually bittersweet to think Hanji wasn't planning on approaching Levi to say goodbye: I tried to imagine Levi just watching Hanji just waving at him from afar (like Annie to Armin) or maybe pretending he wasn't there, and I swear I can't help but laugh with a pain in my heart because no matter the situation, in my head, Levi would have never accepted that arrangement - neither from his part nor Hanji's!

Levi's pretty terrible at accepting things (especially death and defeat) passively. Which, thank Ymir, I think Yams thought as well. He made Levi - who during most of the chapter could hardly walk or stand up straight without help - muster the strength to walk those painful meters and "ambush" Hanji. Levi saw Hanji had walked from the hangar to where everyone was at the pier, and he nearly walked all the way up there too...

And man, just like Hanji had this wisp of a moment to think of a way to halt Levi's attempt of stopping her, Levi as well has just this wisps of a moment to find something to halt Hanji's deadly walk. It hurts deeply that Levi is probably aware there is nothing he can offer or do that Hanji would accept (because the only other option available would be him going in Hanji's place to fight the Colossals) but still, he attempts to try to stop Hanji.

I can't wait to see this whole sequence in the anime...!

3. Was it underestimating their bond or a way to protect them both?

By now, with this and all the other metas also answering this question, I think it's the second in our opinions! But to whoever has doubts about Hanji and Levi's bond, just reference tell them to reread chapter 132 without bias.

To sincere readers, it's impossible to look at all these panels and conclude that what they had together (romantic or not) was something ordinary...

4. Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades?

To me, the plane is Hange Zoë all the way to the depths of AOT angst! Especially because Onyankopon my hero is precisely looking at Levi, and Levi is making sure to have changed his hairstyle so evidently in a way that his bangs are completely out of the way of his scarred forehead and blind eye - the proofs that the fact he (and the others) could be there alive now was because Hans saved his (and their) life first...

By fulfilling his vow and helping to save humanity as his life mission, Levi was able to face all his dead comrades with heart at ease - like, letting them go because they would finally find some kind of peace. However, toward the personal 2nd chance in life he was given by Hanji when she saved him in the forest, and the 3rd chance at the plane's departure, there was nothing Levi could do about that now that Hanji was dead. Not that they would see it as "I need to pay you back", tho - but like, I wish I hadn't lost you at all, and that you were here with me.

Hence, there is nothing to do but acknowledge that despite "Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day" and that you still have to "keep moving forward", our personal responses to tragedy should be marked because "only after these events are memorialized can we move forward". And while our lives will never be the same after this, marking this occurrence with a memorial frees us to embrace the future...

...because only the living can remember the dead.

And like Mika said in chapter 07, "If I die now I won't even be able to remember you".

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don't know why but this brings severe nostalgia to me...

Что за зверь? Illustrated by Avrutis Avraamovich. 1985.