Godtookmygenderagain - GodTookMyGenderAgain

Artemis

lotr au where everything is the same except they have phones so for half of the journey legolas is getting spam calls from thranduil asking where tf he is

thing is - and hear me out - if s3 does by any minute chance incorporate any suggestion of a sex scene, it is imperative for me that they commit to the bit. i need crowley to nearly topple over trying to get out of his jeans, i need aziraphale to complain that they cant do anything downstairs because that would be scandalous, and i need them to trip over going up the stairs because they keep getting distracted. i need one of them to accidentally get an elbow to the face, i need them to have a long forgotten book digging into one of their backs, and aziraphale is horrified when crowley launches it across the room, and i need there to be hard cut to whickber street having a huge power surge, lines sparking, all the power going out, and every car alarm in a 2-mile radius start screaming, i don't need it to be explicit or overly romantic but i do need it to be fucking funny

your unreliable narrator fucking bit me

I had somehow found Will Wood’s phone number spray-painted onto an underpass, decided to text him, and I ended up blackmailing him into making more music. I dunno what that says about me, but it sure does scream.

SHE was a punk. HE did ballet. #woke #truelove

ok but why can imagine a dragon embryo who *knows* they are "misshapen" (has underdeveloped/absent wings) and chooses a dwarf. And when they hatch the dwarf leads them through the mountain tunnels and teaches them about recognising different gems and stones, shows them balconies where the strong winds at high elevation almost feel like flying. And the dragon helps in the mine, when smaller by scouting ahead and through crevices and when larger by holding up mine shafts that are about to collapse or lounging on a mountainside to keep watch.

A lot of post-Empire Inheritance fics have the new Riders be an even distribution between the four races as if the dragons have a diversity quota, but I sorta think they would tend to prefer elves first, then Urgals and humans, with dwarven riders being the most uncommon because their natural dospositions just. don't. match. The evolvement of their race is very territory-specific; namely to the mountains and stones and the world within them - what we get of dwarven culture shows them as a very clan-oriented, closed off group of people. And while that's changing a bit under Orik's rule, it doesn't change the fact that they naturally prefer stones and caves and a set settlement surrounded by clan and kin instead of flying on a dragon all over with multi-raced companions. Orik is as progressive and open-minded as you can get but even he hates flying! So I'd think that amongst dwarves it would take a really unique, adventurous individual to attract - and in turn be happy with - the companionship of a dragon and life as its rider. Such dwarves would be anomalies (in a good way, but still unusal), not the norm for their people.

There'd be more elves b/c canonically I think it's said somewhere that most Riders were elves. Granted the humans were only added in later but the elves' shared history with the dragons and the initial legacy that ties their races together runs too deep; their magic and culture - and even state of being - is wholly intertwined with each other (dragons gave elves immortality, elves gave dragons speech, they literally made each other into what they are) so I'd like to think there's always going to be this natural affinity between them, like a sense of innate kinship. Or a more symbiotic evolvement relationship like that of clownfish and sea anemones.

Urgals are the most similar to dragons in nature - they're straightforward, value strength and hunting prowess, in tune with the land and nature and celebrate all of nature's harsher laws in their constant desire to fight, hunt, and win, but upon achieving that they're content with their lot in life. No intricate politics or bottomless ambitions. All nice and simple and visceral. Aligns with the dragons perfectly. They can be the perfect hunting partners and no dragon bonded with an Urgal would need to deal with the vegetarian crisis.

Also the dragon's going to have the best playmate growing up, they can wrestle together and butt horns

Humans are the most unpredictable. And varied. Scanning human minds is prolly a lot like browsing ao3 tags, whatever niche trait the dragon embryo's looking for in a partner, there's bound to be a human who has it lol.

Do not go gentle into that good knight. He likes to be fucked much harder than that.