me with cultural sensitivity
you ever get assigned something as a project in school and for the rest of your life you have a strange attachment to the subject. in like seventh grade i had an assignment to make a poster about the elemental propoerties of osmium and to this day everytime someone mentions it im like 'YEAAAAAAH OSMIUM MENTIONED!!!!!!!!'
i love listening to MUSIC!!!!!! and imagining things happening
i’d say the best thing i have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. no psychoanalyzing them, no overthinking my actions, no asking what i could possibly do to keep their presence in my life. i just bring my best self to the table and always move from a place of love and respect. how that person responds is ultimately up to them. if that causes them to exit my life, i just let it happen. i will never be in the business of changing people. people are only ever ready to change when they’ve made the conscious decision to. all i can do is check myself and be kind always.
every day i discover more things about myself, like maybe i don't like being in a corporate job after working on thousand of pages of accomplishment report, or maybe it's because this is unpaid labor and i'm just money obsessed idk myself honestly
it's just that sometimes you have to love a thing including the ways that it inconveniences you like i keep picking dog hair out of my clothes because he steals things from my laundry basket to lay on them while i'm gone and whenever i use my laptop i have to type with my arms in a parabola to make room for his head on my legs and yes it's kind of a far ride to my mom's house but she always remembers to have dairy-free options available just in case i stop at home and nick lives in another timezone so we have to plan our calls carefully to be sure he's available and i'm not in bed and i hate driving and looking for parking but it means i get to visit my friends and i hate doing dishes but i'll do a million if it means i get to throw a dinner party for everybody and i hate being cold but one time we stood outside in the snow for 5 hours waiting for a concert, bundled up and red-nosed
i always apologize about the ways i take up space even when they're medical like at a restaurant i usually have to take the moment to say i really am allergic, sorry, and feel like i am making everyone around me angry and i always apologize when i am too tired to be funny or when i actually really do need to take care of my human body because it feels like i'm making everything about-me and i always apologize for the ways that i become needy; how i get scared when we're high up (and no for real please get down it actually kind of stops being funny) or how i panic if i hear a loud noise i wasn't expecting or how it's been years but there are days when i'm still doing the same shit, still drowning
the trick about relaxing, i think. like the answer to why i couldn't trust the idea anyone actually likes me. was realizing that at some point i am going to be an inconvenience, which means that at some point i need to trust other people want me to take up space. and yes, some people have to take up a lot of space. but. i relish this little gratitude: making room for people and things in my life. i love picking the dog hairs out of my food - it means i get to have a dog. i love answering the phone at 3 in the morning - it means someone is on the other line, and i can help them weave through life. i love the little chores - it means i have something productive to do. so what if you take up space - it means this world gets to have you.
Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)
controversial opinion but unfortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are mean to people, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have secret kind thoughts. fortunately you are your actions and what you say. if you are kind in your actions and your words, it doesn’t matter if you sometimes have mean thoughts. the power is in working against inner negative thoughts and being a better person despite it. you have the ability to cultivate the person you want to be.
YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY . You will find a WAY ….. you WILL find a way . You will find a way you will find a way……!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY YOU WILL FIND A WAY you will find a Way you will (find) a way you will find. a way you will find a way YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!!!!!
another important thing to remember is 1) u can pick up any hobby at any point in ur life and get outstandingly good at it & 2) the project u've been working on & aren't pleased w the current outcome so far will not be your last. u will draw/crochet/paint/sculpt/write another piece, and another, and you will have many chances to be fully content w your craft. so you should cherish the joy of making art instead of worrying ab the results & think ab how lovely it is that we're all vessels for artistry and we can share the divine act of creation!!!!!
— Louise Glück, from “Timor Mortis.”
I LOVE being alive so I can be mediocre at SO many different hobbies