we do not talk enough about the moment right before crowley puts his sunglasses back on. the "nothing lasts forever" is devastating and if you're like me your eyes were so full of tears you couldn't see the screen the first time you watched it (just like crowley, look at us all twinning in sadness!).
there is a shift that happens in his eyes and i think it is absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking at the same time.
we begin with crowley averting his gaze from aziraphale's face and staring off into the distance instead, and you can see his spirit break. that crowley just lost the one thing in the world he cannot live without and we can see it written across his face like a neon sign.
then, as you'd expect, he gives into the need to cover up his pain, to try and make himself less vulnerable, and even before he lifts his glasses he looks down so aziraphale can no longer see his eyes.
now, the next part is what would not let me out of its grasp all day. we know it happens because of his demeanour afterwards and up until the kiss, but you can actually watch as crowley makes himself numb to the world.
i am intimately familiar with dissociation as a trauma and stress response, and while you can never fully control it, you do eventually find the switch in your mind that makes you snap back into the haze. crowley has had six thousand years to get really, really good at leaving reality behind when he needs and/or wants to.
that's exactly what he does.
he still looks sad, and yet there's just something distinctly distant in his eyes, the shift from openly heartbroken to "i don't want to feel any of this let me leave".
glasses? on
emotions? off
hotel? trivago
i have stared at those four frames more than any person probably should and i don't know if it's the light, if i am going insane, or if there is a single tear sliding out of his right (our left) eye. i'm probably insane and the light is a bitch so if anyone has some high resolution shots or anything that could answer that question without a doubt PLEASE do add it.
by now you are probably ready to threaten me with a knife in a dark alley but before you do that or drive your car off a cliff, let me tell you the best part:
aziraphale notices.
they might be communicating on two different frequencies but aziraphale knows crowley. he knows and loves him, and, most importantly, over the last few years he has gotten used to seeing crowley without his glasses. aziraphale could probably write a book on the expressions in his eyes alone and watches that shift happen and is devastated.
look.
he tries to make himself hope the same second, tries to convince himself crowley is putting on his glasses so they can leave together, but he knows.
aziraphale sees the light leave crowley's eyes, sees crowley leave, knowing that he is quite literally running away from him. you and me against the world, angel, but in that moment crowley firmly pushes him back to "the world" (or tries to, anyway).
the entire season we see crowley take off his glasses whenever he enters the bookshop to the point where he's running around without them on in broad daylight with jimbriel right there.
can you imagine how hurt and confused aziraphale must be?
because what crowley is telling him, if we really, really break it down, is that aziraphale is no longer a safe person for him. and repairing that trust is going to take time and work, no matter how much crowley loves him, how badly they love and need each other.
anyway to seal this off and really rub in the pain - how it started vs. how it ended. <3
oh one last thing: now crowley no longer has a single person he can be himself around, no one that knows him, no one he trusts. no one in whose presence he can take his glasses off.
and outside of the bentley and his own flat, he no longer has a place to do so either. the bookshop was theirs. with aziraphale gone, is it really a safe place anymore? is it somewhere he can just let himself be knowing he will be looked after and protected?
easy answer: no.
alright, off i go. see y'all on the next angst post or in the tags.
Please please please please please please!🤞
Hand, anyone?
fourteen and the toymaker making out sloppy style but fourteen is actually kissing tooth!master
an angel and a timelord walk into a bar……..
I was watching the bts videos yesterday including the making of the opening credits and Mr. Anderson said “We added plaques to the back of chairs and Neil chose who to honour on them”.
He’s referring to the chairs we briefly see in the theatre where Aziraphale is doing his magic act:
Left to right: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and The Crow Road by Iain Banks.
I want to focus on these three in a row specifically because Neil chose to put those books there in that order and I had something of an epiphany last night about it all when insomnia was chewing on my toes.
These three books have also been mentioned out loud in the show in episode 2 when Gabriel is reorganising the shelves:
“It was the day my grandmother exploded” - The Crow Road
“It is a truth universally acknowledged-” - Pride and Prejudice
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” - A Tale of Two Cities
For those unfamiliar with the books, I’ll do a quick potted summary of each, with a focus on why I think they’re relevant and especially why the order of the chairs in the theatre feels relevant.
A Tale of Two Cities
Set during the French revolution with one lead who is an aristocrat who has stepped away from his class and background to support the less fortunate than himself because he disagrees with the way they did things. Also, he changed his name because he doesn’t want to be associated with the place where he came from.
The big culmination of the books is when said man is betrayed and set to be executed, but his friend takes his place. There is very literally a body swap by someone who looks very like him in order to save his life. This body-swap is done out of love.
aka - season 1.
Pride and Prejudice
Two people from very different class backgrounds have a very very bumpy start to their relationship because of misinterpretation, miscommunication and a lot of external pressure put on them by the rules of their respective societies. Both of them have different information and because of that, both of them are seeing exactly the same situation very differently. One of them tries to express his affection, but does it so badly that the other tells him there is no chance she will join him.
aka - season 2
The Crow Road
A young man tries to solve a mystery of someone’s disappearance using only the papers they left behind, with said young man’s background rooted in faith and belief in a higher power. There’s also a secondary plot about emotional growth into a more mature and more fulfilling relationship.
(And wouldn’t you know it, it’s the book handed to Muriel by Crowley, who tells them they’ll like it, and the Metatron comments on it)
aka - season 3
Needless to say, I am quite excited :)
Russel you bastard man
Don't do this to us again
some of my favorite panels from the gomens comic I made
The cottage will be Crowley’s “stars” because he will learn how to do everything himself there and he will be fixing stuff because he likes to know how and besides it’s fun. He’s an engineer after all.
He will be hanging stars again, when he will be hanging lights around the house for Christmas with Aziraphale gazing adoringly at him and taking too many pictures. And he will put the star on top of the Christmas Tree.
That childish happiness? Back on his face from the simple joy of freedom. Of building again - their home.
Aziraphale will still need to be rescued - or his appliances will, after all, Crowley I can’t finish baking if the mixer won’t start working again! Oh to have a husband who fixes the connection in moments and rescues the cake. Crowley will quickly realise that Aziraphale actually enjoys some of those appliances breaking once in a while.
Aziraphale will pretend he cares about fixing cars but mostly he will just learn names of the things so he knows what to give Crowley when he says “pass me the screwdriver” as he works underneath The Bentley. Aziraphale is there for the sweat, dirt and Crowley without a T-shirt, really.
Aziraphale will look at Crowley’s happy face and be so happy that he finally knows exactly how to bring that joy he had as an Angel back on his face.
Freedom. And them.
I'm really glad that for once, in 2023, a David Tennent character ended up "Happily ever after!"
Doctor Who, Good Omens and basically everything DT is in | Not a shipper per se, but feel rather partial to tensimm f***ed-up dynamics. Some other stuff as well - Classic Rock (mostly British), Art Deco, etc
228 posts