You Know, Nina And Maggie Wouldn't Have Been Locked In The Coffee Shop So Long If Aziraphale Had Just

Christmas Invasion Decided to do a series of seasonal themed Doctor Who illustrations as a fun project. This first special has always held a place in my heart because it was one of my earliest experiences watching doctor who.

Look at how fast David Tennant throws himself down those stairs.

This is from the Doctor Who Confidential episode “Stage Fright” (which accompanied The Shakespeare Code)

You can see that the three of them (the Doctor, Martha, and Shakespeare) start together at the top of the stairs.  David runs down at breakneck speed - taking the steps at least two at a time - leaving Martha and Shakespeare far behind (Freema and Dean are running more like normal people - being careful to not to kill themselves on the old and probably rather uneven steps).  

I don’t think he can even stand up straight on those stairs - he’s crouching down because the ceiling/covering is too low for him.  He somehow even manages to make it look graceful.  Amazing!

NO listen! for i have the true Crowley kiss analysis!!

He put distance as soon as Aziraphale pushed the idea of coming to heaven on him again after Crowley's confession. he already knew this was over, but when Aziraphale stops him they take second shots at explaining themselves to each other.

"we can be together!"

This is when Crowley tenses up, even if I cant for the life of me find a gif of it. Aziraphale thinks he's saying the same thing Crowley was during his speech about going off together, but he isn't.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you"

"I think I understand better than you do"

Crowley knows they couldn't really be together in heaven, not the way he wants. They could only be colleagues, essentially go back to the way they were working on Earth before. Sanctioned this time, but still just the same.

"you idiot. we could've been. us"

Crowley starts trying to describe exactly what the difference is. no nightingales, we could've been us, anything of their coded language that might get through to Aziraphale. but everything falls just short.

So he tries just what he did in the first episode. "just breathe, breathe and count to ten. that's what humans do"

he tries the human way.

it still doesnt work.

"Wild Blue Yonder" dealt with some of the emotional fallout of the Flux, so I want to rewind a bit and look at what that means for the Doctor.

I know that the Timeless Child and the Flux are contentious topics. I'm not here to argue either way. But now those storylines have decisively not been retconned, and with both of these fresh in my memory, I feel the need to offer some context for anyone who may not have seen it, and to recontextualize it for myself and anyone who has.

NotDonna: You don't know where you're from. The Doctor: How do you know that? How does anyone know? How does Donna know?

In "The Timeless Children", we find out that the Doctor was discovered as a child alone under a wormhole, and adopted by a woman named Tecteun. There was an accident where the Doctor fell from a cliff and regenerated, and subsequently Tecteun performed "experiments" on them to try to understand regeneration. The show minces words about this but she killed a child a whole bunch of times is what happened. Her experiments created the Time Lords and allow them to engineer their regeneration properties. The Doctor has no memory of any of this, and only finds out via the Master and information stored in the Time Lord Matrix.

The Doctor, predictably, doesn't tell anyone about this revelation. She makes a speech to the Master about how this makes her more, we get a single shot of her looking a bit tired in the TARDIS, then she immediately gets thrown in prison.

Ultimately, the Doctor doesn't know where they're from or who their parents are. And the very fact that they're not from Gallifrey is information that no one in the universe should have. Everyone who knew is now dead.

NotDonna: I saw it in your head. The Flux. The Doctor: It destroyed half the universe because of me. We stand here now, on the edge of creation, a creation which I devastated, so yes I keep running, of course I do! How am I supposed to look back on that? NotDonna: It wasn't your fault! The Doctor: I know!

A fun fact about the Flux is that the Doctor did not cause it. So why does he blame himself? Because the person who caused the Flux was Tecteun.

The reason why Tecteun wanted to destroy the universe is because the Doctor interfered with things too much. Too much morality. Too inspirational to people. She calls them a virus. So her solution to the problem of the Doctor is to destroy the universe, with the Doctor inside, and take her ship to a different universe to start fresh. She also was the one to steal all the Doctor's memories of previous lives in the first place. She's dismissive and patronizing and clearly does not care about the Doctor on an emotional level at all. Tecteun is a piece of work, and the implications of her actions and how they've shaped the Doctor have the potential to go deep.

Thirteen doesn't get too much of a chance to react to any of this, because there is plot going on. And shortly after they reunite, Tecteun gets killed by a different villain. So there was no emotional closure in the moment, and there's now no possibility for the Doctor to make sense of her actions. The Doctor does not tell any of her friends about any of these events. She keeps promising to tell Yaz but does not.

"Wild Blue Yonder" is the first time we, as the audience, hear the Doctor discuss the Flux. And their perception of events is skewed at best. The Flux wasn't caused because the Doctor made a mistake and a lot of people were killed, which is what you can argue for many other situations. The Flux and the devastation of the universe was caused by their mother, who promptly turned around and told them it was their fault for being such an interfering nuisance. We know that the Doctor is often an unreliable narrator, but this is beyond that. These are the words of an abused child who has internalized the narrative that the abuse was their fault.

So the Doctor being able to talk about this with Donna, who has seen what happened, who knows him, and tells him that it's not his fault — it means so much to him. He wants it to be her so badly. And then NotDonna laughs in his face. You can see the devastation. He thinks for one moment that he can finally talk about this with his best friend, and it's snatched away from him. He gives himself a moment to break down in the corridor, and then you can see the walls rebuilding as he suppresses it all again.

At the very end of the episode, back in the TARDIS, he's trying very very hard to be nonchalant. I'm curious. The NotDonna could remember all these things that happened to me while we were apart. Can you? Just wondering. Things happened, but I'll be fine. In a million years. It's not a joke.

He wants so badly to be able to talk about this. You can see it in all the lines of his body language. He's keeping himself together but is prepared to fall apart in an instant. He doesn't want to actually tell anyone, but if Donna just magically knew already, and could tell him it wasn't his fault — well, that would make the world of difference. But she doesn't know, and he can't bring himself to tell her. And so the cycle continues.

Aziraphale is a victim of abuse

Oh boy let me talk about how clearly Aziraphale mirrors a victim of abuse. Warning for spoilers obviously.

Throughout season 1 and 2, we are shown clear examples of Aziraphale being ridiculed and abused by the Archangels. They tore down Aziraphale's confidence and made him believe he was "soft" and "useless". The things they said to Aziraphale sound a lot like the comments Nina received by her abusive partner Lindsay.

And, like Nina, he needs to realize how to heal from that trauma. Because unlike Nina, Aziraphale once again fell for abusive and manipulative tactics, namely Metatron's love bombing.

Metatron came and told him that this time, things will be different because Aziraphale will be the one in charge, subsequently validating Aziraphale's belief that the problem isn't Heaven and Hell as institutions, it's the people running those institutions that are the real issue. This is a very clever way to manipulate Aziraphale and it's also very realistic, as victim's of abuse often go back to their abuser. Why?

Abusers manipulate their victims into thinking that 1. they NEED to stay because they would be nothing without their abuser and 2. that this time it will be different and that they love them (see. Metatron offering that Aziraphale run Heaven and finally saying what Aziraphale's always wanted to hear: "You did the right thing"), also known as love bombing. It's what makes leaving a destructive relationship so hard, because deep down victims cling onto the hope that things will get better eventually.

Abusers also destroy their victim's other relationship, leaving them without a support network and no one to turn to once the abuse inevitably starts again. Metatron did just that, he KNEW Crowley would be upset, and as soon as he was able to he belittled Crowley ("He always wanted to do things his own way" and "He asked too many questions"), subtly discouraging Aziraphale from doing the same. By doing what he did he effectively cut off Aziraphale from the one person who could change his mind. It also means he has an easier time getting Aziraphale to do his bidding, because now, Aziraphale feels like he has nowhere to go to if he wants to leave Heaven.

Metatron, as an extension of Heaven, is the abuser, and Aziraphale is the victim. Crowley already knows Heaven and Hell are toxic, but Aziraphale hasn't realized that yet. I believe that season 3 (pray we get one), will focus heavily on how that abuse and manipulation will continue until Aziraphale learns to stand up for himself, and finally leave the relationship which has hurt him for so long.

Guys. Let's talk about the Eccles cakes. Shall we?

When Crowley orders six shots of espresso, Aziraphale considerately asks for something that "calms people down". Nina then suggests him to get Eccles cakes.

Now the word, "Eccles" originally means "The church". It foreshadowed the season finale where Aziraphale asks Crowley to join heaven. It is a callback to Crowley being the (sauntered-vaguely-downwards) fallen angel. Crowley was given a choice to join heaven again. To eat the Eccles cake. But he doesn't. He doesn't want to be calmed down and hushed. He has found his voice, his own side. He knows the truth about Heaven and Hell and God.

The Eccles cake is also called the "squashed fly cake' because the inside is filled with black currants. This could be a metaphor for hell. How Crowley was also asked back to hell and he said no.

Aziraphale ordering Eccles cakes shows the inner struggle that he is facing. He cares for Crowley. He wants to be there for him. But at the same time, he believes whole heartedly in heaven. He still thinks of God's plan as ineffable. As indubitable. He believes that Crowley and he will be happier in Heaven. He fails to see that even if heaven seems to be the side of "truth and light", on the inside it's all squashed flies. It's just as bad as hell. That when heaven ends life on earth it will be just as dead as hell ended it.

Crowley is Lucifer

(Ok I know some of you don't believe this theory but I highly suggest you give this a quick read anyway. I tried to make it short and easy and I'll be going chronologically, from s1 all through s2)

- First, let's get this out of the way, Lucifer and Satan aren't neccesarilly the same person. Even in the show the devil that appeared in s1 has only ever been reffered to as Satan, not even once as Lucifer.

- In the bible Lucifer was the one to tempt Eve with the apple, and who do we know that does that in the show. Crowley is literally THE snake from Eden.

- An obvious one perhaps, but the red hair is also a giveaway

- In the bible Jesus was tempted by the devil for 30 days, in the show Crowley says "I showed him all the kingdoms of the world", so that's another role Lucifer has that Crowley had in the show

- It's well known (even mentioned in the Sandman) that Lucifer was the most beautiful of all angels, and our demon is played by no other than David Tennant

Now on to season 2 because there's a LOT to unpack here

- He litterally started the engine of the universe which was one of Lucifers roles

- He's the first to say "let there be light", which is pretty fucking huge since that is Gods line

- "I worked closely with upstairs on it" even in the first scene they're telling us Crowley is an angel of very very high rank

- He fell for asking questions, which is litterally what Lucifer fell for, for questioning God. This in and of itself should be a pretty big indicator. "I only ever asked questions"

- Shax: "a miracle of enourmous power only the mightiest of archangels can perform"

Crowley: "How do you know I didn't do it"

And Shax just... doesn't counter that. She looks even skeptical, as if it COULD be a possibility, unlike Uriel who says to Aziraphale don't excpect us to believe you did it. Shax litterally doesn't shut the option down which confirms Crowley has the power not only of an archangel but of the mightiest kind

- In the bookshop with Gabriel/Jim he says "I don't remember. It [gravity] seemed like a good idea when we were all talking about it"

- "You're welcome to come in, you might even spot an archangel" don't tell me this was Crowley just egging Shax on and not being sneaky

- The fact that he could sense the demons coming. "Somethings wrong""It's coming in waves", when Aziraphale couldn't. It could be a demon thing but we saw Sandalphon, an archangel of lower rank, in the first season mention "something smells evil" so obviously angels can sense demons too, they just have to be powerful enough. And keep in mind Sandalphon was already in the book shop for quite some time, Crowley sensed them even before they had arrived (he also sensed the hell hound who was some fucking miles away)

- The.fucking.folder. "You have to be a throne or dominion above" and this dude opens these clasified documents like it's nothing. If this isn't an indicator of his high position as an angel I don't know what is.

- He's worked with Saraqael, another very high ranking angel

- "I'm the only first order archangel in the room"... and the camera imediately pans to Crowley, and for anyone who's read the book and watched the show you know that rarely anything is coincidental

- When the Metatron says they can't lose another prince of heaven. This... this fucking line. So it's relatively well known that Gabriel and Lucifer are brothers, and if Gabriel is one of the princes of heaven I wonder who the other one could be. "Two princes of heaven". And the Metatrons words were very careful, he doesn't say lost as in heaven can't find him, he says it in the context that they won't be sending Gabriel to hell since they won't lose another prince to downstairs

- In the bookshop when no one can identify the Metatron he turns to Crowley who imediately recognises him. Now you have this dude, who's literally on top of the angel hierarchy and is responsible for running heaven and the connection to God themself, surrounded by archangels and a principality you spoke to face to face with just a few years ago and... none of them can tell who you are, the only one who does is the literal demon. That tells us that Crowley has not only seen him in this form, but has probably worked with the Metaron himself personally. "Always asking damn fool questions", 10 million angels and he remembers what this one particular angel was like 6000 years ago

- Crowley is also very reluctant to reveal his identity as an angel. Now if he were just an ordinary angel of no real significance he wouldn't have a problem revealing his name, but... if his name was one that's the literal representation of all evil in this world, then it is understandable he keeps it a secret, in fear he might scare Aziraphale away

- And I wanted to leave the best for last. So you remember in the book when Crowley has to sign his name to start Armaggedon, and Hastur tells him "no, your real name" after which he reluctantly writes it. Now in the book we never see him write anything, but in the show we see him write a sygil, something that looks very mich like an L. An L... A FUCKING L. And now I wonder how this theory didn't come up sooner.

(Also he can fucking stop time, like dafuq)

Edit:

- "Oh looky here it's Lucifer and the guys" we all thought he was talking about someone else, he's just refferencing things other angels have said about HIM. FUCK

- I keep seing people saying Crowleys memories were wiped because he couldn't remember Saraqael and Furfur. But I think people forget, demons lie. He's lying to make them think he's not that angel they worked with, that he's not Lucifer. (In season 1 we hear him a few times refferencing his life as an angel, so he does remember most of it)

- Also saying if the Raphael theory were true then as showrunners they would have mentioned him somewhere for those not that familiar with the bible (or don't read much fanfiction). The refferences for Crowleys past are so so vague that it would be too sudden and confusing if he were Raphael. But there is one name that everyone is familiar with, no matter who you are how old you are or where you're from, a name that needs no introduction.

when simm says ‘I don’t know what I’d be without that noise’ and ten says ‘I wonder what I’d be without you’ it makes me so insane because like

they’re both naming something that actively hurts them, that has fundamentally changed who they are and that has made them a darker, less controlled version of themselves. it has caused them so much pain and yet they’re terrified to be without it

for the master, there’s the drums and for the doctor, there’s the master

There should be a quick moment of Crowley and Aziraphale very close, alone, just finished kissing and Crowley has a smirk on his face and says something that Michael Sheen would be very proud of him for saying

this promo photo. this. as a promo photo. that's just cruel