An Incredible Analysis From The Apparel Point Of View, So To Say.

Response to “The Magic Trick You Didn’t See” / The Coffee Theory

I, like many people in the Good Omens fandom, have already read the big essay “The Magic Trick You Didn’t see” –which blows up the coffee theory that’s been circulating on my twitter page to greater heights and big claims. I have some thoughts.

First of all: I think that the original essay has a few details wrong, essentially because it falls into a kind of utilitarian perspective with the whole magic show metaphor. The thing is –sometimes details which are left hanging, or themes which are shown to be important, don’t always tie up somewhere. Sometimes they’re there because they’re interesting, or poking at intrigue –trying to get you to notice and note down for later, rather than evidence of one ultimate solution that’ll be revealed as a holistic great plot. Also “I didn’t think the writing was good in this moment” isn’t very convincing to me, I’m sorry.

But –I do think that they were onto something. I hesitate to make any grand claims, like “Maggie isn’t real,” or “The Metatron is editing the book of life,” because -to be honest- I don’t trust myself to put my name to something as big as that, and I don’t want to erase my favourite thing about Good Omens: its whimsicality. But I will say that there are themes and notable elements which I think will be important later and hint at some larger fuckery (if you’ll excuse the OFMD reference) going on, so consider this a kind of rejigging of the theory to be a more thematic approach that lays out things I just thought were interesting under an more open-ended (or flip-floppy, depending on how you take it) idea:

Something was going on this season which will be revealed as a Heavenly plot to split Aziraphale and Crowley up by the end. It worked. And the person to reveal the greater plot will be Muriel.

I’ll write down first of all a list of things that have been introduced to the world of Good Omens which I think are important, and highlight why one of them sticks out to me. Then I’ll work on a thematic basis of what things are shown to be worth narrative focus/presuppose S3. The first two themes are very much commentary drawing on the essay I’m responding to, and the second two are more my own ideas –certainly the fourth.

Okay, so: there are introductions to the Good Omens-verse which are clearly there to expand our world for later use. I don’t know if all of these things will come up again, but by the end of this season we know:

There are Nazi (and possibly more) zombies running around London.

There is a gun in Aziraphale’s bookshop -in case it’s needed. 

Heaven is interested in keeping things quiet, and they will fiddle with memories to do so. Erased memories can be “stored” in things/creatures.

There is a thing called “The Book of Life” that if you’re written out of, you NEVER EXISTED. (It can be edited, too, presumably.)

Crowley is possibly the most powerful being in the show. “Half a tiny miracle” ends up being enough to resurrect someone 25 times over, and his attempt to stay calm after a little tiff with aziraphale results in draining the street of electricity. Also he created the entire universe. (coming back to amend this with the fact Neil said he got going just "that tiny corner of space" -but I still feel there is significant evidence to say he is very powerful:) )

I lay these out because they’re just good to have noted down, really, and because they’re definitely GOING to be important. ALSO because the last one makes sense for the greater aim to be breaking up the ineffable husbands. Emphasis on Crowley’s power –and for their shared power– sets up a REAL threat for what we KNOW will be the basis of s2: The Second Coming. If you’re Heaven, and you want the second attempt at an apocalypse to be successful, you’d be stupid to let the two celestial beings who were meddling in the whole averted-apocalypse ordeal last time to just be AROUND for it. Especially when one has the ability to stop time!!! You’ve GOT to break them up. 

Theme 1: Investigation (Muriel!)

Investigation is a fun little theme in s2: Aziraphale goes full detective mode. He loves the clues, he’s in his little trilby investigating. All the marketing was very investigative and invites the audience to pay close attention. And there are SO many little easter eggs. From The Colour of Magic appearing to Gabriel reading the first lines of Good Omens –even as small as a Terry Prattchet impersonator speaking over the tannoy in Hell, or the film in The Resurrectionist being chosen specifically to play because there’s a scene where Jimmy Stewart talks to a fly. 

So! Investigation is fun! It’s important. And my favourite part of the essay I’m responding to is definitely that about Muriel. I think that all this build up to the detective-vibe is going to cumulate in their s3 role. Essentially: I entirely agree that they are coded as the one to blow open this whole case in S3. The police costume and giving them The Crow Road are certainly suggestive–but more than anything, leaving them in charge of the bookshop (full of Aziraphale’s diaries and books and everything) props them up perfectly to earn the promo they got for s2. Because I’m not sure about you, but my mutuals and I were shocked that the NYCC scene (“hello hello hello, I’m a human police officer!”) didn’t happen until episode three. From the way the promo was going (character profiles, trailer etc.) I thought Muriel would be in s2 WAY more.

They also make a HUGE point of how Muriel is considered “nobody.” They say it themselves, they’re called “the dull one” by Metatron.

They set them up perfectly to solve this later.

Theme 2: Memories and Stories:

Memory! Another theme! –memory that can be tampered with, contained, erased and returned.

Heaven is willing to meddle with and erase memories if necessary. They are, then, SUBTLE.

There is no God narrator.

There is a statue immortalising a very real Gabriel (somehow/for some reason –Gabriel was also involved in its making?) 

My favourite part of season 2 was definitely the minisodes. The costumes, the settings –I was so surprised to find the horses and carts in ep 3 were CGI in the X-Ray! They look so good! I loved how every single flashback was incredibly vital and interesting to expand on Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship –that convo on the rock in ep 2? WOW. Stunned. Anyway, not to go on.

I completely disagree with the conviction that these were edited. I think that, to the contrary, these memories are (IF there’s something going on with temptation/persuasion (more on that later) and The Book of Life) are ENTIRELY real. And the reason for that is highlighted in the very essay: each memory is tied to a physical record of it happening. The Book of Job; the Polaroid in ‘41, and Aziraphale’s diaries. This is not to say that there aren’t still gaps: where was the “I’m sorry” dance of ‘41? If Aziraphale wasn’t drinking in 2500 BC then when did he start? Just little things like this.

This is the thing: stories, words, are vital. The challenge that they gave the guy who did Sherlock (I can’t remember his name I’m sorry!) –it’s talked about in the X-Ray– was to have words pop out in 4 different ways across S2. This a fun stylistic choice, but it also gives words narrative attention, so ties in with all this. Without God to narrate, narratives and accounts are left to the characters within the world. It’s fun and important both. So is the spelling stuff. Maggie can’t spell, neither can the demons. (She may be a demon herself –I’m not entirely convinced it’s this simple, tbh, but Aziraphale’s miracle not working on her in ep5 is definitely a red flag.) Anyway – it’s also interesting.

With all this, my idea that Heaven/Metatron had been planning the aziracrow divorce from the beginning might mean they’re tampering with The Book of Life –it also could mean that they’re ABOUT to do something weird with Aziraphale’s memories, or all these pieces are going to become very very helpful for Muriel’s investigation.

I really do wonder what this role of records, memories and narratives will come to, but I have a feeling it’ll bleed into s3.

Theme 3: Food

Crowley was the reason Aziraphale tried food in the first place. I just wanted to put that down because of course he was, but also it is deeply INSANE that he INTRODUCED AZIRAPHALE TO THE CONCEPT OF EATING. God, David was right. They really don't exist without each other.

This is kind of the point I make with food here: it’s a HUGE theme in s2, largely just to emphasise the fact that it’s powerful.

For some reason (jokey or otherwise) eccles cakes can “calm you down.”

Aziraphale becomes significantly bonded to Crowley by eating the Ox in ep2. Later, Crowley is “as strong as an Ox." –fun little echo.)

They drink the same wine as always in ‘41 –they share no wine in s2, just the sherry and whiskey respectively. They also don’t share a meal, which seems interesting. I personally think that it’s to do with consumption being a metaphor for queer desire, and the absence of it being a sign of C/A being on “their own side” in s2. Crowley abandons temptation as Aziraphale abandons attempts to “save” Crowley. –-Or it may mean something else!

Crowley drinks laudanum and it makes him go lala. It ALSO makes him turn tiny, then giant, and he does something kind –kind enough to get him dragged off to hell and tortured so badly that he’s asking for holy water as “insurance” 40 years later.

That fucking oatmilk almond coffee. Okay. So if food is powerful, this has weight. From the colour of it being weird against the background to the fact (to quote my dear friend Jey) “nobody fucking drinks almond syrup!!” –I’m sure you’ve see all this going around. Almonds are obviously very poison-coded, and considering the above point I smell something strange. (I don’t believe it was quite a case of drugging per say, but more metaphor: Aziraphale is being tempted. He’s being manipulated, and drawn back into the culty office world of heaven.)

So what we know here is that food is powerful. An important metaphor and force (especially for aziracrow.)

Theme 4: Resurrection

OKAY: so, this is the most original of my listing in these themes. I am so interested in this resurrection thing they’ve got going.

The Resurrectionist pub: where Gabriel and Beez come to their plan. We see that The Dirty Donkey is a lift to heaven (which NOT enough people are talking about) –so what about The Resurrectionist? What power does it hold as a space? Why is the legacy of Mr Dalrymple important?

Why did (wee) Morag’s eyes glow briefly? Is she a zombie now?

Zombies exist. We know this. They’re also tied to the concept of consumption, which is cool.

Heaven measures miracles by Lazarii.

Gabriel, in one of his flashes of prophecy, says: “there will come a tempest (...) the dead will rise from their graves and wander the earth once more.”

These are all cool. Thematically, it seems that being raised from the dead is going to be something big. I’m interested in this, considering that after Gabriel said the above mentioned prophecy my good friend Jey said “hold on, is this going to be about The Rapture?”

Now: we know that “668: Neighbour of the Beast” was supposed to be set in America. Whether it actually is or not, I don’t know, but I think that if it is about a second coming on American soil, The Rapture feels VERY pertinent. The dead are the first to rise and be with God in The Rapture, but all believers join them: and they join them permanently. In some versions, there is a period in which Christ rules the earth. All very fun and interesting prospects for s3!

Where this leaves us:

S2 is the “bridge” between 1 and 3, in Neil’s words. It’s the “romantic filling” of the sandwich.

I would argue that some seriously tough bread started with “oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever,” but hey ho, that’s the very ending of the season. I just want to talk about coded language/draw on what I’ve just said to talk about how we’re set up for the structures of s3:

Heaven is a CULT. A serious cult. From the (temptation) manipulation of the coffee, to the man at the pub calling Gabriel a “mason” –which I’m assuming he means freemason– to the frankly INSANE smile on Michael Sheen’s face as the credits roll (also sickening lighting there)– they are a big threatening cult, and that is going to be important. I think it’ll just get increasingly so.

FurFur and Shax have it OUT for the ineffable husbands. Like they are NOT fans. And they seem to also be buddies now so… not great news.

In The Scene </3 Crowley stops himself short of saying he’d like to spend eternity with Aziraphale, and instead asks him to “go off together,” just like s1 –I think their language is going to develop hugely in s3. It’ll go back to being the space they “carved out for themselves,” only further.

And finally: a bet. The last time we see Crowley, he’s in a car full of plants because he’s carrying “their side” away with him. I am willing to bet –not that this is a hottake or anything– that it’ll end, as it began: in a garden. S3 will end in the garden of their South Downs Cottage !!!

The thing is, Aziraphale does see Crowley. He can see Crowley is on edge, he can see he isn't happy. There are many ways in which he is adept in reading expression and gesture (all those years through dark glasses), and the things Crowley does say, with the indirect speech they've both been forced to adopt. Aziraphale sees him and he knows he's not okay.

But they've switched roles, and Aziraphale doesn't know how to be the one who comforts and reassures. Partly it's because he's spent his whole life being afraid, and Crowley mostly wasn't -- Crowley was always the one saying never mind, they never check, they don't care who does the job so long as it gets done. Now Aziraphale is finally at a time in his life -- oh glory -- when he thinks he doesn't need to be afraid, and he doesn't know what to do with Crowley's fear. Just like he didn't know what to do with it when Crowley first asked for holy water.

And that's the other thing about Aziraphale: he's not okay with not being okay. Negative emotions are not okay. You don't feel them, you don't acknowledge them, you certainly don't discuss them. "Buck up, Hamlet!"

It's his flavor of traumatic upbringing, of course, but some of it is specific to Aziraphale himself. At heart, he's an idealist. Aziraphale believes in better. It prevents him having a fully reciprocal relationship with Crowley or even with himself, because only good things should be allowed, and if things aren't okay, then by God (yes), he will make them okay.

whatever the doctor and the master have going on is so much more complex than just “enemies-to-lovers” or even “friends-to-enemies-to-lovers” in the most deranged way possible. they’re friends, enemies, lovers, rivals, bitter exes, reluctant allies, arch-nemeses, and they’re constantly, rapidly oscillating between those things. usually they’re more than one of those things simultaneously. they’re lovers who regularly try to kill each other. they’re tentatively repairing their friendship but still can’t trust each other. they’re hatefucking. they’re searching in each other for a lost innocence they can never truly recover. they’re enemies with benefits. they’re each going scorched-earth to annihilate the other. they’re a disgrace to their species. they’re the last of their species. they both want to carve out the parts of themselves that resemble the other. they ran together through fields of red grass under the orange sky of their now-destroyed homeworld and made a pact to run away together to see every star in the universe. i just. do you understand.

Russell OMFG T Davies, I hope you know what you're doing.

Because I don't want him to go.

I'm not ready yet.

I'm not sure I will ever be.

Well, I'm rather sure I won't.

We've had Doctor and Donna for... what, an hour and a half of shared screentime?.. and now we're leading into the finale that would most definitely break theirs' and our hearts, right?

Oh for fuck's sake, why do I even care that much?!

Cause I love them, that's why. Simple as that.

There are no capital letters capital enough to express how stylistically impeccable that artwork is. WOW is nowhere near enough.

good omens posting !!! (click image for optimal quality)

prints available here

I do think people are forgetting, sometimes willingly, that Aziraphale is JUST as heartbroken over the rejection as Crowley

They did not walk out of there with Crowley destroyed and Aziraphale bummed but getting over it once he was in the elevator. Aziraphale went to Crowley all giddy and excited because he really thought this was finally it, this was finally their chance to be happy, and he sees it as Crowley taking that chance and stomping on it. H wasn’t lying when he said he needed Crowley, he DOES, and now he thinks Crowley chose his hate for heaven over his love for him just as Crowley thinks Aziraphale chose his devotion to god over his devotion to him

It wasn’t as simple as “Aziraphale rejected Crowley” they both think the other rejected them it was essentially the messiest mutual break up you’ve ever seen

They’re both completely heartbroken and do not see the part they played in their own heartbreak. Both thinking THE OTHER caused it. It’s such a mess. It’s SUCH a mess I cannot STAND these two

NO listen! for i have the true Crowley kiss analysis!!

He put distance as soon as Aziraphale pushed the idea of coming to heaven on him again after Crowley's confession. he already knew this was over, but when Aziraphale stops him they take second shots at explaining themselves to each other.

"we can be together!"

This is when Crowley tenses up, even if I cant for the life of me find a gif of it. Aziraphale thinks he's saying the same thing Crowley was during his speech about going off together, but he isn't.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you"

"I think I understand better than you do"

Crowley knows they couldn't really be together in heaven, not the way he wants. They could only be colleagues, essentially go back to the way they were working on Earth before. Sanctioned this time, but still just the same.

"you idiot. we could've been. us"

Crowley starts trying to describe exactly what the difference is. no nightingales, we could've been us, anything of their coded language that might get through to Aziraphale. but everything falls just short.

So he tries just what he did in the first episode. "just breathe, breathe and count to ten. that's what humans do"

he tries the human way.

it still doesnt work.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about Az being controlled by the Metatron but I don’t buy it. 

I’m fully on board with Aziraphale making stupid decisions for what he believes is the greater good. We’ve had evidence time and again of him wanting to get Crowley back on the side of angels so he’ll be safe. “they’ll destroy you”/“they’ll kill you” was his biggest fear all through S1 and that fear hasn’t gone away, especially now the neutrality protection has gone from the bookshop and Heaven and Hell can both get in.

You’ll notice he said “I don’t want to go back to heaven” until the moment the Metatron tells him that it means he could guarantee Crowley’s sanctuary and safety. And this is not ten minutes after the rest of heaven’s archangels were planning on wiping Aziraphale completely from the book of life and leaving Crowley alone? The Metatron didn’t have to threaten Crowley. The threat has always always been there. Aziraphale didn’t choose death because he’s predictable.

Trouble is that the Metatron knew Crowley wouldn’t want it (he’s always been an independent one, going his own way, asking questions) and is using this as something to drive a wedge between them. Because the Metatron fully admitted that “we’ve kept track of your history” and as Gabe said re. Armageddon “at least we know who’s fault it was” that it stopped.

Together, Crowley and Aziraphale have stymied Heaven more than once. Together, they produced a miracle that exceeded the power of the Supreme Archangel and could raise the dead 25-fold. Together, their interference/cock-ups led to the failure of Armageddon and Heaven doesn’t want to risk that when they’re working up to the big one, The Second Coming.

They know Aziraphale and Crowley together would be a liability. They needed them separated by whatever means and they have it. They knew Aziraphale would want to do good - everyone knows Aziraphale is a good guy. Even Gabriel, when his memory was gone, went straight to Aziraphale because he instinctively knew this is someone who would protect him. And everyone knows that Crowley is the rogue angel. The Metatron clearly knew him and described him as someone “who always wants to go his own way”.

The Metatron played on both their fears. He also played on Aziraphale’s belief that Heaven can still be good: he came in just in time to save him from erasure from the book of life, he implied that he’s much more like Aziraphale by bringing him nice sweet things and encouraging him to imbibe them, he offered safety and protection for Crowley to keep him out of harms way. But simultaneously, he slammed Crowley’s big red horror button at the idea of being under Heaven’s thumb again. He knew exactly what he was doing.

TLDR: Aziraphale did what he always did. He’s a guardian. He’s doing what he feels he needs to in order to keep people safe. And Crowley did what he always did by rejecting Heaven. The Metatron used that and pressed his and Crowley’s buttons to make sure he split up the dream team to make sure the next Armageddon isn’t interrupted by their interference.

Today I remembered what it’s like to *casually* switch your phone on time and again - just to see how beautiful your lock screen picture is. 

Beautiful and enigmatic enough to provoke questions I'd be only too happy to answer!

I made this wallpaper for myself but I’m done gatekeeping it

Please enjoy ❤️

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“This one’s dedicated to you, pal”