Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Slow Horses (TV), Slough House - Mick Herron Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive

Thoughts inspired by @saulbetter's recent posts.

This show is kind of sold or discussed as "spies! but they suck at being spies!" But the thing that all the slow horses actually have in common isn't that they're bad spies, it's that they're people without social capital. They actually range from competent to excellent at the technical aspects of their work (Ho, Catherine, Marcus, Shirley, Coe, and even River are all good at the hard skills of their jobs. We are told Louisa screwed up but in both show and books she is shown to be one of the most reliable performers on the team). But they don't have friends or patrons to protect them when things go sideways.

The reason they're the rejects is because they're loners who struggle to connect with other people for all their various reasons (childhood trauma, job-related PTSD, addiction, personality disorder, inherent temperament). So they're playing checkers when their internal opponents at Regent's Park are playing chess. To the extent that they even realize that the social/political game exists (Ho and Catherine mostly don’t), they're bad at it (Coe, Lech) and/or think they shouldn't have to play it (Marcus, Shirley). River impressively manages to be deficient in all three aspects: totally naive to the politics of advancement within the Park, bad with people, and so committed to his own view of himself as a Boy Scout that he thinks he shouldn't have to sully his hands with any of it.

This is why the show is such a brilliant office drama. This one is for all the folks who are good on paper but bomb in interviews, for all the people who are promoted based on their technical mastery and then shit the bed as managers because they're illiterate at reading people. This is why it's such a stroke of genius that River's ascendant career is cut off at the knees by tailing Taverner. He's so full of himself and such a try hard that he mistakenly thinks doing an unrequested extra credit assignment about his boss makes him clever instead of creepy, annoying, and red flagged as a potential troublemaker.

Unfortunately, because Mick Herron is unable to let the story or the characters grow, this excellent premise results in some deep weirdness later in the book series. (Weirder than the deadbeat dad child soldier sex cult plotline, you say? Idk, you be the judge.)

Book spoilers under the cut.

First, let’s talk about Lech Wicinski. (I know, no one wants to talk about Lech Wicinski, but he is the curly-haired insomniac introvert of my heart so I’m going to talk about him.) I love Lech but parts of his origin story are so stupid. He’s just a normal guy who is comfortable in his niche and relatively unambitious and gets screwed by ambitious people’s big ego shenanigans, which he falls into by accident when he unthinkingly steps outside his work comfort zone for a minute. So far, so good. But then, while he’s desperately trying to save his job and reputation, he’s also… not? Like, why would this sort of overly serious but otherwise very normal young-ish middle class man immediately and inexplicably decide not to seek medical treatment for a profoundly disfiguring injury? Why does he never even actually try to show to his fiancee that the revelation that causes the breakdown of their relationship was completely fictitious? It makes no sense! Except, the author is lazily destroying Lech’s social capital to make it make sense that he’s now a slow horse for life. 

Similarly, River can’t have Sid in S1 because she is a bright and well-rounded person while he is cute but also an idiot nepo baby manchild. So do the books resolve this imbalance by allowing River to grow - or even just change - in response to various challenges like dashed career aspirations, finally meeting his psychopath biodad, the steep mental decline of his beloved father figure, etc? No. Instead of letting River at least attempt to grow up, the books put River and Sid on a level by cutting Sid down instead - putting her in protection (ie. cutting all her social ties) and giving her a traumatic brain injury that hollows out her previously bright personality. Heaven knows we’re all miserable now. Sure do hope they fix that plotline for the show! I love them as endgame and I honestly think the show could do something so satisfying and poignant with them finally finding their missed connection but the books make the way they finally get together so creepy and sad.

Keep Still Slow Horses, S04E05

'You... thumped?

Okay, Slow Horses fandom, serious question: we all know that in season 1 / book 1, Sid is at Slough House because Taverner sent her there to keep tabs on River. But. Why!?

Sure, he caught her Up To No Good. But:

1. He has no idea that he has any dirt on her

2. He's been very effectively removed from any position with any kind of authority or access

3. His reputation has been thoroughly destroyed and to anyone who might have listened to him before, he is now a cross between a laughing stock and nuclear waste. He's untouchable and non credible after Stanstead/King's Cross.

4. She already has Jed Moody on the inside at Slough House. Sure, he sucks but he's there.

5. Sid is not a fuck up and Lamb's not an idiot, so placing her there risks drawing attention to something that Taverner is hoping no one ever notices.

Also, what is the budget line item for this? "0931. Surveillance misc. personal"? I know it's the security services but it's also government. You probably can't get a highlighter out of the stationary cabinet without filling out a form in triplicate.

So what is so important about River that he gets his own marker on a full time basis? I like to think that there is something deeper to the whole situation but honestly I cannot imagine what. And what did Taverner tell Sid to look for?

I love imagining the surveillance reports this must have generated though.

"Day 42. Subject is still sulking. Took coffee black instead of usual milk and sugar - sign of growing despair? Was called a "dumb cunt" by J.L. Visibly did not appreciate this. Spent 3 hours and 17 minutes playing spider solitaire instead of working. Otherwise no suspicious activity."

Slow Horses, S02E02 - From Upshott with Love

I think about this scene a lot. No, I mean, a LOT.

I can take whatever it is you've got. Slow Horses – S03E03 – Negotiating with Tigers

You need help. What about you, man? What about you? I'm not the only one who's a little fucked up here, Robby. Why don't you look in the mirror?

the best lord of the rings thing ive seen is the headcanon that gimli is like Prince Tier of beauty for dwarves and is absolutely stunning and legolas is like, for an elf, absolute butt ugly like relatively and everyones always like gimli how could you marry such a shit tier ugly ass elf and gimli is like ach.. nae…i love him

Top 5 most sexual moments of The Pitt season 1:

5. Shen sips his iced coffee.

4. Santos stabs Garcia in the foot and Garcia walks it off.

3. Robby recites the Shema.

2. Whittaker snaps the rat's neck.

1. Abbot takes off his prosthetic foot.

Honorable mention: Langdon fidgets his way through a moment of silence for a recently deceased patient.

The fandom is definitely sleeping on this knowledge. Every serious runner I know is ready to gnaw their own arm off after max three days without vigorous exercise.

i don’t think we’ve addressed that langdon runs marathons and takes 13 minutes in an ice bath yet. that’s fucking crazy. it also shows us how devastating a back injury would’ve been for him if he went from running marathons to not being able to run at all. kill one healthy coping mechanism and an unhealthy one develops in its place maybe.