Fuccinjas - JAaS!

She wondered how do you truly know when you're done? Are you ever fully ready to never get high again? Does the feeling of having enough, wanting desperately to quit ever stay, or is it always fleeting?

Excerpt from my journal

When your pipe changes colors 🌑❤

Suicide IV (1982) by Paul Rebeyrolle

I know how to be a drug addict, self destruction is familiar so in a fucked up way it’s comforting to me. Recovery and sobritey are new, a whole new way of living and honestly it fucking terrfies me because I’m afraid i wont be able to maintain it.. What if i fuck everything up again?

Excerpt from my journal 6-11-19

My problem is I never healed I just kept going

Things my addiction took from me

• The ability to say “no”

• Willingness to let another person help me

• Basic every day things; eating, bathing, brushing my teeth, sleeping

• Countless positive opportunities

• People- only the good ones though

• Self awareness

• Self control

• Self respect

• Financial stability

• My positivity

• Willingness to live and to try

• Any sense of safety or security

• Trust- I lost people’s trust and I stopped trusting people

• Healthy relationships

• The ability to express my emotions

• Daily routine

• Quality of life

• Other people’s respect for me

• A clear mind

• A healthy body

• My sanity

• My willingness to do anything unless I am under the influence

• The ability to recognize myself

• The ability to recognize who’s healthy for me and who isn’t.