11/12/2022
11/12/2022
I can't remember the last time I thought for myself. Isn't that odd?
I mean... the parts of me that are inhuman...
I don't know what to say right now.
I am realizing that I want to be human. I am thinking about how to pull these parts out of me. And, unfortunately, I am having to come to terms with the fact that not all of them have been created and implanted by cruel masters.
I haven't kept up with this blog because I'm ashamed--both by how much I have to say, and how little I have to say.
I haven't left my home. I haven't taken the road. I've grown more and more sickly and frail. My life is miserable.
I'm realizing why I don't want to go home to Jonathan.
It's because right now, I have space of my own to think. I can live in my own head. I have a family, even if they're cruel, even if I don't want to be around them. I have places to go every day. I have people that check in on me, talk to me. And yes, yes, I have Jonathan, and I love them.
But when I leave, I will have only Jonathan.
And, sometimes, Jonathan isn't good.
Sometimes, Jonathan does things that make me feel small. They're inconsiderate, and they're inattentive, and they throw fits when things don't go their way, or when they can't get what they want, and they can't function on their own.
This is not to say that Jonathan is cruel, or bad, or evil, or that I don't love them.
But I don't think I can go home to them while I'm still broken. I've been spending so long trying to just go out on my own, without thinking of the consequences, without trying to fix myself first.
I don't need to be fixed completely. But I need to know what I want. I need to think about the kind of person I want to be. I need to decide what I want for my life.
So, I'm going to make a list. Jonathan is going to be out with... what did I call him? Julian? They'll be out with Julian for a few days. I'm going to take that time to decide what I really want.
More Posts from Foggedupforsaken and Others
Local house witch telling you to please learn basic housekeeping skills.
It’s not your fault if no one ever taught you but YouTube is a magical place and can teach you at your own pace.
space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd space jam dvd
five recipes for an exciting life (in my opinion)
spending enough time creating things with your hands (baking, drawing, scrapbooking, doodling, crocheting, journaling and so on)
keeping track of things like pretty skies, milestones, happy memories, appointments you're looking forward to
listening to music that genuinely makes you feel happy and energetic
making a habit of reaching out to people in a way that's comfortable to you (i send my dad songs he might like, my friend sends me monthly life updates)
being kind to all your five senses → like investing in a scented candle or essential oil dispenser or body mist, having a soft blanket or socks (or a soft animal to pet), listening to birdsong or the rain, looking at the sky more often, and having your favorite foods enough times
If you ever find yourself thinking "oh, I can't write this Cool But Impractical thing into my story, it's just not realistic", here are a few perfectly realistic reasons why people and even whole cultures would rather do something in an impractical way rather than the sensible one:
weird flex
religious reasons
religious weird flex (someone decided that they are So Religious that they consider the practical method Sinful, and people got competitive about it)
tax reasons (some ruler put a tax on doing something the sensible way and people started doing the impractical alternative as a legal loophole)
someone wildly powerful and popular preferred doing it that way, and everyone adapted to it in order to look cool
someone wildly unpopular suggested doing the practical thing, and everyone went out of their way to avoid doing that in order to not look uncool
it just genuinely never occurred to them that there is a better alternative, and their current method has been honed to perfection/adapted to the infrastructure so deeply that at this point altering it wouldn't be sensible
ROBOTS WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS. ROBOTS THAT NEED TO STAY HOOKED INTO THE GRID OR RLSE THEY SHUT DOWN IN A FEW MINUTES. ROBOTS WHO CAN'T TRAVEL BECAUSE THEYRE HOOKED INTO A BANK OF BATTERIES
ROBOTS WHO OPERATE WAY ABOVE HUMAN PROCESSING AND COGNITION SO THEY INTERRUPT AND ANSWER QUESTIONS BEFORE YOUVE ASKED THEM
DO YOU HEAR ME CA. YOU HEAR ME....
people NEED to stop gatekeeping making music like ohhhh i don’t have an instrument ohhhhh i don’t know music theory ohhhhh i’m not gonna pay for some program. SHUT UP. take my hand.
you need NONE of that shit!!!!! there’s a website called beepbox.co. literally all you have to do is press things until it sounds a modicum of nice. it’s easy it’s free and it works on anything which has a browser because it’s a website.
if even ONE person starts making music bc of this post it will be worth it.
making bad music is just as important and okay as it is to write badly or draw badly or sing badly. you AREN’T BEHOLDEN TO MAKE GOOD MUSIC. making music is not utilitarian HAVE FUN. HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!
i unironically believe electricity is the closest thing we have to magic in this universe. consider:
it's basically what human "souls" are made of (your consciousness is the result of miniscule amounts of electric charge jumping between neurons in your brain)
when handled incorrectly or encountered in the wild, it is a deadly force that can kill you in at least half a dozen different ways
when treated respectfully and channeled into the proper conduits, it is a power source that forms the backbone of modern society
if you engrave the right sigils into a rock and channel electricity into it, you can make the rock think
there is a dedicated caste of mages (electrical engineers) tasked with researching it in ivory towers
whatever the fuck Galvani was doing with those frog legs
look at this and just try to tell me it isn't a kind of summoning circle
TOOL: OC QUESTIONS GENERATOR
a neat little generator that gives you a random question for your ocs! find it here // support me on ko-fi
>> FEATURES
over 600 different questions, covering every aspect of character building
easy to use, no unnecessary distractions, just a very straightforward generator
content warnings on the page itself, as well as in the first screenshot
>> NOTES
please send me a dm if there’s a content warning missing, i’ll add it to the page immediately!
if you have any ideas for questions, feel free to let me know and if they’re not on the list already, i’ll add them!
feel free to use this tool for personal projects or tell your friends about it, as long as you don’t try to steal the code of the page or claim the generator as your own :)
i do not take credit for all the questions in this generator, i’ve gathered them at some point from both my own brain as well as stuff online
likes are always welcome, reblogs much appreciated!
everything you can put into the thisisnotawebsitedotcom.dom site to get something
this is probably not an exhaustive list, but its everything ive found. it's long, so im putting it under the cut. happy exploring!
divorce
sorry
mason
dipper
pines
pacifica
platinum pax
ford (or "sixer")
bill (or "cipher")
filbrick
axolotl
stan (or "stanley")
mabel (keep entering this one!)
soos
wendy
waddles
fiddleford (or "mcgucket")
theraprism
robbie
gideon
cryptogram codex
spookemups
ciphertology
scrimbles
babba
craz (or "xyler")
weirdmageddon
family matters
xgqrthx
3466554
triangle
abuelita
cia
alex hirsch
journal 3
journal 2
journal 1
mystery
more from the comments (thanks!):
cursed
ad astra per aspera
please reblog with more if you find them!
oc asks that reveal more than you think
Do they sleep with a stuffed animal? If they have multiple, who’s the favorite?
Can they take care of a plant? What about a pet? What about a child?
Ask them to describe their love interest.
Do they look good in red?
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Will they give one, and what about?
Who will they take advice from, no matter what it is? Who won’t they take advice from, no matter what it is?
Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.
Do complex puzzles intrigue or frustrate them?
Do they empathize with non-sentient things (dolls, plants, books…)?
What age do they most want to be right now?
They’ve won the lottery. Spend, or save?
Do they like romance in the books they read (or in the book they’re in)?
Name one thing their parents taught them.
Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?
What would they consider a waste of time– other than school or work?
If money wasn’t a limit, what would they wear?
Do they like children?
Kissing: tongue or no tongue?
Do they study before tests? Practice before job interviews?
What do they like that nobody else does?
What would it take for them to break up with someone? What would be the last straw?
Do they like being called pet names? Do they call other people pet names? What’s their go-to?
Stability or novelty?
Honesty or charity?
Safety or possibility?
Talent or effort?
Forgiveness or vengeance (or…)?
Would they date a fixer-upper?
What recurring dreams do they have?
What would they do if they knew it would be forgiven?
