Hi

happy jesus he knows me day

Adding to this, I remember being in third or fourth grade, I'm not too sure, I had had an argument with my only friend, and I spent the day walking around the playground and singing to myself about how only the school, the fucking building, was my friend.

I look back on that and now understand why I'm a people pleaser

There's no lonelier feeling than thinking that a building is your only friend.

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

Last song: Ritual - Ghost

Last film: Thunderbolts*

Last TV show: Invisible

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Savoury

Relationship status: Single (I'm aroace)

Last thing you googled: danish crowns to euros

Looking forward to: My first Ghost ritual, in Denmark, Copenhagen. The one in Madrid got cancelled and I'm going to this other one

Current obsession: Ghost

Tagged by @dolly-macabre thank you so much!!

Tagging: @ask-frater-imperator @sister-obedience @ask-lavisghoul @multitool-multighoul @thelampisaflashlight @chaintheghoul (it's six but I couldn't think of more people)

Rules: tag 10 people you wanna know more about!

last song: I Let Love In, by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds.

last film: Don't Worry, Darling (Dir. Olivia Wilde, 2022), it was just added to UK Netflix lmao

last book: The Year of The Runaways, by Sunjeev Sahota.

last tv show: Yellowjackets, probably. I don't watch a whole lot of TV.

sweet/savoury/spicy: Spicy~!

relationship status: In a committed relationship with my Bachelors degree.

last thing you googled: 'Elizabeth Gaskell social class biography' on Google Scholar, this essay is kicking my ass.

looking forward to: Finishing this semester.

current obsession: Currently on an Alphrit kick, courtesy of @hanalyrata :*

tagged by: @ernest-shackleton, thank youuu!

tagging: @vatican3 @hanalyrata @watasemasaru @cosmicseafoam @m0rbidways @aggressive-snapping @sakuraspoke @osiiiris @akonos @dewymorningstar

no one talks about how draining it is when your mood is constantly switching between "its okay, i don't care. l'll be okay" and "I don't know how much more I can take"

writers are creatures that feed on comments by the way. if you want more of your blorbo from them, give them lovely comments. they love that and will most likely give you more fics about your blorbo

*sees a beloved mutual in the notes* hi honey

Credit to: user

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