And It Wasn't For Love That You Went Back Home

it if I had a nickel for every YA book with two deeply traumatized and touch starved characters exploring their intimacy behind a closed bathroom door during a critical turning point in the plot while their friends are chilling outside I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird it happened twice

something about jean having to live under the ground in the nest for so long but the people he loves are from the sky

renee is a rainbow. kevin is a star. jeremy is the sun.

Minuscule fox pile 🦊 🧡 🦊

I think Andrew's desperation to live is a little overlooked in the fandom. It's not explicitly stated in the books, other than his SH scars, but I honestly think it is so important to understanding him and his motivations.

Did Andrew ever plan to live past graduation? Before Kevin came along and promised his life would have worth? Did he plan on disappearing when Aaron eventually walked away from him? Believing nobody would notice if he was gone?

He clung on purely for Aaron, to make sure Aaron had a bright future ahead and could go live without him. To make sure that Nicky could go back to Erik without worry.

Before Neil, Andrew didn't believe he had anything to live for. He made a very one sided deal with Kevin to find something, anything, to build his life around after graduation, believing his brother would leave him alone once again.

Because at the heart of it all, Andrew doesn't want to die. Not really.

Andrew has chronic depression and he is suicidal. He sits on the edges of roof tops to feel. He puts his life on the line again and again with little regard for his own safety. He makes promises that put him at a severe disadvantage.

His promises are what keeps him alive, what forces him to live. Dying would break his promise, and Andrew has suffered enough from broken promises.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to survive those who beat him down. He wants to move on. He wants to get better. He wants to live.

He just doesn't know how.

the sexual tension between me and unread books on my bookshelf

THEY MEAN SM TO ME

Do you ever think how Neil was trained to react to danger quickly? How it was ingrained into him since birth, to act on instinct, to act immediately, and still Aaron beat him to it?

How when it came to Andrew, Aaron didn’t even need that split second Neil took to assess the situation before he went for the kill? There was no hesitation, not when it came to him.

Aaron, who usually watches conflict from the sidelines. He’s not familiar with those instincts, his body doesn’t have that same muscle memory associated with violence.

And yet:

“Neil sees too much blood and too much skin. He knows what he is seeing, but can’t believe it yet. That doesnt stop him from leaping at Drake.

Aaron is faster.

Aaron barrels past Neil and brings Neil's racquet up and around in an underhanded swing so hard and fast air whistled through the tight strings.”

Faster than Neil.

Sometimes I sit and wonder about the paralels in AFTG and I go like "Woooow Nora's brain" yk?

So here are some of them:

•Jean and Andrew both having suicidal ideations, being number 3, not showing their emotions on the outside but feeling so much on the inside (AND letting people think they doesn't care), protecting Kevin (and others in general) and not accepting help until the situation is critical.

•Andrew and Riko both being separated from their families at birth and creating one by force, Andrew doing it mostly for others while Riko did it for himself.

•Renee and Neil growing up in mafia/gang enviroment and scaping it, the whole Nathaniel/Nathalie thing.

•Matt and Aaron growing up with neglecful parents and them being the reason of their addictions (to similar things also) and being "helped" with that by Andrew's questionable means.

•Nicky and Allison being shunned by their parents for being themselves, forgetting all the other things they did to make them proud and loved.

•Seth and Neil trying to blend in (in different ways but still), dealing with jelousy and then Seth dying his last year with the Foxes and Neil who thought he was gonna die his first year surviving.

There are much more but I can't think of all of them now and didn't write them the last time I thought about this. For me it's awsome how maybe a little desition, a person, a moment... can turn you in an entire different person and this books show that SOOO WELL!!

Jurdan gets funnier and funnier the more you think about them and realize how much of a big loser both of them are when it comes to love.

Mfs get married to supposedly "form a trustworthy alliance" -> Cardan exiles Jude the next day to impress her, because apparently his rizz disappears when it truly matters 💀 -> Jude takes it seriously, stays in the human world for months and is salty af -> Cardan cries himself to sleep and writes pathetic little letters to her. Like wow you did that to yourself you dumb bitch 😭

And don't get me STARTED on their dumbass confessions. Cardan's was, I'm pretty sure, 80% on a whim. Like, maybe he had prepared the words in his mind but he didn't plan to confess to her right then and there at such a bad time. Says "well you probably already guessed as much" at the end then RUNS AWAY probably because he's overwhelmed and Jude is left standing there like???? No I fucking didn't guess you liked me lmao??? I'm dumb af bro, should've been this direct from the start :')

And Jude's is also hilarious because she says it kind of hurriedly as soon as they're alone, since she had promised herself to tell him the first moment they get together. Girlie confesses and CARDAN DOESN'T BELIEVE HER 😭 so homegirl has to EXPLAIN in DETAILS when she thinks she started to fall for him, why she started to like him, why she believed he didn't like her and why she felt the need to hide it. And ONLY after that whole ass explanation Cardan's finally like "omg!!! You liked me because I'm clever and funny?!?? Omgggg..."

Those fuckers were really married for months before fumbling their way through awkward confessions because they can't indulge in the thought that the other likes them. Like they were legit EMBARRASSED to admit that they like eachother while being MARRIED. Please this is so unserious, get real.

Andrew Minyard core

can you imagine if aaron and katelyn fostered though