you're in her DMs, she's watching me pee
“op is a morally corrupt pervert” ok 💖 yay +follow
Story time:
When I was in college I was the only one in the dorm with a car which made me VERY popular, but more importantly because I was so fucking down bad for my next door neighbor, I volunteered to drive her to church [literal actual baptist church my jewish ass had balls of fucking steel to walk into that bitch every week drooling after a hot femme lordt]
This went normal and fine for about three weeks until one time her roommate had a dude over and she was like "can I stay in your room tonight so I actually get some sleep before church 🥺?"
So I let her stay in my bed and well. Folks. She didn't sleep. But we DID play "how many orgasms does it take to make you pass out?" And it turns out the answer was 15 sometime around 3am the next morning. We obvi wake up RUSHINGGGGGGG to church the next morning, and when we arrive looking frazzled, the pastor looks her up and down and asks how she's doing and is she having a tough time with finals? And she just goes "no, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, we were studying." And the pastor goes "oh yeah, what are you studying for?"
And without missing a beat my dyke ass says "Bible Study."
If looks could kill, I think she would have ended me on the spot, but four hours later she was calling me god in the backseat of my car while I ate her out sooooooooo pretty sure the moral to this story is that pre-marital lesbian sex is fine as long as you can emotionally scar an old man in the process.
“fuck, kid, i can’t believe we’re doing this..”
wanna come over and put a gun to my head? sorry, typo, i meant do you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean a gun to my head? shit sorry idk what's wrong with my phone. i'm trying to ask if you wanna come over and put a gun to my head? i mean
Been helping a femme move since 8 AM but at least I'm hot
It/she/he, no minors
hate when armchair psychiatrists write all this off as childhood trauma. a lot of people worked very hard on my adult trauma. give them their flowers