Winter Break Is Over, School Is Starting Again And Exams Are Coming Up. Somehow Going Back To School

ships without lanterns are lost to the sea

Dean’s been awake for a while when Sam’s labored breathing and thrashing limbs finally pull him from the nightmare they both know he’s having. For a moment, all he can hear is Sam’s pointed gasping directed at the ceiling. In this dark, anything could be there and they wouldn't be able to tell. Dean likes it that way. He thinks Sam does too.

“Do you think she would still love me?” Sam asks breathlessly.

Dean thinks of that week away from Stanford, with Sam in the passenger’s seat again, murmuring mindlessly along to Aerosmith. How he woke earlier than Dean and turned on all the lights while padding around the room, going through a half-awake routine of brushing his teeth and pulling clothes on. The way his eyes shone and the corners of his lips pulled up when he folded open his wallet to tip the diner waitress. That easy smile that Dean’s memory had almost forgotten, like a polaroid dulled and tattered at the edges, now back in vivid technicolor.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, voice hoarse from the tightness in his chest. It sounds rough in the quiet of morning, like someone's been rubbing sandpaper against his lungs. Like the words have been cutting up his throat where Dean’s been holding them hostage. 

“How can you be so sure?” Sam’s voice comes back from across the divide, so empty and unknowing. As if he can’t fathom how someone could possibly love him, just little ol’ Sammy. Dean wants to reach across the space between them, thrust his thumb onto the pulse there, hold Sam’s hand until he just sees, but even Baby can’t span four years of running in opposite directions. The gap between their beds has never seemed wider, not even when Dean used to still order two queens knowing that the other would go unused.

In the safety of the darkness he wants to say some sentimental shit like ‘you have mom’s eyes’ or ‘kinda hard not to with that laugh’ but he’s never been that type of person, hates that he doesn't know how to do this anymore. He bites his tongue until the pain is a sharp reminder in the dull, soundless room. He’s been quiet too long. The blood is bitter behind his lips. It reminds him that Sam’s would taste exactly the same.

“You’re you,” is what he says instead, and immediately regrets it, knows he said too much. Fists clench, sharp archs of pain where unkempt fingernails dig graves into his palm. The words were sharp in this paper-thin silence, slicing it open until all Dean can taste is blood, blood, blood. It pools in his mouth, his fingers, drips from the shadows pinned to the ceiling- pit, pat -until Dean can’t take it anymore and closes his eyes.

Sam stays quiet on the other bed, on the other side of the world. Dean can still hear his breathing, and knows he’s not asleep.

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Nostalgia

i miss writing poetry. 

i haven’t done it in a while. 

     i fear that I have forgot how. 

i can still pick up pens, put lines together in cacophonous rage, and hate every moment. 

     the words no longer come to me in dreams, 

          or spill from my lips like a cracked music box. 

i fear that i have become like a bird, accustomed to the silence of a cage, and lost the memory of song.

i can no longer write of fear in any form the assuages it. it swallows me whole, and i think 

     ‘no art is free of suffering‘

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A

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe 

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

A Death in the Family by James Agee 

Money by Martin Amis 

Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis 

Dreamless By Josephine Angelini

Goddess By Josephine Angelini

Starcrossed By Josephine Angelini

Thirteen Reasons Why By Jay Asher

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Blind Assassin, Margaret Atwood

Pride And Prejudice By Jane Austen

Mansfield Park By Jane Austen

Emma By Jane Austen

Persuasion By Jane Austen

Sense and Sensibility By Jane Austen

B

Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin

The Sot-Weed Factor by John Barth

Tithe By Holly Black

Valiant By Holly Black

Ironside By Holly Black

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume 

Otherwise Known As Sheila The Great, Judy Blume

The Death of the Heart by Elizabeth Bowen 

The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles 

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley

A Great And Terrible Beauty By Libba Bray

Rebel Angels By Libba Bray

The Sweet Far Thing By Libba Bray

Jane Eyre  By Charlotte Bronte

Wuthering Heights By Emily Bronte

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Dee Brown

 The Night Torn Mad With Footsteps, Charles Bukowski

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs 

Possession by A.S. Byatt 

C

Ender’s Game By Scott Orson Card

The Elite By Kiera Cass

The Prince By Kiera Cass

The Selection By Kiera Cass

Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather 

The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler 

The Perks of Being A Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky

Falconer by John Cheever 

City Of Bones By Cassandra Clare

City Of Ashes By Cassandra Clare

City Of Glass By Cassandra Clare

City Of Fallen Angels By Cassandra Clare

City Of Lost Souls By Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Angel By Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Prince By Cassandra Clare

Clockwork Princess By Cassandra Clare

The Hunger Games By Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire By Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay By Suzanne Collins

The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly

Skins By Ali Cronin

Breathe By Sarah Crossan

Complete Poems, (1904-1962), E.E. Cummings

The Hours, Michael Cunningham

D

House of Leaves, Mark Danielewski

The Death Cure By James Dashner

The Maze Runner By James Dashner 

The Scorch Trials By James Dashner

White Noise by Don DeLillo 

The Body Finder By Kimberly Derting

Desires of Dead By Kimberly Derting

The Last Echo By Kimberly Derting

Dead Silence By Kimberly Derting

The Pledge By Kimberly Derting

Ubik by Philip K. Dick

Deliverance by James Dickey 

Play It As It Lays By Joan Didion

Salvador By Joan Didion

The Last Thing He Wanted By Joan Didion

The Year Of Magical Thinking By Joan Didion

Blue Nights By Joan Didion

Run River By Joan Didion

Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow 

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Before I Die, Jenny Downham

An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser 

E

Angel Fall By Susan EE

How We are Hungry, Dave Eggers

You Shall Know Our Velocity By Dave Eggers

The Wild Things, Dave Eggers

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison 

The Round House, Louise Erdrich

Four Souls, Louise Erdrich

Like Water for Chocolate, Laura Esquivel

The Virgin Suicides By Jeffrey Eugenides

Middlesex By Jeffrey Eugenides

F

Light in August by William Faulkner 

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner 

White Oleander By Janet Fitch

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Hush Hush By Becca Fitzpatrick

Crescendo By Becca Fitzpatrick

Finale By Becca Fitzpatrick

Silence By Becca Fitzpatrick

The Sportswriter by Richard Ford 

A Passage to India by E.M. Forster 

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace 

The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles 

The Diary of a Young Girl, Anne Frank

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen 

Inkheart By Cornelia Funke

Inkspell By Cornelia Funke

Inkdeath By Cornelia Funke

G

The Recognitions by William Gaddis 

American Gods, Neil Gaiman

Beautiful Chaos By Kami Garcia

Beautiful Creatures By Kami Garcia

Beautiful Darkness By Kami Garcia

Beautiful Redemption By Kami Garcia

Ruby Red By Kerstin Gier

Sapphire Blue By Kerstin Gier

Emerald Green By Kerstin Gier

Neuromancer by William Gibson 

Memoirs of A Geisha By Arthur Golden

Lord Of The Flies By William Golding

I, Claudius by Robert Graves 

Looking For Alaska By John Green

The Fault In Our Stars By John Green

Will Grayson, Will Grayson By John Green

Loving by Henry Green 

The Power and the Glory by Graham Greene 

The Heart of the Matter by Graham Greene 

H

Red Harvest by Dashiell Hammett 

Boundless By Cynthia Hand

Hallowed By Cynthia Hand

Unearthly By Cynthia Hand

Radiant By Cynthia Hand

Why We Broke Up, Daniel Handler

Adverbs, Daniel Handler

Watch Your Mouth, Daniel Handler

The Basic Eight, Daniel Handler 

Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway

The Garden Of Eden, Ernest Hemingway

Men Without Women, Ernest Hemingway

Across The River And Into The Trees, Ernest Hemingway

The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway

The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway

Dune, Frank Herbert

Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

The Outsiders By S.E Hinton 

The River King, Alice Hoffman

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Les Misérables by Victor Hugo

Awake At Dawn By C.C Hunter

Born At Midnight By C.C. Hunter

Chosen At Nightfall By C.C. Hunter

Taken At Dusk By C.C. Hunter

Whispers At Moonrise By C.C. Hunter

Saved At Sunrise By C.C. Hunter 

Turned At Dark By C.C. Hunter

I

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro 

K

Fallen By Lauren Kate

Torment By Lauren Kate

Passion By Lauren Kate

Rapture By Lauren Kate

On the Road, Jack Kerouac

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey 

The Painted Bird by Jerzy Kosiński 

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

L

Daughter Of Smoke And Bone By Taylor Laini

Days Of Blood And Starlight By Taylor Laini

In the Garden of Beasts, Erik Larson

To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee

The Phantom of the Opera  By Gaston Leroux

The Magician’s Nephew By C.S. Lewis

The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe By C.S. Lewis

The Horse And His Boy By C.S. Lewis

Prince Caspian By C.S. Lewis

The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader By C.S. Lewis

The Silver Chair By C.S. Lewis

The Last Battle By C.S. Lewis

The Lover’s Dictionary, David Levithan

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Gathering Blue By Lois Lowry

Messenger By Lois Lowry

Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry 

Legend By Marie Lu

Prodigy By Marie Lu

Life Before Legend By Marie Lu

M

Shatter Me By Tahereh Mafi

Unravel Me By Tahereh Mafi

 Wicked, Gregory Maguire

Wicked Lovely By Melissa Marr

Ink Exchange By Melissa Marr

Fragile Eternity By Melissa Marr

A Game Of Thrones By George R. R. Martin

A Clash Of Kings By George R. R. Martin

A Storm Of Swords By George R. R. Martin

A Feast For Crows By George R. R. Martin

A Dance With Dragons By George R. R. Martin

One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud

Sweet Tooth By Ian McEwan

Atonement, Ian McEwan

Blood Promise By Richelle Mead

Frostbite By Richelle Mead

Last Sacrifice By Richelle Mead

Spirit Bound By Richelle Mead

The Indigo Spell By Richelle Mead

Vampire Academy By Richelle Mead

The Golden Lily By Richelle Mead

Shadow Kiss By Richelle Mead

Bloodlines By Richelle Mead

Twilight By Stephenie Meyer

New Moon By Stephenie Meyer

Eclipse By Stephenie Meyer

Breaking Dawn By Stephenie Meyer

The Host By Stephenie Meyer

Fugitive Pieces, Anne Michaels

The Winter Fault, Anne Michaels

Watchmen by Alan Moore 

Beloved, Toni Morrison

 Kafka on the Shore, Haruki Murakami

N

"Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov

"The Original of Laura" by Vladimir Nabokov 

"Laughter in the Dark" by Vladimir Nabokov 

"A Nursery Tale" by Vladimir Nabokov

Speak, Memory, Vladimir Nabokov 

Delta of Venus, Anais Nin

House of Incest, Anais Nin

O

Delirium By Lauren Oliver

Pandemonium By Lauren Oliver

Requiem By Lauren Oliver

The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje

Divisadero, Michael Ondaatje

1984 By George Orwell

Animal Farm by George Orwell 

P

Eragon By Christopher Paolini

Eldest By Christopher Paolini

Brisingr By Christopher Paolini

Inheritence By Christopher Paolini

Bel Canto By Ann Patchett 

State of Wonder, Ann Patchett 

The Bell Jar By Sylvia Plath

The Unabridged Journals of Slvyia Plath

Ariel By Sylvia Plath

The Collected Poems Of Sylvia Plath

The Symposium, Plato

The Light-House By Edgar Allen Poe

R

Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys

The Lightning Thief By Rick Riordan

The Sea Of Monsters By Rick Riordan

The Titan’s Curse By Rick Riordan

The Battle of the Labyrinth By Rick Riordan

The Last Olympian By Rick Riordan

Divergent By Veronica Roth

Insurgent By Veronica Roth

The Sorcerer’s Stone By J.K. Rowling

The Chamber Of Secrets By J.K. Rowling

The Prisoner Of Azkaban By J.K. Rowling

The Goblet Of Fire By J.K. Rowling

The Order of the Phoenix  By J.K. Rowling

The Half Blood Prince By J.K. Rowling

The Deathly Hallows By J.K. Rowling

The God of Small Things By Arundhati Roy

S

Cosmos, Carl Sagan

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger 

The Reader, Bernard Schlink 

The Lovely Bones By Alice Sebold

Lucky By Alice Sebold

The Almost Moon, Alice Sebold

The Art of Hearing Heartbeats, Jan-Phillip Sendker

Schaduwliefde, 

Ruta Sepetys

The Complete Poems, Anne Sexton

Frankenstein By Mary Shelley

White Teeth, Zadie Smith

The Bad Beginning By Lemony Snicket

The Reptile Room By Lemony Snicket

The Wide Window By Lemony Snicket

The Miserable Mill By Lemony Snicket

The Austere Academy By Lemony Snicket

The Ersatz Elevator By Lemony Snicket

The Vile Village By Lemony Snicket

The Hostile Hospital By Lemony Snicket

The Carnivorous Carnival By Lemony Snicket

The Slippery Slope By Lemony Snicket

The Grim Grotto By Lemony Snicket

The Penultimate Peril By Lemony Snicket

The End By Lemony Snicket

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck 

Shiver By Maggie Stiefvater

Linger By Maggie Stiefvater

Forever By Maggie Stiefvater

T

"The Sleeping Beauty" by Elizabeth Taylor

Fellowship of the Ring By J.R. R. Tolkien

The Two Towers By J.R. R. Tolkien

Return of the King By J.R. R. Tolkien

The Hobbit (or There and Back Again) By J.R. R. Tolkien

The Silmarillion By J.R. R. Tolkien

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy 

Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

V 

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

W

The World Without Us, Alan Weisman

Uglies By Scott Westerfeld

Pretties By Scott Westerfeld

Specials By Scott Westerfeld

Extras By Scott Westerfeld

The House of Mirth, Edith Wharton

The Once and Future King by T.H. White

Night, Elie Wiesel

The Picture of Dorian Gray By Oscar Wilde

Written on the Body By Jeanette Winterson

Sexing the Cherry, Jeanette Winterson

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit By Jeanette Winterson

Lighthousekeeping, Jeanette Winterson

The Passion, Jeanette Winterson

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf 

Z

The Book Thief By Markus Zusak

I Am The Messenger By Markus Zusak

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the dubious philosophy of salmon

The language of flowers

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Chinese magazines of Jensen have taken over my feed

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Zodiac Hidden Fears

♈ Aries: Aries fear that they don't fear 'fear'. Most of them are insightful enough to know they can leap head on into danger unnecessarily

♉ Taurus: People will think they are boring. To make up for it they bake food or take people out because they are worried they alone aren't enough

♊ Gemini: Other people will see how internally wound up and vulnerable they are. How much they really need somebody there; no matter how independent they may seem

♋ Cancer: Having a volatile family life. Most Cancers fear divorce but also believe it will never happen to them

♌ Leo: People will tire of their theatrics and neediness and reject them entirely. That eventually people will give up on trying to assure them and cope with their drama

♍ Virgo: People will judge them and treat them differently if they are not at least fulfilling some purpose or use for being around

♎ Libra: They will be alone forever

♏ Scorpio: They will open up and share a secret to somebody, but be rejected / betrayed

♐ Sagittarius: They will love somebody more than the other person loves them. They will need somebody more than they are needed.

♑ Capricorn: Because everyone puts so much faith in them, they are secretly worried they will just destroy everything and don't know who to ask for help

♒ Aquarius: Eventually they will just drift entirely away from everybody. That one day they will be unable to decipher what is rational and not. A true sense of isolation

♓ Pisces: That people only pretend to like them. Most Pisces can't figure out why they have friends or why they are liked. They are constantly comparing themselves

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gif tutorial: playing with colors

this tutorial is gonna show you how to make a gif like this, getting the color from one place to another. (my native language is NOT english, so, i’m sorry if i make some mistake trying to get you to understand this) this is easy, but it takes some work (i dont know if there’s any other way to do this, but this is how i do it.) click on the cut

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The wincest in this song really hurts

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