I Love This So Much

So this is my first post ever on Tumblr (despite having been on Tumblr for years) and I know that some people do follow me even though I’ve only ever reblogged a couple things. I am currently in the EmpiresSmp fandom so that probably what most of my posts are gonna be about.

here's a quick tip for life: if you hate someone and you have a choice in the matter, keep their name out of your mouth and the reasons you hate them out of your head. keep your head on a swivel around people who habitually break this guideline because they're just as capable of obsessive negativity about you

Shipping is such a multilayered thing too.

You can ship characters for happily ever afters, sure, you can ship them for tragically-then-happily, you can ship two or three or four or more, you can ship endless combinations of personality types and relationship dynamics

but you can also ship characters under very specific circumstances, or for a certain period of their life but not for all of it, or only in a certain universe. You might say “I ship these characters” and what you mean is you think they are fascinating together and could have a story together. That story could be any kind of story. 

Sometimes it means you want them together for the rest of their lives. Sometimes it means something different than that.

I don’t know about you, but for me, “I ship it” means “There is a story in this ship and I am interested in that story.” 

Rarer D&D alignments

Bastard Good: You make the world better for people but in a really obnoxious way so everyone low-key hates you for it

Chaotic Dead: You set yourself on fire at the start of each session

Informed Evil: you're wearing a red cape and cackling so we kind of assume you've probably done some bad things off screen, right?

Lawful Pointless: You follow the rules of chess in every situation you find yourself in.

False Neutral: HAHA FOOLS! I WAS NO DRUID! I WAS A PALADIN ALL ALONG!

Lawful Anxious: You follow very strict laws but you don't know what those laws are or if you're breaking them.

Personal Evil: rather then making things worse for sapient life, you work to make things worse for Steve specifically. Everyone else is fine.

Centrist Neutral: "I don't support The Chained God Tharizdun breaking free and unmaking all reality but if we stop him through force we're just as bad as he is. Did you know there's actually zero difference between good and bad things?"

Sponsored Good: You provide justice, compassion and the great taste of subways sandwiches! Put in the code SMITETHESINNERS when ordering online for 20% off!

Sexy Lawful: You follow very strict rules but in such a way we kind of suspect you're getting off on it.

Chaotic Incidental: You act completely randomly but by sheer chance your actions turn out identical to if you followed very strict rules.

Theoretical Good: You want to do good things to help the world and once you stop binging Netflix you're absolutely going to.

Ugly Neutral: None of the other alignments want to hang out with you so you're neutral by default

Chaotic Meta: You pointedly refuse to follow the rules of the game you're playing.

Thirsty Evil: Look, orcs are hot, ok?

HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE Let’s say it’s 6.15pm and you’re going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself..!! NOW HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE… Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again. Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can perhaps buy precious time to get themselves to a phone and dial 911. Rather than sharing another joke please contribute by broadcasting this which can save a person’s life! Be prepared and become part of the solution. Get your free next-of-kin notification card today. Click here: https://www.InCaseOfEmergencyCard.com/

Do you ever think you'll stop drawing fanart? No offense it just seems like the kind of thing you're supposed to grow out of. I'm just curious what your plans/goals are since it isn't exactly an art form that people take seriously.

Ah, fanart. Also known as the art that girls make.

Sad, immature girls no one takes seriously. Girls who are taught that it’s shameful to be excited or passionate about anything, that it’s pathetic to gush about what attracts them, that it’s wrong to be a geek, that they should feel embarrassed about having a crush, that they’re not allowed to gaze or stare or wish or desire. Girls who need to grow out of it.

That’s the art you mean, right?

Because in my experience, when grown men make it, nobody calls it fanart. They just call it art. And everyone takes it very seriously.

florist!simon and tattoo artist!johnny part 2

johnny’s so worked up when he pushes through the door of simon’s shop, he’s exclaiming some shit in scottish and holding up the rose simon left him in the air like it’s some sort of evidence.

simon’s in the middle of making a flower arrangement and simply blinks at the gibberish directed his way, but hides a sly smirk under his surgical mask.

johnny saunters towards the counter, puts on his best smile, and simon swears the flowers around him start swooning and singing and becoming more aromatic the second he opens his mouth and spews some charming words at him.

he crosses his arms, tilts his head as he stares down at johnny but the bastard doesn’t falter, just keeps talking and flirting and fuck his eyes are so blue and he can see the outline of his biceps through the material of his shirt and he can smell his fucking cologne and did simon hear him correctly?

a date? friday, 6pm? johnny will pick him up? with his bike? oh god. simon hasn’t been on a date in years months, let alone have someone plan it instead of him. he’s practically pulling on a veil and a massive white wedding bouquet from behind his back for this stranger he left a rose for as a little gift.

he behaves like a bastard though, tells johnny to buy something from him and maaaaybe he’ll consider the date.

johnny immediately pays 100 pounds for the biggest fucking bouquet simon can make, tells him to pick only the freshest and simon’s favorite flowers, makes simon explain the meaning of every flower and its color, and when simon ties the prettiest bow around the fat stems, johnny tells him it’s beautiful. now take it home and put it in a nice vase in your living room and wait until i get you another one on friday.

simon’s raising his eyebrows but is kicking his fucking feet like a teenage girl inwardly.

johnny leaves with simon’s number scribbled on a piece of paper, twirling the red rose between his fingers. simon watches him go, then looks back at the bouquet—massive, extravagant, borderline ridiculous, just like johnny requested. and in the middle of it, nestled among the other flowers, is another red rose.

‘so ye don’t forget about me,’ johnny had said, grinning as simon tucked it into place in the middle of the arrangement.

as if simon fucking could.