The Kelpie Pond By Jaimie Whitbread 

Autumn moonrise

Lithuania

why do I have to do it?

growing up, I was the responsible one, the reliable one, the one no one had to worry about too much. Mom was busy with work and my little brother and my dad was traveling for work (and cheating while doing so). I helped protect my family, saved my dog, babysat when needed, and comforted my mom when everything finally fell apart. My brother has always been headstrong and tends to lack any kind of initiative or foresight, so oftentimes I found myself picking up the slack-- I did his chores (or redid them, as they were often done poorly), I made him breakfast, etc. But I never complained, as it would only add to my mom's overflowing plate.

I couldn't complain about anything. It would only add stress to the family and my mom was already stretched thin, I couldn't make her feel bad. Trying to get my brother to help was a neverending battle that often ended with him not doing anything anyway.

Time goes on, new relationships, new living situations. I thought maybe something would change. My mom's new boyfriend, while miles and miles better than my father, still doesn't offer too much help. Yes, he helps, but there's no initiative and it's almost like... He doesn't exactly know how to be an adult yet. Who does? But please try.

I visit home. I'm tired. Why do I have to remind the bf and my brother to do things like empty the dishwasher? Why do I have to remind people to get Xmas presents for my mom? Why do I have to monitor my brother and his friend bc of my brother's unwise decisions? Why do I have to sneak my dogs around because the bf's mom, who lives with us, can't be bothered to help her own dogs? Why do I have to make sure Oreo is taken care of, yet my brother swears he loves her and that she is his dog? Why can't I vent about this new house not having space for me without my mom getting upset? I'm not upset with my mom, I just need to air out my frustrations. I'm always there for my mom of course. I'm always there to support her. But why do I have to hear it all and then be unable to do the same without guilt?

I find myself complaining to my friends sometimes. I hate that because I feel that all I do is complain to them, and who wants to be friends with someone who does that? Plus, like I said, I don't hate my mom. She's fucking amazing and was just dealt an unfair hand. But I don't like being the caretaker. Leave me alone.

I hate having to help with bills when I can barely afford my own. My physical and mental health is declining. I find myself hating my brother. I can't talk to anyone about this.

I want to sleep.

arthurian mythology

Copy-Cat Panera Mac & Cheese

Recipe by Cheese Knees

Reason to Live #9486

Being there for my pets through their whole lives.  – Guest Submission

(Please don’t add negative comments to these posts.)

Reason to Live #9890

  Eating a meal made by somebody who loves you. – Guest Submission

(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.) 

The Perfect White Mac and Cheese

Macaroni and cheese (x)

Wow this sucks I'm gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you

Ios, Greece by n.galanos on Instagram.