If Tumblr Was Ever Deleted Do You Think All These People Would Go Back To Normal? Like Return To Their

I like how when your taliking with your friends about insecurities and you just wanna:

“You bitches got nothing to my despair”

In the Philippines we call it ''makihiya'' which means the shy.

Sensitive plant in Costa Rica - 2016

Pardner

A month ago I had a user called Neonjude get mad at some of my headcanons and thus ‘Don’t Tumblrize Elder Scrolls with your bullshit’ was born. He deactivated shortly after and someone got his url, turning his blog into Woody. I didn’t think much of it until I got a notification on a Jude post from @nucleic-asshole saying Yerma favrit deputee. I investigated and discovered this:

So they got a few urls, but then I looked more:

These are all blogs they took after the original dick deactivated. I applaud you Woody. I think theres only one thing I can do.

I’m promoting you to Sheriff, yeeeehaw pardner

Licorice is actually delicious you know

why are we arguing about candy corn when we should be coming together against the true candy villain: black licorice 

Sometimes the customer is wrong for unrelated reasons.

Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.

“I can see you sweating from here.” “How long does it take you to roll out of bed every morning?” “Is there an earthquake or are you just getting up for more pretzels?”

Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.

I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.

About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.

I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”

She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.

She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.

Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.

“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”

I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.

He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.

He deleted his Tinder profile.

Yes, finally something good coming around!

MY BOY JACKIE IS GOING FULL NEESON

When you find out about ships.

Meap

YOUR ANGEL NAME

First letter of your last name

Second letter of your middle name (or parents name if you don’t have one)

Third letter of your first name

Any letter you choose to end

Mine would be Liya or Loya…Reblog and tag this post with yours :)

YoI fans while watching season 1

Okay, Sharing Time. My family used to live with my grandmother who has a large farm, this was when I was a baby so I don't remember much from this house. My other aunt lived there too and my sister liked to play with our two cousins. They would lovk themselves in their houses once the sun went down because they were scared of the night because of kapres (a Filipino tree spirit) lurking in our grandmother's farm. People in the town talked to my grandma about it for time to time. Saying that it can snatch her grandkids. My whole family moved to a city in a year but my sister is still cared of the night and she once said that they once saw the trees bleed. Just straight up bleeding... My friends, the teachers, strangers, or acquaintances all talk about them but no one would ever touch or even come close to some places. Then there's the other monsters, Tikbalangs, Mananangals, Tik-Tiks, and etc. We live in respect from them because they're different and much more ancient. We don't question them, we keep quiet.

Irish people; The faeries aren’t real

Irish people; No fucking way will I go in that faerie ring