Having BPD Feels Like Being Stabbed Over And Over For Years Until One Day, I Wake Up And I’m Not In

Having BPD feels like being stabbed over and over for years until one day, I wake up and I’m not in pain anymore. Not because it’s gone, but because I’ve gone numb. Now it just feels like I’m walking around with my stomach split open, dragging my own intestines behind me.

I’m still bleeding. I just don’t flinch anymore.

More Posts from Eldewinddolly and Others

3 months ago

For the ask game!

😅 and 😬

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists? The most embarrassing ones from my youth have thankfully been deleted and vaporised from existence 😅 In 'Artemis Experiments Weird' there are a few things that I'd like to tweak - to name the biggest ones : some aspects of Selene and Artemis' early interactions, the progression of the Wired's hold on Artemis' psyche, and the big fight between the two Artemises. But like said, it's more like tweaking some stuff to improve it rather than me being embarrassed - when I'm embarrassed I just delete or never publish the thing 🙃

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

Of the available ones, none, to be honest ! On the opposite, I'd love for more of my friends to be AF fans and fluent enough in English to read my fics 😅 I wanna talk more about Artemis Fowl irl !!! Right now the only one I can pester with it is my poor husband and while he loves AF as well the poor man deserves a break 😅


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3 months ago

reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.

1 year ago
Just A Quick Sketch Of Holly Wrecking Havoc On Humankind And Having Way Too Much Fun Whilst Doing So,

Just a quick sketch of Holly wrecking havoc on humankind and having way too much fun whilst doing so, like the little menace she is.


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5 months ago
Silly Very Self-indulgent Artemis Fowl X Figure Skating Drawing 👀 With, As @laeliana Suggested, Artemis

Silly very self-indulgent Artemis Fowl x figure skating drawing 👀 With, as @laeliana suggested, Artemis and Minerva as an ice dance couple ! (I know it makes no sense, it's alright, it's for the ✨vibes✨) The pose is inspired by my fellow Frenchies Evgenia Lopareva and Geoffrey Brissaud's free dance - first because, well, it slays and it's iconic, and second because I feel like it fits Artemis and Minerva's vibe pretty nicely 😈

The perspective and colours are SO wonky on this one, I'm a bit frustrated with Minerva because I feel like it's hard to recognise her without her signature glasses... but well, it was just something I scribbled during Europeans' Zamboni times in only a few hours, and I had a lot of fun, so I guess it's okay 🙂

Also FUCK YES NIINA PETROKINA EUROPEAN CHAMPION LET'S GOOOOOOO 👑🇪🇪😭


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2 months ago

Also, again for the ask thing: since I love how you write Artemis, do you have other inspirations for him outside Colfer's books? Like, music, or other characters in books or series, that helps you "channeling" him :3

Oooooh, I love this question !! (and thank you so much for the compliment you’re so sweet 🥹)

To be honest I’ve never really thought about it that way ; Artemis is just a character that I’ve thoroughly obsessed over for almost a decade now :’) so the child is kinda part of my dna now ^^"

But my interpretation of him is probably very influenced by mtv series Daria. This show has been my absolute favourite forever ! My mum had all 5 seasons and 2 feature films on DVDs, and I watched them on loop absolutely everyday, I knew all the dialogues by heart and Daria and Jane were my spirit animals.

I really recommend all of the Fowldom to check this series out ; the main character Daria is extremely intelligent, witty and cynical, she is a great source of inspiration for me in writing Artemis ^^ and also the show is just absolutely great and so freaking funny. (also worth mentioning that I’ve always headcanoned that Juliet had an early teen phase where she was a lot like Quinn ; when I write Artemis and Juliet I’m always inspired by Daria and Quinn ^^)

Another big inspiration, though more recent, is definitely Aurora. She is my absolute beloved, my Stendhal syndrome, her music is everything to me ; and since I am a maniac and cannot be trusted not to combine all my hyperfixations, I’ve always felt like Aurora is very much a “what Artemis could have been", had he had a shot at freedom in his childhood. A lot of her songs (All My Demons, In Bottles, It Happened Quiet, Conflict of the Mind, My Body is Not Mine, Invisible Wounds…) I strongly, strongly associate with Artemis - my interpretation of him at least.

That’s what the key thing must be, though. I think over the years, I’ve really crafted an interpretation of Artemis that really feels like my own. I see him as an initially extremely empathetic, emotionally acute person ; who was broken by his father’s neglectful and abusive parenting, and forced to learn to silence his feelings in the name of Family and Business - and his journey is all about reconnecting with his emotions. I know it’s not that far out there of a take, there are a lot of hints in the books that can point this direction ; but this notion that within Artemis there is a permanent thunderstorm of emotions and deeply embedded guilt, a desire to prove himself worthy of love and respect, is really my main guideline when I write him :)

Thank you so much @laeliana for letting me ramble ^^"


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5 months ago

Juliet would obviously be very much into Chappell Roan, and I suspect Butler would too. But I feel the one song that Artemis would really tolerate being blasted full force during car rides is 'Good Luck Babe'. Because there's NO way in hell he resists the chance to sing-yell 🎶✨"I TOLD YOU SOOO"✨🎶 at the top of his lungs like the petty princess he is 💅🏻


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3 months ago

My beloved darling Jason 🥹☘️

At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,
At The 2025 World Championships Gala Held In Boston, Jason Brown Recreates His 2014 Olympic Season Program,

At the 2025 World Championships Gala held in Boston, Jason Brown Recreates his 2014 Olympic season program, which he performed at that year's Boston National Championships


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10 months ago

FowlFest : TLC AU

I've been wanting to take part in Fowlfest but wouldn't dare to ; I feel like I don't really belong in the Fowldom but that's a me problem. So, I've been thinking about the AU prompt ! My most beloved AU is more of a canon-divergence, but I just love to imagine how things would have turned out had Artemis gotten his memories back by himself after TEC. I've written a whole ass fanfic about this though, and it's a bit off-topic so I won't expand on that ; still it's the first thing that came to mind. BUT ! To get to the point, one thing I've been wondering about a lot lately : what if, when Artemis and Holly (and the demons) came back from Hybras, they didn't arrive three years after they went missing, but three years before ? Just like. Imagine that. To avoid causing time paradoxes, Artemis and Holly would have to hide in seclusion for a few years to not runinto their younger selves ; the good thing is, if they manage to wait it out, they would be able to reappear in Taipei right after vanishing, so Butler and the Fowl family would at least be spared the anguish. But they'd still have to hang around for about three years in a timeline where they already exist, and try not to wreck the space-time continuum. Holly would definitely want to try to save Julius from Opal, which Artemis probably wouldn't allow her to do because it would absolutely break the timeline. What if they can't resist trying to fix the mistakes of the past ? What if they decide to go back to their lives even with their other selves still being there - how would that go ? Also, I said three years, but it could be more. They could return right before the Fowl Siege, or even earlier than that ; Artemis would have a very hard time deciding whether to try and not have his father be captured by the Mafiya. Alternatively they could even appear as far as like the seventies, but that's a completely different beast of an AU altogether. Lame crackfic telenovela plot-twist in that case : Artemis II ends up being Artemis I and the universe explodes. what the hell did my brain just suggest There's also the fact they are coming back from Hybras with demons ; can the demons just join the People ? Then the whole initial plot of TLC would be very different. I guess I like this idea because it could go many ways depending on the genre you want to explore. It can be a dystopian, lovecraftian horror thriller if the timeline starts unraveling ; or a funny, crazy time-travelling adventure with many shenanigans ; but also an intimist, philosophical tale about Artemis and Holly being stuck in and out of their world, forced to live like ghosts while another version of them lives their life and makes the same mistakes they did, having no friend to reach out to but each other. It can be sad, but also wholesome - them ending up admitting that what they went through all these years made them who they are, and even when given the chance they wouldn't change anything. I don't ship them but I like that it would be an opportunity to deepen and strengthen their bond whether platonically or romantically depending on your preference.

Anyhoo, that's where I'm at. Sorry it's a bit lame and probably been thought about before :(


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eldewinddolly - homicidal psycho jungle cat
homicidal psycho jungle cat

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