I Genuinely Am Such A Fucking Loser

I hate being schizophrenic because I was straight up so paranoid I was pregnant and it added onto my breakdown yesterday I beat the fuck out of my uterus and now I’m cramping and I don’t know if I work right down there anymore

I need help so bad I need fucking help I don’t have anybody I’m freaking the fuck o ur I can’t take it anymore I literally cannot fucking take it anymore I need to kill myself I need to fucking end my life I needto kill myself I need to fucking kill myself nobody or nothing will ever help me I am stuck here I am so tormented god please fucking help me please fucking help me please god help me fucking help me please fod I can’t take it please kill me oh my god fucking help me fucking help me please

What have I done to make you disgusted by me

You make me fucking hate myself you aren’t a real friend

You’ll never really understand how mych you meant to me

I’m sos Kerry things ended the way they were. I know I don’t need you in my lfie Andy more because you aren’t right for me and I’m not right for you. That’s okay. But that doesn’t mean I dont love you. Maybe not romantically but I still have respect for you. I fucking miss you so much sometimes. I wish you erent a terrible personI . I love you so fucking much not like actual love but oh my god I wish you weren’t the way you were. You were such a staple in my life. Maybe not a good one but I fucking miss you sometimes. You were one of my best friends.

I am listening to a song that reminds me of you while under the influence. It’s Eva by orgy. “What happened to you? You know it makes me wonder” is a line that fucking kills me. All of it does. Please just come back one more time before I lose my mind.

I know you aren’t good for me and I know after im down crying over this INKNOW I will be okay. I just fucking miss the memories and I can’t cope with them properly. I do still miss you sometimes. But I know im feeling it stronger because I am an about to start and also I am drunk and high as shit . 8 8i just miss someone making me feel that way. It was a unique fun experience most of the time . I remember this sign playing while I told you so much how I loved you. Oh my god it makes me sick to my stomach

THISBIS such a good song too. God im so sorry. I’m so sorry for fucking E very thing. I love you so much and sometimes I’d do FUCKJNG a nything to get you back, but not really. I’m just really emotional right now:

You were sk important to me and you are someone I could never forget. I wish I could forgive you but I just have to question why you would do that to me. It’s okay though because I needed to get this cry out. You were such an important person in my FUCKIGN lfie and I took advantage of it and im fucking sorry. I’m so sorry.!8 wish they this never ever happened I’m sorry I even got with you. I really loved you. I can’t be upset with our you now really. This is what I needed. I neeeded to let you go . But I still miss you and still love you so fucking much. Sometimes. Just sometimes.

I’m not backtracking in my progress I’m just reaching a little bitty mishap and that’s okay. I just t miss you so fucking much sometimes . I just hope one day I’ll get the clairty that I fucking desvere. And if I don’t that’s completely okay. I just want to get over this. This is just a little thing cuz im emotional and drunk and high as shit. And this song turned on. I don’t even know why I’m crying over you. You don’t deserve my tears. Things are okay without you but sometimes i do think about you . And I just hope the best for you because I just can’t hate you anymore I need to move on z . It’s okay. We will both be okay. It’s al gona be okay. It really is. I I will be okay

It is like there’s always something with me and it makes me feel so ashamed. I don’t cause problems on purpose. I don’t act out this way on purpose. I just want help

Why do you hate me

I am giving this behavioral hospital a try and if it doesn’t work that will be the confirmation

I am so ugly and incapable of everything and I need to kill myself

I Hope one day we can reunite even if you did hurt me. I miss you.