Rlly Late Post But Its Superlords Au But Jon’s Still A Dork

kevin, helping aaron get ready for his trial: i would like to represent my client’s internet search history from that evening

aaron, leaning into the fake mic: i’d rather just confess to the murder

ahsoka photobombing rex and cody

old old piece i never finished that i started when i heard clone wars was returning! i think i meant obi and anakin to be in it too but alas

-A love song to Anakin Skywalkers flaws-

Did you know that humans are 99% empty space? He was not. The universe filled him up until he could hold no more and then told him to let it out until planets crumbled to his rule and people fell to their knees begging for mercy. His mother taught him to be kind and look down when they speak to you and never ever talk back. Don’t say no and you might survive, and if they want you to leave do so, but never keep yourself in the dark.

Find a way to leave if you can, if you can’t find a way to make sure you’re irreplaceable to those who feed you and clothe you. Ensure your worth and always keep the profit up. His momma had pearlescent eyes and his dad didn’t exist. His presence set alarms off to anyone who would dare listen to the warnings. Such a pity none did. He rescued thousands in his spare time, ensuring none would need to do what he did in order to survive. He dreamt of planets dying and stars going supernova until the images were imprinted onto the backs of his eyelids and his eyes glowed with their dying vicious light.

Blot the blood from his wounds and mould himself to their expectations, just to keep living. His precious hope of freedom, a flighty thing that came and went with the stiff emotions of those around him. Sickly children screamed in the edges of his vision and when he turned to help they were gone. Blundering his way through life he sought help until the one he trusted most was a woman with the makings of a queen, stuck in the body of a child. Bonds forged by steel and grit-- never meant to break, but all good things must come to an end. So when the monster came, he broke and she fell with him. Never his intention but always doomed to happen.

|How do you keep someone from falling when the ground was never stable to begin with? The trick is that you don’t. You fall with them, and then at least you won’t worry for their survival. You’ll either know, or you’ll be dead.|

His thoughts were an unsung melody of heartbreak and survival. He ran faster and faster away from the grasping, reaching hands of the darkness and still couldn’t run fast enough. Why does the universe punish those who wish to help, it is a fickle being, forcing those with too-big hearts and too-soft souls to love and love and love and love until they could help no more and then drown them in its terrifyingly harsh waters. Cold water and higher tides make not a good world to live in, but the world never claimed to be good or kind. Only eternally damning. Songs of the dead hummed in his ears until he was deaf and the sun blinded him until the only faults he could see weren't his own, only others.

The monsters that lurked in the dark saw this, and cried out in glee. This is what they wanted, why wouldn’t they? He could bring trillions to their knees with only a snap of his fingers, and there was no greater prize to them than this.

A SVSSS fic I want to write one day is Airplane and Shen Yuan being ejected from the System and sent back to the mundane world, but with the difference that Shen Yuan's 'edits' to the story have been retroactively applied to PiDW and as a result it's gone from 'top story in a hyper specific web culture niche' to 'international sensation with a Netflix adaption in the works'.

Keyly, PiDW is still told largely from the PoV of Luo Binghe- so neither he nor the audience is at all aware that it's now Isekai story. Instead it's billed as this heady romantic drama about prejudice, the passage of time, and redemption- where a big part of the appeal is trying to piece together the otherwise enigmatic Shen Qingqiu's motives.

Was he harsh on Binghe initially because of he sensed/knew about Binghe's demon heritage (as it's now possible to find hints that he may have in fact known all along)? Or because he saw Binghe's potential and wanted to do the tough-love training thing? Or was it because he was trying to chase Binghe away from Cultivation because he knew it would lead Binghe to misery one day? Did he throw Binghe into the Abyss because he was genuinely shocked and disgusted by the Demon reveal? Or because he knew Binghe would be killed if he stayed and he was trying to 'protect' him? Or was it because he genuinely wanted Binghe to fulfill his demon Emperor destiny and thought a clean break would do it? The fandom has no idea but lovvvvvves arguing about it.

This all leads to things coming full circle, as Cucumber, sounding like an absolute insane person, is left to rant online about how the obvious answer is that Shen Qingqiu was Isekai'd earlier in the story and replaced by a completely different person- a theory which is mocked to the point of memery, and leads to Cucumber being dunked on endlessly, no matter how much evidence he brings up or how many essays he writes.

I have $24 to last me til Friday, what should I buy with it?

Helena Howard; as Ahsoka Tano

albaparthenicevelut replied to your post: You know, having read Master and Apprentice now, I…

Obi Wan’s first 10 years as a knight are just ‘Please find Master Jinn and Padawan Skywalker and talk them back from the Outer Rim/a hidden fortress/abandoned Jedi Temple/the nearest tall tree.’

Obi Wan hitting bushes and trees on Dagobah with a long stick: “Qui Gon??? Anakin???!! Master Yoda says you have to come back to Coruscant now! Don’t make me erase the taped episodes of Flower of Varykino from your TiVo!!!!”

GOD, yes, you know that Obi-Wan somehow would have ended up even MORE exhausted in this AU. In many ways it’s like he somehow got knighted and then was immediately given two Padawans, one of whom is FULL DAMN OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER.

Anakin’s probably constantly showing up at Obi-Wan’s quarters, eyes as wide as saucers, breathlessly saying his Dramatic Possibly-Last Goodbye to Obi-Wan, because this time Master Jinn is POSITIVE that he’s figured it all out, and they need to go to Ilum and do some ritual he read about on an ancient scroll, and they need to go NOW or this whole Prophecy thing is going to fall apart and the SITH SHALL TRIUMPH OBI-WAN OH MY GOD. Anakin thought Obi-Wan was hard to read sometimes? CAN YOU IMAGINE ANAKIN DEALING WITH QUI-GON AND HIS NON-EXPLANATIONS AND MYSTERIOUS VAGUE STATEMENTS AND SECRET ARCHIVE VISITS THAT HE WON’T TALK TO ANAKIN ABOUT? His poor brain would be scrambled so fast. 

Obi-Wan, half-asleep, is just like “All right Anakin, very well, goodbye then. Please make sure to leave on the homing beacon this time so that I can find you when you both inevitably get trapped in a cave within 24 hours.” 

draco malfoy being draco malfoy

“if you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard.”

“he’s got a stick so far up his arse you can see it when he yawns.”

“explain, and do it carefully or you might find yourself being throttled to death.”

“i always have a note in my pocket saying ‘harry did it’ just in case i get murdered because i don’t want him to remarry.”

“i’m a demanding lover, potter. i require care and attention 24/7.”

“THAT’S THE PROBLEM, PANSY. MY EMOTIONAL BARRIERS ARE DOWN, AND I’D LIKE THEM BACK UP THANK YOU VERY MUCH.”

“i would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

“i could devour a whole bowl of alphabet soup and spit out a better statement than that.”

“my moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel, thank you.”

“harry, love, do these trousers make my arse look big?”

“i want to see things from your point of view, but i can’t get my head that far up my arse.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T WEAR THESE TO WORK? I LOOK FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IN IT!”

“sorry, pans, i’m busy today. i have a mental breakdown scheduled at five.”

“it’s pointless to make fun of you ‘cause it would take the rest of the fucking day for you to figure it out.”

“i totally have a bigger arse than you do.”

“pansy, hold my earrings for me. i have a bitch’s body to hide.”

“a single walk in the woods for me is so relaxing. the fact that i’m dragging a dead body should be irrelevant.”

“get out, blaise. potter and i are going to have sex.”

“did you just say my fucking hair is bleached? honey, do you think bleach would ever produce such fine and silver blond hair like this? yes, that’s right, back away bitch.”

“harryyyy i neeeeed atteeentiooon”

“i love you too. what? no. i said you smell like a shoe. idiot.”

“whoa, it smells like bitch in here.”

“I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES! MY VISION IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU.”

“wanna check out my peacock army at home?”

“pff, what makes you think i sleep with a stuffed lion? that’s a lie. you … you have a picture? can i … can i see?”

“i like being organised but i’M TOO LAZY TO BE ORGANISED”

“ME? BECOME A POTTER? I DON’T … actually, draco potter doesn’t sound too bad. where are the marriage papers?”

“please, i’m too classy to top. have you seen me? i have an aristocratic face, and this phenomenal arse. power bottom it is.”

“sweat? me, sweat? i don’t sweat. it’s disgusting, so i don’t do it.”

“i am the prince of destruction, death and … yeah, i’m a cuddler.”

“i do not blush. that is undignified and—POTTER AND I WEREN’T SPOONING!”

“if you win this match, potter, you can do whatever you want to me. are you daft? yes, i said whatever you … what? you want me to spend a night with you?”

“to be fair, professor, i’m not the one who decided to maul my own neck with hickeys. blame potter.”

“YES PANSY SHUT UP I HAD A CRUSH ON VIKTOR FUCKING KRUM ONCE BUT THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

“harry! harry! HARRY! do i look pretty?”

“pans, i need you to tell me your embarrassing sex stories so i can forget last night when harry stared at me and i waved.”

“FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES!”

they are i m your man by mitski coded so i m obligated to be unwell about them

collection of posts for a very specific dynamic