#IsBruceWayneBatman: a Social Media Au | Part I

I bet the JL has a “how fucked are we” metric that’s literally just how many of Bruce’s kids are there.

Like if he pulls up to the alien invasion or whatever with just Robin, then everything’s fine. More than fine, actually, because Bruce feels comfortable enough to bring his eight year old along for the ride. This battle will take approximately fifteen minutes and they’ll all get shawarma after. Not fucked in the slightest.

But if Red Robin shows up too… hmm, okay, this is getting somewhat serious. Tim is one of Bruce’s most trusted partners; he’s the smart Robin, the tactician, the loyal one, and so if Batman brought him along then it means he’s at least a little bit worried about shit hitting the fan and wants one his advisors around. But the combined brain power of Bruce and Tim is pretty much unmatched (DC plot armor for the win), so everything will be fine, basically. Superman might take a hit, but everything’s going to be fine. Just keep calm and you’ll all make it home in time to Door Dash some Panda Express before it closes. So not that fucked.

It starts to get serious after that. When Signal and Spoiler roll up the scene, shit has definitely hit the fan. Batman’s worried enough to call in reinforcements and he’s probably doubting the League’s ability to listen/obey his orders, so he needs a backup plan in case things go really south. But with Signal’s abilities and Steph’s superpower of turning anything into a joke, chances are you’ll be okay. Maybe impaled or something, but okay. But still, fucked.

When Nightwing shows, the JL knows it’s starting to get dicey out on the field. See, Nightwing’s got his own team, his own issues—the fact that he set that all aside to help out his dad is cause for concern. On a scale from 1-10, they are at a 7. Above moderately fucked.

And… oh God. Black Bat? Most of the time the JL doesn’t even see her, but once she makes herself known and starts fighting alongside her siblings, they all start to silently freak out. Black Bat is a fucking machine and if she’s breaking a sweat trying to fight the Big Bad, things are definitely not going to go well. They start praying that Batman figures something out. They freak out. They are intrinsically fucked.

But God Forbid you catch sight of the Red Hood. The prodigal son is a legitimate killer, and if Batman’s letting him blow out brains then the JL knows he’s desperate. And a desperate Batman is not good. At all. They are definitely fucked.

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.

Canon can suck my dick off.

The Drake name isn’t Jack’s, it is Janet’s. She came from a successful family who went for generations being the best of the best, and she wasn’t going to give up on her last name when she married a man not quite as successful as her. So Drake took the Drake name.

Everything that Tim has that belonged to the Drake name? It’s Janet’s, not Jack’s, never Jack’s.

I think there should be more fics about Gothamites talking back to the bats - specifically Batman

“Get inside” “you’re not my dad”

“Stop trying to fight the joker, PLEASE” “fuck you, I do what I want”

“The streets aren’t safe tonight” “bro it’s Thursday, one of chillest days. Please shut the fuck up about telling me about gotham like I wasn’t born here thanks”

Headcanons for human!Toothless

- He doesn’t remember his parents. He only remembers that he was always used to be alone from the early childhood.

- He was the first boy raised by dragons.

- Because of his thin build, wild habits and constant dirt on himself, he looked like a dragon, which made people take him for one of them.

- By the way, dirt could hide him in the dark, so that’s why he was called Night Fury.

- The meeting with Hiccup happened as it was in the canon, only without so much animal habits. Toothless just screamed wildly in his ear and ran away limping.

- If Hiccup lost his left leg, then Toothless lost his right leg. S-symbolism ✨✨✨

- For a long time Toothless was studying habits of a man who overstepped his principles and saved him and was learning the human language. He uttered his first words terribly.

- Hiccup taught him how to be a human again and Toothless became attached to his first friend for this.

- Stoick wasn’t immediately happy with the boy who was on the side of dragons, but when Toothless saved Hiccup in the last moment, Stoick accepted and also began to consider him as a second son.

- When Toothless became a resident of the village, he was washed and his hair was trimmed as far as the young man allowed. Yes, he manages to take care of his hair.

- He still loves fish. But when Hiccup fried it for him for the first time, Toothless couldn’t touch raw again. He genuinely loves fried.

- But he’s not picky about food.

- Toothless is 10 cm taller than Hiccup and so it remains until the very end (through the ROB/DOB, RTTE AND HTTYD2/3).

- In ROB/DOB Toothless can already pronounce sentences. However, they all are similar in type “I… Not to understand… Need to think…”.

- But in RTTE he has fully mastered speech.

- As a teenager he liked long hair, so he asked not to cut it. As a result, his hair was grown hair and still, he managed to take care of it.

 I think that’s all for now. The list will be replenished 💖

Headshots for all the characters I did from Batman Caped Crusader.

Because I shrunk down most of them, the halftones may have compacted. Links to the individually posted portraits are below:

Harleen Quinzel

Renee Montoya

Barbara Gordon

Oswalda Cobblepot “Penguin”

Harvey “Two Face” Dent

Gentleman Ghost & Onomatopoeia

Selina Kyle “Catwoman”

Bruce Wayne “Batman”

Basil Karlo “ Clayface”

Jim Gordon & Natalia Knight “Nocturna”

There is no way Anakin is THIS dumb

This is just a goof bc I’m still thinking about sith obi wan just wearing the worst disguise ever while being the chancellor of the Republic and still no one knows that it’s a sith who’s in charge of the senate

Starting to think a cooler headcanon for Clark’s upbringing might just be that the entire town of Smallville collectively decided to just go with it and accept that Martha and John's kid has superpowers, but we don't talk about it.

Someone's tractor gets stuck and nothing can get it out? "Be a dear and run down to the Kents, would you? Ask for Clark?"

"Why Clark, we need a machine--"

"Run along now."

Or if he kicks too hard and the football vanishes into the upper stratosphere, no it didn't, we all collectively saw it land over there *vague hand movements*

Normally I would say Batman cuz the minute he figures out someone's weakness and comes up with a counter it's over, but I don't think Carol HAS a weakness and she's also a living nuclear bomb soooo

Batman VS Everyone

If Batman gets prep time, so does everyone else