That Full Thing About Sex Was Deep. As A Christian Who Has Drifted Away, I Took More Out Of That Than

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Don't you think that a physical relationship and sexual chemistry are a big part of a relationship too? I understand the principle of celibacy but I feel as if the physical connection is also very important in a serious relationship and it's something worth exploring before marriage.

YES. ABSOLUTELY, the physical aspect of a relationship is suuuuuuper duper important! You can’t have a healthy, functioning relationship without it. However, I don’t think that you need to have sex before marriage to figure that out. For me, I can tell if I find someone attractive the first time I look at them; I can tell if we have good chemistry the first time we flirt; and I can tell if I want to have sex with them the first time we kiss. Sooo I think that the physical chemistry and sexual tension is evident very early on in the relationship, and you don’t have to have sex to figure that out.

Also, in my ideal world, both I and my husband will be virgins on our wedding day, so we’ll sort of..embark on a journey together wherein we learn and try new stuff and experiment together. Kind of like…a blank slate. So we go in to he marriage open-minded and with an empty canvas and it ends up being a masterpiece. I think our marriage will be stronger because of that.

That’s just me :P Peace and love! -Katherine

Is masturbation a sin?

Oi. Okay, um…I won’t say that this is a “complicated” question, per se, but I will say that it’s going to be hard to clearly explain my thoughts on the subject. So just bear with me. 

Disclaimer: because you used the word sin, I’m assuming you want a Christian perspective, which is really the only perspective I give anyway :P So that’s what this will be. 

From a biblical perspective, I think that the act itself of masturbation is not a sin, but the reasons we do it can be sinful. 

A few years ago, I wondered this very thing and I went in search of answers but couldn’t find anything conclusive. There are too many different interpretations of the bible, too many different pastors with different opinions. Since then I’ve matured (a tiny bit) and I’ve come to my own conclusions. And here they are: 

Sexual health professionals say that masturbation is healthy and, of course, they’re right. It’s necessary, in fact. Especially for guys. Male bodies are producing sperm and semen from a pretty young age, waaaaayy before they’re ready to get married and/or have sex. It needs to be ejaculated. You can’t just ignore that. So masturbation is necessary and healthy. Okay, cool. 

Also, the bible, which mentions many other sexual sins and perversions in lurid detail, does not mention masturbation once. NOT ONCE. NOT A SINGLE TIME. Isn’t that odd? Every single other sin is mentioned in the bible, but masturbation is not. Hmm…must be cause masturbation is not a sin! 

But here’s why people might try to convince you it’s a sin, and why you’re wondering whether or not it’s a sin. The bible does mention lust. It compares lust to adultery (Matthew 5:28), it repeatedly tells us to flee from sexual immorality, it speaks of covenant eyes (Job 31:1) so we can safely assume that lust is not a good thing. The catholics even put it in their seven deadly sins! 

And we have a problem because lust is a thing of the heart and the mind, and masturbation is a thing of the body, but the heart and mind are inextricable linked to the body. Therefore, masturbation is *almost* always connected to a sin, because it is accompanied by sexual fantasies about the girl/guy in our english class, or that model; or because it’s accompanied by porn. [Sidenote: porn is definitely sinful. That absolutely falls into the lust category. Also, porn is highly addictive. Like, family-ruining, job-losing addictive. And before you know it, you’re being treated for depression and ADHD when all that was really wrong with you was a porn addiction. See here.] So because we may be struggling in our hearts with lust, we will also be struggling in our bodies with masturbation. I found this quote on this website that I thought explained it rather well: 

“Specifically, if the act is done merely as a hedge against temptation and as thebody requires then there is no need for the above sinful “crutches”. This is hardly exciting, and a rote act of keeping the body in submission. It cannot be done often, as the body is not that demanding if left alone by a perverted imagination.”

So in conclusion, masturbation is not the sickness, but it can be a symptom. I rarely say stuff like this, because I’m not really an authority on…well, anything. However, I want to say it in this situation: IF you (you meaning anyone) feel like you’re struggling with masturbation, here are some things I want to tell you:

1. Bear in mind that masturbation is not the sin. You are probably suffering from some “soul-sickness”. And getting better is not about trying to go as long as you can without masturbating. Trying to go more than 24 hours without masturbating, or trying to go two days, or a week…that’s not dealing with the real issue. That’s just frustrating for you. Getting better is dealing with what’s really going on - your heart and mind are out of line. It might be a porn addiction. It might be frequent fantasizing, or staring a bit too long at that person. Whatever it is, if you deal with that, the masturbating thing will take care of itself. 

2. Don’t be ashamed. Sometimes, the church puts this stigma on sexual sins and we can’t talk about it and it’s all so hush-hush. But it’s better to talk about it than to try to deal with it on your own. That being said, talk to someone you can trust. Someone who loves you. Someone who will be discreet and sensitive and actually try to help. 

3. PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY! We are not capable of turning off lustful thoughts at the flip of a switch. We do not have that much control over our own thoughts. We need a lot of help. And read your bible, because having your head filled with God’s word is a good way to keep impure thoughts out. 

4. Remember that God loves you and I love you no matter what. :)

Thanks for the question :) I hope that what I said made sense at least, and at best was somewhat helpful. :) Peace and love! -Katherine 

Why I Believe What I Believe (because it was far too long to put all of it in an answer)

 I started out being a Christian because I was essentially born and raised in the church. However, make no mistake : it was my own personal decision to begin the journey of faith in Jesus. But it might be more effective for me to explain to you why I STILL believe in Christianity. I am far past the age where I had to stop coasting on the momentum of my parents’ beliefs and step up and own my faith. If you’re only lukewarm and you don’t really believe this stuff, you won’t remain convicted and active in your faith.

First off, I flatter myself that I am a critical thinker. I’m currently doing a science degree in university and I like to think that I’m inquisitive and smart. And I will fiercely deny any accusations of brainwashing or the like. I sometimes have moments where I literally question everything about my existence and I just wonder, “what if everything I’ve ever believed isn’t true?” and when I was in my early teens I asked myself, how do I know God is real? I attended small groups at my church and I read books and I really started investigating. A great book is called A Case for a Creator, by Lee Strobel, if you’re interested.  Here are the reasons I believe in God:

1. Personal Experience.

It’s pretty easy to believe in something when you see it with your own eyes, and hear first-hand accounts all the time from people who were witnesses to the miraculous. For example, the Holy Spirit is probably the most versatile form of God and He’s the form of God here on earth. He lives in us and works through us as we invite Him to do so. So basically, when we open ourselves up to God, He will come and visit. And the effects of the presence and the glory of God are varied and remarkable.

Let me list some symptoms of being in God’s presence:  -Speaking in a unique language, known only to God and not to any human -Crying uncontrollably -Laughing hysterically -Falling over randomly

I’ve seen all of those symptoms in an average church service haha. That’s why they call us Pentecostal, we’re defined by our belief in the Holy Spirit. The name is derived from the day of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit first visited the disciples of the early church. *Note: there was a cool study done by a student at the University of Pennsylvania who did MRI scans on people while they were speaking in tongues, and discovered that the frontal lobe was not involved the way you’d think it would be, and that neurologically, the data corroborates the Christians testimony, that we hear ourselves but have no blessed clue what we’re saying. Cool, huh? 

Also, the Holy Spirit gives “gifts” wherein He gives you power for a moment to do something humanly impossible, in order to help someone. Those gifts include… -Healing -Miracles -Prophesy -Knowledge (knowing something about someone’s life that you could never have known if God didn’t tell you)  -Faith (more like a leap of faith, It’s when you step out and do something that could not possibly work if God didn’t intervene) -Wisdom (God granting you the answer to what seemed like an unsolvable puzzle) -Interpretation (being able to understand the freaky Holy Spirit language someone is speaking in and translating it) -Discernment (knowing that something is a lie because God told you)

Obviously, it’s difficult to quantify stuff like Faith, Knowledge, Wisdom and Discernment. Usually things like that happen between the gift deliverer and the gift receiver. However, I have personally borne witness to Prophecy and Interpretation, and have heard many firsthand accounts of miraculous healings. When I stop and think about it, I’ve definitely been present at an event where healings took place, but I didn’t know the individual or the specific situation.

The very people in my life are evidence that God exists. There is a biblical concept called The Fruits of The Holy Spirit (NOT the same as the gifts) which are essentially characteristics of God which increase in a person’s life the more contact they have with God. They are… -Love -Joy -Peace -Patience -Gentleness -Faithfulness -Meekness -Self-control

I’ve met so many amazing people in my life, some who are Christian and some who are not. But it happens every now and then when you meet someone and you just KNOW that they are close to God, and you admire them for it. Because they could not possibly possess such fortitude in the face of adversity, such steadfastness in the face of uncertainty, such grace when dealing with people from all walks of life, or such a passion for loving the unlovely, were it not for God’s influence in their lives.

I’ve had a personal relationship with Jesus for 14 years. And I’ve seen Him heal my friend of an addiction to cutting. I’ve seen Him take away her cravings for alcohol, in the middle of a party, because I asked Him to (yeah that was pretty awesome). I’ve seen a young girl who prayed for a friend in her school who had similar beliefs to her, and literally 30 seconds later (I am honestly not exaggerating), met a girl who fit those exact qualifications. Wild stuff happens everyday and I’m used to it! Because God is a constant in my life. 2. It just….makes sense. 

Nothing else has ever come along that seemed more logical to me than God. I’ve heard the theory of the Big Bang and evolution, and it’s not a flawless theory. There are holes in it. And the odds of the things occurring that they say occurred are…ahem, not great. I can only say that I find it very difficult to swallow that at the beginning of our galaxy, matter and antimatter collided and there was a massive explosion and the residual stardust formed a planet (WHICH just happens to be exactly the right distance from the sun so that we don’t burn up or freeze, and has the right gasses in its atmosphere to make breathable air - oh how convenient!) . And then that on that planet there was some kind of primordial soup with organic molecules swimming around in it like carbon, nitrogen and oxygen. And then, randomly, through some unknown energy source, such molecules magically arranged themselves into a single-celled organism (WHICH are suuuuuuper complex when you think about it. I mean, come on, there are sugars, phosphate groups and nitrogenous groups in a single nucleotide of DNA, arranged in such a complicated pattern. Those DNA nucleotides code for proteins, which bunch together to make organelles, which all function in harmony to create a living, working cell? How does that even happen from elements swimming around in a soup struck by lightning??). And THEN, over millions and millions of years, such teeeeny tiny single-celled organisms evolved into multicellular, microscopic organisms, then into little paleozoic shrimp-like creatures, then into bugs and fish and birds and mammals and monkeys and eventually humans. And ALL the vast variety of life on this planet COME ON! How do we get bumblebees (whom science says shouldn’t even be able to fly) and platypii (egg-laying mammals with venomous feet) and humans (who are animals so highly “evolved” that they’re capable of emotion and altruism and philosophy and music and all this crazy stuff) and all the way back to the single-celled organisms we still have when they ALL evolved from a single-celled organism?? There also exists a theory that the universe is a closed, contained, self-propagating system in which EVERYTHING that happens is a result of something else happening and therefore everything is just one huge, continuous web of interconnected webs of things happening and blades of grass affect the movement of stars and EVERYTHING in the whole universe is linked to EVERYTHING else in the universe and so everything is a product and a piece in the giant working machine of….existence. You following? So the freakyest question in that theory is…how did the universe create a tool with which to know itself? That tool is us. Because if the universe is just one big automatic machine, it has no consciousness. But we have consciousness. But we’re part of the universe, so we were made by the universe and have a role in the universe and yet we’re aware of being a screw in this massive machine? Whoah…my head’s exploding. See, theories like that make no sense to me because they’re entirely circular. And how did this big universe even get started on its Roop Goldberg chain-of-events existence anyway? Excellent question! Yeah, I think it was God.  Everything is just so…perfect. Albert Einstein said that the more he studied the stars, the more he believed in a higher power. I want you to know that I don’t think science and religion are mutually exclusive at all. I am deeply religious, and I love science. And the more science I learn, the stronger my belief becomes. This universe, and this life, leaves me absolutely speechless in awe of the one who designed it. The patterns of life are too complex, too intricate to be the product of mere accident. The universe is so vast, and the cell is so small, and yet each is so complex that it is worthy of millions of years of study to understand it, and we still don’t understand it completely! The planet is the perfect distance from the sun. The atmosphere is perfect for us. The food webs are all so magnificently interconnected. Our bodies literally have a mechanism for every possible necessary function that I didn’t even know was possible. Have you ever studied our bodies? THEY’RE FRICKIN INCREDIBLE! No one could dream up a world like this one, ever in their wildest fantasies. It’s just too amazing and wonderful and mysterious. I CANNOT believe that this was all the product of random chance. I think that it MUST have been the beautiful design of a brilliant and very creative, infinite, craftsman. The bible says that the skies declare the glory of the Lord, and I think that’s so accurate. The skies, the trees, the land. Everything. It’s all just so absolutely, magnificently, breathtakingly gorgeous. I think that He is such an artist. Man, I’m actually blown away by the colours and the textures and the patterns and the lines and curves and visual splendor of Nature. And then I think, “how could something so beautiful not be made by God?”  Because God is…everything. He’s beauty, He’s thought, He’s life, He’s love, He’s music. He is absolutely the purest, most perfect (although there are no degrees of affection), most holy, most wonderful, most lovely, most amazing….essence. He’s not a person or a thing. He’s…everything. And everything is Him. That doesn’t even make, sense, I know. I’m not some new age hippy that believes in the organic energy or everything, or in people’s auras, or that we are all God within ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very socially conservative (probably politically too), traditional, orthodox, bible-believing Christian. But think about it: Nothing can exist apart from God. We can’t breath or blink or think without Him. He sustains our very existence. He sustains our very universe. It all arose from Him when He said “Let there be light” and there was light. He breathed everything into existence and therefore nothing is possible without Him. God is definitely the most beautiful thing I ever have or ever will encounter.  There is even evidence for the existence of God within ourselves. You cannot deny that everybody is constantly searching….for…something. We instinctively, inherently, detest the shallow, vain creatures we’ve become. We crave something of substance, something of value, in our lives. Everyone tries to be “deep”, you know? With quotes, and song lyrics, and photography, and poetry, and reading, and music, and science, and relationships. I don’t mean that as a bad thing, I just mean that it’s the way we’re wired. We want meaning in our lives. We want to make sense of that crazy, spinning mess we find ourselves in. We want to understand ourselves and each other. We want something…more. Something transcendent. Something ephemeral. Something intangible. Something spiritual. Something eternal. Every human being has a deeply spiritual need, and if you ignore that part of you, you will be unhappy and unfulfilled. And, call me crazy, but I think I have the answer to that craving. That’s called a soul. It’s who you are. Its your entire identity. And I think that it is still connected to it’s creator, Who is a being of spirit, like us. We really are, you know. We’re spirit creators. We just happen to be incredibly limited by the mortal forms we’re confined to at the moment. Anyway, your soul is crying out to be in communion, and in contact with God. It’s what we were made for!  Also, cool science fact of the day! The protein in our bodies, the one that is made to be the intercellular “glue”, the protein that literally holds our bodies together, is shaped like a cross. And there’s a verse in the bible that says that Jesus “holds all things together”

115 Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.     He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation,[a] 116 for through him God created everything     in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see     and the things we can’t see— such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world.     Everything was created through him and for him. 117 He existed before anything else,     and he holds all creation together.

(Colossians 1:15-17). Search it up: Laminin. There is ALSO a galaxy out there in the shape of a cross. Coincidence? Mwahaha, I think not! God, you so sneaky! 

FURTHERMORE!  The bible, which was written, like, forever ago (okay 2000-3000 years) contains some very uncannily accurate science facts! Which were most definitely unbeknownst to the writers of that time. Here is a lovely table for you viewing pleasure: 

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said, “I believe in God the way I believe in the sun. Not because I can see it, but because by it I can see everything else.” He also points out that arguing against God is a completely pointless endeavor because the faculties with which you reason out your arguments were given to you by God so you’re reasoning…against reason. That’s awkward. Classy guy, that C.S. Lewis. Another excellent book I highly recommend is by him, and it’s called Mere Christianity. He started writing it as an exhortation against Christianity. He set out to disprove it but in the process of attempting to do so, found that he could not and was thus converted. His fundamental issue was that all humans have an innate code of ethics. He goes into this in detail in the book, but I’ll do my best to summarize for you. Basically, we all have this standard of right and wrong in us, which is, surprisingly, not bred into us by society. It has nothing to do with societal pressures and is ingrained in our psyche from the time we’re created. 

What was the sense in saying the enemy were in the wrong unless Right is a real thing which the Nazis at bottom knew as as we did and ought to have practised? If they had had no notion of what we mean by right, then, though we might still have had to fight them, we could no more have blamed them for that than for the colour of their hair. 

Where did this standard come from? How could that exist if we were just the product of chance? And how do we even know what’s good and bad? It`s a fascinating read. 

If anyone will take the trouble to compare the moral teachings of the ancient Egyptians, Babylonians, Hindus, Chinese, Greeks and Romans, what will really strike him will be how very like they are to each other and to our own...Think of a country where people were admired for running away in battle, or where a man felt proud of double-crossing all the people who had been kindest to him. You might just as well try to imagine a country where two and two made five. 

The answer is that there must be some greater standard of good, outside ourselves, that we measure by. That’s God. 

If there was a controlling power outside the universe, it could not show itself to us as one of the facts inside the universe - no more than the architect of a house could actually be a wall or staircase or fireplace in that house. The only way in which we could expect it to show itself would be inside ourselves as an influence or command trying to get us to behave in a certain way. And that is just what we do find inside ourselves.

3. There actually is a great deal of historical credibility to the bible I know you said that there's "no proof of any reality to the bible", but the truth is that if we measured the bible by the same standards with which we measure historical documents, it would far exceed all other authoritative historical manuscripts in authenticity and credibility.  Historical manuscripts are judged on three criteria:  1) The number of existing manuscripts.  There are about 56000 existing original manuscripts which were part of the bible.  2) The Dating of the manuscripts. There's only like a couple centuries between the earliest manuscript and the first copy. In fact, here's a lovely chart I found when doing my research: 

3) The number of variant readings, i.e. the number of discrepancies between multiple versions of the original text. 

99.5 % of the bible is in agreement on theology, and 85% has perfect agreement even in spelling and punctuation! Which is incredible for a text having so many surviving manuscripts. 

Also, and just a side note on number 3 there, with such a vast number of surviving manuscripts, it is important to note also that it was transcribed by 40 different writers, in 3 different continents, over a period of 1600 years, in 3 different languages...and STILL has 99.5% accuracy! I just don't think that's humanly possible.  And finally, there is a staggering amount of prophetical evidence for the bible's veracity. It confirms itself by the prophecies in the old testament, say...Isaiah, being corroborated by the first-hand accounts in the new testament, such as Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. FOR EXAMPLE, in the fifth century B.C., a prophet name Zechariah predicted that Jesus would be sold for thirty pieces of silver, which would be used to purchase "a potter's field". 

12 And I said to them, “If you like, give me my wages, whatever I am worth; but only if you want to.” So they counted out for my wages thirty pieces of silver.

13 And the Lord said to me, “Throw it to the potter[a]”—this magnificent sum at which they valued me! So I took the thirty coins and threw them to the potter in the Temple of the Lord.

Matthew's account of Jesus' betrayal, written around 60-65 A.D, confirms this: 

3 When Judas, who had betrayed him, realized that Jesus had been condemned to die, he was filled with remorse. So he took the thirty pieces of silver back to the leading priests and the elders. 4 “I have sinned,” he declared, “for I have betrayed an innocent man.”

“What do we care?” they retorted. “That’s your problem.”

5 Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself.

6 The leading priests picked up the coins. “It wouldn’t be right to put this money in the Temple treasury,” they said, “since it was payment for murder.”[a] 7 After some discussion they finally decided to buy the potter’s field, and they made it into a cemetery for foreigners. 8 That is why the field is still called the Field of Blood. 9 This fulfilled the prophecy of Jeremiah that says,

“They took[b] the thirty pieces of silver—     the price at which he was valued by the people of Israel, 10 and purchased the potter’s field,     as the Lord directed.[c]”

Science tells us that the chances of that being a coincidence are 1 in 10^11....1 in 100 000 000 000. 

Alrighty, so there you go, my three reasons for believing in Christianity. Again, I'm not trying to convince you that I'm right, but I am trying to show you that I am a smart, educated, critically-thinking person who is not brainwashed. I'm a little bit defensive on the topic because my grade 10 chem teacher, although I dearly loved him, used to say that religious people were all like sheep being led off a cliff, and he compared belief in God to belief in garden fairies, which I highly resented.  I hope this has enlightened you, or interested you, or at least amused you! Til next time,  -Katherine

Where do you draw the line at what's appropriate sexually before marriage?

I’m pretty conservative, so kissing is my limit. Like, I don’t want hands going ANYWHERE, not even above the belt. :P I try to follow these rules: 1. No clothes are coming off. 2. Don’t touch me anywhere that would be covered by a bikini.

I just do this because the road to sex is a very slippery slope, and I’m worried that once you start down that slope, it’s really hard to stop. And to me, it’s too much of a risk to take, so I’d prefer to stay faaaaaar away from that slope at all, and make absolutely certain that nothing’s gonna happen. I just don’t know how strong my will power is, and I’d really prefer not to find out, haha :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine

I really enjoy your blog, katherine :) you're answers are so interesting and clarify so many things. God bless, xox.

Thank you so very much my darling! You are the absolute sweetest :) I'm very glad you've been enjoying my answers :) hopefully there will be many more to follow :)Lots of love! -Katherine

Societal Conditioning?  New Rant yayyyy!!!  Today I filmed like four rants and this is the first :) 

*pinned post*

I'm Katherine. She/her. White, cis queer woman.

This is gonna be SO long. I'm so sorry.

TL;DR : uhhh...i'm Christian but hopefully not one of THOSE Christians? (trying, learning and working not to be)

Let's start with side blogs, then a cut.

@tootiredfortiktok personal blog. Ranting, shitposting, whatever I want.

@fandomofisolation tv shows, books, movies, etc. Currently there's a lot of Our Flag Means Death, 9-1-1 and Supernatural (i know, yikes, haha)

@tellmethestoryofyourtattoos art, photography, travel, stories, cute animals

@clearancelevelneedtoknow human rights, social justice, education, science, resources

@justspngifsrbs reblogging Supernatural gifs (made at the peak of my relapse into an obsession with that stupid, brilliant, awful, wonderful, hilarious, tragic mess)

I have one other secret side blog. If I liked a bunch of your posts that don't fit the theme of this blog or any of my other side blogs, you'll know what my secret side blog is about and why it's secret.

If you're here because you saw that I followed you or liked a bunch of your posts, here's what you should know:

Sometimes, the discrepancy between the vibes of this blog and the blogs I follow or the posts I like may give you pause. I get it. Don't worry, I PROMISE I am not trying to evangelize you. I use tumblr for a lot of different things. This was my first tumblr blog and is therefore still my main blog. Over the years, I've made others for different areas of my interests. I mostly reblog from the side blogs listed above.

Now. If you found me through one of the posts that I made on this blog itself, there are some things you should know about me which will allow you to contextualize the stuff I say here.

I AM a Christian. I don't really know how to define that except to say that I believe in a higher power, who has consciousness and will. And I believe that all of reality originated from and is still maintained by that higher power. My concept of that higher power aligns most closely with the Christian concept of God.

I am currently deconstructing and reconstructing my faith.

I grew up in a family that attended a church that's part of the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador, which is in turn part of the World Assemblies of God Fellowship.

Some stuff about NL pentecostal culture:

- no drinking, smoking or drugs. Most are teetotalers (if someone in the community does drink or smoke, it's a little rebellious/scandalous/taboo). For communion, we use grape juice.

- no sex before marriage

- teeeeeeeechnically, no divorce either

- gambling is also taboo. Older people in small, rural towns even avoid playing cards altogether, just because of the association with gambling.

- my mom's generation is weird about dancing. She almost didn't let me go to prom because it was a dance. It's basically like the movie Footloose - "dances are events where teenagers might engage in risky behavior like drinking, drugs and sexual promiscuity. Therefore, dancing must be banned." That's on its way out, I think.

- similar to the dancing one, my grandparents' generation was weird about movie theatres. That has passed.

- women CAN be pastors (clergy). Divorced people cannot.

- divorced people and unwed mothers are allowed to volunteer at church stuff (as layfolk) but gay people are not.

- my church is trying to be diverse. That means they're trying to create a community that welcomes, includes, celebrates and values people of all ethnicities and cultures. They're not perfect but I can say that they're trying.

- they're pretty chill about mental health stuff, as far as i can tell.

- at my church, the lead pastor is a white man (the lead pastors at most NL pentecostal churches are white men, and the leaders of the paonl are white men). Two other pastors are white men. One is a white woman. One is a woman who is either white or mixed race. I do not know for sure. I've never asked her. Three other people on staff at the church in layfolk paid positions are two white women and a woman of colour. There are also nine women on staff as part of the "Community Connections and Conversation Cafe (ESL)" team. Four are white, five are women of colour.

- so basically, I can say that they are not intentionally, maliciously, overtly misogynistic, racist or ableist. Obviously they are still part of a religious institution that exists in this province and country because of settler colonialism. Obviously the same systematic inequalities that are inherent in schools, healthcare, government and all colonial institutions are also inherent in this one. I can say that, within the obvious limitations of that context, they are trying to be feminist, accessible and anti-racist.

- they're struggling with fully embracing non-cishet folx. I know that within the NL pentecostal community, there are individuals who support me and are fully affirming of my relationship with my wife as a normal, healthy, God-honouring relationship. But they are the minority. And like officially, my wife and I are not allowed to volunteer at any NL pentecostal churches or with any NL pentecostal events. We are welcomed and accepted and included as attendees when we go to church. It's just that, for us, volunteering with kids and youth programs has always been an integral part of faith and participating in church so it kinda sucks that we can't do it anymore.

Some stuff NL pentecostal churches believe:

- God is sort of like a person, more or less. An intangible, invisible, immortal, pure-spirit, omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent person-like entity. With will, consciousness and feelings. He loves, He hurts, He gets angry, He gets sad, He grieves.

- God made the whole universe from nothing, by speaking.

- God is the only God. He's the only entity like Himself that exists, and everything else in existence came from Him. I am pretty sure that PAONLers believe that if there is some kind of spiritual entity that is neither God nor human, it's either an angel or a demon. Christians in general don't believe in djinn or in other deities/minor deities.

- humans were made in the image of God. So i guess it's less that God is a person-like entity, and more that humans are God-like little dudes.

- humans have souls, which are...from what I understand, one of the three essential things that make up a human (body, mind and soul), and are sort of like intangible, immutable, immortal imprints of one's identity and one's choices on earth. I think many people think that a version of your consciousness is stored in your soul, which will have awareness after your earthly body dies.

- the bible is the "inspired, infallible, authoritative" word of God

- the trinity: God the father, God the son and God the Holy Spirit, three in one

- Jesus is the Son of God. He was fully God and fully man. Virgin birth. He died and came back to life then ascended to Heaven where He is now chillin and will eventually come back to earth "in power and glory to rule a thousand years"

- the Holy Spirit allows people to speak in "toungues", which is a supernatural prayer language unique to each person. It is the Holy Spirit speaking directly to God the Father through a believer's mouth, without involving the believer's brain. It cannot be understood by any human, including the one speaking it (unless the Holy Spirit gives someone else the supernatural gift of interpretation).

- angels, demons, demon possession and miracles (including raising people from the dead, healing the body, and "signs and wonders") are all real, actual things that exist and have happened and do still happen today

- believers are supposed to get baptized in water as a public declaration of their faith

- believers are supposed to participate in communion (which, for pentecostals, is the metaphorical, not literal, consumption of Jesus' flesh and blood) as a reminder of Jesus' death and resurrection until He comes back

- on the topic of Jesus coming back, NL pentecostals believe in "the Rapture" which is supposedly when Jesus comes back, all believers living and dead will be raised up into the air, like being beamed up onto a spaceship. Or they'll just vanish into thin air, leaving behind clothing, shoes, glasses, etc., if you believe the "Left Behind" book series.

- there is an eternal afterlife, and the only two options are Heaven or Hell

- preeeeeeeetty sure PAONLers officially don't believe in ghosts. I'm pretty sure they think the door to another plane of existence is one-way only. Like I said, only two options, and PAONLers believe that both those options are eternal and irrevocable.

- anyone who is "saved" goes to Heaven

- anyone who is not "saved" goes to Hell

- God doesn't want anyone to go to hell so He sent Jesus to take our sins upon Himself

- When Jesus was dying on the cross, He assumed all the guilt for all humans who ever were and ever would be

- the only way to be "saved" is to believe in Jesus as the Son of God who died and came back to life, accept Him as your Lord and Savior, and profess said belief and acceptance

If you're into theology, and these words have meaning for you, here are some terms that apply to NL pentecostals:

- Protestant

- Evangelical

- Charismatic

- Biblical inerrancy

- Finished Work Pentecostalism (progressive sanctification)

- Trinitarian

- Premillenial dispensationalism

- Pretribulation Rapture

- Arminianism

- Security of the believer (conditional upon continual faith and repentance)

- Continuationism

So that's where I come from. That's how I grew up. That's what influenced the beginning of my faith.

Now. Where am I going? Well, I don't know. But like I said, I'm still a Christian. That label still feels right. I'm currently in the process of deconstructing and reconstructing. I don't want to just take away from everything I was taught by the Pentecostal Assemblies of Newfoundland and Labrador. I only want to add to it. Not in the sense that I want to believe everything. That's admittedly rather difficult, because a lot of different Christian beliefs are opposites of each other. I want to add to what I've been taught in the sense that I want to know, and understand, what other sects believe and why. I probably won't know, within this lifetime, which view is "right". Maybe it doesn't matter.

My wife, who is very wise, said, "I just don't have the energy to try to figure it all out. I know I love God, and we have to love other people. I guess we'll find out the rest eventually. I am hanging on to my faith with my last little bit of strength. So I just want to use that bit of strength to focus on loving God, being loved by Him, and loving everyone else the way He loves them."

Some highlights of my current belief:

- "God" is an entity. God has consciousness and will. God is the only *anything* that is real and has always been. All of reality as we know it flows from, is part of, and is maintained by God.

- i think that God's form is pure energy. And I think that energy is love. I think God = love = energy. I don't just think that all love is from God; I think all love is God. Same goes for energy. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. God always was, always is, and always will be. All of matter is made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are made of protons, neutrons and electrons, which are made of quarks, which are energy. God is over all and through all and in all. So I think that all of reality is energy which is love which is God (like the force in Star Wars). And love, as a force, is the most powerful force in reality. Stronger than gravity (like in the movie "Interstellar"). Faster than light. More powerful than life and death.

- science is legit. Science is just an attempt to understand reality. If all reality is God, then science is one way to understand God. Science, math, art, music, language, belief, thought, relationships between humans are all ways to understand, and engage with, the divine. So whatever the scientists can prove with evidence and solid methodology and peer reviewal, i'm on board. Evolution? Yep. I'm good. Climate change? Yeah. Same page. Age of the earth? Yes. Dinosaurs? Yes. Hominids other than homo sapiens (e.g. H. neanderthalis)? Yes. All of it. Whatever science is offering, I'm taking.

- Trinitarian vs Oneness (i.e. is God three in one, God the father, God the son, or God the Holy Spirit, separate entities but all God? Or are the father the son and the holy spirit all different forms of the same dude - just God?) My belief: yes? Both? Who cares?

- was Jesus fully God AND fully man? Was Jesus the Son of God? Or just a normal human fully filled with the Holy Spirit? My belief: Yes? Both? Who cares?

- did Jesus actually die and come back to life? My belief: mmm.....yeah, I'm still feelin' that it's a yes on that one. That's important to me. Haven't let go of that one yet.

- is the Bible infallible and inerrant? My belief: ummmm.......I don't think so. I am no longer really vibing with that particular theology.

- did God make the world in a literal seven days in the exact order described in Genesis chapter 1? My belief: nahhh.

- When Jesus comes back, are believers, living and dead, going to float up into the air like they're being beamed up onto a spaceship? My belief: I mean, I feel like this could go either way. On the one hand, I see no reason to take that literally. On the other hand, why not? I'd believe weirder.

- are angels and demons real? My belief: well, i think so. But i doubt that they are anything like what we think. I believe in a spiritual realm and i believe that there may be entities that exist on that "plane".

- do people get possessed by demons and can those demons be cast out of the hosts? My belief: i'm thinking yes and yes.

- does each individual human have a specially-assigned guardian angel? My belief: i mean, I feel like that's unlikely,but what do I know?

- are people who speak in tongues really filled with the Holy Spirit? Is that a legit supernatural event? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

- do miracles still happen? Like raising people from the dead? Healing the sick and injured? Signs and wonders? My belief: yeah, I think so. Why not? I'd believe weirder.

(To be continued. I am working on this post in fits and starts. I will talk more about my de/reconstruction journey eventually)

The anti-refugee stance is closer to collaborating with ISIS than standing up to it.

Dave Pell (via blakebaggott)

THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING

I am so glad I found your blog because MAN so many other lgbtq+ Christian related things tend to be buried :,DD you seem cool!!

THANK YOU!!! I am honoured and thrilled!