Dress Codes And Modesty Culture: It’s More Complicated Than A Few Well-placed Buzz Words.
Dress Codes and Modesty Culture: It’s more complicated than a few well-placed buzz words.
All across North America, from Labrador City, Newfoundland, to West Jordon, Utah, students are protesting dress codes which they deem sexist and inappropriate. There are many people camped out on the other side of the line professing that it is actually an issue of self-respect.
Sexist? Yeah, probably.
On the one hand, it is true that the length and width of boys’ clothes are not policed as strictly as girls’ and that the reason girls’ clothes are being policed is because they are told that the sight of their exposed skin will be “distracting” to the boys in their classes. Both of these facts support the platform that the entire dress code system was essentially created for males’ benefit, which opens up a number of other issues. For example, doesn’t this kind of system propagate the idea that women’s bodies are men’s property? If men are telling us what we can and cannot wear in order to keep them...docile....we can’t help but hear the message that our bodies exist only to please them, and what we want to wear doesn’t matter, because it’s not about us. It’s not about the way we want to express ourselves or our comfort level, it’s about keeping everybody flaccid. Right? Wait...
But what about self respect?
On the other hand, everybody wants affirmation. And depending on how much you value your own opinion of yourself, and what that opinion is, your threshold for affirmation will be lower or higher. If you have a high threshold for affirmation, you will value affirmation which is “expensive” to obtain: praise for your hard work, or someone’s appreciative insights about your soul. If you have a low threshold for affirmation, you will seek affirmation which can be more cheaply won. And the attention you get for your body is cheap: easy to obtain, freely given, and next to worthless in terms of earning respect. And we all know how to get that kind of affirmation. And for some people, that might be the reason you like showing a bit more skin. If you’re one of those people, I just want to tell you that your own opinion of yourself is the most important one, and I hope that you see yourself for who you are: smart, powerful, beautiful and above all, worthy of respect. If well-meaning modesty pushers feel the same way I do about cheap attention, I can see why they would encourage young girls to cover up, and to seek only more valuable forms of affirmation.
Wait, THAT’s your definition of self respect?
The problem here is that I’ve read phrases like “your body is a priceless treasure, waiting to be found by the right person, and dress codes only suggest that you keep it in the chest until then.” OKAY. Once again, metaphorically referring to a girl’s body as a treasure is another form of objectification. It is literally directly comparing someone’s corporeal form to a box full of rocks and metal. Our bodies are not something that anybody can possess. It’s a physical manifestation of ourselves, it’s the vessel with which we navigate this natural world. AND THEN. It says “waiting to be found by the right person.” Okay so, not only are our bodies somebody’s possession, it’s not even ours? We are not the ones who get to take ownership of the treasure WHICH WE INHABIT? We are waiting for someone to come along and possess our bodies? What?
It’s. Just. Not. That. Simple.
What I would like to say to both anti-dress-coders and pro-dress-coders is this: It’s just not that simple.
It’s not enough to simply say that it is sexist to police girls’ clothes and not boys’.
It’s not enough to simply say that it’s not about sexism, it’s about self-respect.
And here’s why:
I will use myself as an example to explain why. I am a fiercely independent, wickedly stubborn, feminist hippie free spirit. In my personal life, I will wear tank tops and shorts and skirts as I see fit, not as any male tells me makes him comfortable. HOWEVER, I do so with this knowledge:
Biology is a thing. Psychology is a thing. Culture is a thing. It has been scientifically proven (I’m sorry, it really really has.) that individuals born with a penis and high levels of testosterone respond with arousal moreso to visual stimuli, which individuals born with vaginas and high levels of estrogen respond with arousal moreso to everything else (auditory, olfactory, touch, and emotional stimuli). Furthermore, as taught to us in most introductory University Psych courses, people can be conditioned to have a specific biological response to a specific neutral stimulus if that stimulus is always followed by a stimulus which is biologically pertinent. The dogs hear the bell then they get fed. Result: the dogs salivate when they hear the bell. Men see breasts then they have an orgasm. Result: men become aroused when they see breasts. AND WE LIVE IN A CULTURE THAT HAS DEVELOPED IN SUCH A WAY TO PORTRAY THE NUDE FEMALE FORM IN MEDIA AND ADVERTISING ONLY IN HIGHLY SEXUAL CONTEXTS WHICH CREATES AN INEXTRICABLE CONNECTION BETWEEN FEMALE NUDITY AND SEX IN OUR BRAINS THAT HAS BECOME SO DEEPLY ENTRENCHED THAT WE THINK IT’S BIOLOGICALLY HARDWIRED FOR MEN TO BE AROUSED BY BREASTS.
So I make clothing choices with the full knowledge that I cannot stop men from looking at me. And that depending on the man and his personal preferences, there is a good possibility that my cleavage could cause some increased bloodflow. It’s up to me to decide whether I want that to happen, whether I don’t want it to happen, or whether I simply don’t care. But I am always aware, as I get dressed in the morning, that I do live in a world wherein someone could call my cleavage “distracting”.
Oversimplification ignores the real issues.
And here’s the issue: people who protest dress codes want to pretend that we don’t live in that world, and people who promote dress codes want to pretend that the fact that we live in that world is not a problem.
The dress codes are just the tip of the iceberg. I understand that women want to wear what they want, and do what they want, and sleep with whom they want. Part of the current liberal feminism is sexual liberation. However, the dress code is a prominent example of modesty culture. Modesty culture suggests that girls have the responsibility to prevent men from being aroused by them. This is less severe instance of victim blaming, which originates in rape culture. Rape culture suggests that girls have the responsibility to prevent men from raping them. In both of these situations, the blame is sadly misplaced. Rape Culture and victim blaming exist because we live in a Misogynist society. The means that we live in a society that discriminates against women, belittles women, objectifies women, and violates women. It’s all well and good to say that women should be allowed to do, say and wear what we want, but the fact is that we live in a society where that is unsafe for us sometimes.
So the moral of the story: If you protest dress codes, you need to realize that the dress code is not the problem. It is a symptom of a systemic illness of society, and like a fever, this symptom might actually be manifesting itself to protect you. And if you promote dress codes, you need to realize that the fact that we even need dress codes is indicative of a much bigger problem in our society. My advice to both of you is that you’re fighting on the same side and you don’t even realize it. Instead of fighting for or against dress codes, let’s all focus on unlearning harmful philosophies and behaviours to create a safer environment for women, and then dress codes wouldn’t even be that much of an issue.
More Posts from Depressionanddeconstruction and Others
What is your opinion on purity rings?
Teehee, guess what…I wear a purity ring.
I wear it on my wedding finger and everything. It says “Purity” on one side and “Matthew 5:8” on the other. I ordered it online from c28.com.
I’ve heard a lot of differing opinions on the topic of purity rings. Some people think it’s really corny and stupid and seem to associate it with the image of a really sheltered, socially inept, uber-religious freak. One woman wrote a blog post that I read about how she stopped wearing hers because it said “True Love Waits” and she felt that it was indicative of her attitude of expectancy. Like she kept asking God to send her a husband and she realized that she was too hung up on it and wanted to find her worth and fulfillment in God instead of waiting for a man.
I would like to think that I don’t belong to either of those categories. I KNOW for certain that I’m not pining away for a man. I can barely last 4 months in a relationship; I just love being single. And I have a whole bunch of plans for my life that don’t really require a husband. So I’m fairly secure in the knowledge that that’s not the reason I wear it. And although my decision to remain celibate until marriage is old-fashioned and prudish to a lot of people, I don’t think I’m out of touch with reality or brainwashed or crazy or anything. So the ring doesn’t have to be tied to that image.
The reason that I wear it is that I like to wear my heart on my sleeve. I love outward expressions of my convictions. I have tshirts that advertise everything from my identity as a newfoundlander to my religious beliefs to my opinions on human trafficking and dating. And I like the idea of a tangible symbol of my decision to save sex for marriage. That’s all there is to it.
Purity rings are generally harmless and innocent in and of themselves. Whether you decide to wear one or not is a personal decision and, I would venture to say, not even a very important one. It has no bearing on the validity of your decision, and it has no control over your actions. It’s just a symbol. Also, it is not, as one of my friends thought, a promise ring. No one gave me my purity ring and said “save yourself for me”. That’d be weird.
Okay, that’s all I have to say! hahaThanks for the question :)Peace and love! -Katherine
You have not been sprinkled with forgiveness. You have not been splattered with grace. You have not been dusted with kindness. You have been immersed in it. You are a minnow in an ocean of his mercy.
Max Lucado (via littlethingsaboutgod)
How do you feel about the 7 deadly sins?
Hey hey! :)
You’re definitely getting tired of hearing me say this but……”I’m pentecostal”. And the 7 Deadly Sins were not taught to me in Sunday School or in church…ever. I always thought they were more of a Catholic thing.
That is absolutely not to say that they’re not biblical. They are never explicitly listed and labeled as such, in the manner of the 10 Commandments, but they are undoubtedly mentioned in the bible on various occasions.
Proverbs 6:16-19, for example:
There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood,18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil,19 a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Or Galatians 5:19-21:
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
For anyone out there who doesn’t know, the 7 Deadly Sins are as follows:
1. Lust (well no worries there, there’s all manner of verses about lust in the bible)
Matthew 5:28
1 Corinthians 6:18
Galatians 5:16
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
Colossians 3:5
Job 31:1
1 Peter 2:11
2. Gluttony (lesser known, and undoubtedly lesser discussed, but no less valid)
Phillipians 3:19
Proverbs 23:20-21
Psalm 78:18
1 Corinthians 16-17
Romans 13:14
3. Greed (definitely talked about a fair bit in the bible)
1 Timothy 6:9-10
Proverbs 28:25
Hebrews 13:5
Matthew 6:24
Proverbs 15:27
Psalm 10:3
4. Sloth (otherwise known as laziness, and perhaps a bit surprising that it’s featured with the “deadly” sins, right? Well, let’s go to the good book)
Proverbs 13:4
2 Thessalonians 3:10
Proverbs 12:24
Proverbs 15:19
Ecclesiastes 10:18
5. Wrath (otherwise known as anger, and given a fair amount of screen time in the bible)
Ephesians 4: 26-27
James 1:19-20
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Proverbs 15:18
Colossians 3:8
Proverbs 14:17
Proverbs 16:32
6. Envy (this one is even part of the ten commandments! Number 10: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17)
James 3:14-16
Proverbs 14:30
James 4:2-3
Galatians 5:19-21
1 Corinthians 3:3
7. Pride (this is my personal favourite of the 7 deadly sins, because I think it’s a very damaging vice, and one that I know plagues me)
1 Samuel 2:3
Provers 8:13
Isaiah 13:11
Mark 7:20-23
Leviticus 26:19
2 Chronicles 26:16
SIDENOTE: This method of rhyming off random scripture references is not the best way for me to provide support for my argument. It’s quite incomplete, and I’m only doing it for the purpose of saving time and space. Taking a scripture verse or passage out of context is the quickest way to sow misconceptions, and if this answer were a sermon being preached, I would be disgusted, because I far prefer expository sermons to topical sermons. Expository sermons take a passage or a chapter or a story and really unpack it, delving deep into the historical context and themes and symbolism and ancient greek lexicon. Topical sermons pick a subject and find a bunch of verses that support it. Which is exactly what I’m doing. And I mean, I guess it’s necessary in this situation, because you asked about the 7 deadly sins. HOWEVER, if you really wanna learn about God and the bible, I strongly suggest and even implore you to look beyond a single verse. Effective study comes from understanding the context, scripturally and historically.
Okay, so we’ve established that the 7 deadly sins are definitely biblical. That’s a good thing! And so I would undoubtedly venture to say, you should not do these 7 things. Absolutely. I’m very impressed that someone took the time to compile this list. I would just like to caution you about the name. “The Seven Deadly Sins” sounds quite ominous, doesn’t it? Almost like the Unforgivable Curses in Harry Potter. I don’t want you, or anyone, to get the impression that the committing one of the 7 deadly sins condemns you to hell forever. Nor would I want you to believe that these sins are in any way worse than any other sin. Because as we’ve established before, all sin is equal in the sight of God. Here’s some stuff I’ve said about that in past posts:
I know it’s really hard for us to wrap our brains around, but all sin is equal to God. Lying is the same as murdering. Envy is the same as rape. It sounds ludicrous to us, because human morals have a measurement of severity, based on the effects the transgressions have on the people around us. God’s only measurement is “perfect” or “not perfect” and any sin, no matter how awful, or how trivial, is in the “not perfect” category. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” …”fallen short of the glory of God”. That’s what sin is. It literally means not being divine. Well if that’s the definition, then heck yeah everybody has sinned!
***
But here’s the thing. All sin is equal in the sight of God. (James 2:10). So why are people making this big stinking deal about homosexuality when some of us have so much pride in our hearts, we can’t even hear God anymore and we probably think we wrote the bible! Some of us have so much hate that our souls are corroding away inside of us. Some of us have so much lust and secrets and shame that we can barely make eye contact. And you’re gonna look at me and say “homosexuality is a sin”? No my son (Newfoundland expression). I’ve got bigger things in my own life to deal with than homosexuality. And chances are, so do you.
I think that perhaps, these sins are regarded as deadly because of the corrosive effects they have on the people who commit them. You know how humans have a measure of severity for our sin, decided by social norms and laws? Well I think we also have an internal measure of severity for how much a given sin messes us up. There are some things that can really mess us up. And I would say that pride is absolutely unequivocally one of them. Pride messes me up every single day of my life. So maybe the people who made the Deadly Sins list looked in the bible for sins that mess us up. Lust will definitely mess you up. Porn addictions and cheating come from lust. Wrath could really destroy some relationships in your life. Sloth will make you miss every good opportunity in your life and cheat you of your future. I’ve had a bit of experience with that one. And gluttony can give you heart disease and diabetes and high blood pressure and all sorts of other scary medical problems. As for greed, well the bible says that “love of money is the root of all evil”, so there you have it.
IN CONCLUSION, the Seven Deadly Sins are no worse than any other sin. But all sin should be avoided, and the seven are no exception. I would totally advise you to avoid them if you can. Just remember: the sins are biblical, the list is human.
Thanks for the question :)Peace and love! -Katherine
It is time for Christians to stop ranking sins.
Frank Powell (via savedbymercyandgrace)
welp
(via poeticdarkbeauty)
Societal Conditioning? New Rant yayyyy!!! Today I filmed like four rants and this is the first :)
"We are all meant to be mothers of God. What good is it to me if this eternal birth of the divine Son takes place unceasingly, but does not take place within myself? And, what good is it to me if Mary is full of grace if I am not also full of grace? What good is it to me for the Creator to give birth to his Son if I do not also give birth to him in my time and my culture? This, then, is the fullness of time: When the Son of Man is begotten in us."
Meister Eckhart (1260-1328)
please reblog the fundraisers you see on your dash. please. if you claim to care about palestine, NOW is the time to prove it. everyone said gaza will be worse off if trump wins - well, now he has. the least anyone can do now is reblog and share and DONATE to as many fundraisers as possible. especially if you're american. you want harm reduction? this is harm reduction. help gazan families.
you can't decide where to start?
gazafunds
mohammad, nawal, and baby roaa
yousef, khadija, and baby majd
ahmed, his family, and their cat soso
nairuz and hussein's spreadsheet | gazavetters' spreadsheet | the butterfly effect spreadsheet
fundraisers linked on my blog
esims
pick a name. any name. read their story. realize that what you feel now, they feel everyday, a thousandfold. donate whatever you can. at the very least, reblog if you can't.
there is no excuse not to.
The anti-refugee stance is closer to collaborating with ISIS than standing up to it.
Dave Pell (via blakebaggott)
THIS IS WHAT IM SAYING
How many? How much?
My friend is really smart. She also happens to have anorexia. She once said to me, “Anorexics aren’t supposed to be around numbers. The’re just tools humans use to destroy themselves.” As you can tell, the latter statement had a profound impact on me. That’s why I’m writing about it. Numbers define our lives. Our age, height, weight and BMI are measured in numbers. Our academic accomplishments and athletic accomplishments are measured in numbers. Our schedules revolve around the clock - also numbers. “How many calories?” “How many hours did it take?” “How many people were there?” “How much do you make?” “How many pages?” “How many words?” “How many points?” “How many goals? How many assists?” “How many years?” How many? How many? How many? I think that so often, we fall into the trap of thinking that these numbers that measure our bodies or measure the things that we do are also measuring us. And the problem with that is that once you start measuring, you find that you will never measure up. As soon as you put a numerical value on your identity you will find that there will always be someone who has a higher number, or lower number. Here’s the thing: you’re not a number. You’re thinking, “well obviously, Katherine.” But hear me out. You are not your weight. You are not your GPA. You are not the number of points you score or how much money you make. You’re a person. There is absolutely no conceivable way in the known universe, in the limitations of time as we know it, that numbers could logically be used to express a person. We can graph the curve of your face and we can create a function for the way you walk, but mathematically we will never capture you. You’re a person. You were created by God, in the image of God. As He is beautiful, so are you. As He is spirit, so are you. And you are His masterpiece. His piece de resistance. This all-powerful deity, who always was and always will be, who mapped the stars, who knitted the fabric of the universe, who choreographed the dance of the planets, who paints every single sunset, who filled the seas with fish and the skies with birds...He thinks that you are the best thing He made. [Talking about God gets me TURNT but I’ll leave the rest for another time.] He gave you a soul. Do you even know how exciting a soul is? A soul is intangible. It is infinite. It is the part of you that recognizes God’s face and it will last forever. It remembers the beginning of the world and it will see the end. It has the entire universe in it. It has ancient empires in it. It has lost civilizations in it. It has dead languages in it. It has unborn languages in it. It has novels in it. It has symphonies in it. Let me edit that last paragraph: You are intangible. You are infinite. You recognize God’s face and you will last forever. You remember the beginning of the world and you will see the end. You have the entire universe in you. You have ancient empires in you. You have lost civilizations in you. You have dead languages in you. You have unborn languages in you. You have novels in you. You have symphonies in you. Do you honestly believe that a being so majestic, so beautiful, so wonderful, can be MEASURED? The answer is absolutely not. You are immeasurable. There’s no scale or standard or system by which you can be counted. You are invaluable. Your worth is far beyond measure. Therefore, there are only two numbers you can use to describe yourself: 1. That’s how many of you there are. You are unique. You are one of a kind. You can’t be compared to others because you’re in your own category. ∞ ← That’s the infinity symbol. Admittedly, infinity, by its nature, is not a number. It’s mathematical concept. And that’s how valuable you are. This reminder has been brought to you by your friendly neighborhood Katherine. Love y’all! Peace and love! -Katherine
please see pinned post. queer christian currently deconstructing my faith and trying to unlearn religious legalism and prejudice. pro choice. sex is a spectrum. gender is a construct. protect trans kids. stop nonconsensual surgeries on intersex babies. black lives matter. indigenous lives matter. land back. free palestine. (canada) every child matters. (canada) no pride in genocide. i'm a white settler living on stolen land trying to be anti-racist and anti-colonialist.
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