Watch "Making A Mask From A Foam Pumpkin. #halloween #halloweencostumesideas #halloweendiy #pumpkin"

Mine •Ivar The Boneless•

She was only 16 when Ragnar had come with his cripple son, Ivar, to their gates. She had been forbidden by her father, Athelwulf, from interacting with either of the heathens. Being his only daughter, bastard or not, meant he was overprotective of her much to Judith's annoyance. He paid more attention to her and doted on her more than his sons. And this only served to deepen the Crack in his and Judith's relationship. It fueled Judith's hatred for her as well. But Skylark didn't listen to her father. She often snuck down into the dungeons to see the crippled boy. At first he was annoyed. What did the prim and proper little princess want to see and spend time with him for other than to gawk at his disability. But over time he was intrigued. The way she snuck around and rebelled. The way she was so eager to learn about vikings and his gods. And soon it turned into something more. Admiration? Love? He didn't know. All he knew is that it was with her that he learned he was infact a man, the same as his brothers. The night before he was to be sent back home, he had laid with her, taking her innocence without guilt. But it had only made him that much lonelier when he arrived back at kattegat to the news of his mother's death. But soon loneliness gave way to rage and she was just another fleeting though to him on his way to revenge and glory.

He was happy with Freydis, the slave he'd freed in York. She whispered sweet nothings in his ear and told him he was a god. That his legs made him so. That Odin himself favored him and he could do anything. And he believed her. He loved her. She was his everything. She was going to be his queen. So when he'd led the attack on Winchester, it was her that fueled him. Her and his revenge. He would give her the world. But when the city was found empty and the old King Ecbert rose from his Throne with a tired look on his face, he felt his rage bubble. This was supposed to be a glorious battle to apprehend the betrayer of his father. Not this. This was too easy for Ivar. So as the brothers argued over what to do with him, they almost missed the painful screams that echoed in the west wing. Almost. The brothers looked between them before Bjorn and Hvitserk took off towards the sound. And he watched Ecbert's face turn white with fear. He smiled viciously. The old man was hiding something he wanted them to not find out about.

When Bjorn and Hvitserk kicked open the large wooden door, they took in the sight before them and Bjorn shuddered. The maids in the room only spared them a glance before going back to work. "Please princess. He's almost here! You have to push." Bjorn pushed Hvitserk. "Go and get Ivar. Now!" He said sternly as he did the math in his head. This was a disaster. He knew his little brother to be irresponsible. But never in his right mind did he think ivar capable of this. No one did infact which the rumors that the thrall, Margarethe, had spread about him. But there was no denying it as he watched the princess sprawled upon the giant bed, legs up and bent, her white blonde hair slick with sweat and sticking to her forehead, her face scrunched up in pain as she sobbed, her belly protruding with the telltale signs of child. This was Ivars child. His son.

"What is the meaning of this? Surely it's nothing so important that you-" his words died in his throat at the pain filled scream of agony that broke throught the door where his brother was standing guard. And he knew who it belonged to. Bjorn lowered his head and winced at the sound. He moved quickly, shoving Bjorn out of the way and slamming the door open. He sagged against the wall at the sight he saw. "Princess. Once more. You can do this." "I cant. I can't." She sobbed and begged. "Yes. You must. For your son." The maid whispered. That seemed to fuel her as she braced herself on her forearms and pushed with a yell that was soon met with the cry of a newly born infant. "He's here princess!" Ivar was frozen in shock as he watched. He watched her sag back into the bed with relief and watched the maids pass him warily with a baby boy. Brunette, Thick, hair covered his head and he wailed with strong lungs as they cleaned him off and wrapped him up, handing him off to the woman in the bed. And it was then that he broke his trance, moving over to the bed, his crutch thumping as he moved, the maids stepping back as he took a seat on the edge of the matress, staring at the bundle in his once lovers arms. "Ivar?" She asked quietly and in disbelief. Through her pain she hadn't known he was even there. And she felt a sinking feeling at what it all meant. "Hes..he's my-?" He asked, his voice cracking as tears filled his eyes. "Yes. You're the only man I've laid with." She quietly admitted. He took another minute before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You've given me a son." He whispered in disbelief and awe. She stayed silent. "May i?" He asked her hesitantly. She gave a weak smile before fixing his arms and carefully handing him the babe. He looked down at his son with awe and love. He was a father. Something he never thought he'd ever be. And when his son opened his eyes, those bright blue orbs stared into his soul. "Elias Ivarsson." He whispered. And Skylark smiled softly. "Its fitting." She replied. He looked back to her, a gentle look in his eyes as he leaned forward to capture her lips in his own softly. Freydis forgotten instantly in the presence of his first love and their new son.

He sat upon Ecbert's Throne with a glare at the man infront of him and his brothers. "Im just curious as to what you thought would happen by trying to keep my son from me?" He finally broke the shocked silence. But the man only sighed and rubbed his wrinkled and rough face. "Forgive me Ivar. But the things I've heard about you are not pleasant. Your hatred for us Saxons especially. You cannot blame me for wanting to protect my family." He said and Ivar went ridgid in his seat. "I would NEVER hurt them." He growled. "Yes. You say that. But your reputation says otherwise." Ecbert retorts. Ivars face went livid and Ubbe intervened. "Enough. What's done is done. Ivar you have a son now. And Ecbert's death looms. Let us focus on that huh?" Ivar said nothing but his glare said this was not over.

He walked slowly with her through camp, holding her arm in his as she winced at the movement, their son in her arms, two of his men carrying her trunk behind them. He was reluctant to make her do such exercise days after giving birth for fear of hurting her further, but his brothers had insisted they needed to move. So he had padded the floor of his chariot with a pile of furs and had her sit in the nook infront of his bench before they took off and traveled. He made sure she was well fed and watered and wanted for nothing as they made their way back to camp. The same for his son. And before they'd left he had ordered a few men to ride ahead and make sure Freydis was no longer in his tent when they arrived. For he realised now that her manipulative ways were not something he longed for anymore. The gods had given him a gift. And he wasn't going to spit on it. He gently led her into the large tent and helped her to sit down on the bed. "Rest now." He said watching her body weaken against the furs. "I'll be back soon." He kissed her forehead and his sons before exiting the tent once more.

"Ivar." The soft bell like voice of Freydis called out to him as he reclined on the Throne like chair. "Freydis. I am busy." He muttered annoyed with her presence. "My love. Too busy for me?" She asked as she climbed upon his lap. "Freydis. I have a son now. The gods have smiled upon me and gifted me with a son and a queen worthy of me. I do not have time for you and your manipulative ways any longer." He growled. She frowned. "Can you not take two wives my love? Surely the gods will not be mad that such a man as yourself should need two. You are more than worthy." She said peppering his jaw with kisses. "Freydis!" He shouted in anger and shoved her off his lap and to the stone floor. She let out a whimper as she hit the stone. "If you touch me one more time or make such comments again, I shall ensure your head on a spike to gift to my wife. Do I make myself clear?" He growled harshly. She looked up at him with shock and crocodile tears in her eyes. "But-" "No! And you are forbidden from ever entering kattegat! Do you hear me?! I will have you burned at the stake should you ever step foot in my kingdom! Now get out!" He roared. And she ran as if hel herself was biting at her heels. He let out a deep breath and calmed himself. He would not return to his wife and son angry. Especially not over some useless woman he cared nothing about.

She sat on the Throne beside him with a grace and gentleness that was glaring in compare to his lazy and arrogant form in his own Throne. He despised court. Truly. Most of these matters were common sense and intervention was not needed. And there was little more he hated than wasting his time and stupid people. And court only held both of those. Skylark placed a small hand on his arm and he looked over to her as she faced the men arguing over farmland. He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to it as she smiled softly at him breifly before returning her attention to the matter at hand. "Ok. So then you will both split the land 50/50 between the two of you." She announced finality in her voice. "But my queen-" "Are you questioning your queens declaration?!" He growled. Silence before "No my king." The man answered both scared and deflated. "Then get out! You have been given your answer!" He said angrily and glared harshly, sending the men almost running out of the great hall. He sighed in annoyance. "My love. You must be patient." She soothed as she stroked his arm. "How can I be? These problems are problems children could solve! It's a waste of our time!" She smiled gently. "Oh? And what would you rather be doing then?" She asked. "Spending time with our son, you?" He gave her a wolfish grin and she laughed softly. "There is plenty of time for the former my love. As for your son I think he's too attached to his uncle Hvisterks side at the moment." She said and he rolled his eyes. Hvitserk had always been Elias' favorite uncle. Especially when Hvitserk took him out to play with the wooden swords and ride his horse. It's all he would go on about now at 5 years old. And Ivar couldn't help but to feel jealous of his brother. Elias was his son. But he wanted to spend time with Hvitserk instead. He would be lying if he said it didn't hurt that he couldnt do the things Hvitserk did with him. But he had to remind himself that the boy didn't know that. He only knew that with Hvitserk he had fun. And what little child didn't want to have fun all the time? He sighed. Skylark took her husband's hands in her own, noticing his deflation in mood. "My love. I have something that might cheer you." She said. "Hmm? What's that?" She smiled and brought a hand to her stomach and his eyes blew wide. "You mean it?! When?!" "This morning. The healers confirmed it. She said I'm about a month now." She smiled. He hooked a hand around her neck and pressed his lips to hers. "I love you. You know that?" Pressing his forehead against hers. "I thank the gods every day for you and Elias. And now this little one as well." She smiled as she gazed into his bright blue orbs. "I love you too." "You're mine." "Forever." She agreed with a serene smile.

DON’T SCROLL PAST THIS!!!

If you have already seen this, you can’t go back.

You see that figure in the background? It is a ghost. An evil one. 

If you don’t reblog this, that ghost will come into your room.

and kill you.

EDDIE BROCK/VENOM

The cringe train just keeps coming. I'm sorry.

She ripped off her white lab coat and moved down the hallway of the life foundation quickly, against the screaming employees running the opposite direction. Away from the roaring and banging coming from the control room. She had hidden her mutation from carlton drake and everyone she worked with for good reason. She has always gotten a horrible vibe from her boss. But she stayed out of fear. Not for her. But her family. And now, now she was needed. She completely ignored the blond woman as she walked passed her to the broken watch tower window, climbing the edge. "Hey!" The woman grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?!" She asked panicked. She looked at her letting her eyes shift purple as her hands began to glow. The woman stepped back in shock. "Stay out of the way." She said and dropped down. Faintly hearing the woman exclaim "oh not you too!" In frustration. She landed on the metal walk way with a loud clang catching the two men's attention as she easily and expertly jumped onto the runway to the launchpad. Carlton hesitated before smiling his signature fake gentle smile. " violet. Call the authorities quickly. Mr Brock here has taken our symbiote and is using it as a weapon." He said trying to look innocent. She stepped forward to allow him to see her glowing purple eyes. His smile faltered. "Violet?" With a quick movement she had his throat trapped in a glowing purple whip. He choked and grabbed at it as he felt to his knees choking out her name in question. "Oh can it you slimy bastard." She pulled tighter as she walked closer past Eddie Brock who watched in frozen shock. She kicked drake over the platform and released the whip. " you always did piss me off." She said over the empty edge before turning and walking back up the ramp. "Come on Brock. Safety third." She said moving past him. "Hey who the hell are you-" he was cut off as the symbiote called riot jumped over the ramp and impaled him with a shard. She growled and allowed herself to be engulfed in a purple flame as he approached. He growled back and jumped off into the air to the rocket. "Fuck!" She yelled. She ran after it leaving Brock on the platform. It was too late for him. She knew realistically she couldn't do anything more. This was a fucking rocket. And her powers only did so much. She was no Jean Grey. She cursed to herself as she watched the rocket began to lift off. It was over. There was nothing else she could do. She shook her head. She should've defected with Dora. She should've protected her and the others. But she didn't. She stayed quiet like a coward and now drake and riot were gonna bring millions of those things back to earth and kill everyone off. And there would be nothing she could do then either. She was frustrated with herself. But as she deflated and turned to walk off in defeat the rocket exploded in a flash of fire and smoke and she found herself yelling as the ground shook, throwing her into the icy waters of the ocean. The last thing she remembered is seeing Brock hit the water not too far from her before she blacked out.

•VENOMVENOMVENOMVENOM•

she moved into the store behind Eddie. Him and venom talking about dinner. Which was you guessed it tatertots and chocolate. Which she wrinkled her nose at but then again this was venom. He was weird anyways. The three of them had become close after the events at the life foundation. Venom claimed to like her because of her powers and Eddie said she was nice. Though the blush on his cheeks lately when he spoke compliments to her said otherwise but she kept her mouth shut. She stood in another aisle perusing the snacks as the bell above the door sounded. She ignored it and grabbed a chip bag she had never seen before looking it over. But quickly was distracted by a gruff voice and Mrs Chen pleading with someone. She put the chip bag back and peaked around the corner. A man pointed a gun at Mrs Chen as she opened the register. She looked at Eddie in the next aisle over peeking out too. She shook her head at him and stepped forward. The purple whip appeared in her hand and she lashed out with it. Grabbing onto the man's hand that held the gun. She stepped out. "Does it make you feel hard picking on a little old lady?" She asked tilting her head to the side. "Do you get a rush of power?because personally I think that makes you a pussy." She said releasing the whip. The man glared and turned to her. "What did you just call me puta?" He asked pointing the gun at her now. "I said. You're a pussy." She repeated with a smile. He cocked the gun and took a step forward but quickly froze in fear. She felt the ground shake and grinned when the shadow fell over her. " have you met my friends?" She asked as venom moved forward and grabbed the man. "You come in here again, infact you go anywhere in this city preying on innocent people and we will find you and bite off both of your arms and then both of your legs." The man shook in fear. "No. No." Venom continued. "And then we will eat your face right off your head. Do you understand?" The man shook his head. "Please. Please." "So you will be this armless, legless thing rolling down the street. Like a turd. In the wind. Do you feel me?" The man finally gathered the courage. "What the hell are you?" Half of venoms face rolled back to reveal Eddie. "We are venom." They said simultaneously, Eddie smirking at the end as venoms face covered him again. Venom thought for a second and then announced. "On second thought." He opened his mouth wide, his tongue danced for a moment before devouring the man whole. "Jesus dude." Violet said quietly. Venom retreated into Eddie and he rolled his shoulders as he came back to his own body. "Eddie? Violet? What the hell was that?" She asked shocked. "Oh that, pshhh I got a parasite. Yeah. Night Mrs Chen!" He waved leaving the store. Violet moved after him nonchalantly. "Yeah. Just an extra DNA gene here Mrs Chen! Goodnight!" She said cheerfully. "No! I will not apologize!" Eddie argued with venom. There was a pause before Eddie gave in. "Alright I'm sorry!" She rolled her eyes in amusement. Her boys were endearing.

James delaney imagine #1

Getting even better

Lilith messed about with the candles and the salt circle inside them. She had found out who used to live in this house. She had been curious about this place since she moved in. With the Big Ds on the gates. Rumor had it a man who everyone used to call the devil used to live here. She couldn't find much concrete evidence on him. Just word of mouth spread from generations. So she figured she would do a seance to try bring him forth. To find out more. She closed her eyes and began to chant the words she had found on the internet. Some sort of African language. She hoped she was pronouncing the words right. The room immediately felt colder and she snapped her eyes open to find rhe candles blown out. Except for one. Which a man was holding leaning against the wall. He studied her a moment with wary eyes before blowing out the flame. Plunging the room into complete darkness. She hesitated for a moment before rushing up and out of the protective circle to flip on the lights. Looking around she saw no one. Was it a trick? She screamed when someone grabbed her and yanked her around. It was the man. He was inches away from her face as he squeezed her arms. "Who are you and why did you call me back?" He demanded roughly with a glare. She stuttered out a response. "I-I just wanted to know.." she said. He shook her once. "Know what girl?!" He said angry. "Why they called you the devil!" She said back in fear. He searched her eyes to find her being truthful. He let her go and stepped back still watching her like a hawk. She pushed herself as far away from him as possible in fear. It worked? She hadnt taken this seriously at all. She was just doing it to have a bit of fun. She never expected this to be real. And now that it was, she didnt know what to do next. This man, this spirit, he was angry. And she knew from his vibes that this wasnt just a one off because he'd been summoned. No this was him. All the time. She looked at him from where he looked out the circular window to the thames.  His back to her. "You're messing with things you cannot even begin to comprehend girl. Do you understand that?" He turned to her with steely eyes. She didn't respond. He continued. "What you just did was very foolish. You opened a very dangerous door. And you are lucky that it was I who answered your call. Not something else." He said sternly. She lowered her eyes to the floor. "And now you have managed to attach me to yourself. And I do not know to undo it." He said annoyed. When he said this her eyes snapped up immediately. "What? You can't just..disappear back to where you came from?" She asked. He glared at her like that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "No. The chant. You messed it up. Said something you shouldn't have. And now I'm stuck here. With you." He said walking towards her. She gulped. "Im sorry.." she offered. He snorted not amused. "Yes. You will be." He said.

--------------------------

S

he sat at her vanity staring intently into the mirror as she applied the brow pomade. She pulled away the brush and made a face into the mirror. "Sisters not twins. But these bitches look like 3rd cousins." She said with a huff, opening the drawer and pulling out her makeup wipes and removing the pomade from one of the brows. James raised a brow from his place on her couch, looking up from his book. He didn't understand this generation's women and their need to use so many beauty products at once. Most of the stuff he had watched lilith put on his generation hadnt even had. And the way she put them on was just bizarre to him. He compared it to the way he piled on the ash on his body during his sacred rituals. He shook his head as he watched her. It was like she was painting a precise picture. He turned his attention back to the book. She set the brush down and leaned back in her chair blowing air out of her mouth. "This takes too long." She muttered. "Then why do you bother?" He asked. "You look fine without it. I doubt any man or women cares." He flipped the page. She lazily turned her gaze to him. "Its not for anyone else. Its for me. I feel nicer with it on. I don't wear it all the time." She said. He raised another brow. "Alright then. Don't complain." He said looking at her briefly over the book before returning back to it. She shook her head. "I can't believe I'm stuck with you." She muttered and went back to work. "Yes. Well. Its your fault you are." He said gruffly. She rolled her eyes and started on her face. "Dick." He snorted. "Yes. I have one. What of it?" She sighed. "How childish of you. Whered you learn that one?" She asked sarcastically. He was amused. "Is that a rhetorical question?" He asked. She groaned. "Shut up I can't concentrate!" She said. He chuckled darkly but said nothing else.

---------------

She pulled on her coat and grabbed her keys and purse as he stood leaning against the stairs. "I need more ash. And herbs" He muttered handing her a list with his fancy writing on it. She took it with a look of annoyance. "Why is it you always send me to do these things?" She said shoving the list in her purse. "Well. You're the only one of us that can leave this house now arent you? Therefore the responsibility falls to you." She glared. "Yeah well its also my money you demand me to spend." He raised a brow in amusent. "Sorry. I dont think ghost currency works in this world." He said. She just threw her head back and groaned and left the house, slamming the door behind her. "What a dick."

--------------------------

She placed the items from the list on the counter with a sigh as the pagan witch who owned the store began to ring it up. The other store she had gone to before had given her a bad vibe so she had sound another one only slightly out of her way.  As she slid the woman her bank card their hands touched briefly and the woman paused, staring at her as if reading her soul. Lilith shifted uncomfortably in the silence. The woman tilted her head and spoke up finally. "It is not a mistake that he is here with you. The fates have made it so. Do not be afraid. Your souls are matched." She smiled at her and handed her the bag, sliding her card back to her. "There is no charge today. It has been a while since I've met someone such as you. I hope to see you again." She smiled confidently at her. Lilith gave a small smile back and quickly left the store. What the hell did that mean? She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts and made her way home with her many bags.

----------------------

"Did you get them?" He asked when she came through the door. As he observed her he narrowed his eyes. She seemed to be in a bit of a daze. She pushed the bag into his chest and moved up the stairs slowly, caught in her thoughts. He grabbed the bag and followed her determined to find out what had happened. He found her sitting on the bed absent-mindedly pulling her things out of the bags and sorting them into groups. He moved forward and seized her arm in his grip looking into her eyes, ignoring the sharp gasp she gave. He saw in her mind what had happened. What the witch had said to her. He let go immediately and stepped back. So it was true. The pull he felt to her wasn't a coincidence. She watched him curiously. He took a breath and began moving towards his old ritual room. "I'll be busy. Dont come into that room." He ordered and left, closing her bedroom door after him.

-----------------------

Lilith sat up with a groan as she was woken up by something. She rubbed her eyes and blinked away the sleep, letting her eyes adjust to the dark bedroom. She could make out a silhouette in the corner and said in a raspy sleep filled voice. "James what are you doing? Its like 3 am." She whined. He moved towards her slowly like a predator. He got close enough and moved onto the bed. She watched him confused. He moved her hair from her face, gently caressing her cheek as he stared into her eyes. She got lost in his eyes and immediately became dazed as he moved towards her and connected their lips.

--------------

She groaned the next morning and rolled over. She couldn't ignore the feeling of something heavy wrapped around her and as she cracked her eyes open she noticed the arm that connected to the naked tattooed body and everything from the night before came rushing back. She closed her eyes in confusion as she became aware of her lack of clothes. A sudden movement of kisses along her neck brought her back to the present. "What was last night?" She asked steadying her voice. He hummed against her neck. "I believe it's called love making." He said. She sighed. "Thats not what I meant and you know it. Please no word games." He sighed and pulled away. "That witch was right. Our souls call to eachother. I dont know why. But they do. And you messing up that spell wasn't a mistake. It was meant to happen. Even now I can hear your soul whispering to me. I havent heard that in a long time." He said. "So what does that mean?" She asked turning in his arms to face him. He met her gaze. "It means that we are two halves of a whole." He said moving her hair from her face. "What? Like soulmates?" He raised a brow. "I suppose you can call it that." He said. She lowered her eyes for a moment before looking back up into his. " does this mean you're no longer looking for a way back from where you came from?" He snorted and burrowed his head into her chest. "Oh love. I'm not going anywhere."

Vick: I wanna get to know Sarah's daughter.

Felix: No! Get out, Vick!

Vick: Why nooot?

Felix: Well, for starters, you're a drug dealer...

Vick: I could support her financially.

Your Grace Masterlist

Your Grace Playlist (by @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog)

This is the fic I wrote for the Vikings Big Bang❤️ You can also read it on AO3. 

*Please remember to check the warnings at the beginning of each chapter! It’s sometimes very explicit and of course +18, do not read if any of the topics I put in the warnings could be triggering for you. And please tell me if I didn’t warn about anything properly so I can add it. Thank you!

Part 1: forever winter

Part 2: king of my heart

Part 3: tolerate it

Part 4: exile

Part 5: hoax

Part 6: peace

Part 7: evermore

(this fic was originally published on AO3 on February 15th 2022)

The Heartbreak •Ivar The Boneless Modern AU•

Warning: ANGST!

She had met him through Sigurd. Sigurd was her producer for her music and was a good friend. She wished she had never agreed to attend a family party with Sigurd. She wished she never met HIM. Then her heart wouldn't be so broken and she wouldn't be so angry and hateful all the time. It truly wouldn't have been so bad an end to their relationship had he not have fucked HER behind her back whilst they were still together. If there was one thing she loathed it was cheaters. But she had been in love with him. And he swore he'd always felt the same until SHE came along. Freydis. Even thinking the name sent a surge of hatred and rage through her that she didn't know how to control. She hadn't thought anything of it when she moved in next to Ivar and Ivar became friendly. Super friendly. And Freydis was only too happy to flirt along with him. But she wasn't insecure and she had faith in her boyfriend not to cross a line he knew he couldn't come back from. What a mistake that was. No. But he started pulling away from her. Cancelling plans, not calling or texting, and she should've seen it as the giant red flag that it was. But she gave him his space. She knew Ivar wasn't good about showing affection or being consistent. It was something he said he was working on. But when Hvitserk posted those Instagram pictures and videos of Ivar and Freydis in the club after Ivar had canceled their date night because 'his legs hurt too bad.' Was when she withdrew. The truth had hit her in the face and she spent that night a sobbing mess in her bathroom with her new best friend smirnoff. She drank until she couldn't even think a coherent thought, and then she kept going. She was a mess the next morning. But she shut down completely when Sigurd showed up that morning with that stone faced look on his face and proceeded to Embrace her and hold her as if she was gonna disappear. That's when she knew something was truly wrong. She asked him what was going on and he simply showed her the screenshot of a text Ivar had sent to Hvitserk who then had sent it to Sigurd. "Freydis is pregnant. I'm gonna be a father." She had pushed Sigurd away from her and suddenly lashed out, throwing anything she could get her hands on and screaming in rage. Sigurd had stood silently and watched her let it all out until she had dissolved into heart wrenching sobs and then he has embraced her again and spent the rest of the night holding her as she silently withdrew into herself. And all the while, Ivar was radio silent.

It was a week later before her ex boyfriend had even attempted to make contact. She ignored all his attempts. 25 missed calls and a few texts asking to talk. The texts were what set her off. She sent him one last text. "Go fuck yourself. Hope she was worth it." And he had called a further 10 more times before he realized she wasn't going to answer and he just stopped altogether. From that day on he never tried to talk to her again and she proceeded to delete him and his family, save Sigurd who hated his guts just as much as she did, from all social media and blocked their numbers as well. She had trusted Ivar despite her hard time with trusting others and he took that trust and spit on it whilst ripping out her closely guarded heart and stomping on it until it was barely beating. Sigurd stayed by her side through her healing and helped her as best he could. But she went through truly dark times before she could even think about healing. She had developed a drinking problem which had resulted in Sigurd forcing her into rehab. And it had helped her immensely to see that she wasn't the problem. She wasn't the one that should be hurting. And so she took the step to attend therapy all the while Sigurd was cheering her on on the sidelines and she began to let out her rage in her music. Which topped the charts and only fueled her more. Her hurt had turned into her success. And whilst she was better now, still angry and hateful deep inside but no longer volatile, it had changed her. She guarded her heart even more, didn't trust anyone, didn't date, wasn't interested in relationships, she was done with love. It had scarred her too many times and Ivar was the last straw. And the media knew something bad had happened. They didn't know what. But they were great detectives. And it wasn't long after the whole ordeal that gossip sites and fans were talking about how her ex boyfriend had fucked another woman behind her back and gotten her pregnant. And she was right back into that depression when photos of the two backstabbers were posted along with the articles. Her shiny new ring and pregant belly were enough to undo the progress she had made. But Sigurd had quickly diverted their attention by announcing her nomination for a VMA at the upcoming award show a few months away, along with the news of a new album and an early release of one of the songs on that album. And that was enough to end the attention Freydis and Ivar were paid. And then they went to work on her again.

By the time the VMAs rolled around she had a solid grip on herself and her feelings and promised herself she would shed no more tears for the man that didn't deserve it. She had won that award and headed to the after party with Sigurd in high spirits. They had been there for a while before she saw him. Sigurd had tried his best to intercept him and Hvitserk before they both split off into the crowd and Ivar disappeared causing Sigurd to lose him. She turned her back to him after they met eyes and politely ordered a water from the bartender who passed her a glass of ice water with a smile as she tipped him. But Ivar hadn't gotten the hint clearly because he stood beside her and ordered a drink before turning his attention to her. "We need to talk." She scoffed as she took a large gulp of her drink. "No. We dont. You had your time to talk. You chose to fuck another woman instead. You've made your choices quite clear." She said and moved to walk away. He gripped her arm. "Please." She put a bright smile on and turned back around, taking him by surprise. "Ok Ivar. Talk. I'll entertain you this once because quite frankly I'm intrigued by what you could possibly say to me to make me want to even give you a bit of space in my brain for even a fleeting thought of you." He winced and opened his mouth. "Freydis is pregnant yes." "Well no shit. If she wasn't I'd be seeing a doctor asap." She rolled her eyes. "Please. She lied. It's not mine." She let out an amused laugh. "Lose them how you catch them eh?" He rubbed a hand down his face. "Lils-" "don't call me that. You lost that privilege. We are not friends. We are nothing. You made sure of that. Had you come to me and said that you no longer loved me rather than cheating on me, we maybe could've been. You have no one to blame but yourself Ivar. No one." She said sternly. She watched him deflate. "I DO love you." He said quietly. "You have a strange way of showing it. Let me make this clear, I feel NOTHING for you. Even my rage has depleted. You knew how hard it was to even give you a chance. You knew how guarded I was. And you not only begged me to give you a chance against my better judgment, you swore you would NEVER hurt me like others did. You swore you weren't that person. And then you did EXACTLY what you swore to me you wouldn't. You tore my heart from my chest after you mended it and you spit on it and stomped on it until it was dead. And the worst part was you didn't even have the balls to tell me what you did yourself. Sigurd did. You waited a WEEK after what you did to even bother to call me. You are nothing to me Ivar. You brought the worst out in me after that. And I have overcome all the demons and darkness that you left me with. So you don't get to come to me now that I'm finally better and moved on and pretend that what you did wasn't the worst thing anyone could do to someone they claimed to love and try and gain my sympathy that your situation didn't work out for you. You don't deserve it. Do not call me. Do not text me. Do not even look at me. Do you understand me? I want nothing to do with you. Go find someone else to fuck over." She said and slammed her glass on the bar beside him before pulling her arm from his grip and storming off towards Sigurd. She felt a weight come off her shoulders. There it was. The closure she needed. She said all she had been wanting to. All that had been bottled up. And it was time to wash her hands of it. "You ok?" Sigurd asked worried. But a dazzling smile overtook his best friends face and he relaxed, returning a small one. "Better than OK. Let get out of here and go get some greasy food from a sketchy place that will end up being the best thing we've ever tasted." He chuckled and offered his arm which she immediately took. "Sold. Let's go." Back at the bar Hvitserk patted a teary eyed Ivar. "You'll always be my brother but you fucked up big time and there's no coming back from it." He said softly. Ivar quickly wiped the falling tears and gave a stiff nod.

On May 28th, my sister, Edna, turned 31.

  Her mental age is about three years old. She loves Winnie the Pooh, Beauty & the Beast, and Sesame Street. Even though the below picture is unconvincing. 

Edna and “Cookie.” I think she was trying to play it cool. 

My name is Jeanie. I’m Edna’s younger sister. I’m also her guardian and caregiver. 

That’s me on the left. (Hey, you never know. After a year of writing a blog about online dating - Jeanie Does the Internet - I’ve come to learn that there are A LOT of fools on the internet.) 

ANYWAY, I’m not “doing the internet” anymore. I’m taking care of Edna full-time, after completing my MFA in Writing for Screen & Television at USC.

May 16, 2014. I wanted a picture. Edna wanted breakfast.

In case you’re wondering where our parents are, they’re dead. Our mom died of breast cancer when she was just 33. 

Us with mom before she died. (Obviously.)

As for our dad, he peaced-out around the time my mom got sick. His loss - we’re awesome. 

Here we are being awesome at the beach. Pushing a wheelchair in the sand? Not so awesome. 

In case you’re wondering “What’s wrong?” with my sister - as a stranger once asked me on the street  -  NOTHING. Yes, Edna has a rare form of epilepsy - Lennox-Gastaut syndrome - but I don’t know if that’s anymore “wrong” than people who don’t have manners. 

Basically, Edna was born “normal,” and started having seizures as a baby. They eventually got so bad that they cut off the oxygen to her brain, causing her to be mentally disabled. Or impaired. Or intellectually disabled. Or whatever you want to call it - except “retarded,” because in 2010, President Obama signed Rosa’s Law into effect, replacing that word with “intellectually impaired.” 

Which is cool and all, but services for the disabled and the people who care for them are SEVERELY LACKING. Also, there’s a bunch of people working in taxpayer-funded positions who are supposed to help families like us, but don’t. (Big surprise, I know.) They just fill out paperwork (whenever they feel like it) with asinine statements like this: 

YUP. I transport my sister down the stairs in her wheelchair, because that is not only safe, but TOTALLY PRACTICAL. Why doesn’t everyone in a wheelchair just take the stairs, for God’s sake? Stop being so lazy, PEOPLE WITHOUT WORKING LEGS! 

But, as it says above, Edna’s legs do work. Whether or not she wants them to, is another story. 

Edna refusing to go inside. 

These are the stairs that I have to carry her up - by myself - on a daily basis. That is, until one of my legs break and both of us are just sitting at the bottom of the stairs, helpless. 

For six months, I have begged - BEGGED - the State of California to help my sister, which they are required by law - The Lanterman Act specifically - to do so. But they’ve told me “these things take time” and that I “need to amend my expectations.” (That was said to me when I refused to place Edna at AN ALL-MALE CARE FACILITY. Because yes, that was an “option” that was offered to me.) 

Prior to Edna moving in with me in my one-bedroom apartment, she was living with her amazing caregiver, Gaby, back in Tucson, where we went to high school and I did my undergrad. Edna’s reppin’ the Wildcats below. 

But back in November, Gaby also died from breast cancer. (FUCK YOU, BREAST CANCER!) This picture was taken a month before she died. She never even told me she was sick because she didn’t want me to worry. 

By the way, we were raised by our grandma. Edna and her were very close.

She’s dead, too. Surprise.

She died when I was 20 and Edna was 21. That’s when I became Edna’s legal guardian and Gaby stepped into the picture to help me out with Edna. 

So, six months ago, after Gaby died, I moved Edna to California, where I tried to get the folks over at The Frank D. Lanterman Regional Center to help me. I’ve told them I’m worried about our safety - that one of us could get hurt on the stairs -  I’ve told them I can’t afford to pay the private babysitters $15/hour because the ones social services sent me who make $9/hour were unreliable (they didn’t show up on time or at all so I could get to school and work), untrustworthy (one of them let Edna go to the bathroom in the kitchen and then took her into the bathroom because “that what I thought I was supposed to do.”) 

But the people over at the FLRC don’t return my calls, they don’t file the paperwork on time - and the first caseworker that was assigned to us actually LAUGHED AT my sister when he came to our home to evaluate her. When I reported him to his supervisor, she told me, “That’s just [insert name of said jackass].” 

He was one of the two caseworkers that contributed to the report I mentioned above, which also included this: 

So let me get this straight - I have to feed, bathe, dress and help Edna in the bathroom and you can’t deduce whether or not she is able to vote? What in the fuck?!

Now I realize I seem angry. And you can bet your balls I am. I’m also sad. Sad for those who don’t have family to stick up from them and who waste away God knows where, monitored by no one. Or monitored by people who physically and sexually assault them. 

I’m also sad for the caregivers who are SO EXHAUSTED - trying to take care of their loved ones - while also trying to take care of themselves and battling a system that is supposed to help, but does nothing of the sort. And I know a lot of people give up. They let their dreams, their marriages, their friendships slide. All while trying not to resent the very person you’re doing it all for.

Edna wanted to sit next to me the other day while I was writing. Clearly, she’s not impressed. 

Here’s the thing: I REFUSE TO GIVE UP. I’M NOT GIVING UP ON HER OR MYSELF. I’m going to pursue my dreams while taking care of her, AND while ensuring that the people paid to do their jobs ACTUALLY do them.

That’s where you come in. I need you to help me get my story out there. Because I know I’m not alone in this. I want to connect with families who are in similar situations and also show people who have no idea what it’s like to care for someone with a disability (or even a loved one who is sick) that it can be rewarding. Super fucking hard. Exhausting. Painful. Isolating. But, rewarding. 

I’m going to get help for my sister - and others. My hope is that by sharing our story, I can bring awareness to the lack of services and help for the disabled. 

Thank you, 

Jeanie 

Facebook:  facebook.com/eisforedna

Twitter: @EisforEdna