Oral Pleasures

Oral Pleasures

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented. Consider yourself warned.

Cunnilingus is pretty much a staple of FLRs. Our men love to perform it on us for hours on end, and we just lie back to receive orgasm after orgasm, night after night. Right?

For lots of FLR couples, this is indeed the case. Most men who are drawn to FLRs and properly starved of orgasms, are extremely happy campers when they get to put their head between their woman’s legs. And there’s no doubt that many women thoroughly enjoy it, too. Properly done, many of us will agree that it feels wonderful and can be extremely satisfying, both physically and mentally.

For others, it isn’t quite so simple. Some women enjoy it as foreplay, but not as the “main course”, at least not night after night. Others enjoy it when they are able to relax, but have certain issues preventing that from happening most of the time. Finally, there are those who feel plenty relaxed, but just get nothing out of it. 

The premise of the rest of this article is that you’d like to enjoy oral sex more, since it is a very practical and natural expression of the power dynamics in an FLR relationship. If you’re happy about not caring about oral sex, that’s perfectly fine - go read another article.

Let’s say that you generally enjoy oral sex, but you don’t find it particularly interesting, and you’d get bored pretty quickly if it was the main ingredient in your sex life. In my experience, this is the most common attitude among women who are new to FLRs, and it’s a perfectly reasonable attitude to have! Here are my tips for you:

Revel in the power your pussy holds over your man. Even if you don’t find it particularly sexually stimulating, you might find it very satisfying as a ritual. Speaking for myself, I feel that being on the receiving end of very frequent and utterly one-sided oral sex is the symbol of feminine rule in our household. And I know my husband feels the same way.

Think of it more as pampering than sex. It certainly doesn’t have to be the main ingredient of your sex life, even if you do it on a daily basis. It can be something you do as a ritual, because you find it pleasant, because you feel it is befitting your type of relationship, because it makes your man happier etc. Whenever you feel like having a different kind of sex, just do so.

Having an orgasm is not necessarily the goal. There are countless things your man can do while he is between your legs, and licking you to orgasm is just one of them. This applies to you as well - you don’t have to stop what you’re doing just because he is down there performing his duties. In fact, it probably has a stronger “FLR ritual effect” if you both treat it as nothing our of the ordinary. So continue reading your book, play with your phone, or even do a little bed-side work. If it becomes pleasurable enough that you want to just lie back and enjoy an orgasm, then you should of course do that, but only if that’s what you feel like.

If you do have an orgasm, you certainly don’t have to end things. You’ll probably be extra sensitive right after you orgasm, so he should learn to ease back to gently kissing you or whatever for a while, but feel free to go for another orgasm or a nice, long period of post-orgasm oral pampering.

Don’t worry about his comfort - at all. If you feel more comfortable being covered in sheets or a duvet, have him crawl under it and stay there for as long as you want, nevermind if he gets hot. If you want to lie on your side or your stomach, go right ahead, nevermind if it forces him to maintain an awkward position to reach you properly. Not only does this free you to be as comfortable as you can, but he will absolutely love you for being selfish and demanding like this. Trust me.

Make the oral sex about power play. Sit on his face, rub your juices all over it, restrict his air flow, have him lick your ass instead. Many women, myself included, enjoy this part at least as much as the actual licking. Using your pussy and ass as “weapons” can be an immensely powerful and enjoyable feeling.

If you don’t actively dislike it, use oral access to your pussy as a reward for your man. Conversely, if you do enjoy it frequently, take it away for a period as punishment.

Focus on other aspects of it. Surely, there’s a certain psychological pleasure to be had from knowing that you have a man who would love nothing more than to go down on you every single night, when your vanilla girlfriends are lucky to get it once a year?

Understand that for a lot of men it’s not mainly about the licking, it’s about having their faces close to the “holyest” of anatomical places. The smell, the wetness, the warmth, the opening up of your legs, serving your needs, the mere symbolicm of it.

Don’t feel obligated to learn to love it. If you do, great - your man will be pleased. If you don’t, there are plenty of other things to enjoy in a FLR, and you can still get it whenever you feel like it.

To me, it’s all about seeing the possibilities rather than fretting about whether you find oral sex satisfying enough.

OK, let’s turn now to those who enjoy (or think they would enjoy) oral sex when everything is just right, but who can’t ever seem to relax enough for it to be just right. This is also quite common, I believe, and can be caused by a multitude of reasons, mostly psychological. I don’t want to trivialise the issues these women are experiencing, but here are some general tips:

Explain the issues to your man and try to resolve them together. He will be more than happy to take it slow if it means there’s a chance he can get more “facetime” in the future.

If you worry about how you smell or look, consider taking your man’s enthusiasm at face value. He most likely doesn’t care, or positively loves how you look and smell.

If the intimacy bothers you for some other reason, try taking your mind off it by doing something else while he is occupying himself. Read a book, browse Facebook or Instagram, play a game, watch TV.

If you feel like you always have to be fresh out of the shower when enjoying oral sex, please don’t. Our type of men generally enjoy quite a bit of muskiness, just don’t overdo it unless you’re sure your man is into that.

See a doctor if you think you have some issue that really does makes your vagina unpleasant to be around. It may be easy to fix.

Beyond these simple tips, I don’t have much to offer. The types of issues that cause some women to find oral sex difficult can be complex, and I am not a professional counselor. Just remember that your man is your partner in this, and he can be a big help if you let him.

Finally, let’s turn to those who find oral sex just plain boring or downright painful. Again, it’s fine if you don’t feel the need to start liking it, this is for those who see the appeal in frequent, enjoyable oral sex, and would like to get there.

If you find oral sex painful, give your man clearer instructions. Have him steer clear of your clitoris, have him gently kiss instead of lick etc.

If the issue is a lack of physical stimulation (not enough friction, a preference for rougher sensations etc.), try giving your man clear instructions. He can use his tongue more forcefully, he can expose your clitoris more fully, he can move his head more vigorously, he can rub his beard against your most sensitive areas and so on. Also see the point about vibrators and toys.

If you need to be filled to feel any enjoyment, have him bring a dildo of your liking on his excursions. He doesn‘t need to move it a lot, it could just be used to get you in the mood.

Make it more interesting. Have him bring a vibrator, a butt plug or whatever else you enjoy, and tell him how to use what he brings.

I believe most women can find enjoyment in oral sex, it’s mostly a matter of finding ways to do it that suit their preferences and temperaments.

Personally, I find oral sex the most fitting expression of my husband’s deferrence to me as a woman. I also find it highly pleasing sexually, so we do a lot of it.