My Friends Gift To Me A Glimmer Of Hope Occasionally; And When They Do, All I Can Think About Is How
My friends gift to me a glimmer of hope occasionally; and when they do, all I can think about is how badly I want to see and know the adult versions of them. I think about how nice it would be to have an extra room, or maybe a pullout couch, at the disposal of any friend looking for a warm bed and an ear to listen. I think about them coming to my house just to ask for a cigarette, and to talk about their troubles while we sit on the porch. I think about how I’ll attend (and cry at) their weddings, and I think about how I’ll be with them through messy breakups, and all the inbetweens. I think about how I’ll have their favorite snacks in my cupboard, and how I’ll make sure there’s always an extra toothbrush for them. I think about how I’ll have toys stored away for their potential kids when they visit, and I think about how I’ll get to watch all of us grow up.
I often times think the only thing stopping me from ending it is fear, but I think a little harder about the people I love, and suddenly it feels like my heart is trying to claw through my chest, and grasp onto any hope for the future.
I want to be there to love those around me until I can no longer leave my bed, and my last breaths are be spent cherishing their names.
More Posts from Countthefighters and Others
I just hope there are people who are actually enjoying their Christmas
basically everything i’ve been feeling
![[ID: GOATSONG / I will survive the wrong / I've done. All the love / that didn't serve me. / My youth used up / worshiping mercurial / myopics. I've cried a lot / very briefly. This sorrow has helped / make my career. Yes, / I'm a difficult person / to endure, I hardly manage. / Oh hum, the rest of my life / keeps coming. It feels just / like I knew it would.]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d1a41b25a9d0376b6ec59b1619476361/0d0ee9a98e23894e-53/s500x750/4eb376cfd90875854aa343b5df090dec4815ea58.jpg)
Goatsong, Leila Chatti
i love my friends so much
One day,
I will have an apartment with one bedroom, decorated with my memories. I will have thrifted furniture, with old pictures and posters from my youth plastered on the walls. I will have a cat, or perhaps a dog, or perhaps both, and I will be with someone I love. I will sit with my lover and share ice cream while watching cheugy reality tv, and our laughter with ring through our home like a symphony of love. We will stay up late talking about nothing, or watching our comfort movies, and we will wake up enveloped in each other (we both prefer sharing the same bed). We will go to work, and talk about our days when we come home. And life will be gentle and quiet.
And if I do not have a lover, I will spend as much time as I can with my friends. I will host sleepovers well into my twenties, and we will laugh and cry, just as we always have. We will get lunch on weekends, and call to vent about our long days. And when I go home, I will not feel the absence of romantic love, but rather the abundance of it platonically.
Either way, I will make a better life for myself. I will have a home without screaming matches, violence, and blackouts. I will be loved in the ways I deserve to be, and I will look back and wonder why I ever considered giving up in the first place.
But I have to mold this life for myself with my bare hands. Peace will not come easily, and I have to be ready to actually work towards the life I desire; but I will make it.
I will make it. I will make it. I will make it.
so many ideas and i’m always too tired to act on them.
l don’t know much but i do know that i’m losing
This ended up on Pinterest what the eff
you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try
Who up feeling ugly as hell
-
countthefighters liked this · 3 months ago -
purplethingavenue liked this · 3 months ago -
curlyfries4004 liked this · 3 months ago -
countthefighters reblogged this · 3 months ago
