Carrotsarelies - I Make Up Lies When My Friends Ask To Meet Up

“So you’ve heard, then?”

“That our parents want us to get married? Yes, I’ve heard.”

The protagonist lounged in their travelling tent, a glass of wine in hand. They were, in their mind, the very picture of regal despondency. 

“You don’t seem happy about it,” said the protagonist’s friend – their fiancé, now, they supposed.

“Are you?”

Their friend meandered further into the tent, looking over the protagonist’s books. “I don’t know. I guess if I have to be with someone …” A shrug. “It may be my best option for it to be you.”

“Your passion is overwhelming,” the protagonist deadpanned.

Their friend gave a wan smile. “I’m just trying to face facts.”

“Do you love me?”

Their friend looked up in surprise. 

It normally would have been embarrassing, to ask such a question so bluntly. But now, more than ever, was the time to have all their cards on the table.

To their friend’s credit, they didn’t shy away. “No,” they said. “Or … yes. But not how you mean.”

The protagonist took in a breath. “Explain.”

Their friend settled onto the sedan across from them, and was silent. The protagonist thought for a moment that they wouldn’t answer at all. But then they said, “If I could love anyone like that, it would be you.”

“But you can’t.”

Their friend cast their eyes over. “I’ve long suspected you of being the same.”

The protagonist leaned back, staring at the tarp ceiling. “Somewhat. I don’t feel romantic love, this is true. But I do feel …” They smiled to themself. “I find people sexually interesting, you could say.”

Their friend stilled. “Oh.”

“Do you think me a whore, for this?”

“No.” Their friend’s response was quick, and certain. It startled the protagonist.

A small lock of dread released in their heart. They smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”

Their friend cleared their throat. “Do you find me … interesting?”

The protagonist raised their brows. But, well, fair enough. Cards on the table.

“Yes,” they said, in all honesty.

Their friend nodded, seeming to pay close attention to the woven rugs splayed on the grass.

“I take it the feeling is not mutual.”

Their friend rubbed the back of their neck. “Do you think me cold, for not being able to feel any of it?”

“Never.”

Their friend nodded again.

But that did leave one question …

“Marriages usually involve sex,” the protagonist said. They placed their wine on the end table, leaning forward. “How were you planning to deal with that?”

Their friend shrugged. “Every station comes with its chores, I suppose.”

Horror washed over the protagonist.

“The wedding isn’t happening,” they said, bursting upwards. “I will speak with my father, I will – ”

“You will bring your country to ruin,” their friend said, rising to meet them. “Your kingdom needs this alliance even more than mine.”

“I will not take someone who is unwilling.”

Their friend stepped closer, and took the protagonist’s hand. “I would be willing.”

“Would you? Would you truly?”

Their friend faltered.

“I could not do that,” the protagonist said. “Not to anyone.” They squeezed their friend’s fingers. “And never to you.”

“So what, then?” Their friend met their gaze. “You’ll resign yourself to a life of celibacy? Because this marriage is happening, whether we like it or not.”

Now it was the protagonist’s turn to falter for words.

They both stayed like that for a time, stuck.

Then, a light flicked on in their friend’s eyes. “What if we got married, but as friends?”

The protagonist huffed out a laugh. “That’s an oxymoron, if I’ve ever heard one.”

“No, I’m serious.” Their friend took their other hand. “A marriage in name, but in practice …”

They dropped down to one knee, grinning. “[Protagonist], will you do me the honour of being my friend?”

The protagonist had to smile, in spite of themself. “What are you even suggesting?”

“We do the ceremony. Our kingdoms join. But we have separate beds. Separate rooms, even. And you can have a harem, with as many interesting people as you’d like. And I …” Their smile changed from scheming to sincere. “I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.”

The protagonist blinked. The idea sounded crazy, but …

“It could work.”

The next day, the two of them informed their parents the betrothal was happily accepted.

the guy says "up to interpretation" when asked about his character's sexuality and then proceeds to do this okay we see u

19 Day: comfort

Octavius read about the ending of the Roman Empire.

Hi! I love your writing and adore your Fivan one shots so if your still taking prompts I would love to see one where everyone in the little palace ( Genya, Zoya, The Darling etc ) finds out about Fivans relationship. Please and thank you!

Aha, my request for prompts was quite a while ago, but since I can never resist the opportunity for Shenanigans, especially of the Fivan variety, here you go.

Nadia finds out first. She, in fact, does not even need to be actually told. Fedyor is creeping down the stairs in the early morning with tousled hair and a kefta that has spent all night on the floor of Ivan's bedroom, mind filled with nothing but jumbled images and sensations and oh Saints did that finally really happen?, and as a result, is not paying attention in the least to where he is going. He walks bang into his friend, there is a mutual moment of consternation as they stumble backward and clutch their heads and apologize, and then Nadia gets a good look. Fedyor has tried to arrange his collar to hide the most obvious bites, but it doesn't matter. Her eyes go wide as saucers. "Oh my," she says. "Did it finally happen?"

"Did... what... finally happen?"

"Fedyor Kaminsky, don't even try that." Nadia points a finger at him. "You know damn well what I'm talking about."

Fedyor looks at the floor, which doesn't help. A small smile starts to overtake his mouth. This is as good as hiring the entire First Army drum-and-trumpet brigade to parade around announcing the news, he knows, but he can't help it. "Maybe."

"Maybe." Nadia utters a scoff that is twice her size. "That is a question with a yes-or-no answer, you idiot."

Fedyor's lips pull wider. So do Nadia's.

"Oh," she crows, punching the air. "I knew it."

-----

Zoya, Ivan's old nemesis from training and their shared but completely exclusive belief that Kirigan should pay attention only to their advice at all times, also picks it up by inference. In her case, it's because she sees Ivan actually smiling when Fedyor is standing closely next to him, filling him in on some item of Heartrender miscellany, rather than looking as if this is the worst thing to happen in his entire life. When Fedyor touches Ivan's wrist briefly and slips off, Zoya's suspicions are confirmed. She stomps up and demands, "Really?"

Ivan whirls around, sees her, and glares. "Did you need something?"

"Fedyor?" Zoya still hasn't processed. "But he's so nice! Did he hit his head or wake up having forgotten his entire life to this date? I'm having a hard time thinking what else he can possibly see in you."

Ivan crosses his arms across his chest, fixing her with an even greater stare of total death, but she refuses to back down. "I don't know what you're talking about, Nazyalensky," he barks. "If you're not going to train that new cohort of Squallers, then -- "

"Fine." Zoya turns on her heel, then adds over her shoulder, "He's much too good for you, you know."

Ivan stares at her implacably. He does not, however, deny either this fact or the reason for it, and Zoya, smugly, takes that as a win.

------

Genya knows soon too, but then, Genya knows more or less everything that happens in the Little Palace by virtue of her position. The queen and her ladies are very gossipy, and when one of the younger ones starts going on about that Fedyor Kaminsky, he's such a dish, so handsome, what's his situation, Genya feels obliged to speak up and provide some gentle clarification. "I'm afraid he's already taken," she says. "And you won't want to tangle with his partner. It's... well, it's Ivan, the general's right-hand man."

The reactions, of course, are predictable: "Ivan?" spoken in increasingly incredulous tones. "Ivan? Ivan! IVAN. IVAN?!!"

"But he's so...." one of the ladies protests. "So terribly rude."

Genya smothers a wry smile. "Apparently Fedyor doesn't mind."

-------

Kirigan finds out last, and most mortifyingly. Fedyor and Ivan have been together for four months at this point, are returning to the Little Palace from their first separation as a couple and have some making up for lost time to do. They have not managed to make it to a bedroom and are getting started on said actions on the wall of a nearby antechamber, when Kirigan thinks of something he apparently forgot to tell Ivan on the road and pushes the door open imperiously, not bothering to knock. "Ivan! If those Fjerdans were already at Arkesk, then we need to -- "

There is a monumentally panicked scramble as Ivan, the stern, unflappable, terrifying Heartrender captain of the Second Army physically dives away, hits the ground, rolls over and over while frantically trying to lace his trousers up, and Fedyor has lunged with equal dispatch behind a sofa. There he crouches, likewise attempting in vain to restore his clothing, as Kirigan comes to a halt and looks around quizzically. "Ivan?"

"Moi... soverenyi," Ivan pants, climbing to his feet and brushing floor dust off his kefta. "I did not -- I thought you were -- "

"I seem to have interrupted something?" Kirigan arches a sleek dark brow. He catches sight of Fedyor, then shakes his head. "Oh, Ivan. You really could do better."

At the look of pure rage on Ivan's face, a look he has never seen before in relation to him, the Black General blinks, and even he thinks better of picking this fight. "Ah," he says. "My apologies. Congratulations, of course. I hope you two will be very happy."

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four   Part Five   Part Six   Part Seven

Sometimes you gotta be blunt.

Next parts will update on my Patreon as I complete them.

Hello, dear comrade/occasional visitor!

Some time ago I watched the HBO Chernobyl series and since then, this topic has become a subject of my greatest interest and passion.

Here, on tumblr, I met amazing people, with whom I have a great pleasure to discuss not only the series, but also the real events and consequences of the Chernobyl accident, as well as the personality of Valery Alekseevich Legasov.

Since most of the books on the subject of Chernobyl were written in Russian, I took the liberty of translating some of the most important and interesting (in my opinion) excerpts from these books.

Below I provide links to all my translations, I hope you find them just as interesting and worthy of attention as I do.

I would be glad to see your impressions / discussions under the posts.

Enjoy reading!

Childhood and youth of V.A. Legasov

How Valera Legasov wanted to change the Komsomol

Travelling around the country

Not only work

Steep passes

Something on Legasov’s dedication to the cause

Professor Legasov’s favorite pet

Memories of V.A. Legasov of B.E. Shcherbina

Boris Shcherbina on V.A.’s death

We trusted Legasov - N.I. Ryzhkov’s memories

Memories of N.T. Antoshkin

Everything inside me is burnt... - I.Kuzmin’s memories

An atmosphere of hostility and harassment was created

Not everyone liked the truth about Chernobyl

The academician's son is wanted

Review on the book Highlighted by Chernobyl. Part 1

Review on the book Highlighted by Chernobyl. Part 2

Excerpt from «Highlighted by Chernobyl»

Smth important in my opinion

Inga Legasova’s reminisces

Inga Legasova on April 26, 2021

Academician Valera

Valery Legasov’s Moscow Adventure

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Bonus part

School No 56 tour in 3 parts (august 2021)

Science doesn’t tolerate loneliness (an interview with Legasov)

The Saga of the Peaceful Atom (NEW!)

Apollo with his official art hairstyle, his Percy Jackson's Greek Gods hairstyle, and his Lester Papadopoulos hairstyle.

Which one is your favourite?

Prints and stickers available on my Redbubble

there’s one for every fandom and in rwarb it’s june and alex

(it’s made even better because she’s canonically watching parks and rec in that scene too)

hey, pssst. ride the cyclone fans.

you totally shouldn’t click on this link because it totally won’t take you to a google drive folder which totally doesn’t have a full copy of the 2016 production of Ride The Cyclone which definitely isn’t in full 1080p

because that would just be terrible