Joy Sullivan, From Instructions For Traveling West: Poems; “Instructions For Traveling West”

rereading @icaruspendragon ‘s poetry book and my whole camera roll is full of passages to think about and how my therapist, since her words are helping me with my words

The Secret to Happiness

You will get just what you give,

and take what you recieve.

A lesson you will come to learn,

you never must deceive.

To be yourself, a humble gift,

a freedom for your mind.

But this is not true just for you,

this gift of being kind.

You must be kind to everyone,

as they are kind to you.

Treat others with only respect,

you'll be respected too.

If you're content to be yourself

and let others do the same,

it allows them to be happy too

and live without the shame.

It starts with just a simple thing,

to treat yourself with care.

And then it spreads to everyone,

a kindness we all share.

If you give what you expect,

you will get very far.

The secret to your happiness,

be kind to who you are.

- SMP 💜 (be kind, be you)

#203

It just kept haunting.

Vying for a steely, totalitarian grasp on my thoughts,

Snatching with it’s thick greedy fingers at fragments of tranquility,

Lurking in every shadowed alleyway of my subconscious.

I eventually concluded that I needed to settle this with a confrontation.

The next time it tried to influence my thinking, I asked,

“Why are you here? What do you want?”

It rung it's hands for a moment, silent.

The first time, it replied “To change you.”

I tried to talk into it every attack.

It grew more anxious every time I asked, as if no one took the time to confer with it.

Its answers became more telling

“So you will suffer for what you've done.”

“You need to remember what a miserable creature you are.”

“I will not leave your side. I am what you deserve.”

It is extremely insistent.

But I know it will not retain this power forever.

I will continue to note its arrival.

Someday, I hope that it will be a fleeting, inconsequential specter.

But today isn’t someday I suppose.

We all live with demons.

Sadly, this isn’t the first or last.

little ways to change your life:

learn how to write a new style of handwriting. try wearing your hair or makeup differently. find a new perfume you like.

do things for yourself, not for the validation of others. resist the temptation to post everything online.

start doing something you usually can't be bothered to do. like making your bed, folding everything neatly, stretching every hour, going on jogs, making a healthy meal from scratch or sleeping earlier.

make your surroundings as cozy and as pleasing for you to look at as possible.

bake delicious but sometimes deformed pastries. write things that no one "gets". wear clothes and hairstyles that make u happy. crotchet a sock badly. draw a picture that won't be aesthetic on instagram. let go of the perfect image of who you need to be. do things for yourself.

be messy. self-expression isn't always pretty. scribble messily in a notebook. draw messily an idea for a character. write a messy draft for a story.

learn your thing from scratch, whether it's astronomy, greek mythology, flower species, piano, japanese, making jam, drawing comics, or something completely different.

let yourself fully enjoy everyday things like food, commute, and your morning routines. slow down and notice every single thing that makes you feel nice.

appreciate nature, like the sunlight streaming through in the morning, the sound of rain, and the colors of sunsets.

notice the deeper meanings and emotions in songs, poetry and paintings.

let people in. give new loves and friendships a chance. initiate conversations when you want.

read as much as you can. read different genres, popular and unpopular books, classics and new releases. give every book that catches your eye a chance.

enjoy your solitude like you're a character in a movie. if you can, go out for walks alone. visit the park to look at dogs, a café to people-watch, or a library to spend the afternoon buried in a book. bring a journal everywhere with you, and write poetry and quotes and doodles.

collect little things, like vinyls, pretty rocks and shells, stuffed animals, whatever makes you happy.

find a sport you like. pretend you're a superhero. dance like no one's watching. swim like you're a mermaid. exercise is supposed to be fun, so find one that you like.

make self care a priority. this includes taking your meds on time, starting to study for a test after procrastinating for weeks, deleting things that trigger negative emotions, and knowing when to let go and ask for help.

distance yourself from sources of negativity. learn to be ok on your own. know your worth and boundaries.

let go of the past. forgive yourself for the things you regret and start again.

let go of old relationships. there's a difference between missing someone and wanting them back in your life.

let go of your need to be perfect. it does more harm than good.

never compare yourself. it will always feel like a losing battle, no matter how amazing you really are.

keep in touch with people you don't speak to much. even a message can brighten someone's day.

be kind to everyone you meet, even strangers. if someone makes you happy, make them happier. compliment often, and be less judgemental. give someone a smile, you never know how much it means to them.

wake up earlier in the morning. wake up with the sun and fall asleep with the moon.

if you want to be calmer and more productive, remove things on your phone and social media apps that you don't need. (which is most of them).

make a list of qualities in the person you dream of becoming. write about your ideal life with what you have. make goals to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

don't suppress your emotions, but don't overthink them either. have a kinder relationship with your body and your thoughts.

don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it's a teacher, therapist, friend, doctor or parent.

remember that healing and loving yourself is just starting over and over. it's not too late. you're still young and you can move and grow at your own pace. your peak is yet to come.

thesaurus.com save me

something i have always found really weird is when english texts italicize words from other languages.

i remember reading a book as a kid and the author continually italicizing the word tamales

there's laundry to do and a genocide to stop by vinay krishnan

if you live in the imperial core, you profit directly from the genocide in gaza. yes, even if you are poor. centuries of our comfort and commodities have been bought with the displacement of populations, the manufacture and sale of arms, and the mutual wealth reinforcement of proxies like isr ael. the literal least we can do is offset a little of our privilege by throwing people a few bucks for food and water.

Ilya Kaminsky, from "While the Child Sleeps, Sonya Undresses", Deaf Republic

#89

I saw you today.

I had given up on spotting your sunlight silhouette.

But I saw you for a moment.

Your hand was real and raw and in my hand for the obsessing or destroying.

But I just watched my fingers curl around yours and noticed the crinkles around your eyes.

And smiled back.